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| Why is there so little dating between white men and black women?
Posted: 6/11/2009 5:59:00 PM | | Disagree from family experience. My uncle is married to a black woman now. She loves him and treats him well. We (the extended) family welcomed her with open arms. As I stated earlier it is about the total package of the person. | |
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| Why is there so little dating between white men and black women?
Posted: 6/11/2009 6:09:50 PM | I think there are many factors as to why you don't see BF/WM relationships...but it can vary according to the situation.
-Someone feels is intimidated/hesitant to date outself their race.
-Perhaps someone doesn't find a particular ethnic background attractive or feel they will have very little in common.
-Demographic location...while there are some exceptions, it is often rare to find large populations of certain people with certain beliefs in certain locations. Plus, it's not like when someone walks down a street, they wear a billboard noting all of their interests/beliefs/etc.
-Unfortunately, it's never going to be possible to meet and get to know EVERYONE in life.
-There are different types of people...everyone is not compatible with everyone. For example, I could find a white male who I'm extremely physically attracted to, yet have nothing in common with...not a good match, at least according to what I'm looking for.
-Some people (not all) still hold on to stereotypes when looking at people, which holds them back from exploring certain things.
-Some people are just DEAD SET AGAINST IT...you cannot change them and why would you waste your energy trying...it's their right to chose who they want to date, just like it's yours.
-Putting race aside, dating is a lottery, it's all about chance (being in the right place at the right time (location wise and life wise) and finding someone with mutual interests/attraction/respect. | |
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| Why is there so little dating between white men and black women?
Posted: 6/11/2009 6:40:15 PM | I guess things are so different in the South I dont know where you are from but its so different. My ex was a police officer. He has a son with a black woman. He had a work function and I wanted to go with him he told me he couldnt take me because if he was seen with a black woman it could affect him getting promoted because of the prejduce he worked for were in higher postion. These were the people who determined who went how far. So I asked him what are you going to do when they see your son?? It so obvious his mother is not white. He said he didnt know. Well need less to say why he is my ex boyfriend. Im sorry but if you cant take me to work function and if you feel uncomfortable introducing me to friends family and coworkers you can hit the road!
I know how my mom would react she would sit you down and probably offer you something to eat lol. Shes always cooking I dont understand how she says so thin hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm | |
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| Why is there so little dating between white men and black women?
Posted: 6/11/2009 7:27:06 PM | If a black girl said to me "Sorry I can't let you meet my family because they would not like it that you are white" I would say I want to meet them anyhow. Because that bridge has to be crossed sometime, better to get it out of the way now.
I am not at all ashamed to be seen with a black woman.
I remember years back at a club I had gone to with 4 black girls I knew. It seemed the black guys were giving the girls dirty looks and I was oblivious to it. But one of them confronted a guy asking what his problem was. When he said "Why are you with whitey there sista? You should be with a brotha." She said "I like vanilla. he likes chocolate. Problem?" He just sucked his teeth and uttered "****" to her. Sad I tell ya.
And then a white girl says to one of them later in the night "Why are you black girls stealing the white guys? Keep to your own kind." Seems that because some white guys were talking to the black girls I was with it got these white girls annoyed. And because I was seen talking to some other black girls, these white girls got annoyed as well asking me "Oh so you don't like your own kind?" My reply was "Sorry my mother told me never to talk to ignorant and arrogant women."
Mind you that was back in 1995, I think alot has changed since then. | |
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| Why is there so little dating between white men and black women?
Posted: 6/13/2009 11:12:06 PM | JoJonla, as an older "woman of color", I agree that negative stereotypes about black women abound......that we have nothing, are nothing, and will never have anything or be anything....
If I had a dime for every white man who asked me, in a condescending way, if I "had a job" (I actually have two....both VERY professional positions), and a nickel for the looks on their faces when I told them what my jobs were, and how long I had been doing them, I would have enough money to buy a brand-new Mercedes (instead of the new car I drive now), for CASH!
So, the guys that have "hit on me" for all the WRONG reasons understand that THIS black lady is not impressed when you say you can "take" me somewhere, because I can take myself to a lot of classier places, and have done so, and I am NOT impressed when they talk about what they own, because I own some of the same things..... | |
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| Why is there so little dating between white men and black women?
