Zain.
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Joined: 9/20/2005
Msg: 101 | |
| If you found out he used an escort
Posted: 5/8/2009 5:14:36 PM | "Would you be OK if you found out the woman you were dating had been paid for it?"
Yes I would, although the woman i've started seeing hasn't told me any such thing. | |
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| If you found out he used an escort
Posted: 5/8/2009 5:15:41 PM | Oh my dear ArabianAngel,
I'm not whining... I'm just explaining the other side of the coin as I've observed it.
But don't worry... I haven't given up on 'us'... I'll take you over any Escort anytime, anywhere.
 
Oh and the reason why we are keen to spend the money while in a relationship is because of love and lust... which clouds judgement... | |
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| If you found out he used an escort
Posted: 5/8/2009 5:29:31 PM | | Zeke....come on....tallying up what you spent on your wife? You surely don't mean to compare the mother of your children to an escort, do you? Yes, I am sure the engagement ring was costly, but the houses? You lived there too, right? Obviously a marriage without great sex is no marriage at all, but on the other hand, your wife gave you more than sex. And you gave your wife more than money, didn't you? | |
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| If you found out he used an escort
Posted: 5/8/2009 5:37:14 PM | Zeke,
You? Liberal? I hadn't noticed!
I wouldn't say I'm liberal - but I do my best to be open-minded. If my SO told me he had frequented escorts, it would freak me out. I'd probably get sick to my stomach and be insecure about it for quite a while. But that's social conditioning for you! All I can control is my actions.
Zain,
Alright...just curious. I've noticed in the forums that there are people who REALLY do things because they believe there's no shame and backed with solid logic. And then there are those who simply rationalize away for their own benefit. Case in point : tons of men claim strip clubs are harmless fun and shouldn't be a relationship problem. But in the "would you date a stripper" thread, many of those same men would NEVER date a stripper. I find it pretty interesting... | |
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| If you found out he used an escort
Posted: 5/8/2009 5:42:45 PM | how did he use an escort? An escorts job may consist of many different things.Sex isnt always on the menu.My ex used one weekly as arm candy at the clubs. Sex wasnt always involved .He enjoyed a good dance partner.
This was all before he met me.It was his past which wasnt any of my buisiness.I knew of this before we were married.I then saved him a lot of money lol. | |
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| If you found out he used an escort
Posted: 5/8/2009 6:02:54 PM |
You surely don't mean to compare the mother of your children to an escort, do you?
Marianne,
I absolutely can make that comparison... and in my view she was way better than any escort could be while we were together... as I already mentioned, there were other benefits that I already cited like holding my son and daughter for the first time.
But then I'm a weirdo who wants to do more than just 'get off'.
As for the costs... those are incremental costs... as in the difference between what I spent while I was on my own in a condo and the cost of being together. If I was living on my own, I would never have moved into a house, let alone move into a second one, for example.
My point is... the dating/girlfriend/wife thing is anything but free or even less costly or less risky. I went into it because I knew what I wanted... but that's me, not everyone.
And for a little while, I was paying an awful emotional toll that was far worse than the dollar amounts I mentioned.
I see you have kids like me... now imagine coming home one day and your partner has left with the kids... and you don't know where they went... and then you get a phone call where your partner lets you talk to your kids and say good night to them but you still don't know where they are... and part of the conversation is where you discover your partner is now your Ex... and your Ex is accusing you of stuff you never did.
How do you feel?
Well I'll tell you how I felt... I was in the worst stress ever and was in an absolute HELL.
Now consider you would never have to deal with that with an Escort...
I believe I'm Tough because I haven't lost faith and I'm still willing to take the chance of a relationship. Actually, emotionally speaking, I think I'm much tougher than average because of this.
But while I don't go to escorts myself, I can clearly understand why people do... and it has nothing to do with them being losers. | |
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| If you found out he used an escort
Posted: 5/8/2009 6:14:56 PM | I am a christian man. One of my friends (not a lover) was a prostitute before becoming a christian. She has had sex with over 1000 partners and never had an std. Talk about luck. This may be a little weird, but we became friends when she was in the life and she was 19 (I used to go to nudie bars before becoming a christian). Nicest person you would ever want to meet and very attractive. Never paid her for sex. Never had sex with her. Went fishing. Went swimming. Shared meals together. She would have me over for thanksgiving dinner and invite me to parties. She'd come over to my parents house for christmas parties. Just a friend who I care about. I never wanted to be more than friends because of her relationship issues. Always treated each other respectfully. She has one son who is christian and seems very well adjusted. Even now at 40, she has major issues and cannot seem to have a long term relationship. I hope that sometime she will find someone.
