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| Do fathers have any rights in Family Court?
Posted: 5/5/2009 6:06:03 PM | because i didn't apply for custody right away I basically have no rights. I have a good job here and available child care. I would move closer but theres no work. Had I applied for custody they would have been ordered back till an arrangement had been made. She's a good mother, but I'm a good father too.~dgbne~
^^^Hate to point out the obvious...but perhaps you should have had an immediate reaction to your girlfriend's decision to not return home with your child?..I am wondering why your reaction now wasn't the same one you had when you first found out your son wasn't coming home?
I think that men who don't have a delayed reaction to getting a fair custody arrangement and child support agreement deserve the respect of the courts and in large part do get that acknowledgement from the system.
Having a delayed reaction tends to give pause to people making the decisions. | |
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| Do fathers have any rights in Family Court?
Posted: 5/5/2009 6:10:07 PM | | lizbeth, you make a very good point. Sometimes I think parents are ok with the situation until they find out how much support they will need to pay and then panic and say "Hey, I want more access...how about joint physical so I don't have to pay as much support"....*sigh* | |
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| Do fathers have any rights in Family Court?
Posted: 5/6/2009 7:51:45 PM | You have all kinds of rights. Get a lawyer! The 80's are over and if you are a good father who has done his fair share of parent duty the courts will give you joint custody. If you can provide a stable enviroment you will be good to go.
Do not think that just because she is the mother you will get bent over in the old 80's cliche everyother weekend crap. Them days are over.
GET A GOOD LAWYER. | |
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| Do fathers have any rights in Family Court?
Posted: 5/6/2009 9:10:37 PM |
lizbeth, you make a very good point. Sometimes I think parents are ok with the situation until they find out how much support they will need to pay and then panic and say "Hey, I want more access...how about joint physical so I don't have to pay as much support"....*sigh*
Also grouped in are parents who have been told by lawyers the futility of fighting the mother for custody....
yet equally is the suggestion that woman are often...and womans groups are amazingly silent about joint shared custody as some woman realize the loss of child support when they share or co-parent their children instead of falling into the role of primary parent and having the non custodial coming around every other weekend.
So yes I will agree that more than a few fathers decide they will look at joint custody because it means less cs.....and will you then agree that many woman will not accept this because of the potential loss of child support? I suggest it goes both ways. | |
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| Do fathers have any rights in Family Court?
Posted: 5/6/2009 11:09:50 PM | | i have two small children my three year old son, who is not biologically mine, and an 11 month old girl. now my ex is a bit crazy, locked up crazy, and she keeps using the children as a weapon i try to hold my tongue because she could take my son and nothing i can really do about it but i want to fight her for my daughter i just couldn't leave my son behind if i got custody of her any advice. oh yeah and i have lots of evidence of the hospitializations and arrests. | |
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| Do fathers have any rights in Family Court?
Posted: 5/7/2009 1:27:10 AM | dqbne:
Have you talked to Family Justice? They are a no-cost mediation option that can aid in the custody process. Plus if she refuses this you can use that evidence as to her willingness to act on behalf of the Child's Best Interest.
I could be wrong but I believe you can also go to legal aid because you would be dealing with family court issues. You may not get the whole deal free but a percentage off... something to try at least.
There is also a hearing which can take place that involves a judge, court reporter,(types proceedings) yourself and the other parent before going to Court, ( you can bring lawyers of your own as well) that in my opinion is really the best option. Everyone sits at a large conference table and hashes out what is needed in the best interest of the child in front of a judge.
Keep your receipts. Set up with Family maintenance that you are sending payments through them, they will have a clear record of all payments made. Photo ALbums and the like. There are judges that assume men are not nurturers - quite frankly up until the last 15 years most men were not expected to be and were fine with that - Recently I have heard that more men are successful in custody hearings than before.
I'll probably get flamed but I don't think your situation is a lost cause. As long as there wasn't any abuse to be proven.
State your concerns. Obviously she could be a flight risk. If she hasn't charged you with assault or w.h.y. this needs to be raised.
I wouldn't give up on your possibilities or your situation .
Shiraz21 | |
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| Do fathers have any rights in Family Court?
Posted: 5/7/2009 5:32:00 AM |
There are judges that assume men are not nurturers - quite frankly up until the last 15 years most men were not expected to be and were fine with that - Recently I have heard that more men are successful in custody hearings than before.
They were not married so he is very much behind the 8 ball.
But in the last 15yrs....what laws have actually changed?
Judges are not there to make new laws. They are there to uphold existing laws based on what has be written by Parliament. They also follow existing case law so how are judges able to create new decisions or follow a new path as you seem to suggest?
Unless a father can prove the mother unfit he will have little opportunities in the court system. But please prove me wrong. The case would be interesting reading! | |
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| Do fathers have any rights in Family Court?
Posted: 5/7/2009 6:43:57 AM | Fathers CAN be nurturers as well as mothers. A loving parent should never be relegated to every other weekend status.
