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| Men wanting women only and not other men
Posted: 4/25/2009 2:45:28 PM | Not one person on here mentioned something called the Kinsey Scale, developed by Dr. Alfred Kinsey. Basically, it states that the sex -- like much of everything in the world -- is not black and white. Ladies, gents, just because a man is bisexual, it doesn't mean he likes men and women equally the same. There are varying degrees.
I have heard of this, but I am not sure whether I can believe this is fact as I haven't really done my research on it. However, thank you for making the same point I've been trying to make about certain men. I'm not saying that I'm interested in my man being involved with men, but I question the whole macho "beat the crap" attitude that most men have inherited from other men and their parents out of fear I believe. | |
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| Men wanting women only and not other men
Posted: 4/25/2009 9:23:04 PM | Djsamdotbiz...strange, I don't recall nor could I read anywhere stated by me that thier bi-sexuality was the reason our relationship did not work out. I don't think anyone leaves someone they strongly care for over one thing, in most cases there are a myriad of reasons that reach their height before one falls away from the other.
Having said that I am now hoping to find a man whose issues do not include outwardly or inwardly desiring a man. Hense, why I came here and asked the question as to whether or not that is a possibility. It is definitely my preference not to ever have to deal with that again if I can help it. | |
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| Men wanting women only and not other men
Posted: 4/25/2009 11:34:24 PM | Kinsey's findings have been scientifically proven to have been totally flawed. They were not conducted under a controlled study. He collected biased, solicited, etc. answers. I can't believe we are in 2009 and people still don't know that Kinsey studies have been disproved gahhh.
OP just make sure you are the best person you can be, healthy, happy, and enjoy your life. There are real men out there that don't have feminine traits, gay, or bi, and are totally straight and hopefully you will find each other. | |
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| Men wanting women only and not other men
Posted: 4/26/2009 5:07:52 AM |
Kinsey's findings have been scientifically proven to have been totally flawed. They were not conducted under a controlled study. He collected biased, solicited, etc. answers. I can't believe we are in 2009 and people still don't know that Kinsey studies have been disproved gahhh.
Let's not get too dramatic here and stick to the facts. Yes, the methodology has been proven flawed, but the can of worms he opened about human sexuality is still valid today -- that is, it is a complex thing.
Prior to Kinsey, people looked at sexuality as black and white -- i.e., you are either straight or you are gay. Kinsey changed all that with his Kinsey Scale, which is still used today.
Psychologist Fritz Klein (in the late 1970s) expanded on Kinsey's studies and essentially came to the conclustion that bisexuality was impossible to quantify in modern-day society. Even today, there remains a great deal of conflict about sexual orientation in general. What does that just mean? It means -- again -- the world, including sexuality, is not black and white.
Your comment, monfil, like so many others on here about this topic sickens me. I'm referring to your statement about there being "real men out there." So any other man is less than a man? You, too, seem to view the world in strickly black and white hues. Life must be quite frustrating for you when you find that something won't fit into one of those categories.
I can't believe it's 2009 and people like you with your miniscule notions on life walk the planet. Aargh! | |
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| Men wanting women only and not other men
Posted: 4/26/2009 6:16:55 AM | monfil,
Kinsey was not "totally flawed". In fact, his research is better than much of the modern research. Modern research in sex has been heavily influenced by the porn industry and its bias in favor of female bisexuality at the expense of male bisexuality. If anything is "totally flawed", it's modern sex research.
Keep in mind that Kinsey conducted personal interviews at a time where male-male feelings were even more stigmatized than they are today. The fact that he was able to determine that a majority of men have same sex feelings to varying degrees proves that his research surmounted the stigmatic obstacles of the day. It adds credence to his findings.
If you look at the reaction to Kinsey's study on male sexuality from the perspective of history, you'll find that the main negative reaction came from right wing Christian groups who were horrified at the thought that most men had feelings for other men at some stage in their lives. Nowadays, much of the negative reaction comes also from those who find male bisexuality offensive on the basis that it upsets the sleazy straight guy/bisexual female enabler pardigm espoused by porn.
