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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/29/2009 8:23:23 AM | So what did we learn here?
Hopping in the sack with someone right away is BAD MOJO. A relationship that starts off like a ROCKET is sure to come down just as FAST as one.
Sheesh people. Get to know one another first. Find out if you have things in common. Build up a friendship first.
It's emotional suicide to get physically involved with someone without really knowing who they are. Sex is a deeply intimate and personal thing and should not be taken lightly. | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/29/2009 9:13:25 AM | I am not saying this to sound arrogant and or what not although, I am afraid it will none the less. Oh well! The one thing I noticed after reading about this recent fiasco if you will is this. I looked at your profiles and one says seeking ltr and the other says to hang out. Now while I do not know if one of you or the other changed this as of late. This to me would have put a red flag in my book. While we all overlook things and choose to see the best in a situation. We are in the long run hurting ourselves to a degree, because we are not seeing or hearing the truth. Only seeing it as we so desire to.
Now me myself I am a risk taker and far from perfect, so I am aware of the fingers pointing back at me. Another note is do not let this scare or scar you, either one of you. Live and learn and carry your scars, scrapes, bumps and bruises proudly. Foir in the long run it will believe it or or not despite the pain make us into who we are meant to be.
In other words and on a lighter side to quote one of my fav movies " Hoist The Colors"
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/29/2009 9:27:08 AM | when we first started talking, mine was only set to 'talk/email'
and i know, i gladly would have been just freinds with him after this, but its not what he wants.
meh, guess these things just happen, i give it to him that he was single, but the way we'd talked about stuff...
We obviosuly both had different ideas on what we each wanted, and expected from the other, and both thought we'd made it clear to each other and unfortunately not.
He is a decent guy. And im sad it had to end this way.
I think ive figured out a problem of mine, which now ive realised it, will hopefully mean i wont end up in a situation like this again...
I get too physical too fast.
And ive just realised it might actually be me thats the problem. | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/29/2009 9:32:09 AM | | First off *hugs* and 2nd off I am not saying you are but do not beat yourself up too much. It takes two to tango :>) and hopefully someday and I am sure you will find some one to dance your life away with. It hurts though when us guys step on you ladies toes I know lol | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/29/2009 10:03:56 AM | | You are most welcome, the least one of us guys could do after bruising your feet all these years hahahaha. Yes one day at least thats what I keep telling myself hahaha | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/29/2009 11:32:57 AM | My good sir, I couldn't agree more with you.
Time and time again women prove they do not know what they want (No matter if they say they do or not). Everytime I find myself attracted to someone I find myself holding back, not because of a lack of confidence, but because the chase isn't worth it in the end.
Women are emotional creatures. They thrive on it...like vampires  Feeding off our vibes and emotions. Women also like to be run through a vast series of emotions and any too much of one emotion gets old to them. I know; they're crazy, why not just be happy forever?
I've had the same problems as you man. I have a hard time not feeling bad for myself when I see couples that appear happy or a cute girl I'd like to talk to. I'm not sure the answer or anything of life, I don't know if this game with them will ever end, just trying to make sense of it  | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/29/2009 5:12:55 PM | Yes I myself tend to get physical alot faster than others. But I also do respect the ladies. Best way is see it so.
1st Date a hug.
2nd Date a kiss and hug.
3rd let all good things be three.
Helped me a lot. As male just do not let it go further and as female try to keep it that simple.
Fact is though I am single and am doing something wrong or am too da*n dumb!
and good-luck to you all searching and keeping your heads up like me :D (I try my best, at time its somewhat impossible) | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 6/15/2009 5:19:20 AM | You got that right
All the women I have'nt been bothered about cant get enough of me and as time goes oncould be ages) you move on to the next(due to lack of interest)
BUT, you date this one and to start off with your pretty laid back with it all soaking it all up, fun /excitement, of having someone but being not carried away with it at all.
THEN at a given time 'you fall hard for her and start opening up and being soppy. She likes this at first but slowly but surely she drifts apart from you as you try your best and break your Heart trying to hold things together, all the while being totally honest, caring, putting her first .. The more you try the more distance opens up between you and her and It hurts, Wow it hurts.
