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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/20/2009 5:43:50 AM |
More then anything I think You are picking these women , but to generalize all Women into this catagory is not even ignorant, its appaling, do you think you will get a date faster showing how bad You think of "all " Women?,.
as there are Bad Women there are bad Men, isnt it wonderful You can decide NOT to see some one with those problems and wait till a perfect for YOU Women comes along? You have a point, but never the less, the man is expected to grow up when this moment arises. A women is almost never going to straight out say, "bang me" unless you got a paid service going on. This is of course an exception if he is dating a cougar. Some one his age, will never wait for him. They just don't have that much understanding about men to do it. The little that they know is, in order for a man to be capable of having sex, they have to be aroused. The only way they can work around this is by ether having him take a pill (viagra), waiting for him to wake up in the morning (morning wood), or for him to have the experience needed to do it himself. None of these apply. If he is young, unexperienced, he's going to be more focused on his fear then concentrating on a imaginary fantasy. Both the girl and the guy will be too weirded out to sleep with each other and wait for the morning. And, if she askes him to take a pill, she's pretty much trying to comprimise his body. So, in a nut shell, there's no way to work around it. Well, there is one way. She should have talked to him about it prior to the moment happening. If she talked to him, and explained what she wanted, then when the moment became apparent, he may have understood. But then again, that's something really bold for a young inexperienced girl to do. As you can see, it's not so simple. Not to get graphic, but if the guy can't bone up, he can't provide. It's that simple. | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/20/2009 8:30:12 AM |
Jarbarian: sorry my thanks are late...been kinda ill and not on the forums much..but, thank you for the compliment...and your post about the difference between girls and confident women...
Your welcome.
Personally I believe way too much empahsis on this thread is put on women and their behavior when for the most part, it's MENs beahvior that either draws or pushes a woman away.
Being a door mat = pushes them away.
Being a jerk = initially drawing them in but pushes them away.
Being well balanced = attracting good, confident women and keeping them.
Bottom line is for someone who doesn't love and respect themselves, they will simply draw other people who do not love and respect themselves (such as "girls" who are not emotionally balanced and confident).
Confident women will not stand for being with a door mat guy or a jerk. They'll see their equal which is a confident, secure man.
Girls? They'll put up with bad men in general because that's what they think they deserve.
Like I've said a million times. If you don't love and respect yourself you really can't expect others to feel the same about you. | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/20/2009 9:07:08 AM |
Confident women will not stand for being with a door mat guy or a jerk. They'll see their equal which is a confident, secure man.
Jabarian2, as always you have it right on the money.
No woman who is confident and respects herself will ever put up with a man who is not confident, who does not have integrity and who is not of strong character. He may be able to fake it for a while, but a smart woman can see right through it and realizes this is not the person who is suitable to be her mate. Nothing is more unattractive to a man than a woman's insecurity, the same is true for woman. If someone is constantly trying to convince me that he could fit into my life, there is a problem. He should not have to convince me, if he constantly needs reassurance, if he constantly compares himself to other men, these are not good signs. He should be confident in who he is and not constantly try and convince me, because I will be able to see it for myself. And if I don't...well then, I know the man is not my equal and never will be. | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/20/2009 10:20:33 AM | | You are right Miz, if a man has to try to convince you that he is worthy of your attention, there are hidden issues to be concerned about. I have observed that most men are intimidated by beautiful, confident and assertive women, they somehow associate it with overbearing women. But a guy can be confident, assertive and secure and still be a nice guy, and if he meets his equal, I find that to be a very exciting combination that can make for a very passionate relationship. | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/20/2009 12:06:16 PM | | i have had that problem alot and i am trying different things each time like to just give her space and let her come to me i cause i think either i move too fast or i need to give her more space .....cause maybe we're trying too hard....so far its workin but i fear she may loose interest.....just think about trying changing a detail like what you do or how you act, for ex. instead of staying on their good side get her a little mad or don't talk on the phone so long or just do something no one will see coming.....think about it is all i ask. | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/20/2009 4:39:21 PM | | Something I have noticed about alot of woman is that they want guys that treat them like shit. Why I dont know just in there nature I guess??? Im still waiting for a woman to prove me wrong?!?! Im in the same boat you are my friend, who knows when woman are tired of being treated like shit we will be there to pick up the pieces I guess. | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/20/2009 10:08:17 PM |
Something I have noticed about alot of woman is that they want guys that treat them like shit. Why I don't know just in there nature I guess??? Im still waiting for a woman to prove me wrong?!?! I'm in the same boat you are my friend, who knows when woman are tired of being treated like shit we will be there to pick up the pieces I guess. I see this, too. However, after carefully dissecting the social mechanics to this even, I believe the reason is because a jerk is, "super confident". The guy is so in-tuned to himself, he doesn't care about his reputation. A guy who cares little about his reputation, is confident (though may be unwise and unfriendly).
