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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/16/2009 2:18:45 PM | It is the sad truth, girls are attracted to the worst possible characters.
My advice is, try to be happy alone. I did it, so can you. | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/16/2009 3:19:53 PM | "Sometimes you're ahead and sometime you're behind. The race is long....and in the end you'll realize it's only with yourself."
-Baz Lurhman | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/16/2009 6:37:16 PM | Women don't like nice guys because they're the exact opposite of 'jerks.' Guys that will listen to a woman's problems, be an emotional tampon, spend all kinds of money on a woman buying her things, taking her out to expensive dinners, and wanting sex in return. A nice guy will work for woman's approval thinking it is going to get him laid.
When you break it down, that is really all it is. Stop being that typical nice/wuss guy. | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/16/2009 7:37:13 PM |
This is a sincere question: Why do "nice guys" always think it is their "niceness" that causes the break up?
You act as if everybody makes it clear why the break up occurred. You never heard, "It's you, it's me" before? We all know that statement is a load of BS. | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/16/2009 8:03:19 PM | Forget em dude, move on, they obviously weren't right for you or you them, what do you expect from on-line dating? some people have been here for years and still have no idea what they want! just bide your time for the right one and don't fall head over heels in the first week, you may be scaring them off!
Keep ploding and leave the gits to their games | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/17/2009 4:53:02 AM | This thread shouldn't be titled as in its onlythe nice guys that finish last, what about the nice girls?
Im young, but ive had 2 serious relationships... and i think im a nice girl... and yet other girls always came into the equation... In one relationship I got cheated on, i forgave... i got cheated on...
The other was mostly just flirting, i am unaware of any cheating...
Both of these guys have said to me within the last month how they regret it all now, how i am this 'perfect girlfriend'... its like WTF!
But i also have to say... It must be slightly true that girls go for bad characters, because I've done it once...
And when a guy is too nice... i do get kind of edgy and think along the lines of this guy must be fake... or he's hiding something..
But i think thats because i spent almost 2years with an absolute w**ker and got used to that sort of treatment...
Eeeee this relationship stuff is messy. | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/17/2009 5:16:59 AM | ^ You're only 18 years old? ,Miss Unpredictable, and you figured out that this relationship is messy stuff.^^
Hell, most people are going to tell you to chin up...that you're young, and there is so much to enjoy. Fcuk that!!
I think you are god dammned lucky to get a grip on the whole situation right out of the gate.
You might just spare yourself the pain of the bullshIt years....hahahahaha,
and you may not have to post the same old post in different words on the forums, every freaking night, about how righteous and sterile you are, and how you were 'deceived' while you're sipping your lukewarm wine and bobbin' and weaving yo ' fat ass at the computer in your mid 40's.
Instead of waiting to buy your dog, or cat, get it now...and relax with life, good friends , a movie...and go and get laid if you wanna.
That's what I'm thinkin', if I could jump into the wayback machine,
You lucky girl you!!
cheers
Kimbo******************************************************************** | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/17/2009 5:46:29 AM | LOL, that did make me giggle!
Ahhh my dad always says ive grown up to fast... I'm just mature for my age.
Ive even lived with someone for a year... Ages 16-17
Although that was only due to the parents threatening to chuck me out and then when i moved out they said they only said it to scare me =/
Unfortunately i cant buy that cat i want haha, i move to uni in september, no pets allowed =[
Gutted. | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/17/2009 8:52:39 AM | | LOL- been in those shoes myself! Look man, you gotta show women the teeth a little. They want a strong man, not a pushover. They want this more than anything. You have this potential-to be a good strong man. You want to give them the world, but you can't just give them everything you have because you do not have the world, you only got what you got. Once ou give them everything what is left? You still got a good bit of growing up to do. | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/17/2009 9:20:07 AM | | I recently got out of a long term relationship, one that I was the pursued. It then entered into a push-pull type of thing where she would push me away, then reel me back in. I finally figured it out that she's just a 45 year old teenager who loves to play the flirt game while I'm in her company. I also realized that she not only put me on her back burner, but also behind her stove. However, she wants to ride on the bike with me and do all the plans we had this summer. Well, she's simply SOL because I'm having nothing to do with it, and she can kiss my #ss. I've moved on in the past week, which is unbelievable for me because I am a cautious and shy person. I realize now that I should have ran for the exit months ago when her attitude and mean-spirited remarks were emerging, but my persistance and hope kept me in it. Right now though, I should thank her for opening my eyes and teaching me a great lesson, but I won't. My thanks to her will be when she figures out that I've moved on. Oh yeah, I know she'll call, but I will refuse to give her any satifaction or excuse, because I've done nothing wrong. I have now realized that my confidence is back and gushing. So everyone, take at least a little bit of advice, when odd things are happening, get to that exit door and use it. There's a song that I listen to and believe in, "Speed" by Montgomery Gentry. For those who have been crushed at some time in your lives, listen to it. Just know that you are not the only one out there and that it may not be the last time. So get that radar up and scanning, it sure helps. | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/17/2009 9:44:51 AM | Oh no! Not another nice guy thread.
