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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/28/2009 10:24:14 AM |
( jarbarian2 )
Your the man ! also Id like to add that the behavior you see in Women who cronically go after AKA"bad boys" are really mistaking the innate need to find the cave man who can bring home the dino! , ( one healthy for breedings strong children ) ( a wuss can be seen as bad genes, ) (yes there are genictic reasons even if Your not aware )
Haha, thanks. There is also the simple fact that women see a bad boy as a challenge. That she can "domesticate" him and make him the kind of guy she'd love. The irony in this thought process is as soon as he does become domesticated, the "animalistic" vibes that attracted her to him will be gone and thus, she'll lose her attraction to him.
Women who desire "project" men (bad boys), rather than strong, confident and well balanced men will never be truly happy.
protect the offspring, protect Her, bring home the food! ok so there arnt any dino,s these days ,but still , A Woman looking for a Man wants stability, respect, trust, but acting the wuss and I dont mean being kind, considerate, loving is like raid to wasps! they/We want reliable, sex?........Man up and You will get more, use confidance not a big ego,
donts= whinning all the time, whoa-is Me
= lazy couch potato,s ]
= no regard for others
= men who cant hold a job,
= lame, lazy, sexually
= narisitsistic ok so I cant spell
Pretty much. That is why I recommend the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy" (Glover) all the time to door mat men. They don't understand that it's their own lack of self-worth and confidence that is pushing the women they desire away from them and attracting women that aren't quite ready to be in a fit relationship. | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/28/2009 10:43:40 AM |
So i looked at his phone, no i do not think thats wrong, i wouldnt have cared if he looked at mine...
Better make sure he feels the same way. Otherwise it is wrong and makes you look like the nosey bad guy. | |
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Vasqi
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Joined: 5/25/2009
Msg: 178 | |
| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/28/2009 11:15:19 AM | I've experienced this problem as well. In fact, I think most guys have, even the ass holes. I thinks that's what makes them become ass holes. Here's the problem, as best as I can figure it:
If you are over-kind to a person, then it builds up their ego and self confidence. This causes some people to interpret it as "Oh, I'm better than I thought I was; at least this person seems to think so anyway... perhaps I can do better than them". And the next thing you know, they are trading you in for a "better model". And by "better" I don't mean nicer and kinder, I mean, better looking or someone who is more popular. Afterall, there are plenty of people out there that think of the person they are in a relationship with as little more than an accessory; something they through on at the last minute to enhance their image.
On the other hand, If someone treats you poorly, then it lowers your self esteem. It makes you feel unworthy. It makes you feel like this person who is treating you badly must be better than you; out of your league. Consequently, you wouldn't even consider attempting to find someone better than them. And people in such relationships usually respond by desperately trying to hold on to the person that is treating them poorly, because they feel that that person is out of their league. Some even reason that they should apologize for "being unworthy", and this just reinforces the poor treatment.
Sometimes when people get angry, they say nasty things that they don't really feel. Most often, when this happens, there are negative consequences that make them regret it latter. But sometimes, unfortunately, the person they abuse at these times ends up accepting the abuse and apologizing to them for whatever made up crap the person insulting them had complained about. This then, makes the abuser feel justified, not regretful.
...
This happened in my last relationship. I allowed the girl to get away with way too much. I put up with it because I didn't want to rock the boat. But is it her fault that I trained her to think it was okey to treat me like that? If someone does something unacceptable, because they're on their period or having trouble at work or whatever, and you let it slide, then you are telling them that you also believe that you deserve to be treated that way. If your actions tell them that you are beneath them, then that's how they come to see you.
In the end, I had let it get so far, there was no way for me to salvage the relationship. I know, that this girl I lost, is a wonderful person despite the fact that there was plenty of things that went on that were unacceptable. There was plenty of kind things that I did, which only served to convince her that she could do better than me... The fact is, in a relationship, you can't be a counselor and a partner at the same time.
--> Some people out there need to see a therapist before they think about dating.
I'm not trying to be mean, but it's just the way it is. We can love them, but we can't fix them. And if we love them unfixed, they might break us. | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/28/2009 12:15:57 PM | | You have it exactly right! I've always lost respect for a man who let me walk on them. I happen to be a strong woman - it can be difficult to find someone with equal strength. I also will not let a man walk on me. I also think age and experience makes a person appreciate someone who is a "nice guy." | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/28/2009 12:18:45 PM |
ohhhh the irony, i've just recently been seeing the guy who made this post, nice guy?