Male bisexuality effectively rips the heart out of the sleazy power plays that women play in relation to getting attention from men. | |
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| Men wanting women only and not other men
Posted: 4/26/2009 6:24:18 AM | | Kinsey may not have had perfect methodology but his conclusions were fairly accurate. We can see it throughout society today. Nobody has come up with a better sex study since his so we are left with his work still being the leading research on the subject. | |
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| Men wanting women only and not other men
Posted: 4/26/2009 9:15:26 AM |
I am often puzzled by the many persons that believe that they know, better than anyone else, what it is that constitutes a “real” man; when in reality they have no idea as to what defines a real man.
Very well-said, splendere!
Actually, so much of what you said is dead-on true. It's so refreshing to hear, too, after some of these other posts.
Best, | |
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| a genetic aversion
Posted: 4/26/2009 9:19:26 AM | hahhhhaahhhhaaa
a genetic aversion!!!???
to sitting next to lesbians???!!
hahhhhahhahah
what...is it contagious? please. this unjust and unreasonable vilification and hatred is more disgusting than anything gays and lesbians do. | |
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| a genetic aversion
Posted: 4/26/2009 9:38:57 AM | It's funny how everyone chimes in when someone accuses them of being "sick" or racist against homosexuality.
I didn't go that far on a limb, but nobody seemed to get where I was going until someone pointed out posts that made others look bad, so in order not to look bad, they speak up.
Or is that just luck of the draw and timing that they decided to post in here? Just something I noticed in the last few posts......only took 4 pages. | |
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| a genetic aversion
Posted: 4/26/2009 9:45:17 AM | ~ OP ~
There is NOT ONE person over 40 years old (you and I included) on the planet that has not had to think whether they ARE or ARE NOT Homosexual; and to do that you have to think about how it feels to be with someone of the same sex.
How do you think you know that you are not a lesbian? Yes, someone made a move on you at some point in your life, you thought about it for at least few seconds and decided.
Anal sex, oral sex, cannot be in itself a homosexual tendency. We all know what we do not like from either trying it or mentally considering it; there is no other way!
How do you think some guys in here Know that they will beat the life out of someone that would touch them? Yeah, same thing, they had to decide at some point when faced with that choice. They may have not acted that way at the probing time, but now they feel offended and will punish anyone that makes an unwelcomed move on them ever again. That is how I feel about lesbians and Married Men that come on to me, and therefore I have a poor response because they do offend me if they insist or get physical, I don’t take it kindly when someone dares to treat me like a piece of meat.
OP, if someone wants to be with you, build on that if the feelings are mutual. What is meant to be will be, as long as we stay true to ourselves!
Cheers! | |
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| Men wanting women only and not other men
Posted: 4/26/2009 10:55:58 AM | I didn't write that you said that. I wrote my humble opinion.
I don't blame you a bit if you broke up with both men for those reason.
Obviously is an issue for you and I admire you for staying that long is such 'compromise your values' kind of stage.
The answer I gave you was just b/c you wrote thinking all the men are or want to be gays. I'm sure you don't really believe that.
Everyone in one way or another sometimes find themself living with spouses that we dont like some stuff they/ we discover later on into the relationship. But then we're in love, children, money etc. . A lady told me one time 'my husband chews tobacco' and I didnt know that. I wouldn't had married him if I had knew that at the beggining, when I first met him. She still with him 40 years later. Some women who are abused mental or otherwise, don't leave their husbands. I don't know if you left them or they left you, but at the end of the day you are now free to choose again. But still no way to know if you'll marry another (in the closet gay) man. The good side is you look very beautiful and interesting woman so don't dispair and keep your eyes open to find your 'real' man.
