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 celts123
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 26
Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I think it's understandable to be a little bit nervous anytime you are entering a new situation. Whether it's a first date or a new job.
 panthers89rk
Joined: 8/30/2006
Msg: 27
Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 4/24/2009 3:21:50 PM
I like my date to be a little nervous but not so much that they spas out and talk 90 miles an hour. It helps to do something that they like and feel comfortable doing. When a woman shows some nervousness its a sign to me that she is normal because being nervous for 1st date is normal. If she isn't nervous then I would figure she goes on a lot of dates and is either too picky or just out for a free meal. LOL You can modify the date to reduce some of the anxiety by doing something you both like that way all the focus does not have to be centered on the both of you.
 wodever
Joined: 2/7/2009
Msg: 28
Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 4/24/2009 3:30:36 PM
gosh i love coming here and really seeing why it is i feel different from others..... because i am

I dont feel nervous I truely do feel like every chance to meet someone new is an adventure that is something to be fully in and experience. I am thrilled when someone speaks to me about what drives them what their passions are and I am charmed by those who initially find me someone to be nervous of.... I am never nervous, I can say I am excited I am thrilled each time a new oportunity pops up.... but reading this thread has put a bit of a mark on that (mind you not enough for me to change who i am maybe just be more alert to how its being perceved).

I feel in control of many many things in my life and acceptance of the fact that not everyone will like me was a freeing point in my life that I am not about to back track on and rethink... not everyone will like me... as a result a LOT of inhabitions are gone a lot of holding myself back from things that look fun but look a bit scary about jumping into life with both feet..... IT just doesnt happen anymore

~meh! I like me what is there to lose? :)
 ooobaby77
Joined: 8/20/2007
Msg: 29
Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 4/24/2009 3:34:06 PM
Good Lord, I just thought it was natural to be nervous on a first date...but I guess it depends on how nervous you are I suppose. I mean if the guy started shaking and stuttering and didn't look me in the eyes while talking type of nervous that lasted the WHOLE time then yea I could see that being annoying and questionable....
But if it's just your typical 'O man I was nervous, but happy and cool now that we're getting along' nervous then nothing wrong with that...
But if a person is just turned off by anyone being nervous well then I'd do one of two things check for a heart beat or say phuk that and run...cuz it aint normal man to not be.....lmao
 Cogie36
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 30
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Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 4/24/2009 3:34:30 PM
There is nothing wrong with someone being a little nervous.......personally I dont get nervous but its because of the business i've been in since I was a teenager.....I had to learn real fast that you cant be shy .....if someone thinks its a turn off.......well then they are not the person for you.....good luck!!!
 MissNoWhere
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 31
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Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 4/24/2009 3:50:21 PM

Why is being nervous on a first date a turn off? It seems like it would be kind of sweet and charming to the other person, knowing that the nervous person is atleast genuine and authentic...


The last date I had he was super nervous. Talked constantly, while I listened. He admitted he was really nervous, had to get a pep talk from his Dad (lol) and was afraid of making a bad impression. I told him I had jitters as well (yes, I was identifying with him). We've ended up pretty good friends and other than the toast in my eye I had a great time meeting a new friend.
 giants84
Joined: 12/10/2008
Msg: 32
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Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 4/24/2009 4:43:49 PM
If you're not nervous you're not human.
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 33
Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 4/24/2009 4:47:38 PM
Yes you are wrong;

I think in todays internet culture, people are terrible communicators and they have problems dealing with people away from a computer screen or cell phone texting.

