| Why would you want to remain friends with an ex
Posted: 4/23/2009 8:03:03 AM | | Reading this thread actually points out why it is so important to make certain that any relationship we have should have a solid friendship as its foundation. Without it, no matter how physically attracted and intense the love may be, we are alone! The proof of this is when the relationship ends, and if there was no true care, concern, empathy, compassion and respect during the relationship, there is a feeling of emptiness and a an gnawing emotional void. This is because in our hearts we realize that we did not have a friend and there is no worse feeling than experiencing this after the ending of a relationship. | |
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| Why would you want to remain friends with an ex
Posted: 4/23/2009 8:46:53 AM |
Why would you want to remain friends with an ex?
Cause he's hilarious. His social/dating life is also much more entertaining than my own. He's also there if/when I need someone. He's also the Executor of my Will, I think it's wise to keep in touch in case I die, he needs to know.  | |
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| Why would you want to remain friends with an ex
Posted: 4/23/2009 8:55:16 AM | I think it depends a lot on the circumstances. A friendship with an ex is easily brought to an end by bitterness and issues regarding over the end of the relationship and who is to blame (especially if one party unilaterally ends the relationship with little or no warning and without giving reasons) or the split is not amicable. Jealousy can also quickly and easily arise if one partner forms a relationship with someone else, especially if cheating was involved.
A friendship is possible but there are many things that will work against the friendship in contrast to a normal friendship. I would not bet on the odds. | |
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| Why would you want to remain friends with an ex
Posted: 4/23/2009 9:10:27 AM |
Why would you want to remain friends with an ex?
Well the biggest reason for me is because I had kids with my Ex... so as a result there will always be regular contact... so to make things run more smoothly, it's better for us to be friends than enemies. | |
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| Why would you want to remain friends with an ex
Posted: 4/23/2009 9:39:06 AM | | Maybe there was some comfort there with the ex...otherwise, I don't see the point. Exes are exes for a reason--it didn't work. If the comfort is mixed with resentment and negativity, better to cut off all contact. | |
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| Why would you want to remain friends with an ex
Posted: 4/23/2009 9:56:22 AM | | My last girlfriend and I were together for 6 months. We were also the best of friends. We decided to remain friends after the brekup and I'm glad because she is still a friend and a wonderful person. | |
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| Why would you want to remain friends with an ex
Posted: 4/23/2009 10:35:44 AM | why?
Well IMO
If you two always got along and no one cheated and or lied and it was just a mutual ove lost thing on both parts then why not?
I mean Iam not the type of person to just throw away a good person because the relationship ended on a good note.
the real question is Why are there so many people that can not handle the S/O being friendly with an ex | |
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| Why would you want to remain friends with an ex
Posted: 4/23/2009 10:37:57 AM | Shared experiences, because you were friends first, he knows you so well you can ask him "embarrassing" questions and he can answer them, lots of reasons to remain friends with the ex with whom you parted ways NICELY.
But there are just as many reasons not to, depending if the spearation/break-up was a bad one: he hurt me so bad I can't get past it, I lost respect for him when I found out how he reacted to certain situations, he is still angry at me, etc. | |
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| Why would you want to remain friends with an ex
Posted: 4/23/2009 11:36:45 AM | | I only enter into relationships with men I find admireable and that I enjoy spending large amounts of time with. If it becomes clear that we aren't suited for the long term, whole deal - it doesn't mean that those things I initially found appealling have left or ended. | |
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| Why would you want to remain friends with an ex
Posted: 4/23/2009 12:28:50 PM | | Because he's fun, smart & interesting to talk to & hang out with! Just because it was a no-go in the chemistry department doesn't mean he's worthless as a friend. | |
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| Why would you want to remain friends with an ex
Posted: 4/23/2009 12:30:04 PM | Because believe it or not ( and by most post on here,hard to believe) we are supposed to be adults....not 2nd graders, so why would you not remain friends? it didn't work,and i am willing to bet it was not 100% the others fault,so why not remain nice to each other?
Guess i just miss it somtimes,but i am friendly with all of my ex's
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| Why would you want to remain friends with an ex
Posted: 4/24/2009 6:55:11 AM | | well, me and my ex were in school together, we've known each other since we were 7... but we just didn't make it work as a couple, so we ended it, but we still stay friends and stuff... | |
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| Why would you want to remain friends with an ex
Posted: 4/24/2009 7:12:35 AM | | Why stay friends? Because there was a reason you liked them inthe first place. Just because you drifted apart as a partner does not mean they do not have the qualities of a friend. | |
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| Why would you want to remain friends with an ex
Posted: 4/24/2009 8:00:22 AM | It's not good to "burn bridges," you did them once upon a time....Hell, maybe you'll want to do em again in the future. You know, there just may be the proverbial..."slow time."
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| Why would you want to remain friends with an ex
Posted: 4/24/2009 8:10:42 AM | I have exs I'm friends with, I have exs I'm not friends with, yet friendly when I see them, and I have exs who have felt my wrath.... It depends on the level of respect.
ex1: we dated for a few months, found we wanted different things in our life, but enjoy each others company. We had a long adult talk about where we were in our lives and felt that dating was not for us. He is a wonderful person and a true friend.
ex2: He was wishy washy and flakey, and only cared about himself. I don't like him as a person, and don't feel that a friendship is possible, but when I see him I can say "hi, how are things with you?"
ex3: I wouldn't cry if I ran over his head with my car. ON ACCIDENT OF COURSE.