BTW, how many times someone told you that you look like Elvis ex......? | |
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| Men wanting women only and not other men
Posted: 4/26/2009 11:07:59 AM |
There are real men out there that don't have feminine traits, gay, or bi, and are totally straight and hopefully you will find each other. OP is concerned about finding men that don't have feminine traits, gay, or bi, and are totally straight. My above quote states exactly that there are real men out there that don't have...
I just so love how there are people that take statements and want to turn them into something not said, I didn't say only real men aren't feminine, gay, etc. I said there are real men that are not. This is what the OP is asking. With comments such as the ones made, the poor OP may never date again. People on here make it want to sound like every man has gay tendencies and it just isn't so.
1/3 of the people Kinsey sampled were prisoners arrested for various sex crimes including rape and pedophilia and were young boys that were sexually abused. I can just stop there to prove my point about how flawed this survey was, it can not be called a study.
During that era people did not get chosen in a controlled random study. People volunteered that would be willing to answer or speak to Kinsey. You could walk into a gay bar and find 300 volunteers. This would not be a controlled study of the population.
The Rockefeller foundation had backed the "zoologist's" information (he was a specialist in the gall wasp), but once Kinsey was unable to provide actual concrete statistics, they no longer backed his report or any more of his surveying. Rockefeller foundation is not affiliated with any religion.
Between 1% and 3% of the population is gay/lesbian. I don't have anything off the top of my head about bicurious ect. But please note that I am a firm believer that it isn't your body that determines your sexuality, it is how your brain is formed, you are the way you are at birth. It doesn't make it right, it doesn't make it wrong. It just makes you who you are and who you are attracted to.
There have been scientific reports performed in the last 60 years that are accurate. No reason not to read them. Kinsey's became popular because of controversy so the layman has heard of it. The accurate reports don't have that kind of publicity, but hey they are there. Talk to your doctor, do some library research, and probably some googling might pop some up. Don't be afraid of accurate information.
So again to the OP, there are real men out there that don't have feminine traits, gay, or bi, and are totally straight and hopefully you will find each other. And for those that prefer a real man that has feminine traits, gay, bi, or has tendencies or is curious, you too can find what you are looking for. | |
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| Men wanting women only and not other men
Posted: 4/26/2009 11:37:11 AM |
Are there any men out there who have never had a desire or even a moments thought, as you have, of being with another man?
Thanks for that, I have now and am trying to find some bleach for my brain. I nearly puked.  Seriously, gay people don't bother me. They choose their lifestyle, I choose mine. I find that most guys who have closet gay thoughts (or deeds) are the big macho guys who would "NEVER do something like that." or who speak the longest and loudest about how they "hate fags!" I think they are way over-compensating. I have several gay friends and we joke around with things like me telling them, "If I was to go gay, I guess I would let you break me in," and they usually respond with "I may be gay, but I am not desperate, stop flattering yourself." All good fun.
My question is what trait do you see as common in these guys, and could it be that they are commonly sharing not only this trait but also their "inquisitive experimental nature"? Might there be a connection. Are they really over denying their sexuality or engaging in gay bashing? May be the common thread you seek. Being in gay is like being in the CIA, the more you deny it, the more likely it is.
I do gag little thinking about getting pounded by a big hairy dude though. I have looked at the question, considered it, and found it is not the path I prefer. Thank you for forcing me to consider where my preferences lie. I can now safely put that question to bed (literally). | |
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| Men wanting women only and not other men
Posted: 4/26/2009 11:46:40 AM |
But please note that I am a firm believer that it isn't your body that determines your sexuality, it is how your brain is formed, you are the way you are at birth.
I actually don't really know where I stand on that one. As I said, I'm not entirely convinced on that Kinsey thing, but nor am I against it.
LOL, I guess I don't have anything to debate anymore! | |
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| a genetic aversion
Posted: 4/26/2009 1:29:01 PM |
There is NOT ONE person over 40 years old (you and I included) on the planet that has not had to think whether they ARE or ARE NOT Homosexual; and to do that you have to think about how it feels to be with someone of the same sex.
