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| If you found out he used an escort
Posted: 5/9/2009 11:21:46 AM |
Escorts tend to be the more responsible echelon of sex-trade workers, which means they'll be tested regularly and use condoms. A lot of them rely on repeat business, so they don't want to be passing things around. This is more than can be said of many ONS.
You know, this is one of those dangerous urban myths that gets passed around... first off, Escorts are often just prostitutes that operate out of an agency... they're not Julia Roberts... and they do get STD's...
Example:
CBC News
A Toronto court has heard that an escort agency, with hundreds of clients, knowingly sent out women who were HIV positive, to provide sexual services.
The trial involves 32 year old Mark Lukacko of mississauga. He was manager of an agency in Etobicoke that operated under the names, Sweet Escorts, Sweet Sensations and Exotica.
An undercover officer said that two years ago she answered an ad, and was hired as a prostitute. she was told she would be paid 80 dollars an hour she would be expected to provide her own condoms.
The prosecution says it will introduce files the agency kept on its employees. Three of those files have notes on the back about the health risk posed by three escorts.
Prosecutor Calvin Barry says the agency's client list will also be entered as evidence, later in the trial.
Even if they do get tested, regular health checks aren't a guarantee, given the latency period that often takes place between infection and antibody development/symptoms.
and also from a web page about STD's and escorts...
It's common knowledge that the standard HIV test tests for antibodies to the virus that may not be present for several months after infection, which means that anyone getting tested for HIV can have a negative test, but actually be positive, if their last risky sex act was less than three months before the test. What's less widely considered is that viral loads of HIV in the body immediately post-infection (ie inside that ~three month window) are very high. I was talking with an epidemiologst just a few weeks ago who said that he'd read a new study that suggests that about 50% of people infected with HIV are infected by someone who has themselves just been infected. In other words, 50% of HIV infection seems to occur between people who would both test negative for HIV. This indicates that safe sex is of paramount importance, especially with people who engage in risky sex (like sex workers, who are at risk just by virtue of the number of their partners), because it's very easy to be infected before a test would determine that they were positive.
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| If you found out he used an escort
Posted: 5/9/2009 12:30:04 PM |
You know, this is one of those dangerous urban myths that gets passed around... first off, Escorts are often just prostitutes that operate out of an agency... they're not Julia Roberts... and they do get STD's...
I've never heard this as an urban myth; formed my opinion from talking to a few escorts who worked out of an agency.
Note I said "tend to be more responsible ... " not that they were guaranteed to be free of risk. I think that overall there is still more knowledge and care taken by escorts then by the average person who considers themselves "safe", but still indulges in ONS (with or without condoms), and doesn't feel the need to be tested regularly. I am certainly aware that my opinion may be based on false information (from the women I talked to) ... but given the dismal lack of knowledge about STDs among the general public ... well, I'll stick with my opinion for now.
Even if they do get tested, regular health checks aren't a guarantee, given the latency period that often takes place between infection and antibody development/symptoms.
I absolutely agree with this and the rest of what you've written or quoted. Still, most people seem to consider multiple sexual partners to be the cause of STDs, rather than viruses that can be passed a few different ways, albeit usually sexually. As long as these people don't consider themselves or their current partner promiscuous, they are unlikely to be too concerned with getting tested.
So, all things considered ... I'd not consider a guy having used an escort in the past as any more risky and probably more to be trusted than a guy who indulged in ONS regularly, or played games designed to get "good" girls into the sack.
JMO. | |
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| If you found out he used an escort
Posted: 5/9/2009 2:06:02 PM | I see what you mean about some people just being unwilling to get on the emotional roller coaster than some relationships turn out to be. Therefore, this could be a reason why he/she might pay someone to have uncomplicated sex. I am still not sure I agree with this though. The idea of having paid for sex might make the person feel worse about themselves in the end.
Marianne,
Worse than going through a divorce or even what I went through?
Nah... Some people maybe... but the truth is many feel great after paying for sex... My Ex and my female friend sure did... mind you that was just lap dances.
And it's not necessary for you to to agree with it... just as long as you understand that there's another side to the story as to *why* an Escort is a more appealing option to some.
LOL....now, if I offered to buy YOU dinner, would you think I was trying to hire your "services"?
No... but I might think you were trying to bribe me... but the good news is that I'm open to bribes... 
Now if at dinner you dropped a wad of twenties on the table for me, THEN I'd think you're hiring me for my Fornication Services™
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grog27
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Joined: 2/25/2005
Msg: 129 | |
| If you found out he used an escort
Posted: 5/9/2009 3:57:29 PM | "Most men pay for sex either way. Three dates and paying for everything = $300 and no guarantee of sex.
Escort service... guaranteed sex and only $300."
