| |
| Deadbeat moms...why is it some moms don't have that maternal instinct at all?
Posted: 5/16/2009 7:53:21 AM | What is the maternal instinct ?
Some people think the maternal instinct is when a women knows exactly what to do and what to need when it comes to dealing with a child.
So heres the definition of "the maternal instinct" as per babygirlcharly:-
To hold this precious gift in my arms for the first time and to decide there and then that I am your mum. I have no clue to what you need or to what you want but I know that we will both make mistakes and that we will learn over time. You will cry and I will know you need me. As we grow we will change and adapt, we will face new challenges every day. If we get it wrong we'll try again and again til we get it right. When it gets broken I will pick up the pieces and make it right. I may not turn out to be a great mum but I will be the best mum I can be.
But my precious gift to you I promise-
To love you every moment of every day even when you show me hatred.
To protect you with my last breath whether that be today or in 60 years.
To pick you up when you fall and lift you high so you can fly.
There will be good days and there will be bad days but today, right now, right here and for all eternity I will ALWAYS be your mum x | |
|
| Deadbeat moms...why is it some moms don't have that maternal instinct at all?
Posted: 5/16/2009 10:14:24 AM | Depending on your state, it is the system that is at fault and the kids who ulitmately pay the price.
DSHS and or your state seem to believe that mothers have automatic custody, regardless if they can support the child(ren) or not. These mother depend on child support..even though the money does not go directly to the child...and then go on welfare because they are entitled too.
There are Fathers out there that are better providers, yet will not get the opportunity to parent.
There are dead beat dads out ther as well. Just like moms going on welfare, the same system allows it. | |
|
| Deadbeat moms...why is it some moms don't have that maternal instinct at all?
Posted: 6/21/2009 6:29:05 PM | Hmmm...maternal instinct, one would think it's an animal/survival instinct.
But there are many mammals who, for whatever reason, must have their infant offspring transfered to the care of zoo keepers. In the wild their young are left to nature to pass due to maternal neglect. Sad but true.
For humans, psychological problems seems to be the #1 reason. | |
|
| Deadbeat moms...why is it some moms don't have that maternal instinct at all?
Posted: 6/21/2009 10:08:26 PM | The ability to reproduce does not automatically make you a competent parent nor does it trigger the maternal instinct in everyone.
We have decided that reproduction is a basic human right that the government does not have the ability to restrict so we do end up with people having babies who have no business having babies. It's the same old argument: you need a license to have a dog, drive a car, or catch a fish but anyone can make babies regardless of ability or desire to raise, support, or nurture the child. It's not really a gender issue. I've met some men who were amazing fathers and some women who were terrible mothers.
The bottom line is that biology does not make you parent material. Personally, I know that I'm not so I've gotten my tubes tied and only date men without kids. I guess I was fortunate to realize this before I had any kids but I've had a couple of friends came to the conclusion that they were not parent material after the babies were born.
Parents are given extra chances because our society believes that an intact family is the best environment for a child. As an adoptee, I can tell you that it can be devastating to know that your own mother didn't want you enough to keep you. (The fact that an adopted family did want you does not erase the pain of knowing that the people who brought you into the world didn't want you.) States really don't like to take kids away from the parents permanently so they try to give them more chances to get their act together. | |
|
| Deadbeat moms...why is it some moms don't have that maternal instinct at all?
Posted: 6/22/2009 1:38:53 AM | | The "deadbeat" tag is so attached to men , but many women shall pay the same tag! But I will say I have a new found respect for single mothers and the other parent not being involved......all single parents doing it alone should get an extra back rub, tax break / refund lol...what ever......there are so many more ways to make it harder as well....good job too those that get it done......I wont go into my story but its pure selfishness to the fullest, almost evilness to give up on a child. | |
|
| Deadbeat moms...why is it some moms don't have that maternal instinct at all?
Posted: 6/22/2009 3:26:34 AM | Not sure. There would be no way I would give up my child, walk away from them, or ignore them when they needed me. We held them within us for 9 months for gosh sakes!
I do understand the need to have "Alone time" and that doesn't make one a bad mother, but when you put your own needs way above your own child you may as well just hit yourself in the head with a sledgehammer. | |
|
| Deadbeat moms...why is it some moms don't have that maternal instinct at all?
