| | Would you date a person with DISABLED CHILDREN?Page 6 of 8 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8) | I also have a disabled daughter. I have met people who didn't care but there are many that do. I guess I understand it but I'm with you- I lose some respect for them. I know it sounds canned but children with disabilities can teach you a lot. You can't really feel sorry for yourself when you see how hard they try to accomplish things most people take for granted.
But there are always people that judge based on appearances and will never take the opportunity to look beyond those. It's their loss though.
Yep- raising children with differences can be tiring- but it's well worth it.
The funny thing about disabilities is that one day we all will be there.... | |
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| Would you date a person with DISABLED CHILDREN?
Posted: 5/14/2009 6:40:47 PM | | My daughter is 21. She has a physical disability only. She uses a wheelchair to get around. But she graduated from college and is learning to drive. She lives with me but she does pay rent. It helps us both out. She tries to be as independent as possible. Unfortunately she can't find any open minded guys that want to date her- or she would gladly move out and be on her own. For now- this is the best option for both of us. | |
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| Would you date a person with DISABLED CHILDREN?
Posted: 5/14/2009 7:36:53 PM | | Being a mother of a child who is considered "disabled" is not an easy road. My ex-husband bailed out of our marriage not long after we found out. My daughter has Cystic Fibrosis which is an often fatal lung disease. I have found within my own experiences that men cannot handle it.. It is one of the toughest diseases to watch. For a long time I would run from relationships. I chose to be single. I didnt date or anything. I was always so worried about what if a man chose to love me and he had children of his own and something happened to my daughter , what state would it leave those children in? It was my biggest fear. So I was always running. Then one day I got a wake up call. My daughter has the best disposition. She never has a bad day. She is always positive. My best friend said " Hey, all your doing is cheating yourself and her! It is a man's decision if he wants to get involved... let him make that choice .... but dont make the choice for him". It was a wake up call. Yet , when I even bothered, men ran the other way! It is a no win situation. It takes a hell of a strong person to handle it. I do understand that. I guess that is why I am still single. I also run up against the issue of do I tell men up front or what? I feel like if I usually spring it on them too quick they run like hell.... and yet it is never something I want to keep from them. So pretty quickly up front I tell it like it is ... that way if they are going to bail.... they can do so early! LOL So I would always be more understanding and date someone with a disabled child. People fail to realize the time involved in taking care of a sick child. I even had a man get very angry with me once that I had to suddenly break plans due to my daughter had a lung bleed and was rushed into emergency surgery! I was like OMG! So you run into all types of people.... it just takes really special people to do this. It takes an even better person to be that disabled person! You can think your life is really bad.... until you think about what these kids go through. Then your life isnt all that bad! | |
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| Would you date a person with DISABLED CHILDREN?
Posted: 5/14/2009 8:42:04 PM |
Would you date a person with a disabled child?
Gotta go with no on this one. I don't have patience. I don't like kids. I definately wouldn't have the patience to deal with that. | |
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| Would you date a person with DISABLED CHILDREN?
Posted: 5/15/2009 4:36:34 AM | Every child is different different tupes of disability and degrees a child who is deaf would be completely different to a child who could not do anything for themselves at all. Some people foster disabled children they have hearts of gold. Some people would not have a relationship with someone who had a fish that would be stretching themselves that would take them way out of their comfort zone. let alone a child let alone a disabled child.
My friend her sister had a child who could not do anything for herself at all she was brain damaged and the mother was left all day to take care of her and her husband left her and she was just left to cope alone she was young and it was her first child, and she became very depressed and my friend warned social services and they ignored it and said she was okay and the mother hung herself one day she could not cope anymore. She did not normaly get depressed either. Her sister was angy cos he could of paid for nursing care and help he had plenty of money. She was completely let down by the system and her husband.
Another woman I know her daughter managed to get a degree she was very proud but also cos she knew she had more of an obstacle to overcome. Every situation and child is different. For some people I doupt if they can even get out to meet someone and they are probably to drained to be bovered. | |
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| Would you date a person with DISABLED CHILDREN?
Posted: 5/15/2009 6:34:24 AM | Taking care of any child is a lifelong commitment.
Until you are 17 and your mom says "Get out of my house."
^^true story.
The fore mentioned has been stated several times, yet it isn't catching on.
I really wanna hear someone chime in on this:
If you were in love with a person you had been with for 6-12 months, and they were in an accident and were horribly crippled.......
And they couldn't go out, and do things, or hike, or bike, and perhaps needed you to change their diaper, what would you do then? It could happen to anyone...
But say you weren't attached enough to say, move in together, but you did love the person and could see yourself planning a life around being with them but WHAM!!
They are disabled.
Would you stay?
Would you stay during the beginning then realize you didn't have what it takes?
(There is NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS!! Again this isn't a thread about whether you are a good person or not.)