This ought to be good :)
hmmm... asked me out on the first date, i say no as im not ready and its too soon, next day he says we need to take it slower and that i shouldn't come up two days after as we'd originally planned.... then 40minutes later rings me up and says how he's an idiot for letting me walk away and im so amazing blah blah blah. and to please come up in 2 days.
Signs of a door mat nice guy? Hot/Cold behavior. To get what they want they are overly nice. If they don't get it, they get very angry. Think passive/aggressive.
Then it turns out that when i went up yesterday his mate said something that made me really suspicious with the way he reacted. So i looked at his phone, no i do not think thats wrong, i wouldnt have cared if he looked at mine... and i find this "nice guy" has got hold of this girls number with a boyfriend, saying how sad he is she has a boyfriend, and how i am this girl whose 'really into him but he's not into me which makes it akward'.
Again, since he needs himself to be validated by others, the door mat nice guy will constantly have many fires burning to feed his own lack of self-esteem.
well why the **** did you invite me up then you idiot!
nice guy? i didn't think so.
his excuse? he got scared because he not used to someone being so affectionate and so nice so soon, and thats what he does when he feels stressed out.
Door mat nice guys are often not only dishonest with others, but dishonest with themselves.
He tried to apologise... but i can't see why i should forgive him for saying that about me. Made it sound like i was an obsessed little girl, which i am not!
Anyone actually think i should have overlooked it and forgiven him just because the 'in a relationship status' on facebook wasn't there?
People lie about many things when they aren't even being honest with themselves. Be glad that you didn't take this relationship any farther. | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/28/2009 12:21:25 PM |
you are over-kind to a person
This alone is the problem. Not how the person reacts to it, but the simple fact that someone feels they need to be overly-kind to get someone to like them.
Being overly-kind is a sure sign you are a door mat nice guy. You are seeking approval and love from others because you don't know how to gain self-approval and you surely do not love yourself.
It's hard to recognize what love, respect and confidence should look like in others if one does not know it for himself. | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/28/2009 1:58:55 PM |
People lie about many things when they aren't even being honest with themselves. Be glad that you didn't take this relationship any farther.
Well, i guess i made the right choice. He hasn't been in touch since either, sure the girl with the boyfriend can keep him company. *sigh* | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/28/2009 2:02:17 PM |
Well, i guess i made the right choice. He hasn't been in touch since either, sure the girl with the boyfriend can keep him company. *sigh*
It's often in hindsight that we become acutely aware of how LUCKY we are that we did not end up in a serious relationship with someone :) | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/28/2009 2:08:28 PM |
Better make sure he feels the same way. Otherwise it is wrong and makes you look like the nosey bad guy.
Of course he didnt feel the same way, he didnt want me reading those texts to her.
That doesnt make me the bad guy, i deserved to know the truth, i dont want to be with him knowing that, if i hadnt known i would have probably ended up with him...
People use 'Privacy' as an excuse to get away with those kind of things... But i made it clear from the beginning i wanted honesty, and when a guy text me that liked me he was all 'tell him to f*ck off youre mine'. (He also knew i'd had trouble with ex's texting girls before.)
How can it be ok to be so one-sided, i told any guy that text me in that way that i liked someone and was seeing how it was going...
Grrrr. lol. | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/28/2009 3:29:22 PM |
Of course he didnt feel the same way, he didnt want me reading those texts to her.
That doesnt make me the bad guy, i deserved to know the truth, i dont want to be with him knowing that, if i hadnt known i would have probably ended up with him...
I understand wanting to know the truth, but what you did there was the equivalent of a police officer that does an illegal search and seizure without a search warrant. You know what happens with that evidence, right? It gets tossed out in court because the officer had to break the law first in order to obtain it. So the cop is now on the same level as the criminal since they've both broken the law.
Ultimately, what you did to him was just as disrespectful as what he did to you. You both violated each other's trust. | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/28/2009 3:45:53 PM | I get what you mean, but think you make it sound a lot more serious than it is.
I definitely have a different opinion on it, maybe because im such an open person i expect the same in return.