Its a mystery, life would be so easier if we didnt have feelings as most of us, if not all would be with the partner of our dreams that is until feelings creep in and destroy it all.. Yeah you wouldnt get that buzz of falling and being in love but saying that as soon as you do its all over and all you have is memories and the pain to keep you company
It Sucks and I hate it with a passion | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 6/15/2009 6:18:13 AM | Definitely true guys.......
As an unfortunately 'too nice' nice guy I can tell you we not only finish last but get extra large servings of poo-pie along the way: women who don't turn up for dates; who suddenly flake our; who seem interested an for no reason then aren't.
It is crucifying and I feel your pain boys....
The only way to fix it is to banish the wuss. That goose who jumps out everytime a woman who is perfect for us comes along. No daily phone calls and texts (even if you want to). Don't send her flowers or buy her expensive gifts. Don't walk on egg shells for her......charge on.
Tease her. Don't smile so much. Don't tell her how beautiful she is. Never answer her questions unless it is no. Don't take her crap!!
Your not there to be her friend...so don't be!!
I have changed to doing this and have much better results.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel boys!
Good luck!!!! | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 6/15/2009 6:18:52 AM | " Nice Guys" How do we accuretly define this characteristic? A ' Non Player', Woman relish the challenge to try and mold a "Bad Boy" type man into the image that will supply them with the excitement of living on the edge with a wild child, plus the factor of trying to moderate the outside the home activities of thier love interest.
We all want the person we choose to be a "Nice Person" deep down inside. Some woman confuse the process of trying to nurture a love interest with controlling many aspects of the relationship.
I worked for 6 years as a part time niteclub bouncer and observed nearly every type of personality known to modern psychology. There are both husbands and wives who have the Boys and then Girls night out.
I wittnessed as many Married woman acted up with pure strangers, as much as men hit a hot nite club for the eye candy in skimpy dresses. Bottom line here? the "Bad Boys" left with the Hottest ladies and most likely got sum? 60% of the Hot wives who hit the club with thier girlfriends, left the club without thier girlfriends.
The "Nice Guys" went to a local resteraunt for breakfast and then carefully drove home to reflect on what they know was missed out on! | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 6/15/2009 6:39:44 AM | DallasFan.
Be careful of this generalization of life based upon your experience as a night club bouncer.
Remember, you are at a nightclub. No one there is looking for a long term relationship. Everyone just wants to bang and definitely, if you want to get laid, you gotta go in there aggressive. It's only natural.
On the other hand, being a "nice guy" has it's faults too. Being a complete ***hole also has it's faults too. I've seen buddies who are complete ***holes to their gf's...but you know what? Those gf's who take it are crazy ****es themselves for taking it. No offence.
I've also been a liar and a cheater and a nice guy. I've been all of stuff. What I've learned in life is just be yourself and you will find the right person eventually. | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 6/15/2009 11:05:35 AM | Thanx Deck88, I do appreciate your cander! And your right the nightclub scene is just that a pick up place for some strange stuff. But, my point more importantly is those at the club are primarily married, or involved with someone and looking for a weekly romp.
I retired from the Army in 2007 and seen marriages destroyed by pretitor's on the hunt by both sexes. It only takes a 6 month to a 1 year tour over sea's to create that urge for the military wives, or husband's to wonder into the cheating zone. Ever watch the program " Army Wives " ? great example of every senerio possible.
The night club only acts as a tool, the intent battling the concience is the fine line of should they or shouldn't they cross that line? I actually wittnessed a group of woman out at this club , one of them her husband had just deployed that morning. She was already grinding against some guy she didn't even know because she had no fear of getting caught.??? | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 6/15/2009 12:18:03 PM | I've been in the same boat. All my friends would call me "nice guy", or = phrases.
I got way too far down the road before I realized it was too late for me. In short, found this woman, helped her out of a battered relationship. Got her kids back for her, saw her through cancer, put her in college. She was taking a few classes a week and keeping up the kids. Worked 7 days a week to provide for her, and kids.
She rilled up her boyfriend of a fews months, he got his friend, and both shot at me while I was driving down the road. This ended the 5 year marriage.
About nice guys finishing last... Is it possible that no-one keeps score against the rude/proud, and finding them more deserving of getting dumped on? There for only taking note of of the unfair things that happen to people whom "don't deserve it" ("nice guy's")?