It all depends on the situation.... | |
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| Why would you want to remain friends with an ex
Posted: 4/24/2009 9:19:21 AM |
it just leads to wanting them back.
I think its easier to just cut them out so you can actually get over them.
The real problem is, why do you have an intimate relationship with someone BEFORE you know them well enough to know you are emotionally, morally, fiscally compatible with them. The real problem is that WE (Yes, people I am condemning my OWN actions in this arena as well) take every shortcut we can in order to get to the bedroom. Man and women were created to want and need the physical, emotional, and spiritual companionship and intimacy with ONE other of the opposite sex. If we would take the time to get to know one another, build a relationship from the ground up, become friends, companions, and THEN lovers, we would have relationships based on a solid foundation that would weather all storms, rather than crumble and die at the first rough patch. 'Getting over' someone should never have to even be in our vocabularies. Each person we meet should be an experience that we should be able to learn from, remember, know what was and wasn't right about the fit, and compare and adjust our outlook for future relationships.
The 'WHY' to the OP's question, is only applicable if you can look at the way the relationship was formed and say that it was built on shared interests, goals, morals, and desires. Those people, once in our lives, become companions, role models, supporters, and sounding boards. How do you honestly say you want people like that out of your life unless you are unhappy with your own direction and want to change YOU?
Igotnothin, I didn't mean to direct this at you, but the 'getting over' them quote stuck out to me. Please don't take it personally, it's not meant to be. Just an observation about the choices we make as fallible humans. | |
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| Why would you want to remain friends with an ex
Posted: 4/24/2009 11:36:49 AM | but if all that worked out, wouldn't you still be together, ie no break up would have happened, no reason to be 'just friends'? Sometimes relationships just don't work despite everything, and I think the 'getting over them' time is very important and that's a little difficult if they're still in your life.
There comes a point where its unhealthy to be friends with that person, it doesn't allow you to move on. | |
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| Why would you want to remain friends with an ex
Posted: 4/24/2009 11:52:30 AM | For me, it would depend on how the relationship ended. I generally try to remain friends and have as amicable breakup as I can. There is about 2 or 3 exes that I have remained friends with, meaning we still see each other or talk on a daily basis and we have remained the best of friends. Others, its friendly to the point if we see each other out and about we can go up to the other and say hi and catch up with each other and then go about our day.
For me, there is no reason to be hostile to each other. It is possible to fall out of love like its possible to fall in love. You can simply grow up and your life changes and the other person's life didnt change the way yours did. I'm 33 and I still talk to guys I dated when I was 16. I am certainly not the same person I was back then and neither are they. Just because there was no romantic interest there anymore doesnt mean I didnt like them as a person. | |
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| Why would you want to remain friends with an ex
Posted: 4/24/2009 1:01:29 PM | | I am friends with my ex's. Except for one and that is his decision, not mine. I don't get it either because we were friends before and never had any ugliness or drama... makes me think he never really liked me as a friend at all, and that hurts. | |
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| Why would you want to remain friends with an ex
Posted: 4/24/2009 1:04:12 PM | If you are REALLY friends at the start...then.IMHO you should be friends at the end.
If you weren't...you won't be.
That and the emotional ties that you have w/ that person are why people remain friends.
No friendship = No ties | |
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| Why would you want to remain friends with an ex
Posted: 4/24/2009 1:06:01 PM |
The real problem is, why do you have an intimate relationship with someone BEFORE you know them well enough to know you are emotionally, morally, fiscally compatible with them.
for several reasons:
The passion can go out of a relationship, and if you aren't married, don't have children together, or other real world ties that bind, why would you remain in a relationship, even if you really liked each other? Once it ceases to include a positive "man/woman" component, most people don't want to stay, and would hope to find a partner for the very human need for physical intimacy.
I like my friends, but I wouldn't want to live with one. There are stresses in day to day living, that aren't there in being friends.
Emotionally healthy adults can recognize that something isn't working as a "romantic relationship", without having to "demonize" each other, or deny that there is a real friendship that exists. | |
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| Why would you want to remain friends with an ex
Posted: 4/24/2009 2:23:07 PM | scatterzoom, you are right on target. I recently received a message from a woman I dated, approximately a year after we split, indicating that she wished to have a "happy ending" with me because she did not feel happy or complete the way we ended. She concluded the message by stating that she would love this to happen if I wished to, but if I didn't she wished me the best.
Unfortunately during the relationship as well at the end she was contemptuous, abusive and vindictive, yelling and screaming for hours over the most trivial, inconsequential issues. Based on this as well as the fact that she did not show compassion, tolerance and respect during our relationship , I saw no purpose in having any further contact or additional fairwells. In fact I had the happy ending when I walked out and moved on and did not need to have any further continuity with her for some illusory "happy ending". In short she was not a friend during our relationship and it is too late to establish a disingenuious one at the end. | |
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| Why would you want to remain friends with an ex
Posted: 4/24/2009 2:51:52 PM | | Because sometimes after being involved with someone you realize that while they may not be the one for you, that the best part of the relationship is the friendship. You know the person better than most anyone. You accept the good with the bad as they do you. You care about each other and want their happiness. If two people are mature enough to end a relationship amiably and remain friends, it can be one of the best friendships imaginable. Why give that up if you don't have to? | |
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