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| CAN A woman TEACH A boy how to be a MAN!
Posted: 2/22/2009 1:06:31 PM | mzie:
Let me put this simply for you. I have been sole custodial or primary custodial for going on 7yrs.
Middle of the night tending to sick children. That was me. Part of the job or requirement. Not accepting potential job advancements due to my custodial obligations is something i can understand but it was a choice i made without hesitation.
But unlike most woman it was a choice i made without crying the blues while they also obstruct or cause many of the access problems.
I have never seen a dime of help as my ex feels because I make more...am able to earn better does not have to....but then I married her made my bed and accept it...and instead of whining and saying poor me....like you perhaps say is acceptable for woman....I prefer to climb out and succeed.
I know of a single mom who got lil' to no help from the father of her child..her fam. helped for a brief period as well as welfare FOR 6MTHS ONLY (she was engaged to MARRY HIM BTW) she was only allowed to make 'x' amount of dollars working!..she's been off assistance a long time..and works overtime as well as a side job
That begs the question why did she have a child in the first place? She was a welfare case or not far from it? Why would someone have children or bring financial and emotional responsibilities into this world when they are not ready? I would suggest that responsible individuals do not venture into obligations or responsibilities until they are are able to assume those responsibilities.
As for socio-economics..LOOK at women's pay scales compared to a mans.
No problem...why not look at it and ask why if woman graduate high school more than men are they still not entering occupations that pay better? why is it that a woman entering university in engineering is highly sought after?
Because woman need to change their mind set and enter higher education with the goal or realization of where they will be themselves in earning potential.
It has been 20 years now and more woman enter university but still avoid the higher paying jobs in the work force.
it takes a hell of a lot more than that..to be a positive,contributing member of society as a whole. My son's DAd makes decent bank(didn't always pay txs..boy did that catch up) doesn't make him less of sociopathic abusive,pyscho? AT ALL, furthermore,
IF'BAN'K IS WHAT IT"S ABOUT!? Bernie Madoff must be a freaken GOD to u..
I find blanket statements , over generalizations, and tainted statistics annoying..BUT carry on In your bliss.
A thief is a thief....a guy stealing money and taking from others...or a custodial parent taking while not providing themselves...where is the difference other than scale?
My ex defrauded taxes for income "forgotten" over $300,000 and continues to do so. Working under the table while collecting unemployment insurance is a choice people make.
I find blanket statements , over generalizations, and tainted statistics annoying..BUT carry on In your bliss.
The stats you find objectionable are ones that do not support your premise that you are hard done by. I even suggested the stats of 85% were questionable but then you would only find acceptable stats that support the premise that guys are in the wrong...all the time.
Bliss??? or a head stuck between the legs oblivious to both sides of the issue and accepting less from one side of the equation.
I accept the premise that both parents are EQUALLY required to provide finacially and emotionally? And yet again you seem to be making excuses for woman who are deadbeats or were finacially not ready to provide for themselves much less children? | |
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| CAN A woman TEACH A boy how to be a MAN!
Posted: 2/22/2009 1:29:29 PM | Keep in mind folks that there exist social classes in our society. Should the poorer among us be excluded from having a child? I get the point you are trying to make Tealwood but in realistic terms, how enforceable would it be?
In a perfect world, you could ask those who cannot afford parenthood not to procreate but realistically, babies will continue to be born. In a lower socio-economic group it is almost more essential that TWO parents contribute to the raising of the children they bring into the world.
If anyone wants to further their education to be in a better position to support their family, I do not mind my tax dollars helping them to achieve their goal. The end result would be the breaking of a cycle of poverty for that family. Keep in mind though, there are only so many job vacancies to be filled at each pay scale. Someone still has to do the jobs at the low end of the scale and those people should have the same rights to have a child and those at the high end of the scale.
How do you put a price tag on a stay at home parent? Should there be a stay at home parent or should all parents put their kids in daycare and get their asses back to work asap? I think in terms of children, it was better when there were stay at home parents raising their children. Women just wanted to have the opportunity to be more.