If you say you wouldn't stay, then what is your reasoning? And at that, at the core of what you are saying, ask yourself is it the DISABILITY you can not handle (Changing diapers, medications, helping with therapy.) ....or your mates lack of mobility, which prevents you guys from randomly grabbing a movie, or popping out for dinner, or having wild crazy sex in strange places.
The reason I ask, is that if it is the MOBILITY issue, then really, if the parent of the disabled child has proper care, and can spend time with you, then what is the difference? You aren't dating the child, you are dating them.
So if mobility, and availability isn't an issue, then what would be your problem with the child's disability?
Also, what about your friends?!?! If your best friend got disabled, SEVERELY DISABLED, then what?
Would you give up on being there for them, and helping them out where they needed you, or would you leave them in the dust?
Of coursssssse not. They are your best friend, so you have to be there for them.
If this is the case, then why would you not put as much effort into the girl/guy that you love?
This is where someone says "Omg, get off your righteous high horse, it is different when I know in advance that the child is disabled."
Really? And what if you were dating a person, fell in love, and then suddenly their child became disabled? What then? Would you just up and leave?
Again, please refrain from assuming that this is a "Am I a bad person, or am I a good person?" thread. I assure you it is not. It is merely a stern look at the human condition.
I have a sneaking suspicion that those who have taken it negatively, maybe feel guilty because of the stigma associated with saying "Heck no I wouldn't date a person like that, or take care of my disabled friend."
Which is why I absolutely adore those who are honest enough with themselves to simply admit it. People who are honest with themselves run about as rare as a person you can trust your heart to, and know that it will not be returned damaged.
So on that alone, if you are honest enough with yourself to admit you wouldn't have what it took, then you are a good person for merely exhibiting those qualities, so odds are you wouldn't feel bad about your decision.
Love is love.
It is shown both through our affections and our connections; As well as our comradery.
We share these bonds, these connections with our friends, our family, and our lovers. But the fact that lovers is plural at all could open a whole other can of worms.
The admission that you couldn't stay with a person who is disabled, or has a disabled child, or support a disabled friend could very well be an admission that you never intended on staying with the person in the first place.
I could imagine the terror behind having to leave someone you didn't intend on staying with anyway, because they became disabled. Kinda questions what commitment is.
Is it fair to allow levels of commitment in a relationship, r is is it black and white?(Committed or not.)
Taking everything I said into consideration
And following logic to a fault.....
Saying "No no no, I could not date a person who was disabled, or a person with a disabled child, because the disability would be too much to handle!!"
Is almost an admission that you couldn't be FRIENDS with a handicapped person.
Being friends can just as well be a life long commitment.
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| Would you date a person with DISABLED CHILDREN?
Posted: 5/15/2009 7:34:19 AM | Alot of relationships do work out and alot of people are happy together who do have disabled children and I think alot of women would date a man wth a disabled child It happens every day. Their are poeple who would not and that is just the way it is.
Their are men who would not be interested in a woman with kids whether they were disabled or not. Thats up to them let them get on with it but they might be missing out on a grear relationship. | |
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| Would you date a person with DISABLED CHILDREN?
Posted: 5/15/2009 10:23:09 AM | Annie Oakley, let's say for argument's sake that the accident left the person a parapalegic so that they could get around themselves in a wheel chair and take care of themselves after they make the adjustments necessary and learn how to function without legs. To make this easier let's presume a relatively normal sex life is also part of the equation.
But say you weren't attached enough to say, move in together, but you did love the person and could see yourself planning a life around being with them but WHAM!!
They are disabled.
First, I would probably say that if I am potentially planning a life with someone then I am attached enough to cohabitate but in the early stages, believe it is more prudent to wait and ensure that neither of us is moving the relationship forward prematurely. The level of commitment is not defined by my address.
That said, while I can't guarantee that I wouldn't cut and run, I would stay. I was married very young to a good man who was a screw up. Divorce was his choice, I didn't feel at the time that every effort had been expended in making that marriage work. Second marriage to a stable person in terms of work/finances was a nightmare with a bipolar partner.
The lessons from both these relationships was that love is only enough if both people are putting in an effort and I would be a fool to pass up a wonderful man who was everything I wanted in a person and whom I was either in love with or falling hard because he had a medical condition that would make life more complicated.
Perhaps I have been fortunate to have a friend who has led a very full life, more living than a lot of people without any physical challenges, while sitting down. For the most part, that is the only difference between the life that most of us lead because she doesn't see herself as crippled. She was very lucky that her mother never allowed anyone in her family to treat her like a cripple so she never developed any type of victim mentality.
Yes she gets frustrated and it ticks her off that people treat her like she is a part of the chair but she doesn't dwell on those things but chooses to focus on all of the positives in her life. She has been married twice, three kids, several grandchildren and one great grandchild. She has had several successful careers and frankly has a more active social life than I do.
