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| Stripping and relationship....
Posted: 10/27/2009 4:09:21 PM | OP, I'm with Whytwater on the suggestion that you check out an amateur strip night. Many (most?) cities have them, and it would give you a chance to try things out without making any commitments to it. If this desire has been with you for a long time, it may well be something you won't be satisfied not having tried it. Once you do, you'll know whether it's something you can live without, or whether it's important enough to you to want to explore further.
I have a friend who finally got into burlesque after years wanting to perform onstage, and later also worked briefly at a legal brothel in Nevada, another long-term goal of hers. She was married by that time, in a healthy and functioning relationship with her very supportive husband. She found the brothel experience was not what she was hoping for, but she did get to try it and didn't have to wonder about it. And yes, her hubby was there for her, is still, and they're going strong. There are definitely men who can handle this sort of thing (and many for whom it is a turn-on; I've had boyfriends who were very supportive of my amateur burlesque experiences), but it takes a very secure man. | |
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| Stripping and relationship....
Posted: 10/28/2009 5:48:12 AM | I wanted to be a stripper for the longest time... and idea I have now given up because I truly love my boyfriend and he is completely against it. But is there someone out there that date a stripper and or is a stripper and have a balanced relationship?
I've worked with couples in the adult entertainment industry, these include females who disrobe, are not robed, burlesque, and others that fall under the domain of "exotic dancers". Relationship success has little to do with how either partner earn their incomes and much to do with how they mutually negotiate their lives and create their "we" approach to life as a partnership. Relationships in which one or both partners attempt to control and dominate are typically unbalanced and are likely to fail (unless being dominated and controlled is part of your mutually negotiated relationship ).
The issues that seem to emerge most often with couples where one partner is engaged in the adult entertainment field is that of the "green-eyed monster" and how s/he is allowed to take control of the relationship rather than the partners. When there are problems they also seem to be correlated with financial issues and are cyclical. As an example, Susie performs exotic dances for the ACME Gentleman's Club. She earns in wages and tips over the course of a week around $1500.00. Bob, her husband/cohabitating partner goes to the club on occasion to be near Susie and while intellectually, he understands that Susie is "just doing her job" her acting sometimes seems real to him and invites feelings of ownership, inviting a lack of control over Susie and worries that one of these patrons will take her away from him or she might like one of them more than him and fall in-love and leave him. This tends to fester in Bob's mind and he doesn't say anything, just starts to be more closed off, is argumentative, and is easily agitated by little things that Susie may and may not be doing. Finally, it becomes too much, a major argument occurs and Bob demands that Susie quit her job. Susie loves Bob and doesn't want to fight and have problems. There relationship is more important. Susie quits her job and finds something at a local shipping company making $12.00/hour. Things seem to be improving between Susie and Bob, and then Bob begins to be frustrated, agitated, again. They begin fighting over money again, Bob and Susie are having trouble meeting their financial obligations, Bob and Susie both miss going on their long weekends to the beach and enjoying themselves, free from financial worries. It occurs to both Bob and Susie that they miss the things and opportunities that Susie's work as an exotic dancer provides. Bob tells Susie he was silly for feeling so jealous and cannot understand why he gets so jealous when he knows that Susie loves him and wouldn't hurt him. He tells her it's okay with him if she goes back to the adult entertainment industry. Susie agrees and the process starts over again, in which everything that was just presented occurs again, and again, and again, until the couple learns how to communicate and mutually negotiates how the relationship functions, what the rules of the job include, and Susie's role is that of an actress and performer, that her interactions with customers are have no meaning and Bob learns that what he sees is nothing more than watching a dramatic play in which Susie is a performer and nothing she says or does has any meaning or connection to the customer(s). It is only her job. Bob learns to recognize that everything that goes on in his mind from observing Susie is of his own creation and he has assigned meanings and motives that do not exist.
As mentioned, this is a common scenario and is the typical issue with couples where one partner is an adult entertainment professional. Successful relationships in where partners work in this field function the same way as all others, clear communication and a life that is mutually negotiated and lived according the guidelines and boundaries to which both have agreed to function.
Yes, these relationships like all other can be balanced. It isn't the profession or job that creates balance or the lack thereof. It is the people in the relationship that create the environment in which balance will or will not emerge and be sustained.
With regard to some of the comments, sadly, there are far too many value judgments being placed on this idea by well-meaning folks who do not understand that not all people subscribe to their particular belief system and the source of their philosophy of life and living.