When my husband was alive, i always said he loved the kids as much as if he had given birth to them himself. He even changed crappy pampers without a second thought!
Had we ever split or divorced i would have wanted us to have the kids equally.
The mother shouldnt have to be unfit for the father to have joint custody, it is not as if you are trying to take the from her.
If it means less child support for her, look at it this way, when the kids are with you she has more time to work, thus not losing income.
Tell the courts you are just as much a loving parent and nurturing caretaker as a mom is. | |
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| Do fathers have any rights in Family Court?
Posted: 5/7/2009 9:29:13 PM | Also grouped in are parents who have been told by lawyers the futility of fighting the mother for custody....
yet equally is the suggestion that woman are often...and womans groups are amazingly silent about joint shared custody as some woman realize the loss of child support when they share or co-parent their children instead of falling into the role of primary parent and having the non custodial coming around every other weekend.
So yes I will agree that more than a few fathers decide they will look at joint custody because it means less cs.....and will you then agree that many woman will not accept this because of the potential loss of child support? I suggest it goes both ways ~Tealwood~
^^^^Sorry, don't buy that logic, it is an arguement that is flawed with the regrets of a parent backpeddaling an arguement for fairness after the fact because of a regrettable finacial penalty.
IMO, when men who petition the courts for equal access take the finacial aspect and/or threat out of the equation, they will be successful at both gaining equal access and will eventually only end up paying their porportionate share towards childsupport.
A single mother trying to suceed in the job market does not profit from the responsibilities that a primary parent has because of the child support that is paid to her. I agree that many women will not concede to an arrangement of shared custody that is 50/50..especially after it is almost always something men contest after they have left the kids behind instead of contesting the issue of custody from day one.
So it does not go both ways....there are no time-outs in parenting...your in and dedicated...or your gonna pay the price for taking a time-out! | |
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| Do fathers have any rights in Family Court?
Posted: 5/7/2009 9:56:21 PM | | Fathers have rights. There are many support sites on the web that will help you through this time and a lot of good advice can be gained. I fully support fathers sharing custody. As for the child support, most men I've known would gladly continue to pay support to the mom even if they had full custody. I don't know of any man who has ever asked for shared custody to get out of paying support. On the other hand, I've heard plenty of office discussions on how to manipulate the fathers and courts to get the most money for the women. I know several custodial mothers who dump their kids on her relatives or friends while she parties and collects support. I know one woman who managed to get a large portion of her exes income, rendering him nearly homeless, then she used that against him to keep him from seeing the kids. This sort of thing does the kids no favors and I find it incredibly reprehensible. Dads, make it a point to become very familiar with the system and be prepared for the nasty tricks then fight for your kids. They need you and their mother not one or the other! | |
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| Do fathers have any rights in Family Court?
Posted: 5/7/2009 10:39:29 PM | | I'm a mom in the same boat as you. I was told cause it was common law he had the rights. I worried about him for yrs cause the living conditions weren't all that great. | |
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| Do fathers have any rights in Family Court?
Posted: 5/7/2009 11:51:36 PM | I was told by my lawyer that at the time which was 1990, that due to the fact my child was still considered to have been born out of wedlock- a common law relationship that neither parent had true legal custody. Go figure. I don't know if that has changed.
Plus if parents choose to co-parent (joint custody) if one parent is the primary residence and is making far less in wages the other parent is still required to pay support. If the residence is equal the support payments can be lessened as long as the child would not suffer.
ie) child lives the one parent 75% and is in receipt of 250 support.
Child is co-parented and support is allocated based on cost and wage offset between parents - support may still be required to be paid. Parents both would pay 250 if equal in earnings but the percentage difference between earnings is the percentage knocked off the support and difference given to the parent with less. One would pay 700 based on earnings, the other would pay 300 based on earnings the difference still paid to the less of the two earners. So if the going consensus is that men are trying to get out of paying support based on co-parenting that may backfire. This is non-gender biased. Quite fair.
Now off to that case law...
Keep your stick on the ice.
Shiraz21
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| Do fathers have any rights in Family Court?
Posted: 5/8/2009 1:54:14 AM | Going through a MESSY seperation. the relationship SHE made ll the rules nd continues to do so. She kicked me out and wouldn't let me see my kids until i started be assertive. Claims to have talked to a lawyer and demands $1500.00 for child support month. She has sole custody and unless I pay, I don't get to see my kids.
She furthermore states I have no legal right to them as my last name is not on the birth certificates.
Anybody have any recoarse I could follow, please drop me a line. | |
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| Do fathers have any rights in Family Court?