You ask OP about what the healthy person would do and if for the most part the man didn't change in other ways I believe I would stay; difficulty and challenges do not scare me. But what if the man becomes totally bitter because of the changes in his life and refuses to make the adjustments necessary to lead as full a life as he is able?
Others have posted, due largely to personal experience, that it wasn't the child or the disability that drove them away, it was the parent. Some parents do not have a positive attitude and it isn't a matter of things getting them down occasionally but their overall attitde about life and the hand they were dealt.
The same would be true of a partner who was not only facing the changes that this meant but potentially watching someone they love become somewhat surly so that they truly feel alone. Is someone supposed to stay under those circumstances even if they are married? | |
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| Would you date a person with DISABLED CHILDREN?
Posted: 5/15/2009 10:51:02 AM | DID YOU EVER STOP TO THINK THAT IN MANY WAYS SHAPES AND FORMS WE ALL SUFFER FROM DISABILITIES.
Too bad it takes a visable minority to point that out for you....
I broke my neck in 1986...life has not been easy - but hell ... nobody said it was gonna be either!
Have A Good Life Eh!!  | |
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| Would you date a person with DISABLED CHILDREN?
Posted: 5/15/2009 1:07:32 PM | | Exactly right, Rare. There are some people responding to this that can't comprehend that. All it takes is a slip in the shower, tripping over a small rock, a car accident. They need to ask themselves how they would want to be treated if it happened to them. These people who say that they would not have anything to do with a person with a disability or a parent of a disabled child must not want anyone around them to love them if it happend to them. | |
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| Would you date a person with DISABLED CHILDREN?
Posted: 5/15/2009 2:05:29 PM | | I'd probably not go into a situation of this type - though it would depend on the type and degree of disability involved. However, if it happened after I'd made a commitment, then I'd stay. It would be the same for an SO - and in fact my SO became disabled about two years into our relationship, but it's still by far the best relationship I've ever had and I wouldn't give it up for anything. | |
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| Would you date a person with DISABLED CHILDREN?
Posted: 5/15/2009 4:42:32 PM | These people who say that they would not have anything to do with a person with a disability or a parent of a disabled child must not want anyone around them to love them if it happend to them.
I wouldn't want someone to stick around and I have no idea if I'd stick around if someone I was dating became disabled. Call me whatever name you want, I wouldn't date someone with a disabled child. Everyone has a preference of what they would or wouldn't date. Some don't agree with it, some do.
5 months in, would you commit to helping them...changing their diapers, tending to their care? Ideally we would say yes....but the truth...now that is what I wanna know about...
Some of us can be honest about this. 5 months? Sorry...but no. I'm not changing someone's diaper. If I was married to the person, I would consider it. Or at least hire someone to do that. | |
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| Would you date a person with DISABLED CHILDREN?
Posted: 5/15/2009 5:41:27 PM | | who cares. If my husband leaves me, fine. You can pay to have someone assist you. And god helps those who help themselves. So...I'm not worried about got helping me. I don't give a sh!t that you think I'm selfish. It's called...being honest. | |
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| Would you date a person with DISABLED CHILDREN?
Posted: 5/15/2009 6:00:54 PM |
Wait you would "consider" it if you were married? Wow. God help you if you ever became disabled! There is quite a bit to consider when someone goes from being fully functional or able bodied to not being able bodied. I know that I could not physically care for someone that was not able to clean, feed, cloth, etc. themself. There are emotional changes that occur. One minute this person is jogging down the road and the next, they can't even wash their own hair. For a woman, that is devastating. What kind of understanding partner do you have to be with to deal with that? I know that if you are just dating them, you aren't living with them, there is no commitment and chances are the person's family will make arrangements. If you are married to them, you have to be able to change your lifestyle to accomodate your whole life changing. You may have lived in a two story house, but now you have to find a one story. You had two incomes and now you only have one.
It really isn't a totally selfish attitude. It really is a situation that you can't imagine unless you are living it.
But an injured SO is totally different than dating someone with a challenged child. In that case, it depends on what the child's needs are and the parent. A parent that knows how to balance their life and has a good handle on their child's needs could be fine, but a parent that always puts their child ahead of everything, wouldn't seem to balance a dating relationship. | |
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| Would you date a person with DISABLED CHILDREN?
Posted: 5/15/2009 7:21:42 PM | | How about a different slant on things, since this thread is supposed to be about disabled children, not boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse. How about this...would you bring your disabled children around people you have dated? I guess the answer could be...some I would...some I wouldn't. But how would you know? It seems to me that it's more important that the kids feel comfortable with the situation. They are going through so much, that that should be the main priority. It is for me. | |
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| Would you date a person with DISABLED CHILDREN?