Not all women escorts, or men for that matter, are rotten people - those that use them are not all rotten or untrustworthy.
People can and do change.
Lots of viral STDs can go right through an unbroken condom - there really is NO SUCH THING AS SAFE SEX. There is just too much risk involved in having sex with someone quickly. Whether christian or not, If you are at a point in a relationship where you are going to have sex that involves oral, anal or vaginal you owe it to each other to wait 6 months from your last partner & have an std test. If you are not an adult and have no impulse control I fear for your future, and possibly your partners.
My ex was a nurse who counseled HIV+/AIDS folks. I got to know many of them, as my ex and I would take some of them out for bowling or group lunches at times. We would also sometimes go to events they were having, even one guys wedding. HIV decimates peoples lives even though most (but not all) will live longer than they used to because of newer drugs. Not including other STDs, HIV is rampant in the Baltimore area and many other areas of the country, even some small towns.
Using an escort for sex is EXTREMELY risky. Any sex today without honesty and STD testing is pretty risky as well.
The only way to be safe is abstinence outside of waiting and std testing. Be safe.
Rob | |
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Zain.
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Joined: 9/20/2005
Msg: 108 | |
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| If you found out he used an escort
Posted: 5/8/2009 7:46:06 PM | Zeke
My point is... the dating/girlfriend/wife thing is anything but free or even less costly or less risky. I went into it because I knew what I wanted... but that's me, not everyone.
The older I get, the more I have to lose in financial sense...I own more stuff and earn more money than I ever have in my life, so I do know what you mean in a way. It would most definitely be a financial risk to me ( and perhaps to him, too, depending on our circumstances) if I were to cohabitThe "cost" of relationships, in a financial sense is no longer of concern only to men. If I were to be in a relationship, and it ended up costing me financially, I really don't think I'd see it as being comparable to paying for sex...but that's me.
Well I'll tell you how I felt... I was in the worst stress ever and was in an absolute HELL.
Now consider you would never have to deal with that with an Escort...
Clearly. But as you yourself pointed out, you wouldn't have had the emotional high of creating a child together with the escort (unless you paid her for that too, but that's a whole other can of worms!)
But while I don't go to escorts myself, I can clearly understand why people do... and it has nothing to do with them being losers.
I don't agree with paying for sex, and I don't want to be with someone who has paid for sex. That is my opinion, flat out. To be fair, though, it was some other poster who used the word "loser". It wasn't me. | |
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| If you found out he used an escort
Posted: 5/8/2009 8:33:10 PM | Marianne,
But as you yourself pointed out, you wouldn't have had the emotional high of creating a child together with the escort
Well from what I understand, escorts typically don't have kids with their clients.
But having the kids together just made things that much worse when coming home to an empty house... well not totally empty... I still had my cat.
Some people do not want to expose themselves to an emotional rollercoaster like that.
I don't agree with paying for sex, and I don't want to be with someone who has paid for sex.
No prob... hey I'm gonna be at Niagara Falls tomorrow. Wanna hook up? I'll buy you dinner and then we can go back to my hotel...
Just kidding... | |
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| If you found out he used an escort
Posted: 5/8/2009 9:12:54 PM | Paying an escort for sex is going to be one of those unsavory tidbits that I would rather not know.. falls in line with threesomes etc... I've had men admit to threesomes but not escorts... did I stop seeing them over it? No... but they assured me that they found the actual occasion not nearly as fun as the fantasy..
No, you can't hold a person's feet to the fire because of their past but it depends on what they did afterwards... so it's one of those great big DEPENDS...