Posted: 6/22/2009 4:21:39 AM | HA HA HA - MATERNAL INSTINCT??? IS THAT A JOKE ?
THE COURT THROWS THE BOOK AT MEN WHO DON'T PAY CHILD SUPPORT AND THE WOMEN WALK 99% OF THE TIME. WHAT A CROCK OF SHE-IT!
I'VE BEEN RAISING MY TWO CHILDREN ALL BY MY SELF SINCE THEY WERE 1 YRS OLD AND NOW THEY ARE 14. I WAS A DIAPER DADDY AND A WORKER BEE. I'VE NEVER SEEN A LICK OF MONEY BUT SHE SURE HAS MONEY TO GO OUT AND PARTY PARTY PARTY !
OH WELL NO REGRETS AND I DID LOOK KINDA COOL CARRYING THAT DIAPER BAG ON MY HARLEY LOL ! | |
|
| Deadbeat moms...why is it some moms don't have that maternal instinct at all?
Posted: 6/22/2009 5:34:07 AM | I don't think any of us will ever trully understand why some parents (since it really isn't gender specific) don't have that parental instinct. For some it's probably that they never had it when they were kids, some want to keep living the single lifestyle... some might just not care, figuring someone else will take care of that little person.
Some of you must live in really crappy support states...up here in Ohio CSEA is on you like white on rice if you don't keep up with your payments, regardless of the payors gender, guess it's one of the few things Ohio is ahead of other states. | |
|
| Deadbeat moms...why is it some moms don't have that maternal instinct at all?
Posted: 8/7/2009 3:28:44 AM | I'm a single Dad of two girls who has been raising my two girls on my own for the last 2 and 1/2 years
Their So call mother dropped one off at the babysitters and the phoned the sitter to say she will not be picking her up and didn't care what happens.. I got a phone call from the sitter
and did what any parent would do Pick up My Girl up .. about 2 weeks later she dropped the other off at CAS in Trenton Ontario Did the same thing And I got a call from them.
I have no good words to say about them!!!!  But it seem they were protecting the mother and not the girls? What really makes me boil is that she is now living with a guy and his wife raising 2 of his children from two different mothers in a three bedroom mobile home .. Another thing is that she will not have any contact with her kids the Girls have not seen/talked or even gotten a bday card or xmas card from her according to CAS this is ok with them for what I have gotten from them ..All I got was a letter saying I was a good father and they have not worries about me and the girls...that was one year ago..
SO answer to your forum Question I Know One awful one
Thanks for taking a read on my post
Cheers  | |
|
| Deadbeat moms...why is it some moms don't have that maternal instinct at all?
Posted: 8/7/2009 4:49:31 AM | I can only speak from experience on this one: My saying is that it took me having a human being in order to be one. I went from hedonistic, exhilerated, small sighted, stupid and homeless to:
I am getting a science degree with a 3.6, scholarships and awards while taking care of my mom and bringing a child back from near death (2+years in the hospital) and burying a father. I cannot espress the importance I place on raising just one happy and successful human being. If I can change that drastically, anyone can. And how much is the world better off for my doing so? Well, the world ends up with 2 more well intentioned, non-egregious human beings. Somewhere in this blog, a guy mentioned that if "women wouldn't get themselves in this predicament anyway of having children before they got their career and life in place then..." basically we wouldnt end up with this converstaion. I take it his life is completely in order and he has mastered the art of zen..congratulations. I'll take my bow when I graduate....and thank my daughter for her part! | |
|
| Deadbeat moms...why is it some moms don't have that maternal instinct at all?
Posted: 8/7/2009 5:31:59 AM |
I would have never believed it until I saw it for myself but there are really moms out there who have no interest in parenting their children, no maternal instinct at all. I have seen alot of forums about deadbeat dads and such but the sad thing is there are moms who are the same and isn't it moms who are suppose to give the nurturing comfort. I wonder if babies can feel it when moms simply lack nurturing skills when they are young and when they are teenagers, they would simply prefer to party instead of lead by example. How many times are deadbeat moms given extra chances because society is just beginning to realize that this sort of behavior exists!