No; I'm not nervous and many others aren't either; I know who I am, I'm confident in public, and I'm not nervous at all; it's exciting and you wonder but it's a new experience and it's fun. The worst that can happen is to have given an evening to someone but I'm sure you will live.
 artist_48
Joined: 1/27/2009
Msg: 34
Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 4/24/2009 4:59:32 PM
agree with post 2- i find it endearing, to a point.
if it's just a little nerves that give you a feeling like you have butterfiles, so to speak; but if you are so nervouse that you are repeatedly spillling the wine and can't put two words together, that's a different story. but i would still find it charmingly inept.
it's like you're making the effort to bring your best game.
 booknut1
Joined: 6/10/2007
Msg: 35
Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 4/24/2009 8:05:32 PM
I don't find a little bit of the jitters a bad thing, but I would hope that after 10 or 15 minutes, the person would relax a little. I went on a date once where the guy was a nervous wreck the entire time and he made me uncomfortable because of it. He had invited me out to dinner and couldn't even eat his food. So I sat there eating my dinner and he sat there drinking beers. I found that to be a big turn off.
 luv_n_theory
Joined: 4/15/2009
Msg: 36
Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 4/24/2009 8:24:02 PM
Three years ago when I was dating often I was very confident and had many stories to tell of the odd dates I had been on. But LORD don't ask me the details of what actually happened during my last and only meeting with a guy from POF. It is just too embarrassing but I will say I was pure mucky muck and down right stupid. For some reason this guy got under my skin like nobody has ever affected me.
Being the recipient of such behavior I probably wouldn't ask to see me again....this comes from much after thought being both aghast at my behavior and finding it almost laughable.

But Hey! It had been a long time since I was in the company of a stranger so I forgive myself and have moved on... sorta.

I am now dating off site and hanging out here in the forums learning as much as I can before I actually step back into POF dating. There are some handsome men with great profiles who have contacted me but I am not about to make a fool of myself again.

Unless someone does not mind going out with a distressed damsel....lol
 moonshines
Joined: 3/24/2009
Msg: 37
Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 4/24/2009 8:26:30 PM
Hell I'm a guy, if she was nervous I'd find it quit and old fashioned yea, I know though many would consider it just a sign you don't date enough and have no idea who you want, so they'd toss you out :| It's a personal preference but the older ways are being lost in new ones : cries :
 Zuglo
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 38
Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 4/25/2009 2:57:11 PM
That's why it's a good idea to take your Mom with you..She can talk you through it.
Or do something that takes your nervousness away..
Not recommending showing up drunk tho..
 GoneSailinBabe
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 39
Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 4/25/2009 3:10:49 PM
I think being nervous is charming. Who says it isn't?

Although by the time I go on a first date I rarely feel nervous, except about things like what to wear - look sexy or don't...what do I do with my hair? Kiss good bye or don't...

 bbbadgggirl
Joined: 1/28/2008
Msg: 40
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Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 4/25/2009 4:23:12 PM
If a man is nervous on a date with me, it tells me that our date really matters to him. I like that. There is a lot at risk on a first date... so much anticipation for a positive outcome, and yet the success of the date is at least 50% out of your control. What is NOT to be nervous about?

I am very much a people-person and am calm/comfortable in most social situations, so often my nerves are not visible to the person I am with. I hope that would not be interpreted as being a "serial dater" or "uninterested" - some people are just more outgoing than others. That said, if my date were so nervous that he could not speak or hold his fork steady I would be a bit concerned, as that might be an indication that we are socially incompatable.

I would like to think that if we were getting along very well, and that there was chemistry between us, that any nerves either one of were feeling would subside early on in our interactions... until it was time for that first kiss :)
 Janet4ever
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 41
Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 4/25/2009 4:56:34 PM
I think people get nervous because they are concerned how the other person will view them... but really shouldn't our focus be on finding out about "them"? That shouldn't make you feel nervous at all. It's not a job interview and you don't even know if you want this new person to like you yet.