Nice guy=approval seeker
Stop seeking approval from others and you will self-actualize and this question won't even come to mind again. NO ONE, and I mean NO ONE is "nice"...
It's only a matter of time (and a little bit of growing up) before you realize that you will hurt others inadvertently, offend sometimes and royally screw up, even with those you love.
Unless you continue to delude yourself with this "nice guy routine" which has become epidemic among younger males who believe they should have a much large dating pool to select from, you will eventually come to terms with reality.
Just be authentically you...and get rid of the nice guy mask...it's a poor excuse and it just smacks of self-aggrandizement. | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/17/2009 11:10:40 AM | So you said that nice guys are "approval seekers" ?
I think we ought to understand first the definition of a "nice guy".
I won't describe what to me is a nice guy, I have my own definition. I just hope you idiots stop portraiting people who do what is right to do, as being a "wuss".
Some people in this thread needs some serious time to reflect. | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/17/2009 12:45:34 PM |
I won't describe what to me is a nice guy, I have my own definition. I just hope you idiots stop portraiting people who do what is right to do, as being a "wuss".
I don't think anybody is suggesting that people who do what is right are wusses. However, a lot of "nice guys" think they're doing what is right, when what they're really doing is trying to goosestep around what is right because they're terrified of doing something to upset others. Then they talk about how nice they are because they don't *directly* hurt anybody without realizing that their actions actually cause a lot of *indirect* hurt.
For example, let's say a guy meets two women at about the same time and both of them fall for him. He decides to start a relationship with one of them. Doing what is right means that he needs immediately to tell the other woman about it, sever the relationship quickly, and allow her to move on. A "nice guy" would prance around the issue and probably string her along because he's afraid of hurting her feelings. What he doesn't realize is that by not telling her straight out what is going on, he is hurting her feelings even worse.
All the while, he thinks in his head how nice a guy he is because he is so considerate of her feelings. | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/17/2009 1:10:45 PM | | I am not beating up on you or trying to be mean by asking this,but have you stopped to think about why you are choosing damaged women? Anyone male or female who has chosen over and over in the past people who have abused and hurt them is damaged and should be avoided, yet you feel the need to choose these type of women? Do you feel like you are rescuing them? Now again I will say I am not trying to beat you up by asking you this, I am just genuinely curious as to why you pick the people you pick? | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/17/2009 3:11:02 PM |
I won't describe what to me is a nice guy, I have my own definition. I just hope you idiots stop portraiting people who do what is right to do, as being a "wuss".
Why are you calling people idiots? You're the one that has learned to be alone. Instead of calling these guys idiots, maybe you should take some of their advice. Stop being a 'nice guy' and get some game. | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/17/2009 4:27:50 PM | Swridgerunner, I experienced a similar situation whereby this woman would make cutting and devaluing remarks, engage in periodic screaming rages and threaten to leave the relationship when she did not get her way. So one day I decided it was enough, walked out on her, had a friend return her clothes, did not return her calls even though she called a number of times leaving sexually provocative messages and never returned to that dysfunctional "relationship".
So you are correct. If one experiences get-over behavior that demonstrates that your partner does not care about your well being or lacks compassion, kindness and empathy, say good-bye, with no vindicativeness and move on while making it clear that you do not wish any continuity. I can forgive alot of negative characteristics BUT when a mate shows signs of not having respect or compassion for their mate, it is time to cease the relationship expeditiously. | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/17/2009 7:59:29 PM | "Dude,
Unfortunately, there really is no answer to that aspect of dating since women generally do respect a guy who has a particular "jerk factor" in their personality. It absolutely makes no sense since many of the postings for women looking to date men says something to the order of "looking for someone nice." They really mean someone who isn't too much of a jerk. Honestly, don't be too hard on yourself. Save yourself the headache and heartache and just get a PS3. Trust me, it is money well spent and you will not have to worry too much over constant rejection from people who probably didn't even deserve the respect and kindness you showed them. Just remember that you are not the only one who goes through this kind of thing. Some of the posters take special liberties in assuming that you don't have respect for yourself, but honestly, the fact that you keep persisting shows that you have a will of steel, which doesn't come about with self-respect. So take my advice, get yourself a PS3 or XBox 360 and you will feel "right as rain.""
Kratos
Dude, you are my new best friend because of this statement. | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/18/2009 1:00:07 PM |
I don't think anybody is suggesting that people who do what is right are wusses. However, a lot of "nice guys" think they're doing what is right, when what they're really doing is trying to goosestep around what is right because they're terrified of doing something to upset others. Then they talk about how nice they are because they don't *directly* hurt anybody without realizing that their actions actually cause a lot of *indirect* hurt.
