Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > humor  > Chuck Norris      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Ninjarella84
Joined: 4/4/2009
Msg: 26
Chuck NorrisPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Here are some Chuck Norris jokes I wrote out of boredom (sorry if they are not that good)


1. “Every time Chuck Norris says ‘I don’t believe in children’ there’s a little child somewhere that falls down dead; and no amount of clapping will bring them back.
2. Life may be like a box of chocolates, but Chuck Norris always knows what your gonna get.
3. Oh no, it wasn't the aeroplanes. It was Chuck Norris killed the Beast.
4. Chuck Norris lives life to the fullest…then he lives it some more.
5. Jesus is the only person who ever round house kicked Chuck Norris is the face; and we all know what happened to him.
6. A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down…A spoonful of Chuck Norris helps the population go down.
7. Darkness can not drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. Violence cannot drive out violence; only Chuck Norris can do that.
8. Mark Twain once said “clothes make the man” Obviously Mark has never met Chuck Norris.
9. Chuck Norris CAN handle the truth.
10. Chuck Norris would do any thing for love, especially that.
 DeptofDan
Joined: 12/11/2008
Msg: 27
Chuck Norris
Posted: 11/13/2009 8:09:38 AM
One time Chuck Norris was having sex in a Semi. A bit of his semen escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.

Chuck Norris once traveled back in time to stop the assasination of JFK. After deflecting the bullets with his beard, Kennedy's head exploded in sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris once came upon an injured sheep lamb death. He got down on his knees and nursed the creature back to life with his beard. A crowd on onlookers started to gather. Noticing this Chuck jumped to his feet and roundhouse kicked the lamb in the neck, intantly killing it. Only to prove the Good Chuck Norris can giveth, and the good Chuck Norris can takeith away.
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 28
Chuck Norris
Posted: 11/15/2009 3:47:54 PM
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fvcking Indian.
Chuck Norris is the only man who can slam a revolving door.
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling wheat that sometimes it needs to lie the fvck down.
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can speak Braille.
Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the fvck he wants.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 29
view profile
History
Chuck Norris
Posted: 11/15/2009 8:11:37 PM
Chuck Norris sleeps with a nightlight. He's not afraid of the dark. The dark is afraid of him.
 The Brain
Joined: 10/15/2009
Msg: 30
Chuck Norris
Posted: 11/18/2009 7:23:53 AM
"Chuck Norris was peeing and one of his drops of pee flew out and landed on a? truck. That truck is now known as optimus prime " True story.
 Natasah
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 31
Chuck Norris
Posted: 11/26/2009 5:22:58 AM
Crossword, 6 letters, To Destroy utterly
The answer "Norris" but thats the end of the crossword, as no other words will cross "Norris"
 globetrotterjas
Joined: 11/13/2009
Msg: 32
Chuck Norris
Posted: 11/27/2009 6:03:13 AM
Chuck Norris took some time off and visited the 'Virgin Islands'.

After his tour of duty was over, they changed the name to just 'The Islands'...
 1975Lee
Joined: 10/6/2009
Msg: 33
Chuck Norris
Posted: 11/29/2009 3:48:37 PM
In google type in "find chuck norris" then hit felling lucky
 Kyle1917
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 34
view profile
History
Chuck Norris
Posted: 12/1/2009 6:09:29 PM
Chuck Norris, Mr T and Arnold Swiez died in a plane crash they got to heavens door way and god asked them what there business is. Arnold replied "I want to be your right hand man". Mr T said "I wanna be your left hand man". Chuck Norris said "get the f**k out of my chair".
 Kyle1917
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 35
view profile
History
Chuck Norris
Posted: 12/1/2009 6:09:43 PM
Chuck Norris walks into a bar, and as he enters, notices a horse and the end of the bar with a sign on it. Out of curiosity, he approaches the bartender and asks what the deal is with the horse at the end of the bar.

The bartender tells him: "The sign says if you can make the horse laugh you'll win $50. Take note though that hundreds of people have tried and no-one has been able to do it."

"Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back."

So he walks to the end of the bar, whispers something into the horse's ear, and within seconds the horse is laughing hysterically.

"That's amazing," said the bartender. "Tell you what, if you can make him cry I'll double your winnings."

"Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back."

So Chuck walked again over to the horse, came back to the bartender 2 minutes later, and the horse was balling and sobbing like a baby.