Being that you are male, you are perhaps not as sensitive to the old boys club that still exists to a degree. It still exists Tealwood. Sure there are more opportunites for women to get those big salaries but there are still a lot of stereotypes that women must overcome in the quest for equal rights when it comes to job opportunities. For women, the battle is closer to coming to an end but it is still a battle. | |
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| CAN A woman TEACH A boy how to be a MAN!
Posted: 2/22/2009 2:23:38 PM |
Firstly, I'm confused as to the different ranges of 'disgust' that you speak of. Why would it bother you MORE to see a Mother not providing for her children, than it would to see a Father not providing for same children?
Because i am biased! There are plenty of woman who are very vocal and very quick to jump out and cry about the deadbeat or under providing father and are amazingly mute when it comes to applying the same standards to woman who is playing at school..or playing at working part time while complaining about the true costs of raising children.
And regarding schooling...why would it be an issue if a parent wanted to attend schooling in order to further their career/work life thus enabling them to provide a better overall lifestyle for their children?
No problem...but then apply that same criteria or logic to both the father and the mother. I doubt you would. The father who wishes to avoid paying decides to stop working and go to school to gain a degree in psychology or some other degree when they have responsibilities to pay for today?
But then that begs why they would have children before they were educated and financially secure or secure in a viable occupation before they had children? You are supporting a mother who is not working while she has children just to go to school. Please tell everyone what you would say if a father made that same choice?
I think woman love suggesting the word responsible? So how responsible is either the father or the mother to have children when they are not ready to shoulder the responsibility collectively?
if someone can work part time and make a living, would it not benefit the child more to have Mom/Dad around a little bit more? I'm not sure I understand your issue with that either
I have no problem if they can work part time and be able to provide for their children.
But do not work part time and cry about what you and your children do not have? The percentages of custodial fathers who work full time compared to custodial mothers is markedly different. Why is that? I work and provide for my children because they require it. I would love to be sitting or playing at home while they were in school. It is much easier than trying to finish things at midnight knowing you have to get up in the early morning.
Jax....i suggest that more than a few men are very lacking in providing for their children...but equally along with those men I suggest you look and review the woman and see what they do as employment...what they have or do not have in respect to an education and i suggest that neither one often should have had children as they were ill prepared for shouldering the responsibility.
Unlike yourself...I just prefer not to allow either one a free ride and like to suggest both parties be held accountable? | |
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| CAN A woman TEACH A boy how to be a MAN!
Posted: 2/22/2009 2:27:34 PM | | If a father wants to return to school to better his standard of living and by extension that of his children, I would hope that cs would be reduced by agreement between Mom and Dad. Certainly I am aware that the courts may view it as intentional underemployment and put the father into arrears and that is unfortunate indeed. | |
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| CAN A woman TEACH A boy how to be a MAN!
Posted: 2/22/2009 2:34:27 PM |
Being that you are male, you are perhaps not as sensitive to the old boys club that still exists to a degree. It still exists Tealwood. Sure there are more opportunites for women to get those big salaries but there are still a lot of stereotypes that women must overcome in the quest for equal rights when it comes to job opportunities. For women, the battle is closer to coming to an end but it is still a battle.
I would never suggest it does not exist. Ever heard of affirmative action?
The term affirmative action refers to policies that take gender, race, or ethnicity into account in an attempt to promote equal opportunity. The focus of such policies ranges from employment and public contracting to educational outreach and health programs (such as breast or prostate cancer screenings). The impetus towards affirmative action is twofold: to maximize the benefits of diversity in all levels of society, and to redress disadvantages due to overt, institutional, or involuntary discrimination.
Your son may in applying for a job may have the equal or equivalent education and work experience that the woman has. If it is a government job and the numbers are not 50/50 your son is out of luck. Even if he might be a little better!