For example, let's say a guy meets two women at about the same time and both of them fall for him. He decides to start a relationship with one of them. Doing what is right means that he needs immediately to tell the other woman about it, sever the relationship quickly, and allow her to move on. A "nice guy" would prance around the issue and probably string her along because he's afraid of hurting her feelings. What he doesn't realize is that by not telling her straight out what is going on, he is hurting her feelings even worse.
All the while, he thinks in his head how nice a guy he is because he is so considerate of her feelings.
Herein lies the difference! Doing what is "right" is sometimes subjective.
In the example you gave, if you met 2 friends and fell in love for one but did not express how you genuinely felt towards the other, "saving" her from the "pain", you are actually doing what is wrong.
Always keep in mind here that you should ALWAYS strive to do what is the best interest for you, others around you and ALWAYS be conscious that directly or indirectly the consequences that might bring. Yes, that requires a lot of reflection and yes that is not achievable at all times, but you must strive to.
It is such a long way to actually change how you do things and how you think, that most people have an invisible barrier in front of them not allowing them to see and think this far. But trust me, it is achievable and this is exactly what I have been trying to do all my life. And I am happy that I can say that my conscience is clear in what I do.
Though we can never be perfect, there is also something of a "percentage" of perfection, you can have a higher or low level of it.
It is complex to explain, but I am happy to know some people who think like this and I can only wish I meet a female thinking likewise.
So to the OP, do what is right, but also do it in every aspect, not only when it is convenient for you.
Much love and peace to everyone! | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/18/2009 2:04:42 PM | Hi. I'm right there with you. I still haven't been able to get over being "The Nice Guy" or "The Friend". I am working on something though. It's kind of like a code of conduct called The Four Agreements.
I'm not going to go into detail, as that is not what this forum is for, but the second and third agreements are the most relevent. The second one says: "Don't take anything personally." Now I know this is hard to do when it's somebody you love, but her thoughts, opinions and actions are solely the product of her view of reality. They actually have nothing to do with you, and you are not responsible for them...even when it seems like it is. If you accept responsibility for them, then you will always feel bad, as they are not under your control.
The third agreement is: "Don't make assumptions." If you actually want to know what another person is thinking or feeling...ask. Don't assume that you already know. Also, if you have some wants or needs that aren't being met, don't assume that others will or even should automatically know what you want or need. With those assumptions, you can't be happy, as they lead to expections that can be dashed. Without them, there are no expectations, and you can focus on enjoying the present without disappointment.
I know not everybody will agree with this, and that is find. They have helped me gat a handle on my life, however, so maybe they can help you. For more information, you can Google "The Four Agreements"., and if you have any questions or want to discuss it, feel free to drop me a line. | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/18/2009 5:37:53 PM | | Jarbarian: sorry my thanks are late...been kinda ill and not on the forums much..but, thank you for the compliment...and your post about the difference between girls and confident women... | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/19/2009 10:37:55 PM | These nice guy postings remind me so much about the movie "Forrest Gump".
He was no pushover, but he was just a nice guy.
He loved a woman that never loved him back. He even smacked her abusive boyfriend and what did she do?
Left Forrest for the abusive boyfriend.
Then what... many years later, she comes to his door and he takes her in... they make love that one night and then she leaves again.
Fast forward again, while Forrest makes something of his life, she is now dying of AIDS. Forrest takes care of her during her dying days. BTW, she only thinks about contacting him because she was dying and nobody will care for her son.
Regrets always come in the end. The good man has to pay for the bad boy's deeds.
Clearly, relationship-wise, he sure got the shaft. But Forrest just loved freely and was he loved back? No.
In the end, all he got was a child from her. To him, maybe it was enough.
Maybe if we reached Forrest's level of just loving without expectation of reward, more of us will get over this injustice that happens all the time. It won't make the injustices go away, but it might change our attitude about it.
After all, it was Jenny's ultimate loss in the end.
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/19/2009 11:00:32 PM | | There's a point in a relationship when a women "WANTS" you to take advantage of her. Both girls may have offered this opportunity to you several times, and you turned it down. As a result, instead of being NICE to them, you made them feel UNDESIRABLE. When a women wants you to take advantage of her, you gotta be nice in reverse. What happens here, is they see you as weak, and unable to communicate with them at a higher level. They feel deprived, and that you are TOO young and naive. Sex is about pleasing each other, and women unfortunately feel pain in the beginning. But if they are willing to let you have them, they are subjecting themselves to that pain to reach the higher level. When you didn't take advantage of them, you pretty much spit in their face and told them to get lost. You were not nice, in reverse. You gotta be careful and observant. Not all men are going to pick up the signs, which is why sometimes women offered it several times before making the choice to move on. | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/20/2009 4:50:07 AM | More then anything I think You are picking these women , but to generalize all Women into this catagory is not even ignorant, its appaling, do you think you will get a date faster showing how bad You think of "all " Women?,.
as there are Bad Women there are bad Men, isnt it wonderful You can decide NOT to see some one with those problems and wait till a perfect for YOU Women comes along? | |
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