Posted: 6/14/2009 10:44:33 AM | To Brownlady
I agree with you ! I am glad that I am not the only woman who feels this way! I went to college I have a job I live alone never been pregnant never married I take care of myself and I dont need a man to pay my way. Am I rich hell no but with all that most men see me as another black woman who is nothing will never be nothing and if I go out with her I will be seen as a white man of lower status because I have a black woman on my arm. It sucks that people in general feel this way about us but that is how it is. Its like we are not worthy of having nice things or being treated with respect. We are supposed to get excited and sit up on all fours like Fido just because you think you can bring out like we have never been to nice fancy resturant or stayed in nice hotel. I feel this is the mentality of most of the white men here in Louisiana. People may say why do you want to date a white guy then? My answer to them.... I know white men in other places of the country dont feel this way. As a matter of fact most of the mail I get is from men who live up North. If I could meet a man up North who was willing and able to put in the time to make a long distance reatlionship work I would go there.
I dont want people to think I am an angry black woman far from that. I am happy and I smile everyday. These are just issues I have to live with as a black woman and I would be a fool to think other wise. I am aware of what most people think about me as black woman because I see how we are portrayed in the media and music videos we are looking and acting like whores with no class no pride no dignity
Look at music videos the black woman is always shaking her ass looking like a hoochie being disrespected while women of other races are treated like queens dressed classy and the men are treating them with respect showing the proudly on their arms. Usher Sean Diddy and other rap and hip hop artist are guilty of this. Thats why I dont listen to them nor do I by their music. | |
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| Why is there so little dating between white men and black women?
Posted: 6/14/2009 11:02:34 AM | I'll share this opinion only after discussing the topic with a few of my mates (all white)
Most white guys do not consider black women physically attractive. There's no racial factors or any societal issues involved, everyone I spoke to just said that black women are generally not as attractive to white guys as white women are.
There's a few celebrity exceptions; Halle Berry, Thandie Newton for example. But, once again, those people ARE celebrities because they're the only black women that whites find attractive. A living, breathing exception to the rule.
This isn't something I personally agree with, I've seen some drop-dead-gorgeous black women on my college campus, some of them so astonishingly beautiful that they literally rob me of my breath and confidence to approach. But, if you're looking for a general reason why... here it is. | |
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| Why is there so little dating between white men and black women?
Posted: 6/14/2009 11:18:38 AM | I really don't think I can add any insight into this issue because it is impossible for me to walk in your shoes. I will say that you seem like a very intelligent, confident and successful woman and it is a shame that you have had some of the experiences you describe. I have visited the south numerous times and it never ceases to amaze some of the "backward" ways that still persist. On a more positive note, I do think you are correct in your assessment of the "north". I am from Canada and have had the opportunity to date out side of my race with no discernible "problems". And after reading your posts I became aware that the majority of inter-racial relationships I know personally are black woman with white men! All of these relationships are long term and stable...at least they appear to be...lol.
Anyway, I think the main thing to remember is that for every rule there are exceptions. There are all kinds of people out there, some more insightful than others. Hopefully things will work out for you...and if you ever visit Canada feel free to look me up! LOL
Take care | |
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| Why is there so little dating between white men and black women?
Posted: 6/14/2009 11:39:29 AM | Hellgrimlin
Those women who you mentioned are biracial and that is why most men find them attractive. Most men in generally find black women who are biracial more attractive than somene like me who is not biracial. I think it all about streotypes. A biracial black woman is going to have lighter skin lighter eyes probably a nice lean body nicer hair texture seen as soft and classy. This is how most men see Halle Berry and Thandie Newton they can see the black woman but not have the full effect because the woman is mixed with another race.
I am dark skined dark eyes I have an athletic body course hair. I am a very classy lady. I dress well I wear makeup and I take pride in my appearance but I am a dark skin woman I will never be seen in the same way as women like Halle and Thandie I know you use them because they are celeberties and people know them. But if you put me in a room with a biracial black woman I probably would be the one standing alone. Its ok though if people think my dark skin is negative let them. My mom is 56 and looks 35 so I got youth on my side. I dont have to worry about aging fast because of my dark skin so I am good. | |
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| Why is there so little dating between white men and black women?
Posted: 6/14/2009 11:41:39 AM | I stated this in another thread. I would date a black woman. If the attraction was mutual, I would jump at the chance. Just like I would jump at the chance to date a purple woman I found attractive.
I don't meet many black women in my area. If I had the opportunity to meet a black woman like some of the ladies who have posted here I would absolutely ask her out. I haven't had that opportunity since I've been dating recently. | |
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| Why is there so little dating between white men and black women?