I admit that I have things in my past that I would rather NEVER tell a man... nor do I believe it's any of his business.... | |
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| If you found out he used an escort
Posted: 5/8/2009 9:15:56 PM |
He used an Escort? Oh, that'd be a deal breaker. I will never date a Ford man
Even though I'm a ford girl, that's still pretty funny! | |
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| If you found out he used an escort
Posted: 5/8/2009 9:18:19 PM | | Nah, a man who would pay for sex is a loser. Its one thing to pick up a woman at a bar and mutually, they decide to get it on...but a man who is so lazy that he pays for sex is a self absorbed, doesn't want to put out the effort, thinks with his d*ck and doesn't care about passing along std's. | |
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| If you found out he used an escort
Posted: 5/9/2009 4:32:58 AM |
^^^^^^^^^Gorgeous boy, stop your whinning! if you weren't happy you wouldn't have remained in that relationship...oh , and why do men always complain about the cost AFTER the relationship ended, why are you guys so keen to spend all this money when you're in the relationship? no one had a gun to your head and made you do it! you know I luv ya Zekestone, but I am tired of listening to whinny men!
No one had a gun to his head? Of course they did not Arabianangel! If a man expresses his love and affection for a woman by lavishing her with gifts/good times/and the things she wants then where is the line drawn? When does the woman have to respect the fruits of his labor/sweat off his back that he is offering her? Truth is... there isn't one. As a man, you'll be judged by what you can offer NEXT after the previous offering in today's environment. The very wording of your gun statement clearly represents the existence of an up front fee by the woman. Spoken or unspoken... it exists.
I'm not advocating hiring a prostitute for a contracted fluid release/exchange nor have a I done ever done so myself. It would be BS passion. I will say that the following statement by Zekestone is entirely true.
That's precisely the reason why some guys who are well off would be insane from a financial standpoint to marry anybody.
Basically what he is trying to say is today's modern woman is a poor investment. The act of marriage for a man is similar to taking half your financial holdings and laying them on the dice table in Vegas. Even if you win the yield is minimal due to the short term gain. You'll have to pour more money in then you'll ever return in equal measure of joy, peace, and pleasure. Stop pouring and your screwed. Its an odds game. What we have today is this:
1) Women who married for good sex hoping for the money they dreamed of and never realized.
2) Women who married for money looking for better sex.
3) Women who never married or are divorced refusing to settle for less than both.
If men are supposedly the true hunter-gatherers then why would it be foolish to do business? It is what we are all doing in the end anyway?
I challenge you to ask your next date this question or any divorced male on this site the following question:
Have you ever paid for sex?
If you ask a man in person look at his reaction. Any man that says no is flat out lying. Some men get the goodies for free, some men have to compensate. In the end... they all pay. The only difference is when the payment is due!
I've met very few women who can exist in a relationship without cash being spent on their behalf. If she's sharing life with you full time and caring for you... you will have to spoil her. She won't give without the get. The man is expected to. She has the right to sit back and judge the effort.
No... I am not jaded. It is what it is. A good balance is the best but incredibly difficult to find. If more women would check their greed they may recognize it as an insecurity which is what it really is. To me, that is the unfortunate aspect of it. It chokes the joy out of the simple things in life.
For the deal breakers...
How many will admit to the issue of a man using prostitutes being a dual dilemma for a woman?
1) The obvious STD issue. It is just slimy traveling to places where everyone has "been".
2) The fact that another woman can come steal the woman's cash (man's assets) without speaking a word? It is the ultimate undermining of a woman's power over a man. Its bad for business. | |
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| If you found out he used an escort
Posted: 5/9/2009 4:53:32 AM | | I'll be one of the woman that says it would not be a deal breaker. Particularly if it was just an experiment on his part. come on we try things or at least allot of us do. I dont see it as a huge enough deal. | |
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| If you found out he used an escort
Posted: 5/9/2009 7:51:19 AM |
But having the kids together just made things that much worse when coming home to an empty house... well not totally empty... I still had my cat.
Some people do not want to expose themselves to an emotional rollercoaster like that.
"Some people stay far away from the door if there's a chance of it opening up" ( from Innocent Man, one of my fave Billy Joel songs)
It sounds like it was really painful, and btw, I hate that sometimes men are simply not credited with having "feelings" or made to feel something less than manly if they do. I see what you mean about some people just being unwilling to get on the emotional roller coaster than some relationships turn out to be. Therefore, this could be a reason why he/she might pay someone to have uncomplicated sex. I am still not sure I agree with this though. The idea of having paid for sex might make the person feel worse about themselves in the end. I have had casual sex before when I felt the physical need, and it was pretty damn satisfying, although not as good as when I have been in a loving relationship. I don't feel one bit guilty or negative about having done so, but if money had changed hands, my feelings might be different about the experience. JMO.