But still remaining unanswered is why woman who for years have been better educated are not entering the fields that pay better and remain in clean safe or controlled environments?
Why are female engineering students highly prized and less likely to be found?
Why are woman less likely to work the insane number of hours that men do supposedly in lawyers offices?
It is not simply the old boys club! Margaret Thatcher broke the ceiling for woman in politics and yet we rarely see quality competent woman who are following.
Palin is a joke and yet I might suggest we just missed seeing the first woman President and was if anything dragged down by her husbands legacy? | |
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| CAN A woman TEACH A boy how to be a MAN!
Posted: 2/22/2009 2:43:45 PM | Teal,
I assumed (wrongfully?) that if a parent decides to go to back to school they'll still be held accountable for providing for their children. "I" plan on going back to school. I'm 34, I have an education, I make a decent living, but I'd like more. In order to pay for my education AND provide for my children, I'm saving like mad, and will most likely end up taking out a line of credit or HELOC. I'll apply for your standardized grants but I don't expect that my child support payments should increase OR that I'll receive some form of government assistance.
Likewise, if my ex decided to return to school, I would expect that he would still be able to be forthcoming with child support. "I" would still have to provide for the children, so why wouldn't he?
Lots of people decide to return to school after having children. Maybe they want to switch degrees, or attain a Masters.....the average Gen Xer changes occupational paths 10x in their lifetime. 40 is a very common age for return to school. Most people that are going to have children have had them by that age.
A last thought....I completely agree that both women and men should become educated and self sufficient BEFORE making the choice to bear children. I think that can't be stated clearly enough to our own children....changing your mind down the road is acceptable and even normal....however you should have something to fall back on, in case your dreams of white picket fences don't pull through. | |
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Zain.
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Joined: 9/20/2005
Msg: 332 | |
| CAN A woman TEACH A boy how to be a MAN!
Posted: 2/22/2009 3:01:04 PM | "I know that not all men are fighters...
I know that not all conflicts can be resolved pacefully...
I know that 911 takes a lot longer than the average 30 seconds a real confrontation can take.....
It is good that he knows how to defend himself...."
Sure it's good to know, however it's not essential for "being a real man" and unless you live in a crime ridden warzone 99% of the time how well you are able to defend yourself is not going to be an issue. I also don't care how good you are at defending yourself if your attacker has a gun or you are outnumbered unless you are Bruce Lee you're probably going to lose. | |
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| CAN A woman TEACH A boy how to be a MAN!
Posted: 2/22/2009 3:06:40 PM | Some guys dont use their ability to fight on the actual street. I know a lot of guys that just horse around with each other,,,, look at UFC, it's huge. A lot of "men" like to fight, or at least be able to know they can hold their own.
Speaking of which, my little guy and I were just horsing around and he nearly got a bloody nose from my elbow. He laughed it off because he is tough. Me too, trust me, I've gotten bruised in our little play wars. But, I guess I'm tough and I could kick a guys ass if I had to, so maybe its just sissy moms that raise sissy boys?
Okay, I'm going to use the beloved  sarcastic little smiley that most of the wise guys around here use.
Wow, I feel better. | |
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Zain.
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Joined: 9/20/2005
Msg: 334 | |
| CAN A woman TEACH A boy how to be a MAN!
Posted: 2/22/2009 3:14:35 PM | "But, I guess I'm tough and I could kick a guys ass if I had to,"
unless you outweigh him by 100 pounds or know some sort of martial arts I highly doubt it. Other then that the only reason you kicked his ass is because he believes in the "never hit a woman" rule. | |
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| CAN A woman TEACH A boy how to be a MAN!
Posted: 2/22/2009 3:51:51 PM |
unless you outweigh him by 100 pounds or know some sort of martial arts I highly doubt it. Other then that the only reason you kicked his ass is because he believes in the "never hit a woman" rule.