Also, a girl who seems super nice, is also the red flag for a girl who is also super desperate. So a nice girl, will be attracted to a dumb @$$ jerk not because he's confident, but because she is desperate. The misconception is, she is nice, he is a jerk, they are together, because a nice guy is too slow and a jerk is what she believes she needs. As men, we failed her. As a result, she goes to the worst of us. So there you have it. Because we blow, she goes with a guy that's going to make her life a hell. They lived unhappily ever after, the end. Get it? | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/21/2009 8:05:23 AM |
Something I have noticed about alot of woman is that they want guys that treat them like shit. Why I dont know just in there nature I guess??? Im still waiting for a woman to prove me wrong?!?! Im in the same boat you are my friend, who knows when woman are tired of being treated like shit we will be there to pick up the pieces I guess.
No sir, you are mistaken. WOMEN do not want men who treat them like crap. Immature little GIRLS do. The kind who think "I can change him!" They see the "jerk" as the kind of man that their love will change him into the kind of man SHE wants him to be.
The problem with that (dumb) logic is, it doesn't work. Change has to come from within, not driven by other people. And even if the "jerk" did change into the guy she wanted him to be, she'll end up leaving him for another "rebuilding" project of a man as she'll soon be bored.
Once you understand the difference between a WOMAN and a GIRL then you will see your statement doesn't hold true for confident, mature and intelligent women. It only applies to immature, insecure girls.
Oh and before you say anything, confident, secure MEN do not like b*tches. Insecure little boys might, but not MEN.
Cheers. | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/21/2009 8:18:58 AM | | oh i hear you. same situation happind to me.Dated for 1.3 years then wham im nothing to her anymore.and im told woman would die foraniceguy. then why do they all choose the ass holes? lo | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/21/2009 8:28:50 AM |
oh i hear you. same situation happind to me.Dated for 1.3 years then wham im nothing to her anymore.and im told woman would die foraniceguy. then why do they all choose the ass holes? Lo
Ok, I've posted this a million times so for those who have missed it, here it is again.
Women do not want a**holes. GIRLS do. The reason they "seem" to choose the jerk over the nice guy is simply because the jerk APPEARS on the surface to be much more confident. Truth is, both jerks and door mat nice guys are INSECURE and lack CONFIDENCE. They just display it differently.
What WOMEN (not girls) want is a confident, BALANCED man. Think "James Bond" type. The type of man that is not pushed around by women. The kind of man that oozes confidence without being****. The strong, silent type.
If you want to truly understand what this means in plain English, read the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy" (Glover). The book explains why door mat nice guys finish last (and I'm sorry, if you say "I'm a nice guy but girls always want the a**hole" then my friend, you are a DOOR MAT. You may THINK you are just a nice guy, but the results you are achieving in life prove otherwise.
If all the door mat nice guys would read that book we'd never see another NICE GUY thread on PoF because THOSE men would be out on dates! | |
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| Confident Guys,[men&women] finish first!
Posted: 5/21/2009 8:56:41 AM |
No woman who is confident and respects herself will ever put up with a man who is not confident, who does not have integrity and who is not of strong character.
this is not the person who is suitable to be her mate. Nothing is more unattractive to a man than a woman's insecurity, the same is true for woman.
Ditto! Great reply mizbex with so much truth! Confidence breeds harmony and charecter. | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/21/2009 9:09:38 AM |
If you want to truly understand what this means in plain English, read the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy" (Glover). The book explains why door mat nice guys finish last (and I'm sorry, if you say "I'm a nice guy but girls always want the a**hole" then my friend, you are a DOOR MAT. You may THINK you are just a nice guy, but the results you are achieving in life prove otherwise.
Second that opinion. Get the book, guys. If you've been the proverbial 'nice guy' and are tired of second class treatment, get the book. I'm nowhere near done with my transformation yet, but what I've learned about myself and my 'nice guy' syndrome has been an eye-opening experience to this point.
Question to all 'nice guys'...how much pain do you want to go through before you spend $10 on Amazon and start fixing yourself.
Paul ;) | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/21/2009 10:04:03 AM | Ive posted before on this subject,. go to Page 11 scroll down to "Do any girls want a nice Guy?" click on page 16 and scroll to bottom. Over the years Ive learned that Respect is vital in determining where a relationship is going, ie Doormat , BF, Just friends, whatever.