If i had asked for a 'search warrant' as you put it, do you really think he'd have shown me?
Answer = No. | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/28/2009 4:22:13 PM |
LOL
I was wondering if you were going to chime in on that post.
Meh, I wish the OP was here in his defense. Would love to hear why he's chatting it up with other women while wooing another.
Granted, her methods for finding out were unorthodox but I don't blame her. He was never going to be honest and she saved herself heartbreak.
Props to her for having the self-confidence and integrity to do the right thing, even if it was a little unethical :) | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/28/2009 4:24:30 PM | I understand where you're coming from. There's certainly nothing wrong with you being open and expecting that in return, but it's always a good idea to make sure you and the other person are both on the same page about that from the beginning. Otherwise it can backfire.
Like suppose hypothetically you hadn't found anything and he hadn't been doing anything wrong. You'd be the only one in the wrong here. See what I'm saying?
Then depending on the guy, he might be forgiving of it or he might just kick you to the curb. Which I guess wouldn't matter that much if you weren't really into him, but if you really liked the guy, a whole potential relationship just got messed up.
Anyway, sounds like you guys weren't really on the same page, so it's probably best for both of you that it ended where it did. Good luck in the future. | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/28/2009 4:36:40 PM | | "Nice guy" tends to mean really boring. What girl wants to be with someone that doesn't lead an interesting life? Some people call me nice, but in reality its more like "not an obvious jackass". I honestly just think women get tired of the whole nice guy routine. | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/28/2009 4:49:52 PM | i did really like him...
and we'd discussed where it could go and how we felt about things...
but J guy is right, i probably saved myself the heartache...
But i do get what you mean, i do...
its a shame that i felt the need to do it and it a shame i had to find something...
and yeh if he was here to argue his side, youd see both sides of the story, i cant give his side for him... | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/28/2009 7:06:07 PM | | I am a woman who never gets tired of the whole nice guy routine. I love it when a guy opens my car door...let's me order first at a restaurant and just in general is a nice guy. I would never try to change anyone to be someone that they are not. | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/28/2009 9:04:37 PM | You are right of course, and I'm learning that. It's less about being nice and more about something else. I've learned recently we should strive to have others see us truly, in so doing we can attract those we should be with. It may be that you find yourself alone however and there's nothing wrong with that. As long as others see you for who you are not for what you'd like them too then it's enough for me personally. And as always I try to see them truly as well.
Good day | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/28/2009 10:01:23 PM | AndthenIwas5Again said Unfortunately we "nice guys" are in the wrong place all the time.
Id say isn't that the da*n truth.
Not all sort of bad boys are liked. I can be challenging. But when I start becoming challenging I get dropped like a hot tator. Mostly I am sweet serious but friendly and playful at times. Your dark hair blue eyes have nothing much to do with it. I have myself dark hair, gray blue eyes. It just takes time as I can see anymore. have a talk with older women. You will find its more appreciated and exciting anyways. I don't mean with older, 100 years older. Just they take you for how mature you are, even if you just stay friends you will learn valuable things. At least you have a better conversation at times. Sometimes young ladies tend to act like they are still 12 or even 16. I see a lot how the ladies of today 18-22 are acting like I did when I was 12. I am 21 now I am already in life working a crappy job but better than nothing right. I would do nearly anything to have someone my age as mature as I am. I only pick the wrong ones as well obviously.
Just because a lady has a child doesn't make her any different than one that don't. If anything they should be more mature. That's how I see it. | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/29/2009 1:26:26 AM | | i wont count on that ive been here awhile and was told by a good friend whom i wish i never introducted to this site that the nice guys are going to lose, women keep going after the ones that will hurt them, and i am beganing to think shes right.i keep seeing wanted a man wwho is honest and they dont want that they say they do but when it comes down to it no they dont, honest and loyal dont cut it any more lord only knows what does. | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/29/2009 4:40:00 AM | Well this isn't exactly my kinda thing, public airing of dirty linen but here we go. I'll make one post on this matter, and no more. I won't hold anything back, and i shall tell everything from my own perspective. Whether or not anyone wants to comment or make aspersions is irrelevant, as i'm not going to be paying attention to it.
