| Men wanting women only and not other men
Posted: 4/23/2009 7:11:00 AM |
I talked to a therapist who was a friend who told me that men don't always equate having sex with a man to mean that they themselves are gay. Men see sex as sex, period. Further he went on to say that a man being gay means that he loves the emotionally loves his own sex and has very little to do with the actual sexual act.
Maybe it's just me, but after reading three times what your therapist told you, it sounds like one big gobbledygook contradiction. Is it just the sex act, or not? 
No OP, I'm not attracted to men.
~ds~ | |
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| Men wanting women only and not other men
Posted: 4/23/2009 7:21:10 AM | Luv n theory...I've been in your shoes, sort of. Technically, he was in my shoes, but that's a long story!
It's an awful feeling to know that someone loves you but you are 'second best'. You are right, it makes you question your value as a person, as a lover, and your overall judgement.
When you try to explain it to people, they tend to focus on the other person and their actions and choices. It's hard to get them to see the impact on ones self. Maybe it is just one of those things that you have to experience to understand.
I just wanted to say you are not alone. Email me if you would like to.
berni | |
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| Men wanting women only and not other men
Posted: 4/23/2009 7:24:02 AM |
Are there any men out there who have never had a desire or even a moments thought, as you have, of being with another man?
Yeah, there's plenty of us.
I've never considered being with another man. I am straight. Just how I was born. It's women only for me.
I've hugged my gay friends. And I've even kissed a couple.
Not because I had any "interest". But because they're friends, and it was their birthday or whatever. I've kissed a gay guy on his birthday, just like I'd kiss a female friend on hers. It's a friendly peck and a hug.
Some people make a huge deal about supposed "sexual" tension and all.
Please. I've been in public showers with men and women. It's a shower, nothing more. But there are those who try to keep this huge distance between them and anyone else of the same sex. As if just being close enough will make them gay or something. :p
I see a lot of people who are downright homophobic. Even if they don't admit it.
People who say they don't mind gay people, yet if one tries to give them a friendly hug, they get all icked out. It's quite sad really. | |
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| Men wanting women only and not other men
Posted: 4/23/2009 7:33:17 AM | ^^^I note the same things Adam. Far too many men hung up about their sexuality and hugely homophobic.
I have thought about whether I would ever be gay myself and while it might work on an emotional level, sexually it would never work for me so there's my answer! | |
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| Men wanting women only and not other men
Posted: 4/23/2009 7:45:53 AM | That's the thing really.
Emotionally, personality wise... it's technically possible to love anyone. Man or woman. Simply because, someone's personality isn't set by their sex. But it stops at a certain point because of orientation.
There could be a same sex friend we have, who if they were of the opposite sex, we'd love to explore a relationship with.
Naturally, the sexual, physical connection is different.
I need a woman to satisfy me sexually. A man just won't do.
I don't have an interest in them. Simple as that. | |
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| Men wanting women only and not other men
Posted: 4/23/2009 7:52:31 AM | OP...
I think you let your men drink too much beer. You turned them gay. Myself, I stay away from large quantities of beer. It is widely accepted by gay sexual predators to be the number one contributor to homosexual conversions. | |
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| Men wanting women only and not other men
Posted: 4/23/2009 7:58:26 AM | Well it seems that you're some sort of *magnet* for homosexuals for some reason. Maybe that's something you need to work on. Is there something about *YOU* that you can change so you're not attracting such men?
I'm just sayin'
Mike | |
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| Men wanting women only and not other men
Posted: 4/23/2009 8:19:22 AM | I don't hold it against anyone being gay, bi or into anything else.
I will say sometimes in the past having been around some gay guy's it has made my skin crawl... And not in a good way.
I've thought possibly I should try sex with a man beings that how do you know you don't like something unless you've tried it, but that attitude really works well with food or drink. And only for me with having sex with a woman and experimenting with her. | |
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| Men wanting women only and not other men
Posted: 4/23/2009 10:30:27 AM |
I will say sometimes in the past having been around some gay guy's it has made my skin crawl... And not in a good way.
