| Relationship with someone that suffers from depression
Posted: 5/5/2009 1:29:09 PM | | Depression just like any other disability (yes, depression is a disability) isn't easy and it takes someone who is strong willed, understanding and has a big heart to be able to handle being with someone that suffers from depression or any other disability. I have boughts of depression but it's nothing clinical. I just let people and life get to me. Anyways, put yourself in her shoes. If you were in her situation would you want people to always bail on you because they're not capable of handling it or would you want someone to stick around and help you through the low days? Give her the support she needs and help her through those hard times. Sure, it's gonna be hell a lot of days but if you really care about her it will be worth it. | |
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| Relationship with someone that suffers from depression
Posted: 5/5/2009 2:27:31 PM | | Really think this thru... because you will be dealing with this on and off alot. I understand that you love her and I am not trying to be cold here, but eventually it will tear you down and you will become down as well. You will feel empty and lost inside slowly over time. If the meds aren't working get her back into the dr and believe me its not an exact science. Takes alot of trial and error if ever it is what you are comfortable with. Unfortunatly the Jeckyl and Hyde are attached at the hip. I just went thru this and its heart breaking. You have to do alot of soul searching because this could very well be the pattern you are faced with forever. I wish you the very best | |
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| Relationship with someone that suffers from depression
Posted: 5/5/2009 2:42:57 PM | | Just want to add this, because I have been there and he was a dr no less. If she doesn't want to go back time and time to the drs, if she says she can handle it or if she self medicates because of denial, do some soul searching. I know alot of people are taking the your not loving her enough angle, but if she isn't willing to fight to get better...and its a fight even together its a fight. You can't save her, she has to help. | |
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| Relationship with someone that suffers from depression
Posted: 5/5/2009 4:26:23 PM | | I think it is because her spiritual level is too high and she sees her life as a waste. She wants to get out and come to my Father but she is bound so there is a pull on her soul in two directions. She needs to sacrifice her spiritual call or her material life. Since she can't leave her current material situation for whatever reason, she is depressed. All you can do is help her find herself spiritually. Help her move on with her life and don't selfishly judge her and try to make her stick around if you are not spiritual enough and she doesn't want to be there. | |
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| Relationship with someone that suffers from depression
Posted: 5/6/2009 2:15:39 AM | I'm sorry R.O. I don't follow what you are saying, but thanks for your reply.
Thank you everyone else for your great advice and points of view, i'm sure they are given in good nature.
Today we chatted and I swear she was a different person today, so happy and cheery. Its a strange illness for me to follow so god knows how sees it from her eyes.
I think I will go to the doctors and the council session before I make any further judgement or decision, for me I know I have to feel sure I have given my best in a true, honest and guilt free way. | |
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| Relationship with someone that suffers from depression
Posted: 5/6/2009 2:24:45 AM | | Why would someone fake depression to end a relationship? He already stated she is on meds. She sounds more bipolar. My advice to the OP; unless you want to live like this for the rest of your days, GET OUT! | |
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| Relationship with someone that suffers from depression
Posted: 5/6/2009 4:59:09 AM | It's the one illness that for some reason people would rather suffer from than get help. There's a stigma or people are afraid to admit that they cannot cope with day to day issues. If you have the flu you go to the Doctor but if you suffer from depression half the people would rather live with it and make everyone around them miserable.
It makes it hard to love them, live with and understand them.
You cannot move on or embrace a new relationship when you are in such a dark place. | |
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| Relationship with someone that suffers from depression
Posted: 5/6/2009 5:09:25 AM | Been there and t is no fun! However,I have been off all meds for a while-try to keep busy and not slide back. As has been stated,getting the right meds and dosages is trcky and may require time in hospital.Some people need to take meds for the rest of their lives-after all, it is thought to be a chemical imbalance!No shame there-any more than a diabetic who needs insulin.
OP-it sounds as if you are on the right track-talking to her doctor and getting some counselling before you commit to a relationshp! Now I tell anyone I date that I have had this problem,so they can decide early if they want to take that chance.I don't want to scare someone away, but I feel it is only fair to be honest.Hopefully I will reman well,but I have no guarantee that I won't have a relapse. | |
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| Relationship with someone that suffers from depression
Posted: 5/6/2009 9:42:50 AM | I think people on this post are confusing depression with bi-polar disorder. Having suffered from depression for years, I can say firsthand that mood swings are not part of it. For me, there were a few consistent moods...very depressed, but able to function...really depressed...not wanting to leave the house period...and borderline suicidal. The people that seem fine one minute and the next are yelling at you are not suffering from clinical depression. They most likely have other issues, bi-polar being an option.