Yes, over the past week "Miss Unpredictable" has visited me twice, and i did find myself very attracted to her. We talked and texted a lot and arranged for her to come by and visit. So, she does. Within one hour we first had sex. That's not how i usually do things by any means, but it happened. We had a good time on the first day. She stayed, and i thought about things to myself whilst laid in bed, i didn't feel fully comfortable. I'd never slept with someone on a first date, never had someone be that cuddly and affectionate so quickly. Get a bit over-reactive to how i behaved before having met me (This relates to me apparently not caring about someone's feelings when i didn't text them for a few hours, despite not ever meeting them by this point). It was all just too much too quickly.
So the next day i was quite distant. I didn't say anything about it because i knew how awkward that would be and in all honesty i just didn't want to go through with that. That day passed, she went home, i suggested maybe coming back later in the week wasn't a good idea. Within the next hour or so i spoke with my friend on the matter, he suggested maybe i was being a bit quick to react and that i should give this whole thing a chance. That got me thinking down that line, so i did, i called her up and said come again and we'll see how it goes.
Now between then and when she next comes up i felt a bit uneasy on the situation, but i'd made my choice so i resolved to stick with it and see if my fears did just melt away on their own. Now, at this point i'm a fully single, young guy. If i meet a new girl i like, i will be flirtatious. That's pretty much part and parcel. The other girl in question i'd met recently, we had hit it off, and i wanted to talk to her so i text her. My messages are quite flirtatious in nature (and possibly taken worse if you don't understand my sense of humour, but again i don't have to make any defense for that as it's my business alone). I didn't think anything of it, because i'm not committed to anyone, and flirting never hurt anyone.
So wednesday rolls around, we had a relatively nice day, and things seemed to be going okay. I came to the conclusion that i was happy with how it was going and i wanted to see if it could go further (do note, i hadn't been in touch with any other girl in any way on that day due to that decision - I left the messages on my phone because that's all they were. Messages. I wasn't hiding them, because they didn't need to be hidden.) So anyway, my friend makes a comment in passing about how i'd gotten the other girls number, i attempted to brush it off (naively) because i figured it wouldn't be a very good thing to talk about with Miss Unpredictable in the room, awkward or whatever. Anyway, apparently she took that as suspicious and granting of a right to then take my phone and go through it. This i don't agree with. Apparently (in her own words) "I'm a girl, we all do it!" and that's justification for invading someone's privacy.
Anyway, she became upset about this because apparently despite not being committed me being a regular 20-year old guy isn't allowed. Don't get me wrong, i know it's not a nice thing to encounter, but i wouldn't be up in arms if she was texting someone else. I'd take it as a chance to show why i'm a more desirable person (Ironic i guess).
All-in-all, i don't believe i did anything particularly wrong or out-of-line. Maybe it doesn't fit in with everyone's ideals, but that's life. We have differing views on things, and apparently that was enough to make her decide to abandon everything completely.
As a follow-up, Miss Unpredictable then taking the number of the other girl and texting her was a bit strange. The other girl said she was a bit weirded out by it but not really phased. Even so, it's unusual behaviour.
I'm going to write that one off as one of those things that didn't work out. She is a lovely girl, and i'm sure she'll find someone who meets exactly what she wants.
That's all from me for now, i don't wish this thread to turn into a massive character judgement or debate on this situation as that's not the purpose of it.
My two cents. | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/29/2009 5:34:30 AM | | knight i believe that you have hit it exactly ive not given up yet but i sure am on the road to doing so seems al lthe women want are "bad boy" then to complain about them later. | |
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| Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/29/2009 7:42:13 AM | first things first.
Before we had even met you told me you were falling for me.
You rang me for hours and hours on end, text me constantly, so when all of a sudden one day you went quiet, yeh i noticed, and yeh it made me feel abit hmmmm.
i never said you didnt care because of it.
Don't get me wrong, i know it's not a nice thing to encounter, but i wouldn't be up in arms if she was texting someone else. I'd take it as a chance to show why i'm a more desirable person (Ironic i guess).
BUL*SHIT!
when a guy text me saying how he would have liked to have met up abit more to then have possibly moved into a relationship, you said, i quote "tell him to **** off, youre mine"
I text that girl because i wanted her to know the truth.
And you made me out to be some sort of school girl with a crush on a popstar.
I wont turn this into a debate in front of everyone, we both know that isnt the full story. But tell it how you like. | |
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