Quite possibly so. It's hard to find anyone, anymore that's in anything for more than just self pleasure.
But there are some out there. Perhaps it's better to know it won't work sooner, than later! | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 6/15/2009 12:24:09 PM | Quit feeling sorry for yourself. It happens to everyone. If nice guys finish last, so do nice women . Everyone who is single on this site has had bad, if not terrible experiences, and that is why we call ourselves single. If we were lucky in love we'd be married, happily ever after.
I can't think of anyone I know, really nice or a really big a**hole who hasn't had some pretty bad experiences. | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 6/15/2009 1:27:39 PM | totalizeme
My motives are purely selfish here, but looking back at that relationship, did you see it coming or you did kinda see but chose to compromise a lot of her needs over yours?
Were you just too nice? What did your gut instinct tell you? | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 6/15/2009 4:09:40 PM | | This is my 2 cents worth. Nice guys do not finish last. You finish last if you want to finish. To quote a phrase I read....Man asks God, why did you allow her to leave me? God replied...My son, I didn't allow her to leave you, you simply let her go.... Quit being a wuss. I'm from an older generation, not the "me generation". I come from the dating the person and getting to know them first before assuming anything. One of my sayings is "never expect anything, because expectations leads to disappointments". This is a clear case of expectations, and can you see how disappointed one is since they feel the nice guy syndrome let them down? It's not about being manly, or badboyish. it's about standing for what you believe in and not allowing anyone to persway you and change who you are. Quit doing for her. You take out all the fun and the excitement when you're totally doing everything for her. There's no more surprises. Don't be dependant on her. I have found through my learnings men pick someone and then fall for them then expect and then bow to their every need. I think "some" women prey on that. You know there's always been a saying out there in netherland that says a girl will choose someone like her dad. Eventually they choose the what's called the badboy experience but find out to late that oops that's not what I wanted because they might not be treated well. Then they go to the nice guy experience to find out he's boring. Then it starts all over. Get out and enjoy life. You don't have to have a harley to get the girl. And if that's what she expects, do you really want a girl like that? She's into it for materialisum. Bottom line is simple, don't be a wuss. Quit bowing to her every need. Quit wondering if you're treating her right. As long as you're not abusive she'll let you know if she's not happy. Learn to read the signs also. "Some"Women give off so many signs without saying anything it's crazy. "Some" will tell you they don't, but "some" women are always testing you. Learn from your mistakes. Make your actions speak louder than words, learn to be yourself and not what she expects. Never change for any0ne but yourself. As you grow older change if inevitable. None of us are the same in my experiences that we were when we first got married or first dated. People grow up not realizing these changes occur and think this is not what I bargained for. Hmm they should teach you this in school that everyone will change no matter what. It's evolutionary. But you have to change for yourself not for someone else. You can learn to compromise to make a relationship work. No one should be under someones control. If she's not liking you because you're to nice by your nature, she doesn't want you anyway and bet your bottom dollar down the road she wasn't planning on staying anyway. You know there's another saying out there I heard... Rejection is God's way of protecting you from something that wasn't right for you..... Quit expecting the person you meet to be the one. As mom use to say when it's the one you'll know it. Be yourself, but don't be a pushover and quit coming off needy. This works on both sides of the spectrum men and women. But then this is simply my opinion and by no means am I a phychitrist to give advice. Disclaimer: Strictly opinions not ment to cure, change, assist or recommend any and all content. Not been approved by the FDA for usage beyond this forum. :) | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 6/15/2009 6:49:54 PM | | Den, while I agree with what you're saying, for the love of everything holy put some spaces in there, I think you just crushed us all with that wall'o'text. | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 6/15/2009 10:50:34 PM | Sad to say, but seemingly the man who cares the least gets the attentions. Crawl up their butts, treat them like princesses, give them everything they SAY they want, and you lose their respect. You think that's what you're supposed to do, but it only makes you weak in their eyes and you get a one way ticket to doormatville. You're smothering and overbearing, and suddenly you are taking up 'their' space..