Once again, you are assuming things. Maybe I just kick the guys asses that you refer to here:
Sure it's good to know, however it's not essential for "being a real man" and unless you live in a crime ridden warzone 99% of the time how well you are able to defend yourself is not going to be an issue.
PS - its not a fight if only one person is doing the beating,,,, thats called an attack :-) An attacking someone is never fun. You at least want to know you won fair and square right?
yadda yadda,,, another male ego wounded by the thought of a woman actually being able to do something a man can, like fight.
(and I am not saying much here, so if anyone ASSUMES anything by this post, then they are making as ass out of themselves, not me. You know the old saying "assuming makes an ass out of u and me... ) | |
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| CAN A woman TEACH A boy how to be a MAN!
Posted: 2/22/2009 4:38:05 PM | | You know the more things change the more they stay the same - why do people think that gender matters ... I was married - had 2 kids with him.... asked him to leave when my son was 10 and my daughter 7. He dropped out of their lives cause he wasn't much of a father when he was there and he was no father after that at all ... the lack of financial assistance well that doesn't even factor in... This should not be about money. I was not wealthy - I worked as a secretary - and we barely made ends meet ... but let me tell you my son who is now 26 is a very good man. He's married to a nice woman, he has a great career, they are planning a family one day.... So did I teach him to be a man - well I hope so, at least a bit - but I also made sure that I surrounded myself with strong role models for him - uncles, friends - I made sure that he understood that stereotyping is wrong - I enrolled him in soccer, was a beaver leader then a cub leader, learned how to camp, and whatever else was needed. I never trashed his father, I always made sure they understood it wasn't their fault that he was not a part of their lives. Was it easy.. no, never.... I made sacrifices, I took the hard road somedays..... I know a good man who raised his 2 boys cause his wife was killed when they were 3 and 6 months - he learned to mend pants, cook, do first aid, hold them when they were sick... They are now 19 and 16 - they're good boys/men - and they never had the influence of a mother - but they had role models, just like my kids.... so lets move on - forget about who should raise who and what gender ...... lets just raise them right... | |
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Zain.
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Joined: 9/20/2005
Msg: 337 | |
| CAN A woman TEACH A boy how to be a MAN!
Posted: 2/22/2009 4:44:02 PM | "Once again, you are assuming things. Maybe I just kick the guys asses that you refer to here:"
lol oh no, I better hand over my lunch money! oh please, if I bragged that I beat a woman up I'd be flammed to high heaven.
PS - its not a fight if only one person is doing the beating,,,, thats called an attack :-) An attacking someone is never fun. You at least want to know you won fair and square right?"
nope, Anyone who believes in fighting fair or honorably when they are in danger is a fool, It's called survival. On the street there are no rules.
"yadda yadda,,, another male ego wounded by the thought of a woman actually being able to do something a man can, like fight."
I never said women couldn't fight, however whenever I hear of women bragging that they beat a guy up 90% of the time it's because the guy never fought back.
this thread is in danger of being hijacked, back to your regular scheduled programming. | |
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| A woman/MOTHER! CAN HELP TEACH A boy how to be a MAN!
Posted: 2/22/2009 5:58:15 PM | If a woman is strong, capable, and succesful, yes she can teach a boy to be a man.
My mother in law was a single mother of 4 boys, and raised a police officer, county judge, doctor, and DoD police sargeant, i think she did well. And her one girl is a superwoman of a mom and wife.
I dont see any reason why i cant raise my boy to be a man, he has the same opportunity in life as any other kid from a 2 parent home does, he has a loving home, a loving family that all adore him, a great support network set up at his head start program, his college education and first home will be paid for, he has everything he wants and needs. I dont see a problem. | |
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| CAN A woman TEACH A boy how to be a MAN!
Posted: 2/22/2009 6:55:14 PM |
lol oh no, I better hand over my lunch money! oh please, if I bragged that I beat a woman up I'd be flammed to high heaven.
I never said women couldn't fight, however whenever I hear of women bragging that they beat a guy up 90% of the time it's because the guy never fought back.