Posted: 5/8/2009 2:57:37 AM | I agree with Lizbeth2 that you have to act immediately. My ex just left one day with my girls, within 24 hours I had the courts ordering the children be returned to their home and me. Only because I took immediate action did this take place. If you wait, the court assumes that it was not a matter you truly were concerned about. (probably a fair assumption if you don't act immediately)
Fathers do have the same rights as mothers but the courts tend to be more favourable to the children staying with mother (especially if you don't act right away) but in most cases, in reality, a 50/50 custody arrangement is actually what would be best for the children but unfortunately, most times, it's not what is best for the children that is actually what one or both parents care about, because unless one is unfit, then it's a NO BRAINER!! CHILDREN NEED BOTH PARENTS EQUALLY. And for those of you that are about to say it's not right to be uprooting the children every week or two to go back and forth between homes, you are correct, the parents should be the ones moving back and forth, after all we're the idiots that created this situation! Get a second house/condo/apt with two bedrooms, a lock on each bedroom ( or if you can afford it you each get your own) either way, YOU move back and forth ... SIMPLE!! YOU made the commitment when they were born to love, care for and raise them, so clue in to the fact that you come SECOND to the children. But it would seem anger and money almost always clouds the minds of one or both parents. I have full custody of both my daughters but every day I encourage both my ex wife and my daughters to work on their relationship so hopefully, one day, a 50/50 type of situation can take place, because ultimately they need BOTH of us. So to all you angry, bitter, scorned and selfish MONEY HUNGRY parents out there, forget about your pride, stop factoring in the money ..... for the kids sake, suck it up, stop fighting and do what's BEST FOR THE CHILDREN!! Because if you can't do the mature thing you really shouldn't be a parent in the first place! It makes me sick how so many separating parents care more about the money or how badly THEY were done by or what their friends/family think. How about try caring about what the kids think/want/need. | |
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| Do fathers have any rights in Family Court?
Posted: 5/8/2009 11:26:41 AM | hey, u sound like a great dad , u have to get a good lawyer that tells u everything, my ex left me and my son 2 years ago and i tried everythig for him to take care of our son but he didnt care about that until i went to court to have custody cause when he decided to come spend time with my son which was barely he always told me i d never see my son again and all that bla bla bla so took him to court and he never showed up for that day, now that the judge gave my son to me he s pissed but he should be pissed at himself for never being there
u have to fight for u r rights because a kid always need both of his parents and i have known guys that actually won their custondy battle and have full or 50/50 so keep it up and dont let it go | |
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| Do fathers have any rights in Family Court?
Posted: 5/8/2009 2:43:23 PM | | Yes fathers have right and a few of the post were correct there alot of fathers who dont even bother so you are doing the right thing. I have full custody of my older daughter and the only thing that i asked of her dad since he was never really there in the first place that he come see her in oregon because he lives in oklahoma and because i asked him to come to her home he refuses to see her..... dont give up on your son trust me its the most heart renching feeling hearing my daughter at 3 say mommy i really want a daddy..... or im going to my daddies today and i ask her where that is and all she can say is at your house mommy.... fathers have rights and i wish more fathers were like you and not so willing just to give up on there kids......... with my other daughter she sees her dad as often as he will take her for he lives about 20 miles away and can visit or have her come over whenever he wants i take her to his house most of the time but even he isnt to interested in having her for very long so a dad that would fight for his kids should never give up....... i really hope everything works out...... | |
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| Do fathers have any rights in Family Court?
Posted: 5/9/2009 5:59:36 AM | My situation was similar to yours with my older son. The problem is, when people are not married, courts don't seem to want to bother with custody issues.
More people are choosing not to get married, esp some professional women. I think courts shoould work in situations like this.
They want to let gays marry, but let children of unwed parents suffer like this. Whether or not people choose to wed I don't think is anyone's business. I would add though don't plan on having a child if you'll just be a welfare lifer. | |
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| Do fathers have any rights in Family Court?
Posted: 5/10/2009 9:49:18 AM | I think its good that ur tryin.. my child is nearly 3 an wen she was 2 weeks old my ex started goin with a new girl an a few weeks after that stoped seein his daughter cus his girlfriend was jelous... ever since they have both been hasslin and threatinin me which i dont c why seein as he was the one that walked out of his daughters life... he started spreadin rumours sayin i stoped him seein her then z that i didn no how owned my daughter..
Threw the years he has rang me and asked to see his little girl an wants back in her life an i say yeh but then him or his girlfriend text me sayin that he dosn want anything to do with his daughter which i find confusin... if he asks again im goin to say no cus i dont relly think its very fair on my daughter, do u think if he took me to court to see her he would have the right to c her?
I really dont want him in her live as he used to take drugs not that long ago an after all the trouble he has cosed me | |
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| Do fathers have any rights in Family Court?
Posted: 5/10/2009 11:03:36 AM | | a man im going thru the same thing in union county its hard ive been petitioning in the courts for almost two years i finally have a court date i dont have any advice for you because i need some myself. The main thing is you have rights and those cant be taken away i have unsupervised visitation and have never been charged with child abuse/neglect or anything hopefully the courts will apoint me a attorney or ill have to represent myself good luck | |
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| Do fathers have any rights in Family Court?
Posted: 5/10/2009 12:36:46 PM | | get a lawyer fast and not a cheap one i just finished up and i personally didnt even have to go to court just get a lawyer and start paying support right away or you will get slaped with back support and look like an ass to the judge if you do make it to court. | |
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