As for references to people performing in this industry as "whores" and "harlots", it is wise to consider that at some level, humans are all whores and harlots. We all sell ourselves, at some point, for a price, sex is only one service that humans can sell, there are others that are much more base. Of course, in the U.S. thanks to the heavily Puritan influenced social construction, sex, sexuality, and anything that can remotely be connected to sex, is anathema publicly, while pursued with a vengeance in private. So frightening is the concept of sex and sexuality that purveyors of the Puritan perspective go to great lengths in their propaganda to present false assertions, twist facts, to play upon the fears and concerns of an unenlightened public, in spite of the substantive evidence that destroys these false assertions. Utilizing lies and falsehoods as a means to manipulate others invites a great lack of trust and credibility to those individuals and organizations who use such tactics. The evidence of these tactics are seen in some of the individual comments on this thread and on a larger scale, with organizations at the mezzo and macro levels of society. We can only hope that truth and education will prevail.
Regards,
ACP
Best,
ACP | |
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| Stripping and relationship....
Posted: 10/28/2009 2:51:30 PM |
That makes about as much sense as Brando's role in the GODFATHER, justifying the gangster Murders and violence and pointing out how normal and accepted their family was. REALLY?????????
Apples to oranges. The murder and violence are illegal and forced upon others against their will, exotic dancers are not illegal in most of the U.S. and no one is forcing the dancers or the patrons against their will. Your analogy fails because its premise is false.
Best,
ACP | |
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| Stripping and relationship....
Posted: 10/28/2009 5:36:11 PM | OP, if this is something that you really want to do for upward mobility reasons then do it girl! but if you ever start to feel uncomfortable or uneasy leave it alone quick, and please try to find a reputable club to go to, that can make a big difference also...My ideoglogy on stripping is that everyone has to make money somehow, and if your going to do something give it all you got! Work out , stay positive, confident,stay away from drugs and alcohol, and listen to your intuition. If i wasnt a scared girl, i would do it because nowadays even with a college education it is getting harder and harder to make a living esp if your young, and you have interest in a career that is not a moneymaker (like teaching). I know here in georgia i dont know anyone making over 30k a year and that is with a degree, i even know a few people with MA degrees years of experience and cant find a job making over 40k.which is not enough to survive esp if you have a family or if your alone and have debts to pay...
So do what you need to do to survive and be happy, because if it was me i would work as one also to keep my car, lights, bills and everything else paid. | |
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| Stripping and relationship....
Posted: 10/29/2009 7:12:26 AM |
Apples to oranges.
You are grappling with a creature who has never tasted the Apple, ACP, and probably never will.  | |
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| Stripping and relationship....
Posted: 10/29/2009 8:53:04 AM | What Lovinvixen was trying to say is like ' women and others who support prostitution claim the same thing family values, that what's wrong with the occupation and lifestyle; it's not hurting anyone'.
Just because something is legal does NOT mean it is either moral or ethical.
I.E. The 45 con artists that claimed to be Christians whom signed the original U.S. Constitution that illigetimized the hypocrite Jefferson's words "...all men are created Equal...", by allowing and condoning the Slavery Admendment told us how ethical they truly were! ... PLEASE do not even tell me those so-called enlighened souls did NOT know of the torture, rape, tradgic deaths, and sodomy that was done to many various black slaves!
These sell outs of woe-manhood in topless bars and strippers who make us out as mere 'vaginal owners' for a man's false worship and adulation, disgrace whatever credibility ERA had by lowering the virtuous gifts and expectations of being a woman! | |
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| Stripping and relationship....
Posted: 10/29/2009 9:46:20 AM | ok so i stripped for about 7 years-the money was great-didn't have to worry abourt not getting child suppot-but
ahardly anyone wants to date a stripper-they want to fek one and tell all their buddies...
and no being an exotic dancer does not make u a whore-but-if u drink enough/snort enough/burnout-it can happen.....
and its hard to be a dancer and it not fall into ur personal life-as a dancer u lie a lot to get that bank....men do become something to use and not appreciate-they all become ur "customers"
and after all that-ur hardly able to have a "normal" relationship...and most of the girls that i knew had b/f that didn't work-the dancers themselves were "suga momma's" which is funny when u consider it....
its possible to have a great relationship with someone as a dancer-but its damn hard!!! | |
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| Stripping and relationship....
Posted: 10/29/2009 3:11:56 PM | kissmekindsir,
Where do you get off with your holier than thou attitude?