One reason a dead beat mother is a little more shocking than a deadbeat father is this; no one can force a woman to become a mother, but a woman can force a man to become a father, against his will. It makes more sense that the men who never wanted to have a child with the a particular woman who had the child anyway, might become deadbeat dads.
It is more surprising when a woman becomes a deadbeat because she is the one who definitely wanted the child.
I realize not every man who becomes a dead beat was against having the child in the first place. That's why I prefaced this with "One reason". | |
|
| Deadbeat moms...why is it some moms don't have that maternal instinct at all?
Posted: 8/7/2009 5:49:45 AM |
As an adoptee, I can tell you that it can be devastating to know that your own mother didn't want you enough to keep you. (The fact that an adopted family did want you does not erase the pain of knowing that the people who brought you into the world didn't want you.)
Are you really sure that is how it was? I've seen many more situations in which the mother desperately wanted to keep the child, but because she loved the child SO MUCH, she gave it up so that the child coud be in a better place. | |
|
| Deadbeat moms...why is it some moms don't have that maternal instinct at all?
Posted: 8/7/2009 10:41:00 AM | | There are, percentage wise 3 times as many deadbeat moms as there are dads. It should be little surprise that it's just another silent statistic you never hear. Really though who cares, man or woman, if you can't imagine caring for a child alone you probably shouldn't have one. My kids mom has never once paid support, over $86,000 in arrears($50 a week per kid) ya its been a while. Such is life. I never asked for it, and don't see where anyone else should either. As far as I'm concerned it's just a money racket for the states. | |
|
| Deadbeat moms...why is it some moms don't have that maternal instinct at all?
Posted: 8/7/2009 10:43:40 AM |
There are, percentage wise 3 times as many deadbeat moms as there are dads. It should be little surprise that it's just another silent statistic you never hear. Really though who cares, man or woman, if you can't imagine caring for a child alone you probably shouldn't have one. My kids mom has never once paid support, over $86,000 in arrears($50 a week per kid) ya its been a while. Such is life. I never asked for it, and don't see where anyone else should either. As far as I'm concerned it's just a money racket for the states.
If you never asked for it, how does she owe it? How do states make money from this?
Does she see her children? I can't imagine why a woman would leave her children, even though I've heard about it many times on pof. | |
|
| Deadbeat moms...why is it some moms don't have that maternal instinct at all?
Posted: 8/7/2009 11:07:30 AM | Because in many states a parent has to pay support even when it is not requested. The custodial parent must accept it or will be found in contempt. Really stupid I know but so it is. Pretty much every state charges fees for handling the money, and you must pay the support to them and not directly to the parent so they can collect their fees.
No she never saw or spoke to the kids after she left when they were 6 and 8. They are now 19 and 21. There are many things one doesn't realize, or they never seek the real answers. Thanks to the internet many truths are coming out slowly.
Honestly I don't really think it's about instinct. It's about the ability to live up to the reponsibilities you create. Some can and some can't. Personally I was quite pi**ed that I had to accept it from someone who wanted nothing more than to get away from it. | |
|
| Deadbeat moms...why is it some moms don't have that maternal instinct at all?
Posted: 8/7/2009 5:34:19 PM | You dont have to be a guiness to spread your legs and on the other side it dont take a rocket scientist to stick your thing in someone. Therefore it stands to reason that not everyone will have maternal instinct (man or woman). Just as not all people that have children should be parents.
My ex-wife loved her first boy, but never had the motherly attachment to her following two daughters (3 kids, 3 dads) and now the fathers have the girls and she has the boy. Why maternial with one child and not the next? Whose to say.
Are these men or woman not normal. Normal is a relative term.
My experience has been with woman (never dated men and dont plan to) that woman who havent maternally attached to their children were not right in the head at the time the children came to be. I have met many woman who regret later that they were not emotionally equiped at the time of the child's birth and wish to make ammends.
So a dead beat mom/dad today, may be a repentant parent tomorrow. Or they could stay a dead beat. Im just saying you never know whats happening in someones head at any given time. Including mine when I wrote this post. LOL | |
|
Home
login 