No prob... hey I'm gonna be at Niagara Falls tomorrow. Wanna hook up? I'll buy you dinner and then we can go back to my hotel...
LOL....now, if I offered to buy YOU dinner, would you think I was trying to hire your "services"? Have fun tonight! | |
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| If you found out he used an escort
Posted: 5/9/2009 8:00:22 AM |
Basically what he is trying to say is today's modern woman is a poor investment.
Few of "today's modern woman" are for sale. I would like to find a lovely man I could have a relationship with, but I am hardly sitting here waiting for a "buyer".
I do agree with your statement that marriage is a bad investment. I have too much to lose, and I will never do it again. | |
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| If you found out he used an escort
Posted: 5/9/2009 8:42:19 AM |
Ummm, I hope this is on topic but... What do you use an escort for?
m-unit: To drive from point "A" to point "B" without having to refuel for the next ride. It's a low maintenance-high mileage ride. The kind of ride everyone's checkbook loves but no one wants to be seen in.
Few of "today's modern woman" are for sale. I would like to find a lovely man I could have a relationship with, but I am hardly sitting here waiting for a "buyer".
I do agree with your statement that marriage is a bad investment. I have too much to lose, and I will never do it again.
That is your choice. You would rather not have someone's peanut butter in your chocolate. Trust me. Most are looking for the entire box of chocolates. Nuts included. | |
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| If you found out he used an escort
Posted: 5/9/2009 9:50:28 AM | | I have to say that i have chatted to these girls who do this Escort/Massage service whatever you want to call it and although some are forced into this there are women who choose to do it.... they say 'why would i work in an office earning 7 to 10 pound an hour when i can earn 120 pounds an hour doing this' and that's just the ones in the downtown parlours! If you go upmarket some of thos women are earning 1000 pounds plus for a night so you can see why they offer this service!!! So before you blame the guy maybe you should look at who is offering the service!!! | |
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| If you found out he used an escort
Posted: 5/9/2009 9:59:46 AM | | I don't think so, but maybe I am naive. It depends on his motive. Please don't laugh when I say this, " I planned on using an escort service to get a date to church function". It hasn't happened at this time, but it is still on my mind to do it. | |
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| If you found out he used an escort
Posted: 5/9/2009 10:00:17 AM | The past should not play a major role in the present unless it was something really bad. Using an "escort" or "provider" is almost safer than a one night stand because if I am correct there are rules involved and safety is a key measure due to the number of partners a working gal encounters. With a one night stand the passion usually wins over sensibility and that is when covers are not applied and presents are passed from one partner to another.
If you really care about this guy and this was something he did one time a long time ago then dont' let it ruin what could be the love of your live. Be careful, approach with caution and make sure he is not a sex addict. Then if the coast looks clear take a leap of faith because if he truly is the man of your dreams you don't want to let him get away. | |
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| If you found out he used an escort
Posted: 5/9/2009 10:09:22 AM | Rob,
Thank God for your Christian values. Thank you for reminding us that all prostitutes/escorts are people and they can be treated like human beings if we choose to do so. Also, thanks for letting us know that some men don't have to have sex with a woman just because they make their living through selling their bodies and souls. The lesson on safe sex was to the point and not judgmental. Keep the faith.
Michael | |
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| If you found out he used an escort
Posted: 5/9/2009 10:10:09 AM |
Using an escort means he opened himself up to many, many more chances of getting an STD than your standard "oops" ONS that so many people have done.
Nope, I disagree. Escorts tend to be the more responsible echelon of sex-trade workers, which means they'll be tested regularly and use condoms. A lot of them rely on repeat business, so they don't want to be passing things around. This is more than can be said of many ONS.
I wouldn't care if he used an escort before he met me. Would rather have that than a guy who played games in order to get laid for "free". Now, if he was still using an escort after he met me ... that would concern me. Or if he bought sex from street-workers. | |
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