I've had that reaction to gay and straight people. Men and women.
Some people are just too aggressive... or don't know how to accept no for an answer.
If some random gay guy hits on me, I thank him for the compliment, but let him know I'm not interested. Same as when women do so.
But sometimes, there's the ones who just don't give up. And man or woman... it can be irksome. | |
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| Men wanting women only and not other men
Posted: 4/23/2009 12:43:29 PM | I've heard this slanderous rumour that beer can turn a straight guy into a flamer. I'd like to go on the record and say that it's just not true.
Only "light" beer does that. | |
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| Men wanting women only and not other men
Posted: 4/23/2009 2:49:39 PM | Well Mike, I didn't learn of their hidden desires until much later in the relationship. Ex-husband was closer to the end of our time together. My ex-boyfriend, 2 years into the relationship. Neither man would ever come across to anyone as being gay or bi.
Neither man drank nor did drugs. They came by their desires honestly. I didn't hold it against either of them as far as our relationship was concerned, we split for other reasons, but it made me feel less desirable and left me wondering if there are men out there that have never wanted anything but a woman. | |
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| Men wanting women only and not other men
Posted: 4/23/2009 3:06:35 PM | | It's unfortunate that you've had the bad luck to have 2 bi guys in your life. Don't let it skew your perspective, it was just really bad luck. You nephew is dead wrong and/or thinks a little too highly of himself. I've heard similar comments from gay friends of mine, yet I've been completely trashed around them and it still wasn't happening.. | |
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| Men wanting women only and not other men
Posted: 4/23/2009 5:03:06 PM | I recently heard about this sort of thing and it sort of blew my mind... From what I understand there are some gay men who make a sport of trying to bed hetro males... Maybe I didn't watch enough Will & Grace? I had no idea this was real until a good friend of mine told me about one of her gay friends. This guy thinks every man is gay deep inside. Isn't that like a guy trying to bed a lesbian? I should point out that I don't get that either.
Some guys are willing to experiment that way. Others are not. Just like some women are open to sexual contact with other women and others are not. Anal play isn't a prelude to homosexuality. It's a fun thing for two consenting adults to play with regardless of being straight, gay or... well whatever there is out there.
I wouldn't worry about. There are plenty of guys who would never do ANYTHING with another guy. I'm one and I'm not a homophobe [spelling?] either. Live and let live, you know what I mean? You'll find your [very straight] man some day. | |
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| Men wanting women only and not other men
Posted: 4/23/2009 5:25:32 PM | | I think there are degrees amoung men just like women. I am 85-90% straight. I could play with a woman on occasion if a man was involved, but a one on one with a woman is not something I would be interested in. So, that means I can play bi and enjoy myself but I am primarily heterosexual. I would think there must be men out there that have are primarily heterosexual but can be situationally bi. I think it's much more acceptable for a woman than a man but it's still there. I don't think any amount of alcohol will turn a completly straight man gay though. | |
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| Men wanting women only and not other men
Posted: 4/23/2009 5:57:12 PM | If he has sex with men he's gay. I cant think of any amount of liqure that would get me to be gay. Your therapist is nuts.  Still not gay. | |
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| Men wanting women only and not other men
Posted: 4/23/2009 6:31:50 PM | Er...it was Adam and Eve. Not Adam and Steve. Honey you look like a doll, but you need to stay out of those gay bars with the luck you've been having!!!!!!!!!!  | |
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| Men wanting women only and not other men
Posted: 4/23/2009 6:54:57 PM | I've heard a couple of women say that if they have a girl go down on them it's ok but they would never do it. They believe they are not bi-sexual because they don't actually DO anything. 
Maybe some men believe if they are not on the receiving end it doesn't count? I know it's opposite of what I said about women but you get the idea. To him it's just getting off...like a live blow-up doll....