For a woman to feel secure, the man must pass these tests for Respect. When you know what to look for, how to respond, your odds vastly improve. hint: "Women know when they are being out of line, by something they say or do" How you respond tells a lot about you.
These are subconscious tests, ingrained in women for weeding purposes.
 Guys do better if they follow their natural instincts to confront, then to be too nice, or ignore the woman. | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/21/2009 11:00:29 AM | I hear you,i'm in the same Boat.It gotten to the point that i've given up.Why is it the ***holes who get the women?,especially the Controlling One's,the Abusive One's?. | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/21/2009 1:13:08 PM | I have read all of these posting and have to ask why you think you are the problem? The issues are obviouse in your statements of these two ladies. You had just enough time with each for them to realize it was not a good match. You are so blessed! Why would you want to cling to someting that is not going to get better in the future ... unless you are indeed needy? I'm not saying you should be anything but good and respectful to them, but breakups can be for the best! Be kind and move on to fine the one who is best for you. Don't stay here and cry over spilled milk.
You actually have some good advice from a few here, but your replies indicate you are not listening ... you are arguing! Soften and really listen to some of the good advice you have already been given. Even if not intended, you do come across as needy and that is a big killer of almost any relationship...unless u want a DOM as your soul mate. Not being funny here ... just sincere. You do not sound like you have grown out of the 'I / Me / Myself' stage just yet to where you are the confident man in a relationship. The ladies hate that. They don't want to start out mothering someone! | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/21/2009 2:07:34 PM | I skipped most of the posts since I didn't feel like reading it but here are my words that I would like to express.
It is better to be humble and finish last with dignity and humility.
No matter how hard or easy the life is, it is a short journey of life's experiences that inspires us to feel human emotions and increase our wisdom.
Strive to love and move on.
Thank you. | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/22/2009 8:06:48 AM | well said,,, unfortunately, you are correct and I am in total agreement with you,,, the problem with this on line stuff is everyone is constantly trying to upgrade and never stop for the correct person,,,,,, and yes nice guys do finish last,,,,
I wish I could be more optimistic,,,, but us nice guys are all in the same wussy classification,,,, so you have to go out and be an a_______ and you will have many girls,,,,,,
the best for you! | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/22/2009 9:20:50 AM |
It is better to be humble and finish last with dignity and humility.
Music to my ears. PURE music.
The REAL misconception, is that if you're "this way", or exhibit "nice" behavior , something's wrong with you.(*sigh* how we've managed to start dishing out degrees in arm-chair psychology and I didn't get one is rediculous)
Like being decent [that's what I'll call it. You may call it what you will], is a disease that needs to be up-rooted. I'll wear my big-boy pants and assert myself where need-be. I'll also defend myself where need be (just did that a few days ago). Nice DOES NOT EQUAL WUSS ...[not over here, anyways]
Nice = wuss, is the same as saying black = gangster. It's
BULL-SH**************************************************T. I believe some re-capitulating is in order: IT'S BULL-SH***********************T.
If being who I am, both in character, demeanor, language, and mannerism makes me un-datable/un-attractive/un-suitable/un-fit/un-desirable.... so be it. I'm not compromising myself just so I can "Double my Dating". You get it ? It's like sub-consciously concurring that who you are, is wrong. Eff that in the A.
Better to finish [with yourself in-tact]. *shrugs* I'm just one fish among millions. What do I know ?
I'm sure there's 17 books, 5 government amendments, T.v hosts, elite members with expert advice, and 900 web-sites that are serviceable in proving me wrong.
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/22/2009 10:25:04 AM | Soulwolf, let me help you determine whether one is indeed a door mat or just a good guy. These are just some general examples but for the most part help clarify what people mean when they say DOOR MAT nice guy or a good man.
A1: If you do nice things for people expecting nothing in return because that is who you are, that's called being a "good" man.
A2: If you do nice things for people with some type of expectation (especially if you haven't told this person that was the deal) that is called a "covert contract" and you're being manipulative. There's nothing NICE about being manipulative towards other people to get what you want. This is the behavior of a door mat nice guy.
B1: If you seek approval from within and not from others, you are a confident, secure person.
B2: If you constantly seek approval from others, you are a door mat nice guy.
C1: If you do something nice and the person doesn't reciprocate, you get angry and nasty with them. This is the behavior of a door mat nice guy.
C2: If you do something nice and the person doesn't reciprocate and it doesn't phase you one bit, that's a good, well balanced man.
D1: If a woman "tests" you, doing things that she knows is wrong and you let her walk over you, you're being a door mat nice guy.