From what I can see we have a semi-literate, 24 year old, bible thumping, brat poking her sheltered, inexperienced and ignorant nose into this thread and passing judgment on others. You have insulted****ail waitresses (as if that's any worse than being a plain old waitress), strippers, car salesmen and attorneys. Anyone else Ms. Bigshot Waitress?
It is you miss who have a lot to learn and I would bet that because of how you were raised and your attitude you will be in for serious problems in your life ahead. Why don't you actually accomplish something in your life before you demean others? | |
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| Stripping and relationship....
Posted: 10/29/2009 4:59:34 PM |
The truth comes out, we all know how horrible attorneys and Car Salesman are to have created a myth of someone not to be trusted; are prostitutes and strippers any more ethical than lawyers?
You hold so many folks in such high regard. How's that workin' for ya?
I think that being a waitress is a tough job, given a choice most people would do something else. What are you going to be when you grow up? This judgmental bit isn't working for you. | |
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| Stripping and relationship....
Posted: 10/29/2009 5:14:57 PM |
Just because something is legal does NOT mean it is either moral or ethical
True and just because you do not believe something is moral or ethical does not make those things immoral or not ethical. They are only immoral an not ethical for you.
Morality or ethics are relative terms and are not universal.
Most of the signers of the U. S. Constitutions were Deists, not Christians, and while they were wrong, those signers did not consider "slaves" to be human. Just as Hebrews do not consider "pork" to be food.
Apparently the ERA had no credibility and certainly not enough support.
Best,
ACP | |
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| Stripping and relationship....
Posted: 10/29/2009 5:21:41 PM |
You hold so many folks in such high regard. How's that workin' for ya?
I remember when I was 24 and had it all figured out, knew all that there was to know, and felt the need to inform everyone else who held a different perspective how they were wrong.
Then I experienced life and found that there was little that was black and white and the rest were variants of gray.
Youth truly is wasted on the young.
Regards,
ACP | |
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| Stripping and relationship....
Posted: 10/29/2009 6:18:04 PM |
I remember when I was 24 and had it all figured out, knew all that there was to know, and felt the need to inform everyone else who held a different perspective how they were wrong.
Then I experienced life and found that there was little that was black and white and the rest were variants of gray.
Youth truly is wasted on the young.
True in many cases, but not all.
It's definitely the case with the poster in question, the vicious and judgemental tone of her postings is pretty off-putting.
Maybe if she put her book away and travelled a bit she might realize there is a big, wide world out there, with many points of view.
The man she seeks probably doesn't exist, he will never live up to her narrow concept of perfection. If she opens up her mind she will probably look back at herself in 20 years time and realise how silly she was. | |
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| Stripping and relationship....
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:00:57 PM | On this post one should read again post # 52!
Some males evidently DO NOT even get what they are actually saying. Sure any real man would have BIG issues when his lady was working like something a fraction from a prostitute profession!
The gal I last cited was honest enough to explain how jaded the occupation was and it's paybacks; but guess what unless there were sons of apparent tramps to support both prostitution and strippers would there be such a demeaning occupation to insult womanhood virtues?
The Gal I cited knows how the job effected her, she knows that she TRAMPED OUT MANY WEAK MINDED MALES WITH HER LIES FOR THE BANKROLL!
Is there any difference in a stripper defending her job because the coins fell lavishly than a prostitute defending her job with so many sons of tramps paying her homage because evidently most males are telling these gals that 'female genitals' are far more valuable than their own?
God bless the sons of Esau for the attack for my nation's males seem not to have a clue of why the Islamic familys DO NOT tolerate their women posing as harlots! | |
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| Stripping and relationship....
Posted: 11/1/2009 5:08:43 PM |
God bless the sons of Esau for the attack for my nation's males seem not to have a clue of why the Islamic familys DO NOT tolerate their women posing as harlots!
I lived in an Islamic country and daily saw the spectacle of 'the grey ghosts', women dressed from head-to-toe with just slits for eyes. Watching them at breakfast was a real treat, the husbands eating what they liked, the women struggling to lift a cloth flap to eat. But hey, she kept her modesty in tact!.
These men are so controlling and paranoid and view women as 'their property', they do not tolerate their women doing anything, let alone stripping.
paying her homage because evidently most males are telling these gals that 'female genitals' are far more valuable than their own?
No argument here, my sexuality is of equal value to any female's, sex for me is always an equal exchange.
