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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > dealing with the loss of a girlfriend that you love deeply      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 welsh_babe
Joined: 7/1/2005
Msg: 24
 rocky541
Joined: 5/31/2005
Msg: 25
dealing with the loss of a girlfriend that you love deeply
Posted: 7/1/2005 11:01:25 AM
My situation is kinda similar (see broken hearts, 'just want to share my story') and im starting to finally get over her now. The best suggestion I would give you assuming you want to move on which IMO would be the best move from here would be to just stay busy. Keep active take up a hobby and stay busy. I know you need some time to mourn or be sad but don't let that go longer than a week. Try and move on or if you want to set yourself back up for some hurt you could go to canada I suppose and talk to her step mom...
 welsh_babe
Joined: 7/1/2005
Msg: 26
dealing with the loss of a girlfriend that you love deeply
Posted: 7/1/2005 11:03:05 AM
well move on for chirst sake!..are u guys gonna spen all ur life worrying about that?..so what's stopping u from getting out there and doing ur bit?
 Ruby Lips
Joined: 5/15/2005
Msg: 27
dealing with the loss of a girlfriend that you love deeply
Posted: 7/1/2005 11:27:40 AM
Sorry to hear your having a hard time with the love life. You know from AA that you need to give yourself a year to recover from that relationship. Contact your Sponsor and do what your told. Remember 'Easy Does It' 'Live and Let Live'
You've been given the Tools to live by, now Do It! Never let some-one else rent space in your head. Use your own mind. Think for yourself. Type AA in the forum search and you will find a lot of AA buddies in here too.
She said she was having trouble dealing with the past issues. You know what they were I bet too. Probably both hers, and yours. She needs the time as well. Let her finish what she needs to do, and maybe she will be back. You have to keep that faith.

Keep Coming Back......It Works.
 your_pet_lion
Joined: 12/30/2004
Msg: 28
dealing with the loss of a girlfriend that you love deeply
Posted: 7/1/2005 11:47:11 AM
When I was in college and one of us would fall in love then get jilted, we had a surefire method for getting over it. We'd go out and buy the broken hearted dude a jug of cheap wine, talk all sorts of trash about everything we could think of that sucked about the person who broke his heart, and keep drinking it until the jug was gone. In the morning, he could never even remember what it was he liked about her in the first place. Worked like a charm every time!
 Bluebird75
Joined: 6/22/2005
Msg: 29
dealing with the loss of a girlfriend that you love deeply
Posted: 7/1/2005 12:03:13 PM
I really do feel for you. I had a similar experience with my boyfriend of 5 years. I loved him so deeply and I truly believe it was reciprocated. But he had issues with depression and various other things. I would have done anything for him but he left one day...saying I was better off without him. He tried to take his life and then came back to me. Only to leave again 9 months later. I have no idea where he is and if is alive or not ...and I will have to live with that for the rest of my life. I cannot express the pain Ifelt (and often feel)...it's been a year now and I am surprised to find that the pain does not cause as much anguish. It's always there but I am learning to go on with my life. I thought he was my "soulmate" and He might have been. I don't know. But I want someone to share my life with who I can love and be loved by. Long story short, as lame as the cliche is...time heals the pain. Get through everyday, every hour if you have to..and at some point you will find some distance from the hurt. I wish you the best.
 TryinNot2Give
Joined: 5/9/2004
Msg: 30
dealing with the loss of a girlfriend that you love deeply
Posted: 7/1/2005 12:16:31 PM
Kindheart I feel your pain bro. When i was 15 I fell in love with who I perceived to be the most beautiful creature in this or any universe. I was a lost soul at the time getting into all kinds of trouble and doing all kinds of things that no one should be doing. at 15 I had seen things that many grown men in prison have never seen...but she came into my life...accepted who i was. she only asked me to change...never forced me, never gave me altimatums, never questioned why i didn't. One day finally when I realized how in love I was...I decided to change...I decided that this angel was risking her life to be with me and the least that I could do is make things safer for her. So I left my old friends and stopped doing what I was doing...the glow on her face was like kissing heaven. 1 wk before her 16th bdy...2 wks before mine...june 8th...she was murdered. They were trying to get to me...but I had let her drive my car...when i was 21 I found out she was 3 wks pregnant with my child. I died all over again...

Kindheart, I know it hurts..to this day, I wake up calling her name sometimes. Bro...God will never give you a cross you cannot bare. As hard as it is...life goes on and you might as well go along with it...it sucks to go with the flow....so instead...switch around on them and flow with the go dude. your heart will heal but it will be scarred. you'll never forget. and hell maybe you'll never get over it. But Love is so abundant and so precious...that it'll find you again...
 Ruby Lips
Joined: 5/15/2005
Msg: 31
dealing with the loss of a girlfriend that you love deeply
Posted: 7/1/2005 1:22:51 PM
Sparrowhawk....excellent advice.....you should be his Sponsor. Get in the program and give that back to the ones that would need and love you so much Hon. Your a great person. Actually your advice Rocks!!!
 Kindheart32
Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 32
dealing with the loss of a girlfriend that you love deeply
Posted: 7/1/2005 3:20:42 PM
Wow, I am surprised at all the replies and thanks. I already talked to one lady that made a lot of sense out of it. It was almost like talking to my ex. It seems that some people when hurting go into a depression and don't want others to be there because they feel so useless. They love the person so they set them free thiinking they are doing them a favor, but in all essence are causing them more pain then allowing them to be by your side. It should be their choice to stay or go not the person that is in pain. Some people would up and run when their partner is sick or hurt but that is then a relationship without true love. Allowing the person to love you no matter what happens is something many wish they could find, and it seems to me some found it and throw it away because they are so unhappy with themself. Well who would be happy being in pain but its not your fault to get ill. You just need to get medical help and appreciate your partner is willing to be there.