"Well," replied Chuck Norris, "First I told him a had a bigger d*ck than he did. Then I showed him."
 Kyle1917
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 36
view profile
History
Chuck Norris
Posted: 12/1/2009 6:10:35 PM
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

Chuck Norris once played Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Chuck Norris once beat the sun at a staring contest.
 Doesnt care
Joined: 11/9/2009
Msg: 37
view profile
History
Chuck Norris
Posted: 12/2/2009 1:22:44 AM
is that how many he can put in his mouth at one time?
 kerrbear161
Joined: 11/30/2009
Msg: 38
Chuck Norris
Posted: 12/4/2009 6:47:50 AM
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter....

I have been waiting to post that one for like two days!! but had to wait the three day rule :P Oh well...

 ameche7
Joined: 1/27/2007
Msg: 39
Chuck Norris
Posted: 12/5/2009 5:25:23 PM
Chuck Norris has already found bin Laden.
 kevktb2009
Joined: 7/27/2009
Msg: 40
Chuck Norris
Posted: 12/7/2009 12:25:54 AM
Chuck Norris knows it's not butter
 Passing Knight
Joined: 10/16/2006
Msg: 41
view profile
History
Chuck Norris
Posted: 12/7/2009 4:13:52 PM
Chuck Norris refuses to acknowledge the colour pink: he instead calls it a light red / purple.

Chuck Norris farts rainbows.

The hair of Chuck Norris's beard can cut diamonds.

If Chuck Norris was on the bus hanging off the cliff at the end of The Italian Job, he would of just walked over and got the gold. Gravity knows better than to screw with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is probably your real father.

The nearest Chuck Norris ever came to death was the time he did a roundhouse kick so fast his foot went back in time and nearly took his own head off.

"Time waits for no man" Except Chuck Norris.

If Chuck Norris goes to the beach the tide goes out. The sea is afraid of Chuck Norris.
 Amelie75
Joined: 5/21/2009
Msg: 42
Chuck Norris
Posted: 12/8/2009 10:34:50 AM
This is my all time fave Chuck Norris....I almost peed while reading through the site!

Chuck Norris is the only man who can kick you in the BACK of your face.
 Passing Knight
Joined: 10/16/2006
Msg: 43
view profile
History
Chuck Norris
Posted: 12/8/2009 2:36:47 PM
There was once a Chuck Norris Road. That plan met with disaster and the road had to be re-named within a week. The problems were as follows:

1. No-one could cross the road, and live.

2. Every woman who walked, cycled, or drove on the road became mysteriously pregnant.

3. The road had to be built in a circle as no-one could put an end to Chuck Norris Road. No other roads could cross it either.

The town planners responsible for renaming the road were all dead within a week from roundhouse kick related incidents.
 Doesnt care
Joined: 11/9/2009
Msg: 44
view profile
History
Chuck Norris
Posted: 12/10/2009 7:30:38 PM
chuck norris is so gay, he was fired from a sperm bank, because he got caught drinking on the job.
 davidblaineshit
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 45
Chuck Norris
Posted: 12/11/2009 12:08:04 AM
so why does chuck norris sleep with the lights on? because the dark is afraid of him.
 iiiJEFFiii
Joined: 11/20/2008
Msg: 46
view profile
History
Chuck Norris
Posted: 12/11/2009 1:11:43 AM
- Chuck Norris is suing MySpace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
 iiiJEFFiii
Joined: 11/20/2008
Msg: 47
view profile
History
Chuck Norris
Posted: 12/11/2009 1:14:54 AM
- Jesus Christ can walk on water... but Chuck Norris can swim through land.
 txtumbleweed2000
Joined: 12/1/2009
Msg: 48
view profile
History
Chuck Norris
Posted: 12/11/2009 7:46:05 AM
When Chuck checks himself in the mirror, the mirror breaks. Everyone and everything knows you don't want to get caught between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't chew gum, he chews Goodyears.

Chuck Norris can blow a bubble with bacon
 Nerdhead26
Joined: 5/7/2009
Msg: 49
Chuck Norris
Posted: 12/11/2009 8:48:00 PM
an f-15 can break through the sound barrier but chuck norris can rip through the fabric of space.

no one can escape from chuck norris not even light itself.

God created light... then there was chuck norris

jesus didn't die for our sins jesus met chuck norris.

chuck norris doesn't dodge, bullets dodge him.

 climber83
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 50
Chuck Norris
Posted: 12/11/2009 11:58:07 PM
Chuck Norris eats transformers in vehicle mode
and craps them out in vehicle mode

Chuck Norris doesn't where condoms
he wheres rattlesnakes
Show ALL Forums  > humor  > Chuck Norris