I'm not sure where you learned your English but seriously, I never even said I fought a man. You wouldn't know if I fought a man before if your life depended on it. You dont know if I was raised with brothers or uncles, if they taught me to fight, or if I just happen to be a black belt in karate after training for 11 years. You dont know anything about me, so for you to put words in my mouth is really silly.
When you hear a woman bragging? So, let me guess, you were referring to the women outside of this thread that sometimes say that stuff? Because I know I never said I fought a man.
I said I could kick a guys ass if I had to. And that I am teaching my kids that its okay to defend yourself and kick someones ass too if need be.
nope, Anyone who believes in fighting fair or honorably when they are in danger is a fool, It's called survival. On the street there are no rules.
Okay, so back to the original idea here, you said that being able to fight doesn't define a man. But being able to defend yourself does then? So, then, as mothers, we should be teaching our boys how to be physical, either way you look at it. Then we agree. Awesome! | |
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| A woman/MOTHER! CAN HELP TEACH A boy how to be a MAN!
Posted: 2/22/2009 7:12:50 PM |
HAve you ever had to be home with ur children all damn day? lol maintaining a whole house,cleaning, feeding, playing, teaching, laundering and cleaning more as well as maintaining the financial paperwork.(indentured servanting) God forbid the child is sick? stay up half the night and do it all over again the next day?
You asked if I knew what it was like? So I answered. So now you say I am whining?
Yeah & uhh Zeig Heil to you fascist freak...
LOL...says volumes in respect to character or lack of character when you need to resort to petty name calling. | |
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| CAN A woman TEACH A boy how to be a MAN!
Posted: 2/22/2009 8:56:43 PM | I said I could kick a guys ass if I had to.
No...
You think you can kick a guys ass... Look, play fighting, and even a smack to the head or a kick to the balls, or something similar is one thing....
A real fight is usually 30-60 seconds of sheer fcuking violence, blood spraying, eyes gouged, lips torn, teeth shattered and maybe a broken wrist..., your arm won't work anymore because he shattered your collar bone.... your kneecap hanging loose from the ripped cartilege with screaming, mind numbing pain, and you realise you lost, before you knew the fight had started....
Martial arts are a great idea...Although, ideally you're the only one in the fight who has the training.... and the other person isn't capable of a similar or greater level of ability.... | |
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| CAN A woman TEACH A boy how to be a MAN!
Posted: 2/22/2009 9:28:31 PM | m_church, I don't know where YOU live, but as someone that's picked many a guy up off the streets after a "real fight" I've yet to see it last through more than a broken jaw, a broken nose or some broken ribs.....that is of course unless the stupid stuff comes out (ie switchblades) than you're dealing with something else altogether.
The kind of thing you're describing is something I would akin more to a gang assault, not a regular guy on guy fight outside the clubs or at a house party gone wrong (where in my experience, most of them seem to take place.) The minute the first one drops, it's usually over.
Why in the world is this thread being hijacked anyhow? It started out as a half decent debate that turned into an argument over male vs. female violence. | |
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| CAN A woman TEACH A boy how to be a MAN!
Posted: 2/22/2009 9:29:06 PM |
No...
You think you can kick a guys ass... Look, play fighting, and even a smack to the head or a kick to the balls, or something similar is one thing....
Okay tuff guy, if you say so. Its so nice to have people on here that know me so well.
Hugs and Kisses,,,, Good Night.
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| CAN A woman TEACH A boy how to be a MAN!
Posted: 2/22/2009 10:18:11 PM | m_church, I don't know where YOU live,
It started out as a half decent debate that turned into an argument over male vs. female violence
I'm sorry... I was just trying to illustrate the different perception of a man and a woman in that regard.... BTW, Grew up in Scarborough (part of toronto - in case you were unaware....)
Hugs and Kisses,,,, Good Night.
Well, it's not all bad.... at least I got nitey-nite hug/kisses.... Thank you.....