So in a way I can see why "obvious nervousness" might be a turnoff.
 archenemy1
Joined: 2/1/2007
Msg: 42
Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 4/25/2009 5:04:02 PM
I to am nerves when going on a date its like being a kid again in some ways going back to before you where married.
Because it is a new life for us all and if some one isn’t nerves then I think they could be a cold person as it is having the respect for that person and caring enough to want it to work but we are never our selves ether on the first date it does not mater how much we try there is all ways a peacock effect in us all to wanting that person to like you for it shows on here as well trying to put your true self through media never works as we never really know how selves or in how people perceive you.
 NastyJerk
Joined: 4/18/2009
Msg: 43
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Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 4/26/2009 6:57:41 AM
OP: It depends on what one interprets as being nervous. For example, if she refuses to say more than two words in response to any question, that is a turn-off, but I will give her a second try to see if things go better. I would not rely on physical signs. For example, lots of people think I am nervous when I am not; I have a spinal cord injury that makes my hands shake a little, but I don't talk about this on a first date.
 monalee1
Joined: 10/22/2007
Msg: 44
Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 4/26/2009 7:51:04 AM
hi... no matter what, it boils down to the bottom line.... be it about personality, habits or attributes, people are matched and ment for each other when they like almost everything about each other... being nervous is not right or wrong, it just is.... blessings for happiness, warmly Mona
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 45
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Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 4/26/2009 9:03:42 AM
I know whatcha mean. I always go through little panic attacks before meeting someone for the first time. A somewhat lengthy telephone conversation prior always helps-!

I think it's a turn-off for a woman, because she expects you to be THE MAN and have all the answers, at least set a tone of comfort, because you know SHE'S nervous too!

The telephone call prior helps both of us relax, and kinda helps us feel out what the other's "tone" is, which, chances are, matches our own.
 wild heart
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 46
Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 4/26/2009 9:44:00 AM
I think it's a turn-off for a woman, because she expects you to be THE MAN and have all the answers, at least set a tone of comfort, because you know SHE'S nervous too!


AH HA!

And who put this idea in her head? Her parents, media, society etc. This relates back to many male/female interactions and is why we do the things we do.

Most of us realize that people will be a tad nervous, but a really nervous person would not mesh well with me anyway, so regardless I'd be turned off by his personality in the end anyway.

Someone with an overly cocky confident look at it might concern me.
 crystalise
Joined: 6/11/2005
Msg: 47
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Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 4/26/2009 9:59:24 AM
Its only human to be nervous on a first date. Its not a turn off to me. Its kinda flattering tom e that I make someone nervous, in a nice way, and me being nervous is a kind of excitment. Isnt it what the butterflies are all about. As others have said there are varying degrees, but some nerves are totally ok. It's part of getting to know someone...
 bob2013
Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 48
Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 4/26/2009 10:16:56 AM
Returning to this thread again I read all the responses, I think there is some confusion.

Being excited at the prospect of meeting someone new or wanting the experiemce to be all it can, is not the same as nervous. We all have both anticipation and expectations of a first meet. So a little first date jitters is probably in order for most.

Another part of this is what we do, who we are and our response to things. One of the phobia's many people share is public speaking. A first date is akin to this. Maybe even a little worse because it is so personal, you like them(you think) and want them to like you. Being comfortable in your own skin helps, if your in sales, or a teacher, even a fireman who gives talks to schools about fire safety, gives you an edge in not feeling that crazy about meeting new people.

Remember, they wanted to meet you as much as you wanted to meet them. Take some deep breathes, think positively going into the date, think about all you have to offer, your positive traits. Think about what they like about you. When you meet focus on making them feel comfortable with you. It will turn out great!!

Now the OTHER nervousness, is the problem, people trying to lie to you, will be nervous at the first meet, they THINK they've got you snowed but won't know until it's over. Also some with phobia's, they're entitled to date, just like the rest of us. It may be too much for you as an individual to deal with. That's a personal decision for you.

Just some thoughts for all, Bob,
 2Live4TX
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 49
Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 4/26/2009 10:33:05 AM
BD-Jinx:
kryptonite of perfumes (for me at least)...of which I won't reveal here lol[/quote} -- I hear you bro -- Hypnose -- by Lancombe, infiltrates my Fortress-of-Solitude -- Hot Couture , by Givenchy is another good one -- and Cashmere, by Donna Karan -- Oh Yeah!
 longlocks40
Joined: 2/5/2007
Msg: 50
Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 6/27/2009 9:08:13 PM
Rarely, I am nervous on the 1st date. Guys ask me if I am nervous and I say no. I had lots of guys in the past who were nervous on the 1st date. I start talking about professional sporting events I attened when I lived in washington, D.C. or cars or somethning masuline. Then they are almed down.
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