Posted: 6/14/2009 11:48:21 AM | Hellgrimlin
Those women who you mentioned are biracial and that is why most men find them attractive. Most men in generally find black women who are biracial more attractive than somene like me who is not biracial. I think it all about streotypes. A biracial black woman is going to have lighter skin lighter eyes probably a nice lean body nicer hair texture seen as soft and classy. This is how most men see Halle Berry and Thandie Newton they can see the black woman but not have the full effect because the woman is mixed with another race.
I am dark skined dark eyes I have an athletic body course hair. I am a very classy lady. I dress well I wear makeup and I take pride in my appearance but I am a dark skin woman I will never be seen in the same way as women like Halle and Thandie I know you use them because they are celeberties and people know them. But if you put me in a room with a biracial black woman I probably would be the one standing alone. Its ok though if people think my dark skin is negative let them. My mom is 56 and looks 35 so I got youth on my side. I dont have to worry about aging fast because of my dark skin so I am good.
I'm not gonna argue! I checked out your profile, and I think you're pretty fucking hot. I'd ask you out in a heartbeat if you were closer. But, again, that's just my preference, I can't speak for all the crackers out there.
Just to give you an idea of where my tastes come from, I lived in Harare for 4 years. I think it's just a matter of exposure. White guys who haven't been exposed to very many attractive black women, tend to stick with white women. Other white guys might have different tastes.
A lot of it is fear, a lot of it is social norms and mores, a lot of it is family-instilled values. I mean, I bet there's a lot of black girls who won't date whites, either. In the end, it's just a matter of what you prefer, what you perceive, and what you're crazy about.
edit: upon second review, you madam are retardedly hot. | |
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| Why is there so little dating between white men and black women?
Posted: 6/14/2009 11:48:28 AM | Mr Nerd
I have no doubt in my mind its the location! When I was up North it was very differnt the men were friendly and classy and approachable. I dated a white male from New York but it was long distance and we end up going our seperate ways but I dont have nothing bad do say about him because he didnt care what people thought about seeing us in public he held myhand he kissed me and touched me in public, he introduced me to his fater he treated me like lady not like a disease he was trying to avoid. I would love to find someone like that agian. Down here white men look down on me like I am still a slave working in the fields lol. Let me try to approach a white male down south most will turn their head up me like a dog does food when they dont like it. Its like they think they are too good to be seen holding the hand of a black woman.
I hate living here but like ive said my job is why I am here I have to stay and put up with the ignorance of the South for a little while longer. Now I am sure there are some really kind white men down south who would date me but I just cant seem to find one lol. Iam not saying all white men are like this most are. I dont want a white guy from the south saying I put all of them in the same category because that isnt true... | |
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| Why is there so little dating between white men and black women?
Posted: 6/14/2009 12:26:42 PM | I think there has been very little dating between wm and bw due to society pressures, cultural pressures and stereotypes. Some wm say they don't find bw attractive, yet they might find ww attractive who have tanned skin, fuller lips, curvy (in the right spots) confident etc. many of the attributes that many bw have naturally but somehow are less appealing on us....? (raises an eyebrow) Likewise, you can find ghetto (typically associated with bw) trailer park trash (typically associated with ww), uneducated, loud mouthed, uncouth, abnoxious, angry, bitter, gold digging women of any race. No specific group or race has a monopoly on this. Opinions are formed based on what is seen or experienced (and no one has seen nor experienced the whole world), and assumptions are made based on what is reported to us through the media and stats (figures lie because liars figure)
Personally, I have dated wm and have been contacted by many wm on this site interested in dating. I always ask if they have ever dated a bw. I am often told no, and it was either because bw showed no interest in them or it was easier to date women more "acceptable" to their families etc. but they had now reached a point in their lives wherein their happiness was more important than pleasing others. (I have found the latter response typically in wm 50+)...not posting a stat lol
Vash | |
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| Why is there so little dating between white men and black women?
Posted: 6/14/2009 12:31:57 PM | Why does ethnicity matter so much to people? If you are of 1 race and only date someone of another race (say you're a black chick that only like white guys), isn't that still discrimination? Isn't that still a certain level of bigotry? Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black? Granted, everyone has right to their preferences. I believe that and appreciate it. I say live and let live. HOWEVER, to me, if you let something as superficial as ethnicity, something that one cannot change (unless you're Michael Jackson), then it's just discrimination and closed-mindedness. Why can't people just looking for someone cool regardless of race? I think when you limit yourself to an ethnicity, you are looking for someone who has the stereotypical characteristics of that race. Which is just ignorant. In that regard, you are being just as ignorant as the people that are biased against those who are of a different ethnicity of their own. You're being just as ignorant as those in the south that everyone is speaking of.