G'night to you too ! | |
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| CAN A woman TEACH A boy how to be a MAN!
Posted: 2/22/2009 10:53:37 PM | | oooooo this is a hot one. yes, a MOTHER can teach a boy to be a man. I believe that fathers are very important. My son's BIOLOGICAL CONTRIBUTOR knows nothing of being a man, so no, I don't want his influence near my son. As his mother, I can provide role models. I can take him to sporting events. I have scuffed knees already from crawling around w/ him. I can teach him how to be a BETTER man than most men. Most of the 'men' I know are indeed boys, and I am trying to raise a different kind of man. Decent, kind, generous, honest, loving... but still athletic, smart, tough, and yes MANLY. So there. : P | |
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| CAN A woman TEACH A boy how to be a MAN!
Posted: 2/23/2009 6:28:50 AM | Boys don't need to be TAUGHT to be a man. They are young men in the making, putting them into sports or activities and sending them to school will pretty much do the trick. As young kids, they play with whatever they want... whatever you give them... whether it be toy guns, trains, tractors, blocks, etc. As they grow up, they latch onto thier peers more than you may think. If "Tommy" is doing something (fishing, soccer, video games), then they want to do it. There's no handbook to raise a boy, as life goes on, they adapt to thier surroundings.
As for fighting and all that other crap... my brothers were never taught to "fight", it's not something that boys need to know how to do unless you want them to get themselves into trouble. Kids (boys and girls) can get themselves into enough trouble with thier parents "help" in the fighting department.
Boys don't need a father around to become men (although it would be nice). I'm sure most single moms (without the dad in the picture) have male friends or relatives or influences at school who the boy can interact with. A day out fishing with uncle so-and-so, going to a sports game with grandpa or being coached at school by a male teacher... it's all positive male influence that can occur without the dad in the picture. Not to mention, being out with a male doing " guy stuff" doesn't make a boy a man.
The same goes with men raising a daughter, they don't need a female in thier lives in order for that girl to be raised to become a woman... she's going to be one no matter what. With friends in school and peers in the workplace, she'll get along just fine.
I'm not advocating that boys and girls are better not having the other parent around, I think that both parents in the picture are the best thing for the kids, however, if that can't be the case, the kids will do just fine with the parent they have. | |
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| CAN A woman TEACH A boy how to be a MAN!
Posted: 2/23/2009 7:14:36 AM | This thread has gone in a few different directions so the last 3 pages are a blur to me but all good because it's a good topic and some good arguments have been going on. This may be long cause it's 3 pages of catching up.
I have no doubt that a women can teach a boy how to be a man and some probably better then some men.
Many of the statement made by rock and teal echo the same statement I made above but I notice even though they said that some responses by others take it as a personal attack or feel they have to defend themselves. There is no need to defend yourself if you are one of those mothers that is doing everything they can for their son and realize your limitations and as MzSomebody had pointed on one of her responses:
I am very mindful of how it effects my son,he has male teachers/aides at his Day school. As well as ,he has lil' male friends! I have friends with spouses or bfs and
I have a couple good STRICTLY FRIEND, males..that he doesn't see much,but he does see them.
I keep my self educated on this very subject. I am careful to discipline without emasculating my son.
And I applaud those women that do. If the statements made offended you then it is YOU that is putting yourself in the other category. I can see by your take on things and your responses from most of you that you are doing so and are great mothers.
There was another post, again I don't remember by who, that said something about women having children when they are not financially ready or with the wrong guy (unless I interpret it wrong). I think that is ridiculous. Some women and men feel they found the one, their soul mate and they may feel they can handle having a child or just wasn't careful enough. Then for whatever reason one or the other has a change of heart and things don't work out as most of us have gone through. I'm sure there are many one night stand babies and some from a wild night. Maybe it wasn't your intention to come off as you were generalizing it but what I took from it was that it is the fault of the women to have a baby and the father absent and to get help from other places to survive. If that is what you were saying then it is just plain ignorance.