Or, in the case of Heather Mills (McCartney) a guaranteed 'screwing' and it only cost $50,000,000.00
Seriously, though, the first thing to do would be to get a full medical check-up.
Secondly, if this was something he'd done in the past (before the present relationship started) then let him have the chance to explain. We've all made mistakes in the past, haven't we?
On the other hand, if this is an on-going thing; change the locks and call the moving company to haul his stuff away. He's outta here!! | |
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| If you found out he used an escort
Posted: 5/9/2009 4:29:19 PM | | I wouldnt think anything of it , it's really no big deal ......and at least by paying for it , I personally think it's better than him picking up god knows who in a night club or something xx | |
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| If you found out he used an escort
Posted: 5/10/2009 8:13:42 AM | Or, in the case of Heather Mills (McCartney) a guaranteed 'screwing' and it only cost $50,000,000.00
Grog,
The total was £24.3 million, plus payments of £35,000 per annum, for a nanny and school costs for their daughter. That's US$36 million or CDN$41 million at current exchange rates. And that annual payment is $52,000/$60,000 a year in US/CDN funds. So that'll be paid for at least 20 years... so that's worth about CAN$1,200,000.
So that puts the total value at about 42 million... and considering they were together from 1999 to 2006, that puts the cost of being with her at about CDN$500,000/month
At that price, I would rather see Escorts regularly. A greater level of intimacy has value, but $500,000 a MONTH worth of value? No way!!!
And I've seen pictures Heather Mills... she isn't worth that amount of money to me.
And if you factor in that *she* was known to be a verbally/physically abusive person (both Heather Mill's previous husband and Stella McCartney said so) and well-established as being a liar, I don't believe she's worth spending a nickle on. She'd have to pay *me* to date her.
But one thing is for sure... unlike McCartney, I'm gonna listen to what my kids have to say about the person I'm dating... | |
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| If you found out he used an escort
Posted: 5/10/2009 4:10:23 PM | It's my opinion that a few men out there have used an escort or say, had a sexual massage,it's not a deal breaker.If that's what they did before being with you,as long as they are std free,then who cares.
I'm sure you've been with a few who have done this only you weren't told or didn't find out. | |
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| If you found out he used an escort
Posted: 5/10/2009 4:37:38 PM | My wife found out a LOT about me after we got married. Then again, I told her LOTS MORE about me beforehand. We just rushed things and didn't get a chance to give full disclosure before the title to my sack was transferred into her name.
An escort service is one thing. An independent is another. Streetwalkers...now that would be where *I* would draw the line. But I'm a guy, so my opinion farts just like everyone else's. | |
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Zain.
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Joined: 9/20/2005
Msg: 134 | |
| If you found out he used an escort
Posted: 5/10/2009 9:00:30 PM | " Some reports put the number of escorts with HSV2 as high as 95% and condoms don't protect against that...."
bullshit.
There is no way it's that high. besides weren't you the one said most statistics were made up?
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| If you found out he used an escort
Posted: 5/11/2009 7:37:49 AM | " Some reports put the number of escorts with HSV2 as high as 95% and condoms don't protect against that...."
bullshit.
Zain... that is true... the statement IS bullshit.
Just did a 2 second wiki search, got to this page:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Herpes_simplex#Transmission_and_prevention
"For genital herpes, condoms are highly effective in limiting transmission of herpes simplex infection.[33][34] The virus cannot pass through latex, but a condom's effectiveness is somewhat limited on a public health scale by their limited use in the community,"
M_Church, you have to stop buying into the Culture of Fear... | |
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| If you found out he used an escort
Posted: 5/11/2009 7:59:26 AM |
At that price, I would rather see Escorts regularly. A greater level of intimacy has value, but $500,000 a MONTH worth of value? No way!!!
If that was what the average man were looking at in terms of paying out the wife, then I could see their point that it's cheaper to buy sex and stay single.
Among women I know who've gotten single over the years, I can't think of one who got a whole lot of support from her ex. A couple of them have been left with the debt, the children and no kind of support, court-ordered or not. And those men head off and start new relationships with other women, have more kids etc, leaving their first family to rot finanically.
My ex avoided paying his child support for years, and when he was finally forced to pay, he found a way to have what he owed reduced considerably. He was also one who resented how much he had to pay in child support, and was oh-so-proud that he got it reduced.
I had a guy whine to me about how all his ex-wives had drained him, so he had no money, and he had to pay so much child support because the courts were so unfair. After a while, I got curious and asked a few questions. Turns out, out of 3 wives, one got alimony for two years, after which she became self-supporting. The "outrageous" child support, which he claimed to be fully half of his income, was $500 per child - which is pretty darn cheap for raising a child, and was not half his income.
My ex-husband, on the other hand, voluntarily gave up everything because he figured, since I had the kids, I/we needed it more than he did. There was never any issue about child support, and he would also help me out from time to time if I needed it. He never complained, nor held it against me.