D2: If a woman "tests" you, doing things that she knows is wrong and you put her in her place, you're a confident, well balanced guy.
E1: If you have the strength to walk away from a relationship that you know is bad for you, you are confident, well balanced guy.
E2: If you don't walk away from a bad relationship and worse, try to cling to your ex hoping they will stay, you are a door mat nice guy.
If you relate to all the 1s in this post, you're doing fine.
If you relate to all the 2s in this post, you need to read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" (Glover).
Again, it's not about being a jerk because jerks and door mat nice guys share the same lack of confidence, they just display it differently. It's one thing to be nice, it's another all together to be nice because you are trying to make up for your own perceived lack of confidence. Being nice to others to get them to like you is the definition of "Door Mat Nice Guy". You shouldn't have to do nice things for people to get them to like you. Just be yourself and be comfortable with who you are and so will other people.
The added bonus to this philosophy in life is that by being yourself, the right people will naturally gravitate towards you and the bad people in your life will disappear.
Hope this helps clarify things. | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/22/2009 11:46:05 AM | I'm all 1s[With the caveat of C and D... I'm Cenario 2 on those]. Each scenario you displayed has a real-life implication, that I visually saw myself in [be it putting a girl in her place given the scenario, or walking away from someone who finds comfort in being a usurper, or doing things expecting zero in return]. Not just in the past, but presently. Particularly in the present.
That's how I know what kind of person I am.
Heh, I'm laughing because lots of "flies" are dropping from my life.
Agreed and well-noted.
What was that Charlie-Brown movie with the boat-race ?
.....We're Number 1.We're Number 1. We're Number 1. We're Number 1. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/22/2009 2:06:44 PM | That's good. All I saying is that there are genuine GOOD guys who calls themselves NICE and there are genuine DOOR MATS who calls themselves nice.
Knowing the difference between the two is key to understanding a major problem in one's life and taking the proper steps to fixing it. | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/22/2009 6:27:27 PM |
Second that opinion. Get the book, guys. If you've been the proverbial 'nice guy' and are tired of second class treatment, get the book. I'm nowhere near done with my transformation yet, but what I've learned about myself and my 'nice guy' syndrome has been an eye-opening experience to this point.
Question to all 'nice guys'...how much pain do you want to go through before you spend $10 on Amazon and start fixing yourself.
Paul ;) Point taken... I'll take you up on your offer.  | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/28/2009 4:53:13 AM | ( jarbarian2 )
Your the man ! also Id like to add that the behavior you see in Women who cronically go after AKA"bad boys" are really mistaking the innate need to find the cave man who can bring home the dino! , ( one healthy for breedings strong children ) ( a wuss can be seen as bad genes, ) (yes there are genictic reasons even if Your not aware )
protect the offspring, protect Her, bring home the food! ok so there arnt any dino,s these days ,but still , A Woman looking for a Man wants stability, respect, trust, but acting the wuss and I dont mean being kind, considerate, loving is like raid to wasps! they/We want reliable, sex?........Man up and You will get more, use confidance not a big ego,
donts= whinning all the time, whoa-is Me
= lazy couch potato,s ]
= no regard for others
= men who cant hold a job,
= lame, lazy, sexually
= narisitsistic ok so I cant spell | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/28/2009 7:17:31 AM | ohhhh the irony, i've just recently been seeing the guy who made this post, nice guy?
hmmm... asked me out on the first date, i say no as im not ready and its too soon, next day he says we need to take it slower and that i shouldn't come up two days after as we'd originally planned.... then 40minutes later rings me up and says how he's an idiot for letting me walk away and im so amazing blah blah blah. and to please come up in 2 days.
Then it turns out that when i went up yesterday his mate said something that made me really suspicious with the way he reacted. So i looked at his phone, no i do not think thats wrong, i wouldnt have cared if he looked at mine... and i find this "nice guy" has got hold of this girls number with a boyfriend, saying how sad he is she has a boyfriend, and how i am this girl whose 'really into him but he's not into me which makes it akward'.
well why the **** did you invite me up then you idiot!
nice guy? i didn't think so.
his excuse? he got scared because he not used to someone being so affectionate and so nice so soon, and thats what he does when he feels stressed out.
He tried to apologise... but i can't see why i should forgive him for saying that about me. Made it sound like i was an obsessed little girl, which i am not!
Anyone actually think i should have overlooked it and forgiven him just because the 'in a relationship status' on facebook wasn't there? | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/28/2009 9:42:45 AM | | Cheer up mate.. There's a lot of us guys out there that women just don't think we even exist. Just remember the age-old saying "There's plenty of fish in the sea." | |
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