I would never let something as superficial as ethnicity prevent me from missing out on someone cool. I don't care what shade they come in. Because ethnicity will NEVER dictate who that person is underneath. | |
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| Why is there so little dating between white men and black women?
Posted: 6/14/2009 12:44:36 PM | I disgree with you winterlotus
I guess you didnt read my other posting that stated that i have dated men of all races meaning that I have had an open mind when it came to dating men of other races and because i have been out with a varitey of men I found my prefernce in white males. I guess you didnt read the part when I stated that i was sure their are some great white males down south who will date black women I just never found one. I can see if i have never dated men of other races then maybe you would have the right to call me ignorant but since I have dated men of various racial backgrounds you calling me ingorant is not fair. I speak from my experiences and that is all. | |
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| Why is there so little dating between white men and black women?
Posted: 6/14/2009 1:05:57 PM |
I disgree with you winterlotus
First off, let me apologize if you mistakenly believed that my response was directed at you. I never said you were ignorant. I don't know you, so I would never insult you in that regard. It seems to me that you personalized my response when it wasn't even directed at you. It seems that you are being defensive for no reason. My response was to the entire thread, not specifically to you. I would have quoted you had I meant you specifically, as I did w/ this thread.
And you have the right to your opinion and preferences. As I stated in my post. But I'm right on the money. You haven't dated ALL white males, so you haven't a right to label them all based on the few you've experienced. Everyone's different. Just like you are a black female and so am I. However, we are 2 totally different people. You cannot assume anything about me based on an experience w/ you. That's my point.
Now, as far as ignorance goes, stating that "white men do this" or "white men think that" or "having tanned skin, full lips, etc" are "false features" on white women is ignorant. not all white men think the way the ones you've experience think. That's just as bad as those that label you w/ stereotypical black woman characteristics. Races mix. Physical characteristics are passed down. If a white woman has naturally full lips, then they are natural. She isn't being fake. Should white women w/ full lips get them lipo'd so that they can be more white? I mean, come on, that just doesn't make any sense.
Having said that, I totally agreed w/ everything that Vashti65 said in her last post. She made no generalizations about any ethnicity. Sometimes it's not what you say, but how you say it. You have a right to your preferences, as do I. I respect that. I really do. Also, experience does shape your outlook on life. However, it's my belief, and i have a right to that, that limiting yourself to 1 ethnicity (regardless if that ethnicity is that of your own or not) is bigotry. But that's just my opinion. You may disagree w/ it all you want.  | |
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| Why is there so little dating between white men and black women?
Posted: 6/14/2009 1:07:48 PM |
I'm in Michigan and it's very segregated up here. Even in the classrooms, white kids sit together and all the black kids sit amongst each other
ugh i hate to hear this. I am so blessed to live in one of the most diverse communities in the country. We do not have these issues here. There are so many interracial/interfaith couples in our area including white men/black women.
With that said, and this is only my experience with some of my caucasian male friends, many of them would be open to dating black women but they are CONVINCED that black women do not want to date them. There is a cry from black women concerning the alleged "lack of" eligible, good black men. The emphasis on this would suggest to some white males that they aren't what black women want.
I would suggest that black women interested in dating outside their race be open about it. Be firtatious and friendly with men you are interested in whether they be the same race/ethnicity as you or not.
You may be surprised. My son is about as much of a white boy as you can get but he has no preference. He's crushed on mixed girls, spanish girls, indian girls, black girls, brunette white girls, blond white girls lol. You would never know it though by looking at him (all with his Pro Bass caps, faded jeans and AC/DC t-shirst lol). He doesn't wear a sign saying "open to interracial dating".
That's just my lil' 2 cents tho. | |
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| Why is there so little dating between white men and black women?