My conclusion is that most of these guys who whine about how much they lost to the ex are full of crap. If their assessment of their situation is at all accurate, then perhaps it's because they picked a woman who thought like they do -- that is, money and sex = relationship. In which case, they got exactly what they paid for. | |
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| If you found out he used an escort
Posted: 5/11/2009 8:49:37 AM |
I had a guy whine to me about how all his ex-wives had drained him, so he had no money, and he had to pay so much child support because the courts were so unfair. After a while, I got curious and asked a few questions. Turns out, out of 3 wives, one got alimony for two years, after which she became self-supporting. The "outrageous" child support, which he claimed to be fully half of his income, was $500 per child - which is pretty darn cheap for raising a child, and was not half his income.
Some questions and a comment. First... the guy can't be that smart if he made the same mistake three times.
Second... how much was the alimony?
Third... for the $500/child situation, how many kids were there? If it was 4 kids... ummm... yeah... it could be half of his income.
Fourth... what's the situation with the 3rd wife?
My conclusion is that most of these guys who whine about how much they lost to the ex are full of crap. If their assessment of their situation is at all accurate, then perhaps it's because they picked a woman who thought like they do -- that is, money and sex = relationship.
Gotta agree with you there... some people never seem to learn from their mistakes. And it my observation, there's crap on both sides of the debate.
My ex avoided paying his child support for years, and when he was finally forced to pay, he found a way to have what he owed reduced considerably. He was also one who resented how much he had to pay in child support, and was oh-so-proud that he got it reduced.
My ex-husband, on the other hand, voluntarily gave up everything because he figured, since I had the kids, I/we needed it more than he did. There was never any issue about child support, and he would also help me out from time to time if I needed it. He never complained, nor held it against me.
I'm confused... are you talking about one person or two different people? | |
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| If you found out he used an escort
Posted: 5/11/2009 9:04:07 AM | It would be a big deal if he did it in the last few years or more than once, I have to say it would bother me.
I would wonder why he told you, or did someone else start a rumour? Deal breaker? Depends on a lot more info than just what is provided. | |
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| If you found out he used an escort
Posted: 5/11/2009 9:24:51 AM |
First... the guy can't be that smart if he made the same mistake three times.
Hmm ... took me a minute to figure out why you say three mistakes; looks like we'll have to agree to disagree on longevity or permanence being the only valid "success" standard for marriage.
Second... how much was the alimony?
I didn't ask specifically, but judging by his relative lack of heat around that, I don't think it was much, and it was only for a couple of years.
Third... for the $500/child situation, how many kids were there? If it was 4 kids... ummm... yeah... it could be half of his income
One kid could be half a guy's income, if he only made $1000 per month. This guy's total child support was less than half his income, by a good margin. Slightly further on in the conversation it became apparent that he was angry at the woman for other things, the money was what he most easily latched on to to complain about. But he refuses to deal with those other things, so he's on a permanent-feel-sorry-for-myself kick. The guys on these forums often sound a lot like him.
I notice I don't see a lot of women on here detailing how they suffered financially from their relationships, and how from now on they're going to get paid up front for sex. And it sure isn't because we all got so much financially, either. From what I've seen, most women seem interested in making sure their kids are reasonably provided for, as opposed to taking daddy for everything he's got or may get in the future.
And it my observation, there's crap on both sides of the debate.
This I agree with absolutely!
two different people
Yes, two different people. | |
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| If you found out he used an escort
Posted: 5/11/2009 9:45:43 AM |
Hmm ... took me a minute to figure out why you say three mistakes; looks like we'll have to agree to disagree on longevity or permanence being the only valid "success" standard for marriage.
No, I'm not referring to longevity or permanence, I'm referring to him leaving himself open to allow the stuff he complains about to repeat.
In my view, if he's complaining about having to pay alimony and child support from his 3 ex-wives, you'd think he would have learned by #2 not to get married/have kids/etc a third time... thereby avoiding the possibility of the same thing happening again.
It's the same silly thing like when some women go after 'bad boys'... and then they complain that their Bad Boy Boyfriend is "an @sshole"... surprise surprise...
Or like when my sister kept buying Chevettes in the 80s... yeah they were cheap... but what you didn't pay upfront, you ended up paying for later. She bought one... lasted 1 month... bought a 2nd one... it lasted a year... bought a 3rd one... also didn't last too long either... all were crap. I kept telling her... buy a Honda, Toyota, Nissan, Mazda, Subaru... whatever... but please, not another d@mn Chevette...
It's the same always-repeating-never-learning-from-mistakes pattern of behaviour.