If you are assertive, maybe less sensitive, strong and independant, and don't cater to their every need, they suddenly become riddled with all kinds of dissatisfactions, become resentful, and then they blame you for making them cheat on you. You weren't romantic enough, you weren't there to listen to them blather on about katie somethingorother who's mom stubbed her toe and fell into a refridgerator while texting to her brother's sister's cousin...
Human nature is not about the catch.. It is about the hunt. They only want what is unattainable while it is unattainable. Once they get it, the hunt is over, and now 'routine' sets in, things get boring, and they go find something to hunt that is more of a challenge. You lose either way. Maybe you treat them like cats.. (epiphany) Hide their food bowl once in a while.. challenge them with the unknown and keep them on their toes. dangle things in their face to keep their attention, and once in a while ignore them completely, then turn around and do something nice for them... keep them hunting and just never show them your whole hand.
I don't know fellas.. I'm out of airspeed and ideas anymore.. Women want what they can't have, pine for what they won't tell you they want, Say the opposite of what they need, and believe you are supposed to just know what they want, and then punish you for not doing it.. God forbid they should actually try to throw a bone now and again..
All the while, the good guys who come home sober, work, pay bills, and actually give two shits in hell's armpit how they feel, just get thrown out like trash. Usually for your best friend. (yup...you're right)
You are either smothering her, or not paying enough attention.. there has NEVER been a middle ground that I have seen. Losing battle. With plenty more to come. | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 6/16/2009 6:10:36 AM | ^^^ My God, what kind of women do you guys meet and date...while, I don't deny there are some women who behave badly, most of the women I know, on here, and in my entire life, do not act like this..I think it has to be the ones you are choosing...maybe you should look for signs of this kind of behavior before you get too involved...
I have never tried to obtain the unattainable...too much work, little benefit...I'm not trying to be mean, but some of you guys need to get those tapes of what you think is going on in women's brains erased..without fail, most of what you think is going on, isn't it at all...I wonder if you apply male logic to female thinking? That's not going to work...lol..
Women , for the most part, like men who are both caring and confident with a bit of masculine edge..if we wanted people like us, we'd date women...it is both, guys, not one or the other...we don't want doormats or jerks...every guy I have ever had a relationship was a "good" guy, who was also very masculine..you have to learn to blend both , not be one or the other..and quit believing that men with a bit of an edge are "bad boys"..as I said before, most women grow out of the bad boy stage when they are young.... | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 6/16/2009 7:05:09 AM | Sad to say, but seemingly the man who cares the least gets the attentions. Crawl up their butts, treat them like princesses, give them everything they SAY they want, and you lose their respect. You think that's what you're supposed to do, but it only makes you weak in their eyes and you get a one way ticket to doormatville. You're smothering and overbearing, and suddenly you are taking up 'their' space..
If you are assertive, maybe less sensitive, strong and independant, and don't cater to their every need, they suddenly become riddled with all kinds of dissatisfactions, become resentful, and then they blame you for making them cheat on you. You weren't romantic enough, you weren't there to listen to them blather on about katie somethingorother who's mom stubbed her toe and fell into a refridgerator while texting to her brother's sister's cousin...
Personally, I think you are going after the wrongs girls. Instead of blaming the girls, you need to look at your pattern and figure out how to break out of falling for these girls.
The girls you described sound like crazy b*tches, or have massive amounts of baggage. I would've been gone a long long long time ago. | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 6/16/2009 7:50:59 AM | There is a stereotypical hang-up in this country today as it has been over the last several decades with the advent of being healthy, having a good bod, eating well. Not that any of this is a bad thing. But it's beaten into everyone's head everywhere you go today. I'm just as guilty as the next guy. We all see it, we desire it, we undoubtly want it.
You read someone smokes, you select that you're not interested in someone if they smoke. Someone lives to far away you're not interested. People fail to see what people are all about as a whole. They put stipulations and stereotype people. They want the best but under their requirements. That by far is no way to start off a compromise relationship. What I think people are missing is character and integrity. Quit stereotyping people and labeling them. Sometimes you have to take chances to find out, wow, if I would have labeled that person I would have never had the opportunity to find out this is what I've been looking for. We all have flaws, habits, etc. Step out the box people.
I'm by no means a Don Wan, and I do understand the nice guy syndrome as it's stated. I don't believe the cliche' that "women are not visual". I think women are just as visual as men are in today's society. Again it's driven into you each and everyday, from fashion to advertisement, etc.