We all know what we do not like from either trying it or mentally considering it; there is no other way!
I tried very hard to find an argument with this logic.
What I could argue, is that if the propensity towards or away from homosexuality is genetic or inherent...then can one make the choice? If I am prone to a physical or psychological condition, can I "choose" to prevent the manifestation of that condition?
Many argue that homosexuality is something a person is born and destined to be...while others suggest it is a lifestyle choice.
However, if I understand the intention of the OP's point/question is that she wishes to find a guy that, after "considering" (assuming my argument has failed) the choice of bi/gay, has chosen, unequivocally not to be the same. I am certain many of those guys and gals exist.
I must also agree with "Splendere" that although a heterosexual female might prefer a man that is not feminine, gay or bi…I would not consider that the defining characteristic of a “real man”.
I know of many that are “none of the above” whom I am ashamed to share the same gender.
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| Men wanting women only and not other men
Posted: 4/26/2009 2:42:29 PM | monfil,
We have all pretty much dismissed Kinsey's data collecting as flawed. That's not the point. What's important is what these studies opened up and brought to the forefront, which is how the issue of sexuality in humans is not black and white, and which is where bisexuality and the different levels of it exist. Since then, other sexologists have discovered, in better samplings, that bisexuality is complex.
You could walk into a gay bar and find 300 volunteers.
Oh really? From my understanding, gay bars were pretty underground back then, even up to the 1960s (check out the movie "Milk"). Cops could also walk into any "gay bar" back then and beat the sh*t out of a homosexual without any backlash, so you can imagine how willing men (and women) would be to admit they might have even a curious thought about being with another person of the opposite sex, much less coming out of the closet. But it's safe to say that they existed then, before that time, and continue today.
I am not afraid of accurate information, nor do I think a few of us on here are, which is why I've found it so easy to find consistent information from sexologists about the validity of what Kinsey presented to us. Yes, his sampling was flawed, but his theories on human sexuality aren't. You might also want to pick up a copy of the Hite Report for further reading. One quick point about sample gathering: it's hard to ever get 100% accuracy. You try to do the best you can and to improve upon the last sample.
I apologize for misinterpreting your statement about "real men." I don't think we were twisting your words, you just weren't clear. So to set the record straight, I now will assume that when you said "real," you meant "actual." As in, "There are actual men out there ... "
People on here make it want to sound like every man has gay tendencies and it just isn't so. True. But how will we ever truly know? Some guys in married or relationship situations will never open up to their partners about this facet of their being. Always remember: it's called the "down low" for a reason. | |
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| Men wanting women only and not other men
Posted: 4/26/2009 3:38:49 PM | Last scientific study I worked on was 2 years ago, but don't think I have forgotten all that is involved to keep studies controlled etc.
Kinsey did know where the gay bars were. He openly admitted to his sexual preferences. His study was flawed period. But this has little significance to what the OP is asking. She wants to know if straight men exist. There are men that are totally straight. I know that I am straight woman and never questioned for a second about it. I know the man I am dating. This is why I tell the OP that straight men are out there. Hopefully she will meet an honest one, there are many. | |
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| a genetic aversion
Posted: 4/26/2009 5:25:21 PM | "How do you think you know that you are not a lesbian? Yes, someone made a move on you at some point in your life, you thought about it for at least few seconds and decided."
When I was a young girl and first thought about the opposite sex in a dreamy state. It was a guy.
When I first played spin the bottle, it was a guy I prayed the bottle would point too. When I first had sexual thoughts, a guy was in my mind. When I day dream about another human, it is always a man.
When I lay down at night and think about the person I would like to have laying next to me, it's a man.
When I masturbate my thoughts are about a man.
We have a gay bar where I live and sometimes I go with my nephew. I don't feel comfortable in there and I rarely have a good time watching them interact with one another. Then again I am not a real fan of heterosexual people tongue wrestling and humping each other in public either but that is neither hear nor there.