Posted: 5/15/2009 8:06:15 PM |
All I can do is sit here and just shake my head. It's no wonder I'm 42 years old and still single. The irony here is that you won't date women over 45. We all have our limitations. And hun, why do I know about your profile because I was going to email you to fill you in. You are shaking your head at the woman that had to move into a one story house...yeah, that's right, one day I am capable of running and the next day I can't wash my hair. So shake your head at yourself. You are single because you obviously judge those you don't know. | |
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TS629
| | Joined: 12/7/2006
Msg: 146 | |
| Would you date a person with DISABLED CHILDREN?
Posted: 5/19/2009 8:26:57 AM | Disabled.. While I had racing TBs, I met my jockey's autistic 7 y.o. and even went and got hay with him. He was a good kid and got along with him pretty well. That may also have been due to the fact that he had a three legged dog at home. I have very little problem with children with disabilities. It is a reality that one has to 'bend' for. Sometimes that 'bending' takes a little time, a learning curve, so that proper accommodations can be adjusted for.
I'm physically disabled and even though people deny it, you can see it in their faces and responses. In College I had a conversation with a friend that had a deformed hand. I lost mind in a accident while he knew me. He had confided with me that several years before, his parents had asked him to have his deformed hand removed so that he could have a prosthesis that looked more like a hand. I had one at the time. What he wanted was an affirmation that his deformation was better kept, a thumb finger pincher/ wrist. I took off my prosthetic hand and let him play with it and told him that he did the right thing, that from what I knew, science wasn't going to improve on what I had much due to economics. Starwars technology was going to be a myth for the general public and so it is even to this is day.
I think that he ended up marring a nurse. Someone that had deep compassion. | |
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A.P.E.
| | Joined: 5/17/2009
Msg: 147 | |
| Would you date a person with DISABLED CHILDREN?
Posted: 5/20/2009 7:11:27 AM |
The irony here is that you won't date women over 45. We all have our limitations. And hun, why do I know about your profile because I was going to email you to fill you in. You are shaking your head at the woman that had to move into a one story house...yeah, that's right, one day I am capable of running and the next day I can't wash my hair. So shake your head at yourself. You are single because you obviously judge those you don't know.
You would do well to differentiate between "irony" and hypocrisy. That one story house comment was completely uncalled for.
Also
"You are single because you obviously judge those you don't know."
Pot please meet the kettle. Whilst you both have the same color, she may judge you for yours. For all you know, he wont date a woman that old, because that is when health problems menopause, etc begin popping up, and he would require a strong person to assist him.
So before you go about being "ironic" you may wanna consider that. | |
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| Would you date a person with DISABLED CHILDREN?
Posted: 5/20/2009 9:37:29 AM | | eschec aren't you the pot calling the kettle black? You don't know me and you have NO CLUE why I am single. You're the type of judgemental women that I do NOT want to talk to. | |
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| Would you date a person with DISABLED CHILDREN?
Posted: 5/20/2009 9:51:29 AM | That one story house comment was completely uncalled for. ???How was it uncalled for. I had to move from a very nice cape cod to a one story. One day I could run and the next I couldn't. Now explain to me what is uncalled for. As I stated, this man shaking his head at me when I was describing what I have lived through...
I tried to email this man to explain this to him as he was shaking his head judging me because I described what I have lived through and he won't even accept emails from women over 45. He judges those he doesn't know. As I stated, everyone has their preferences and it is quite offensive to me that he judged me for knowing I couldn't deal with someone with certain limitations or required anything from me that would be physical.
Please check my profile, it clearly states I am in a relationship. NO pot, I am involved...not looking, I have found.
And again, this isn't supposed to be a pity me thread, it is supposed to be about dating parents of children with challenges. I have clearly stated it depends on the parent and how they dealt with it which includes their time. | |
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| Would you date a person with DISABLED CHILDREN?
Posted: 5/20/2009 10:07:51 AM | People who would not accept someone with a disability or someone who has a child with a disability is someone who is extremely selfish and self centered.
I don't agree with this, I'd rather deal with someone who told you up front that they weren't interested rather than play games.
Some people have never been around people with conditions, diseases or disabilities so they cannot handle it nor can they accept it sometimes.
I think each person will have an idea of what they will "accept" and what they will not. One should respect someone's choice NOT to be interested in you. People that lash out at rejection still need to learn quite a bit, no matter what your issues. Some of us learned the hard way unfortunately :(
IME, the issue usually ISN'T the child OR their disability. 99% of the time the issue is with the PARENT of that child.
This is soooo true sometimes. Some parents baby their children who have disabilities. Depending on the disability, it is really not required.
It's a really fine line knowing how to act around people with disabilities etc., while one wants to be treated equally, the condition must also be taken into account in certain areas.
Not all disabilities can be seen.
Too true too true......
I've also given up reading the OP's arguments with everyone on here. I find them a tad longwinded and very argumentative as opposed to informative and debative. | |
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