I never had to get government assistance but I don't have a problem with anyone that has to as long as they are doing something to improve their situation and not be dependent on it for the rest of their life. A good parent wouldn't and I'm sorry if that statement offends anyone but what kind of example do you teach your kids if you can't fight through a bad situation and improve your situation to stand on your own. It doesn't matter whether you have sons or daughters they need to learn to stand on their own and not be dependent on handouts. They need to learn that when things get tough and they fall not to crawl up in a corner and give up, they need to dust off their pants and get back on the horse. One cannot teach their kids to reach for the star when the example they show is letting others do for them. | |
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| CAN A woman TEACH A boy how to be a MAN!
Posted: 2/23/2009 7:37:04 AM |
Boys don't need to be TAUGHT to be a man.
The same goes with men raising a daughter, they don't need a female in thier lives in order for that girl to be raised to become a woman
Totally disagree. Your boys are taught to be men buy Men by uncle so and so. They HAVE to have male role model be a father, uncle or another male. There are things boys and girls go through that they don't understand that they need advise or direction from someone. Whether you want to admit or not there are just some things your boys (even if you have great communication with your boys) will not dare ask mommy about as their are some things my daughters would not be comfortable talking to me about.
As a single father of 3 daughters the LAST place I want my daughters getting advise from is their friends at school. Some of them are boy happy and not even prepared themselves to be giving advise to my daughter. If I have to wait till they are old enough to ask peers in the work place then I didn't prepare them for the real world. That is just ridicules.
Example, when my daughter first got her cycle I was able to explain why they get it and that it was normal but other getting them pads I didn't have the first clue about what a women needs to do to stay fresh, when to expect the frequency except for one week a month. I can't see my daughter going to a friend and saying, "Hey so and so, when my cycle comes it smells terrible what do you do about it". I had a female 'role model' my sisters talk with them. Not some stranger.
And sorry boys and even girls have to learn to stand up for themselves and sometime it takes them getting in trouble to learn that. You can tell when someone was not taught how to defend them self or stand up for what they believe because they can't look you in the eyes when you speak to them or they shake your hand like a dead fish. In business and many things people are taught to look for these signs because they are the suckers (the one they can take advantage of). | |
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| CAN A woman TEACH A boy how to be a MAN!
Posted: 2/23/2009 11:00:43 AM | Yes it was a complement and by no means was it a back hand one. I was using the scenario of the cycle as an example, if I didn't have my sisters or they didn't want me to tell them I would of gotten the information. They were more comfortable speaking to my sisters about it then me. We are very close and we talk about almost anything but they were hesitant and embarrassed to talk about it with me. I understand and don't take it personally when they want to talk or ask my sisters instead of me. What if it was about sex, I wouldn't want them to go to their 13 year old friend for advise.
I agree there are better ways to teach conflict but when you are talking about dealing with bullies it is a bit different. A bully will usually pick on the timid. Sure you can have them tell the teacher or have a talk with their parents but more times then not it only causes the bully and others to pick on them more because there is really no consequence. I always told my daughters to stand their ground, look them in the eyes and speak their mind. If the other laid a hand on them to aim for the bridge of the nose. It never gotten that far because when they didn't show fear the bully backed off. My oldest was the only one that found herself in such a situation but because she didn't shy away it ended with a few more name calling and they went their separate ways and never happened again.
When I told my daughter to aim for the bridge of the nose she told me, "Dad, she's bigger than me". I told her it didn't matter even if she loses the fight. All it takes is one good shot that they will remember the next time they try to pick a fight with you. Then when her sister looked at me surprised I told her don't be surprised and don't let me hear that your sister got in a fight and you stood their watching, you better jump in. If everyone sees that if they mess with one they have to deal with both of you they will not be so willing to pick on you. This happened with my oldest was in 5th grade and the middle was in 4th they are now a Senior and Junior in high school and never had to fight and are well liked. | |
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