Posted: 6/14/2009 2:19:35 PM | Ok winterlotus I am just a person who make ingornant comments thats fine. If that how you see my words then fine ive learned that you cant change people's opinion so why bother.
but here is vashti comment I will copy and paste so you can see where she wrote ww ( am to assume means white woman or women):
Vashti's words not mine!
yet they might find ww attractive who have tanned skin, fuller lips, curvy (in the right spots) confident etc. many of the attributes that many bw have naturally but somehow are less appealing on us....? (raises an eyebrow)
so if you look closely she used the term ww(whitewomen) not me and that is why I said I agree with her . ( so is Vasht's statment ignorant even though you said you agreed with her too????) I really dont know any other race of women who frequent the tanning beds mor than white women but i could be wrong maybe there are some black women asian women or latina women who need to tan. So why is that I am ignorant for saying tanning is false feature it is just like the hair weave I wear its not real its false feature. Body builders spray on tans a false feature to give their skin the illusion of perfection so their muscles are more defined when they on stage and to hide flaws on thier skin.
Now back to your comment about me putting every white male in the same category you are wrong again I have mentioned in several of my blogs that I have met some wonderful and great white males and I would never put them all in the same category. Ive stated that plenty of times. You are right about one thing I havent dated all white men and I stated that I speak from my expereicnes only.
I think you need to go easy on that word ignorant. Though I disagreed with you I never once said your comments were ignorant. | |
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| Why is there so little dating between white men and black women?
Posted: 6/14/2009 4:25:25 PM | We are all diverse people...it is impossible for anyone to fully know what other people's experiences have been. As a woman who has dated outside of her race, I have discussed this with friends & family. Before being on POF and participating in these threads, I would have never had the opportunity to discuss topics, especially this one with such a diverse group of people...I find it insightful.
Someone mentioned something like "why does ethnicity matter?". I agree...but I agree in a sense that it should not concern anyone who I date, rather it be male, female, black, white, jew, or gentile...or whether I solely date one particular demographic. No one can live my life/make my choices, I can.
There are an assortment of guys, from good to bad, within ALL races. By no means do I feel all black men are bad or all white men are good. When I look at all of my past experiences, the majority have been with white males...but that doesn't mean I will not or could not encounter a decent black male. I don't believe in knocking someone who chooses to date within their race or only particular races...that's not my place...you like what you like. If I never dated a black man ever again, I'm sure there isn't a black man who is going to commit homicide or suicide over it. Regardless of race, I only date men who I have common interests, who treat me well, and who I am physically attracted to. And whoever that may be is my decision...and no one elses. | |
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| Why is there so little dating between white men and black women?
Posted: 6/14/2009 9:15:58 PM | And like I said, everyone has a right to their preferences and opinions, including me. An opinion is not right or wrong. If my opinion differs from yours, it's just that. It is not wrong. Neither is your opinion wrong. You can say you disagree, but calling me wrong is...well, wrong. Haha.
It seems to me that when someone disagrees w/ you, then it's wrong. An opinion is not a fact, therefore it isn't wrong. Yes, I disagree w/ the w/ you. And I have a right to that. So, no I'm not wrong.
Ok winterlotus I am just a person who make ingornant comments thats fine. If that how you see my words then fine ive learned that you cant change people's opinion so why bother.
Like I said, you personalized my original response. If that's what you believe, then go ahead and continue believing that. I won't miss a wink of sleep. However, that is not what I said.
Vashti's words not mine!
yet they might find ww attractive who have tanned skin, fuller lips, curvy (in the right spots) confident etc. many of the attributes that many bw have naturally but somehow are less appealing on us....? (raises an eyebrow)
She didn't say those characteristics were "false". That was my point. YOU used the word false.
So, I have a bit of a short attention span, so I won't make a long response other than to say that this is a forum and we have the right to disagree w/ each other w/o being defensive. I do not retract anything I've said, as it was all an opinion and I have a right to it. As far as my using the word "ignorant", that's just what I believe when people think a certain way. If you see yourself in my words, there's nothing I can do to change that.  | |
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| Why is there so little dating between white men and black women?
Posted: 6/14/2009 9:20:20 PM |
Someone mentioned something like "why does ethnicity matter?". I agree...but I agree in a sense that it should not concern anyone who I date, rather it be male, female, black, white, jew, or gentile...or whether I solely date one particular demographic. No one can live my life/make my choices, I can.
I totally agree w/ you, that you've a right to your preferences. I've said that from the start. I also agreed w/ OP that your experiences shape your outlook on life. So, if you think a certain way doesn't make you wrong. Just some ways of thinking I think is bad. That doesn't make it so. It only makes it my opinion.
At the same time, thinking that way is no different than those who are biased and only date those of the same ethnicity. It's the same train of thought. People think that because they choose to only date exclusively outside their race, that they aren't exhibiting bigotry. It's the same thing. It isn't right or wrong as a fact. As an opinion, my opinion, it's wrong. | |
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