To the ones that just say move on, well easier said then done because I am more concerned about her well being and it doesn't matter to me that she can't do all the things she used to because she is hurting. I know she will recover if she gets medical attention. I don't think she doesn't love me anymore but she is not thinking straight. I hope she will call one day as that is all I can do is hope and go on. No I'm not going to sit and wait 10yrs to see if she comes back but its going to take a long time to get myself back on my feet. She hasn't done nothing wrong to me except leave because she is feeling worthless. I just want to tell her I really understand and want to stay by her. She can't offer me much right now but just a conversation with me is enough. I realize today how much I truely love this woman, thats I guess the reason it hurts so bad.

To the ones that say go get wasted well sorry, I'm not going back there again. I hurt too many people including myself because of booze. And yes I have a sponsor in AA that I haave been talking with. I guess time will tell i just hope she calls, its a package deal I lost and its hurts. Thanks to the ones showing me compassion. I don't even know you but thanks.
 your_pet_lion
Joined: 12/30/2004
Msg: 33
dealing with the loss of a girlfriend that you love deeply
Posted: 7/1/2005 6:36:35 PM
Alright, well the jug of wine wasn't really the point. The point is that you're idealizing this person into someone they really aren't. Face it dude, no one else thought she was such hot sh*t but you! So I want to see a post from you telling all of your online buddies here about everything that sucked about this woman. She was selfish, insecure, tried to change who you are, etc....c'mon bro', keep it going. As long as you keep putting her up on a pedestal that she doesn't deserve, you're always gonna be trapped in this funk. You have to toss those rose colored glasses to the floor, stomp 'em good, and move on with your head held high knowing that she didn't deserve you and you're better off without her. Or you can spend the rest of your life whimpering to strangers on chatrooms. Your choice...
 pykajiura
Joined: 6/18/2005
Msg: 34
dealing with the loss of a girlfriend that you love deeply
Posted: 7/1/2005 8:21:12 PM
@kindheart..

Man, sorry to hear. I have no words of advice, or anything. I bow to you, that you will not go back to the bottle. Congrats.

Dude, it ain't easy. I lossed someone very dear to me, a while ago. Had the ring on her finger, and everything. She passed away due to being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Now I see her every year on her birthday, to light her a candle. I completely dropped when she was gone, at the end of every bottle, no care in the world, down and out. I got through it, with a lot of scars and bruises, and pain. Trust me you don't need to go my route.

If there is anythng that I learned is keep your head up, wake up everyday, do what you gotta do in that day. Take some time to reflect, and don't stay couped up in a room, and away from the bottle.
 Kindheart32
Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 35
dealing with the loss of a girlfriend that you love deeply
Posted: 7/3/2005 12:44:01 PM
There seems to be a lot of compassionate people on here. Its nice to know that others can relate to the feelings I am going through. Its nice to know that complete strangers are cheering me on to not go back to the bottle. I just want to say thanks to ya all. If you have anymore input please keep it coming.
 Driver22
Joined: 6/22/2005
Msg: 36
dealing with the loss of a girlfriend that you love deeply
Posted: 7/3/2005 1:00:29 PM
I read your story mate and at some time or another i think we've all been in the same boat. Im 25 now and i lost the love of my life of 3yrs in bad circumstances. We were engaged but had set no date to be married but there was no rush. We went on holiday to celebrate her birthday as well as to sort through some differences we been having. On the very first night she said she had fallen out of love with me, great start to the hols! The rest of the holiday she kept mentioning an old flame she bumped into on her birthday night out which i couldnt make cos of work. This drove me pretty much insane and by the time we got back we had split. This hit home and i hit the bottle pretty hard, especially when i got a call 3 days later from her to say she was going out with this guy on a date and she didnt want me to hear it from any1 else, rub salt in the wounds. Anyway my situation got worse as i lost my job through drinking too much. It took me ages to get over her especially when she kept walking back into my life after every little fling she had went pear shaped. The short of it is im still recovering from the financial stress of how i reacted to the situation. it took me a long time to get over her but i found the best thing was to have absolutely no contact, deal with your emotions in the most suitable way and accept that life goes on and you've GOT TO GO ON WITH IT.
 chopperfan
Joined: 5/9/2005
Msg: 37
dealing with the loss of a girlfriend that you love deeply
Posted: 7/3/2005 5:38:13 PM
well i say go out right away pick up your heart tape it together and get back in field and play you'll never fully replace that one special person but you sure can make do and find some one that will make you happy again
 Meekrob
Joined: 6/16/2005
Msg: 38
dealing with the loss of a girlfriend that you love deeply
Posted: 7/6/2005 1:13:05 PM
I sympathize as I have gone through the same situation. We were engaged 3 years and always vowed 100% and forever, then she left me and stopped communicating. I don't know whether she was for real or just a scam. I thought that a job working 14 hours a day would keep me out of thoughts of her and us, and that worked---partially. But only time makes it go away and four years has not completely erased the sadness.
 Sweet & Sassy
Joined: 7/5/2005
Msg: 39
dealing with the loss of a girlfriend that you love deeply
Posted: 7/6/2005 1:18:36 PM
Kindheart.......I think that she loved you more then you will ever know........that's why she set you free, I'm not sure but I'd say she knew she had a terminal illness and didn't want you to have to watch her die............as sad as that is, it takes a hell of a lady to spare you from that.

I wish you well.........
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