And depression correctly treated isn't a problem. I'm on a very low amount of Prozac and haven't been depressed in over 2 years.
I take offense to the guy who implied that depression is a fad, and that people who can't handle their problems look for excuses and give it a label. Depression is a chemical imbalance and needs to be treated properly. A lot of people with depression give it a bad name because like I said they either have other things on top of it (Bi-polar, psychotic tendencies) or they go untreated for the depression or not correctly treated. | |
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| Relationship with someone that suffers from depression
Posted: 5/22/2009 10:00:32 PM | Update,
I have ended the relationship, it was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I really didnt want to hurt her.
What do I do now, she wont except it and says she wont give up on me....any suggestion on how to handle this ? | |
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| Relationship with someone that suffers from depression
Posted: 5/23/2009 1:56:11 AM | no matter what you hear on these forums.....it is ultimately what YOU FEEL IN YOUR HEART and HEAD that counts.
Stay educated if you stick it out.............and make sure you get out and do some fun things to keep your sanity in the harder times | |
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| Relationship with someone that suffers from depression
Posted: 5/23/2009 3:24:23 AM | Put that "Relationship" on hold.
A healthy relationship can only survive and exist in a healthy environment. If one person is depressed, stressed and all that - then, how is there a relationship??? You have to wait until that depressed/stressed person sorts it out and be a support for them. You have to stay strong and be patient if you feel like that person is worth it. | |
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| Relationship with someone that suffers from depression
Posted: 5/23/2009 6:23:05 AM | As one who suffers from depression, I can tell you that there is a difference between having depression and being an outright idiot. I think many don't accept responsibility for their behavior and blame their illness. We all have control over our behavior, otherwise we need to be locked up.
Move on and let her learn to control her behavior. | |
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| Relationship with someone that suffers from depression
Posted: 5/23/2009 6:27:09 AM | | It's simple. You tell her she needs to be responsible for her behavior and learn coping skills. Next one that comes around may stick around, depending on how she behaves. We all have control over how we behave. If we truly don't, then we don't need to be running free taking all of this out on other people. | |
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| Relationship with someone that suffers from depression
Posted: 7/7/2009 12:48:05 PM | I think there are many reasons people get depressed.Clinical depression is a diagnosed condition,it is diagnosed by professional people,and is or can be,a very debilitating,and frustrating illness.
There are many people who cannot cope with this illness in someone else,mainly because they have their own needs too,which is completely understandable.It can of course be an illness which can ,in many cases,be something that can be lived with by both parties,as long as there is communication and understanding from both.
There are also people with lots of medical conditions which others cannot cope with,heart,kidneys..you name it,they all can have a dramatic effect on relationships....so whats different about clinical depression???????
Despite their clinical depression,there are lots of people who although they have episodes through no apparent reason,still have very creative,hard working,highly intelligent,humourous and loving lives.........THE PHRASE "PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER "IS REALLY AN OLD FASHIONED AND VERY UNINFORMED VIEWPOINT,WHICH ONLY SERVES TO PUSH THIS ISSUE FURTHER INTO A"I'M ALRIGHT JACK"WORLD | |
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| Relationship with someone that suffers from depression
Posted: 7/7/2009 1:03:22 PM | Chappymagic,
I have ended the relationship, it was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I really didnt want to hurt her.
You probably did the right thing.
Many people with mental illness don't do what they need to do to get better.
And you mentioned that she was going to counseling 'off and on'... that suggests to me that she was going about it in a half-@ssed way and/or she had a lousy counselor who wasn't challenging her to take the steps needed to get better.
I've come across counselors who just seem to exist by listening, collecting a paycheque and not getting anywhere with the people they are counseling.
As for how to handle her... tell her simply that she needs to focus on getting herself better.
Also state the obvious that being in a relationship won't fix her problems. She needs to get in a better emotional place before she can consider dating someone... anyone... again. To do so before she does that just means she's gonna drag someone down.