Seriously though...I think there are A LOT more bi-sexual men than I ever imagined!
Also - the thing about it not being cheating...I've heard a few guys say that if a girl has a sexual experience with another girl, it doesn't count as cheating.
I'm too old for all of this! | |
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| Men wanting women only and not other men
Posted: 4/23/2009 8:30:15 PM | I enjoy reading a wide variety of things, I have talked to a variety of people. You could call me a wannabe armchair psychologist in some regards lol.
But my experience has been first personally; normally curious in my teen and early adult years, regarding my same sex, then ultimately by my mid-twenties I knew in my heart and 'skin' that I was strongly and primarily hetero.
I have to believe that men experience this very same thing and that it is completely natural. I could get long-winded as to why this occurs, and how for some a certain degree of 'curiosity' remains, or either they are truly 'bi' or completely hetero.
I tend to appreciate the man (and I am not saying that this has happened to ALL men) that is so secure in his sexuality today, that he is able to admit to having had, at some point in his life, a natural curiosity toward his own sex. I appreciate it even more when, like me, he realizes it was NOT for him.
Personally I just don't trust a man that is too homophobic. Correction. I don't trust a man that is homophobic in the least. Real MEN can be honest about it.
To the OP. There are millions of truly hetero men out there. Find one that is NOT homophobic (think the old saying: "Me thinks thou does protest too much..") and one that is willing to engage in early on discussion of his beliefs and views toward sexuality. Trust your gut instincts and good luck to you. =) | |
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| Men wanting women only and not other men
Posted: 4/23/2009 9:41:35 PM |
Are there any men out there who have never had a desire or even a moments thought, as you have, of being with another man?
Yes. Another one here... I'm 100% heterosexual, would never want to have sex with another man.
And I'm surprised you can't find more like that!
Again -as others have said- you'll have to ask them to tell you if they're gay or bi.
An attractive lady like you hould have no problem finding one. But make sure you ask crucial questions.
 | |
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| Men wanting women only and not other men
Posted: 4/24/2009 7:49:41 AM |
I've had that reaction to gay and straight people. Men and women.
In reading some of the responses on here from men, I can easily see the homophobia and ignorance, thank you for showing that not all men are like that Adam. | |
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| Men wanting women only and not other men
Posted: 4/24/2009 8:43:47 AM |
In reading some of the responses on here from men, I can easily see the homophobia and ignorance
It's not always a case of "homophobia" (an invented word that I don't particularly care for) when people express an aversion to being approached romantically - or for sport - by someone of the same gender because it doesn't always imply that one is hostile toward homosexuality, just the sexual aspect involving them. Put another way, because I don't want to have sex with animals does not mean I have "beastophobia."
What would be ignorant of me is to not realize that I am not the least bit interested in having sex with a man.
As for the nephew's comment about the six pack being the only thing standing between him and a straight guy, that sounds like a Jeffrey Dahmer in the making. | |
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| Men wanting women only and not other men
Posted: 4/24/2009 9:41:37 AM | It's not always a case of "homophobia" (an invented word that I don't particularly care for) when people express an aversion to being approached romantically - or for sport - by someone of the same gender because it doesn't always imply that one is hostile toward homosexuality, just the sexual aspect involving them. Put another way, because I don't want to have sex with animals does not mean I have "beastophobia."
Oh c'mon, you are going to deny that most men don't talk about homosexuality in a certain way? Most men are extremely uncomfortable about it and react a certain way when homosexuality is brought up.
With many men, it wouldn't matter whether he was approached subtletly or aggresively - he would still react the same way simply because it is a gay man approaching him. For some men, it even makes them question why a gay man would approach them? Do I give off some gaydar? Does everyone else think I'm gay? Because of the attitudes of the rest of their family and friends, this would be unacceptable and in fact manifest as a fear. | |
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