Maybe I'm a weirdo for thinking repeating actions that causes hardship from one's own perspective is a bad idea... | |
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| If you found out he used an escort
Posted: 5/11/2009 9:53:40 AM |
In my view, if he's complaining about having to pay alimony and child support from his 3 ex-wives, you'd think he would have learned by #2 not to get married/have kids/etc a third time... thereby avoiding the possibility of the same thing happening again.
He only paid child-support/alimony to the mother of his children. The other two came after the wife (or maybe she was between the two others), as far as I know, so apparently he didn't make the same mistake again, just complains as if he did | |
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| If you found out he used an escort
Posted: 5/11/2009 12:51:27 PM | There is a lot to be said for the phrase "ignorance is bliss"
As far as I'm concerned, men who pay for sex are scum. Women wouldn't see it as a viable option to make money if there wasn't a demand for it. I couldn't be with any man who admitted to that, it shows that he believes women are little more than property to be passed between themselves. The difference between men who manage to score it for free and those who pay is the currency used to buy the woman's attention. Men who get it for free have smooth words and good looks = enhances a woman's self esteem, he chose her to take home. Men who pay have money no matter how ugly or smelly they are. | |
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| If you found out he used an escort
Posted: 5/11/2009 11:13:45 PM | | m-unit 709....... You're out of this world! Literally.. did you really have to post a question into this forum asking what escorts are! You ain't getting any dates soon I am tellin' ya! lol | |
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| If you found out he used an escort
Posted: 6/9/2009 8:28:15 PM | Ohh I have struggled over this. I have been told many times: descrestion assured:
(‘Friends have said no one will ever know’). I don’t judge anyone who has been with an escort (yes prostitute): who am I to judge, to each there own. As for my self (maybe it my judo Christian upbringing), "know one will know" is a fallacy. People have to remember I will know. Yes I have googled, 411 escorts, thought about it; you bet you’re a$$ I have. I have even dialed the number; I just can’t get drunk or lonely enough to do it. For those who do, more power to them? All I know is, I am the face in the mirror; I look at when I shave in the Morning. I like who I am, I try to follow my life as well as I whish my kids to do. Good Bad, it doesn’t matter. I just can’t do it. Is it moral? Sociology correct, I don’t care; it’s just not something I could do.
If I met a Lady who used an escort service, so what! All I want to know is would she use one after she met me. Like I said who am I to judge. I have enough trouble sorting out my own past. | |
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| If you found out he used an escort
Posted: 6/9/2009 11:36:07 PM | So freakin what? I'm sure there was a reason, like if he couldn't get a date for so long and just wanted to cheer himself up. Can you say that you haven't smoked, drank, gotten slutty for revenge or did something when you were feeling down and wanted to cheer yourself up?
I always had the "Chasing Amy" syndrome because I always wanted a threesome and were envious of those who had it, yet I also despised them. But the time came when I met a divorced woman who was in a swingers club when she was married. She was a bit embarrassed when I brought it up to her (Google brings out the most interesting links), but I was ok with it. Why? I was tired of losing out on what could be really good relationships simply because of things people did in the past. I mean, I'd probably be a little miffed if there was no chance ever of me getting in on the same action if I was married to the person, but I was basically tired of being the same old self and wanted to make a change.
If what he did was years ago, he's clean, and he makes you happy and treats you well, why let this get in the way? If you keep him happy in bed I guarantee you he'll wished he never did the escort thing.
Ford Escort.. he he he. Wonder if there's a Probe service as well... | |
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| If you found out he used an escort
Posted: 6/10/2009 2:27:57 AM | If you meet a nice, good-looking guy and assume there's no way he's ever seen an escort, you're being naive. Normal guys see escorts and normal girls escort. In fact, I'd say since the internet there's been an uptick in the number of well-educated independent escorts. I've been a regular to a couple of ladies over the years and enjoyed their company. Highly recommended to fill the void b/ girlfriends if chasing tail at the bars or playing women to get in their pants isn't your idea of fun. And it's cheaper.
I obviously don't think it's a big deal, but I wouldn't want to get into how many escorts I've seen or how long I've seen them, just as I'd have no interest in talking to my gf about her sexual history, i.e. number and quality of partners. | |
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| If you found out he used an escort
Posted: 6/10/2009 7:33:12 AM |
He used an Escort? Oh, that'd be a deal breaker. I will never date a Ford man.
As someone who used to own a Ford Escort, I feel your pain! | |
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| If you found out he used an escort
Posted: 6/10/2009 8:02:51 AM | My latest boyfriend openly admitted to me about how many hookers, not "escorts" he hired over his single years ... yet it didn't scare me off.
I likely would have been more turned off if his sexual experiences were just with chicks he picked up at closing time ... where he wouldn't have been so cautious about using protection.
As for "why" he used prostitutes? Just one of the guys who was tired of playing the game ... and went for guaranteed sex. That I can understand.
{A guy who admits it is far better than one who doesn't admit, but did it anyway} | |
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