You can do as you wish, but I'm just curious where all this anger and judgemental attitude comes from. You're only 24 and you bang on as though you know it all. | |
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| Stripping and relationship....
Posted: 11/2/2009 6:40:42 AM | | look all i did was post what i saw-i was a very good girl .am sorry sometimes when i am typing fast-i misspell-so fuc(king sue me....get a life get a clue-stripping isn't the big evil that ur mAking it out to be...i was just letting the OP know the darker side to stripping...its not always glam and cash......and honestly-if ur going to use my points to make ur points-how bout u use all of them amd not just the ones to try and further-ur-convictions..... | |
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| Stripping and relationship....
Posted: 11/2/2009 8:31:59 AM |
The gal I last cited was honest enough to explain how jaded the occupation was and it's paybacks; but guess what unless there were sons of apparent tramps to support both prostitution and strippers would there be such a demeaning occupation to insult womanhood virtues?
As always, generalizations are unwise. All occupations have elements of a dark nature. The adult entertainment industry experiences elements that have positive and negative effects. Every occupation has trade-offs. Each individual must determine for themselves whether they can function within any occupational framework according to their own ethical guidelines.
It would be interesting to see the citation for the universal definition of "real man".
The contradictions that exist within society are fascinating. As one occupation is vilified and degraded as
The Gal I cited knows how the job effected her, she knows that she TRAMPED OUT MANY WEAK MINDED MALES WITH HER LIES FOR THE BANKROLL!
and yet we encourage to enter a profession that in general, is successful based on the ability to lie, believeably. Not all attorneys lie to earn their money, just not all adult entertainment professionals lie to earn their money. Yet, in both professions, there is lying and misrepresentation of the facts. One is vilified and the other is extolled as a profession to which one should aspire for prestige and economic benefit.
Fascinating.
Best.
ACP | |
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| Stripping and relationship....
Posted: 11/2/2009 3:14:08 PM | It always amazed me that so many males could not figure it out who were war veterans, in that:
After you have fought so hard risking Life and Limb for the children and your wife or prospective girl friends, or wives to be, WHY would you pay any female for either STRIPPING or PROSTITUTION when you so-called men have already paid in blood or the risk thereof for the rights to your nation's females so to speak?
Yes, because strippers and prostitutes still flourish in the good ole USA, it's no wonder the more righteous won in Viet Naum, as so many males just don't have a clue.
All they can see is the 'golden vagina' that must be worshiped in temples called brothels or strip clubs! | |
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| Stripping and relationship....
Posted: 11/2/2009 3:36:23 PM | kissmekindsir
I think youre a hooker.
edited: I guess that was kinda mean of me...regardless of how real it seems to be. I apologise for that.
I will say youre a pretty one..I will give you that..and not that there is anything wrong with it. Afterall, isnt it legal where you live to be a hooker?
I have no clue about dating a stripper....There is really no point to my post except blondie ticks me off. (I still think she's a hooker.) | |
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| Stripping and relationship....
Posted: 11/2/2009 3:38:02 PM |
It always amazed me that so many males could not figure it out who were war veterans, in that:
After you have fought so hard risking Life and Limb for the children and your wife or prospective girl friends, or wives to be, WHY would you pay any female for either STRIPPING or PROSTITUTION when you so-called men have already paid in blood or the risk thereof for the rights to your nation's females so to speak?
Yes, because strippers and prostitutes still flourish in the good ole USA, it's no wonder the more righteous won in Viet Naum, as so many males just don't have a clue.
All they can see is the 'golden vagina' that must be worshiped in temples called brothels or strip clubs!
Excuse Me?!!
Our Veterans fought for ALL of our rights.....librarians, cooks, factory workers, lawyers, teachers.... and even strippers.
They fought so that all Americans have that one simple little word...."CHOICE".
The Choice to be what we want to be.
they even fought for the right for you to be able to spout your utter nonsense.
So, instead of knocking these Heroes.......try thanking them instead  | |
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| Stripping and relationship....
Posted: 11/2/2009 3:41:06 PM | when i moved back here, long story, i had to work in a strip joint, only for a few months, i saw the other side of stripping, some girls where messed up, but most had boyfriends, husbands, and many where paying there way for school, some where very smart, and turned there lives around, most ended up married and happy, none where prostititutes
i dont go yo these clubs, but i have to say i have more respect for a dancer, prostitute , porn star,crack whore, then most lawyers, wall street, or polititians | |
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