Tell her that she has no choice but to accept it... she needs to acknowledge and accept reality. | |
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| Relationship with someone that suffers from depression
Posted: 7/7/2009 1:48:54 PM | Nobody's perfect, and I grapple with depression, emptiness and negativity myself from time to time, but I do the Tom Cruise method of exercise and it always works to restore those positive endorphins and get the juices flowing...hopefully she does the same. Inactivity breeds more inactivity. If we force ourselves to get out of bed and do SOMETHING, it's a good step to combatting and conquering depression.
Yes, company can spur our moods. If she gets around a negative person at work who constantly spews stories of gloom and doom (about the economy, relationship or whatever), it would affect anyone's mood, even a perfectly mentally healthy person. But a depressed person is perhaps more sensitive and thus more susceptible to such external influences, so we have to cut each other some slack and ask "how was your day?".
If she's on meds, I think I'd have a hard time dealing with her depression, because I'd never know which mood is genuinely hers and which is "chemically induced". | |
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| Relationship with someone that suffers from depression
Posted: 7/7/2009 4:38:10 PM | Hello,
As a psych nurse, who had the same type thing happen want to know from you, have you two talked about her depression, what are the causes of it? What brings her down, up, even?
If you can't talk openly about these issues, you won't make it to the next step. As for the kids, a big stressor for her I read, and that needs to be discussed openly, without judgements, just open without fear of reprisal.
So, see if this helps either of you toward the next step, if not, perhaps freinds might be the best for you two, but if you feel there is something worth it, then WORK ON IT | |
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| Relationship with someone that suffers from depression
Posted: 7/7/2009 6:01:40 PM | Moods can be affected by chemicals, but the maintaining of the good mood is on her. Depression is ruthless, and sometimes, not only can it kill you spiritually, but it can kll you physically. Being with someone who has depression is not easy, but then again, nothing in life aside from baking brownies is easy. | |
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| Relationship with someone that suffers from depression
Posted: 7/7/2009 8:48:55 PM | My last relationship I dealt with depression and everything else under the sun when it comes to his mental capacity. All I have to say, is STICK WITH HER!! Show her you are in it to PROVE you will be there for her. She just requires more positive reassurance. She's probably used to people leaving her all the time. or she pushes them away. If you stay with her, you will prove how much you care for her. I imagine a relationship for 10 months, you've been pretty serious. If it's been this long, and you are still in it, you can handle another 10 months. People with serious depression and other psychological problems require more time and patience.
I know it's hardest when you wake up everyday and have to prepare yourself for what their mood is for the day!! it's VERY hard to convince them to be upbeat. But let her know it's ok for her to go thru her moods, but as psychologists say, teach them to have a LIMIT on how long they can feel this way!! If she can TRY actually, and stick to it, she might even impress herself how much she can control it. Just be supportive and love her.
Lastly, make sure she takes her meds ALWAYS the same time everyday!! That makes a BIG difference. ALSO.. she needs to feel important in her life, purpose, etc.. Their depression gets worse when they don't keep a schedule or feel important. This has been my experience. | |
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| Relationship with someone that suffers from depression
Posted: 7/7/2009 9:40:05 PM | my message to you is just go. she may take you with herbut if you love this woman you may want to stay, if you can take the stress it is going to bring you in all parts of your life loveing ur self on is not being selfish it will get worse.take care of youe self cant help her if you are a mess | |
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| Relationship with someone that suffers from depression
Posted: 7/7/2009 10:33:11 PM | Depression happens to many .. either a family member(s), lover(s) and friends and it even happens to us... it can be many different circumstances death, divorce, finance, being in a relationship that is unhappy, etc. it can even happen to us even more heart breaking ..with our own children.
In that dark place we or our lover/friend and child cannot see the light. But the gift that we are given is to believe in greiving and forgiveness within ourself and others. For the light can shine within each of us if we are allowed to express our deepest saddness.
For like the donkey who fell or was pushed after he was no longer of use into the wishing well, he kicked himself out. With each kick he kept digging himself deeper but did not realize he also was making himself a set of steps to walk out of with each mound he kicked. Once he could not kick anymore and collasped he had a set of stairs welcoming him to climb back up. Sometimes we need to reach bottom to pick ourselves up .. we do not want to be carried. As children we are taught.... as adults we need to use what we were taught to achieve !! Accept the negative and Accentuate the Positive, JC | |
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