It's hard for myself to break my own rules and settle for someone I'm not attracted to. I've had this same conversation with friends back home which are ladies and I have felt maybe I'm the to nice a guy type but they've all told me never to change what I am because there's just not enough like you out there and have even had them say and want to date me, but I've never been attracted to them.
I always have beleived that unless it's just happened to fall in place people from both genders have to have 3 parts to a recipe for it happen and be successful with it. 1-physical, 2-mental, 3-emotional attraction. Some even say that spritual has it's place too. A lot of people say you have to look at the inside of the book and not just look at the cover.
Putting everything in perspective we all have to have something that attracts us to look inside a book. Everything in life is relative in my opinion. Look at everyday life. Will you walk up to a bookshelf and pick up a book with no title as to the one next to it that's more attractive, has the right color that sparks your brain that tells you subconsciously... go ahead pick it up? When you pick up the lame book with no title is your brain telling you..go ahead and look in it? Chances are if you do it's more out of curiousity that anything. And unless you like what you were so curious to see; if it's bland you'll put it back and pick up the more attractive book that caught your brains initial attention. However it might also be bland inside, but you took the chance to view it. What we all fail to see is the untitled book that doesn't spark our interest once opened we might find it has all the sparks to attract our brain. But most of us being of human nature usually won't take the chance. A lot of this I think is built into us from a very young age. Women are no different than men.
Woman see what they think they want from the outside and when they break through the cover realize they didn't get what they thought they bargained for. Men the same way. They see the package, want it thinking there is a lot in store only to find out they're no different than the bland book they refused to pick up. No one can be blamed for this behavior I feel, except society as a whole that breeds this type of behavior.(Society as a whole meaning-advertising company's, sales, marketing, because it's all about making money. If you make someone believe they can have it they will buy it whether they can afford it or not). It's the power of pursuasion of the mind. It's a mind game. We all play it with ourselves and each other everyday whether intentionally or subconsciously I believe.
Think about it. Back in the days of midevil (from a man's perspective only) when you saw women they were quite attractive. But can you see the efforts they made to look that way. They wore a corset that was so tight it forced everything to the places we men always look never once giving consideration that she is no different than the peasant girl, until she took off the corset. haha.... well guess my point is here men have always looked for what they thought they couldn't have and once they got it, it was no different than what they could have had.
Once thing I have learned over the years as I do bet older is I might be a lone for the rest of my life. No biggy to me. I don't have anger issues because of my past. In fact I a more ingenious belief that everything happens for a reason. If I find someone that clicks with me and me with them awesome. I know something has to click. Yea it does get tiring always wondering when is it going to be your turn, but I've learned, it's not a matter of when it's my turn, it's will I be happy with myself. I'm not talking about the me syndrome in any fashion. I'm talking about being fair to yourself. There is absolutely no reason to try and love someone if you have not attraction to that person, external or internal. You have to love yourself and then maybe you'll find what you're looking for and maybe then with the confidence you've built up in loving yourself, it might spill over to those that you're attracted to and your problem might be solved.
Be confident, know yourself, don't presume you know yourself until you actually give yourself time to understand the way you are,what your likes and dislikes are. Don't fall for someone just because they're handsome, beautiful, muscular, chisel chin. Look at the person as a whole. But be prepare on even sites like this when you meet, be ready for the unexpected. If it all works out great, but don't think it's heaven just because you've agreed to meet. And get to know the person, talk to them during your encounter. You'd be surprised what you can learn from a person while having simple intelligent conversations. We all want fun, but it's about learning about each other.
It is about confidence and not being a wuss as I said earlier. If they won't give you the time of day, move on. As stated, rejection might just be God's way of saying you shouldn't be messing with that. Just never compromise your beleifs and stand for what you believe in. Don't bow just because you think, owe I have this great looking woman, I'm going to keep her by doing everything for her. I don't think she wants that. She wants someone to take the lead, play the traditional role, but be there when she needs you, which doesn't mean you have to be a kicked constantly to the curb and be beaten down. Truely get past the me syndrome. No one owes anyone anything. And never feel sorry for yourself. If one doesn't like you for you remember..... There's plenty of fish in the sea. | |
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