I love men. The way they smell, feel, and move. I Love their strength and their bravery.
By-the-way, the only time someone made a move on me was when I was in that bar with Daniel. I was very uncomfortable with it since I never once thought some other girl would find me the least bit gay. All I wanted to do was go home. Apparently, as much as I love my nephew and my female cousin, I am a homophobic...and I doth not protest too much. I usually don't talk about it but I know how I feel and it has nothing to do with religion.............
What it boils down to Shenora is that I have one of those things...I don't want one in my face. | |
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| a genetic aversion
Posted: 4/26/2009 5:56:30 PM | its not genetic its preference I myself have the same feelings I am not a homophobe by a long shot but I don't think with the head between my legs either so you could dump a brewery in my lap and I still would not find another man attractive. Now adays with metrosexual and pedestrian sex it getting wierd for even me I really don't care what you do behind closed doors. Hence the saying closed doors but be honest if your in a relationship not only because its right but what you don't know could kill you in this instance. Sex is sex no matter if you do it for procreation , recreation or desperation but to me the only sex I need want and crave is that of a woman. I won't judge you but be real be honest because the person you hurt in the end might just be my might have been. | |
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| Men wanting women only and not other men
Posted: 4/26/2009 6:42:35 PM | monfil,
I'm pretty much done with this topic after this post because I've pretty much said all that needs to be said for the most part, but his study wasn't "flawed period." It would have been flawed if it didn't shed any light onto matters or open any doors for discussion.
Prior to his study, there was NO topic on bisexuality. He began the discussion.
His SAMPLE was flawed, but his STUDY was not.
And since then, better samples have come to light, and what these samples show is that there is a lot of bisexuality in the male population, and it's even more complex than Kinsey's study showed.
As far as the actual topic of this post is concerned -- i.e., are there men who want women only? -- yes, I'm sure there are men who only want a woman. And the beauty of the Internet is that the poster can state that right in her ad. And the beauty of the person who responds on the Internet is that he can be up front about this topic without ever breaking his anonymity. But if the poster is going to meet someone on the street, she needs to be sensitive to the fact that if she asks a guy outright, right at the beginning of the relationship, he's more than likely going to deny any interest in a man (if he has such an interest).
It's not like if a guy were to ask a woman.
He: "Are you bisexual?"
She: "Yes."
He: "ALL RIGHT!"
If anyone else wants to discuss this topic with me, just send me a message to my mailbox. | |
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| Men wanting women only and not other men
Posted: 4/26/2009 6:45:16 PM |
FYI: drunk + sex = rape.
its not that cut and dry my friend..
if that was the case, EVERY SINGLE TIME!, then I'd have done that to my GF many many times. | |
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| Men wanting women only and not other men
Posted: 4/26/2009 7:03:34 PM | 
Once while dating a Minister from Kentucky we were taking a drive to one of the State Parks. Our conversation turned to homosexuality and he commented that he couldn't counsel a homosexual.
From past experience, I knew that disgust is generated from our own fear and inability to face our deepest feelings. So, I said, "You're a minister in the service of the most High. As such, you do not have the priviledge of being prejudiced as to who you counsel. You need to be non-judgmental and to consider your reasons for such
animosity;
After some time passed, he recognized that he had been harboring fantasies about
wearing stockings and pantyhose, not necessarily being with another man, but to experience the sexuality of a womaN.
We all have curiosity; that's why we played doctor and nurse as children and some of us still like to role play and experiment.
Everyone has fantasies, preferences, lust. It is our responsibility to take the initiative
to query prospective lovers as to their sexual preferences. Keep in mind that sometimes the male or female is not fully aware.
Go gently. Give time time. Have no expectations other than love and compassion.
You are not diminished if your guy enjoys male companionship; he's just being
himself. He may not be the one for you. So wish him well, and move on in love
and friendship. | |
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