| I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/11/2009 4:37:27 PM | i know how you feal. my husband walked out 1 month ago for the third time. first time i was pregnant and he left. second time our daughter was 4 and he called me on the phone and said he wasn't coming back. that just about killed me. this time just left again said he had issues. now he says he doesn't love me anymore. that is very hard to take. your whole world as u know it is gone. my daughter is having a hard time to, so i have to take care of her and my emotions. all i know to tell you is pray, i am praying alot and talking to anyone that will listen. but after 3 times i am finished. i just can't seem to get over the hurt and love. thats tough. i cry a lot. but i am still here and i will be each day as it gets better. | |
|
| I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/11/2009 6:46:16 PM | | So sorry for your pain...its very difficult and nothing anyone says will help you...when its time your heart will heal and you will see the sunshine again...or the stars...til then...when you feel like crying..cry...when you feel like yelling...yell..and when you feel like trying again...DO IT!! Good luck girl...:) | |
|
| I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/12/2009 4:55:48 AM |
i know how you feal. my husband walked out 1 month ago for the third time. first time i was pregnant and he left. second time our daughter was 4 and he called me on the phone and said he wasn't coming back. that just about killed me. this time just left again said he had issues. now he says he doesn't love me anymore. that is very hard to take. your whole world as u know it is gone. my daughter is having a hard time to, so i have to take care of her and my emotions. all i know to tell you is pray, i am praying alot and talking to anyone that will listen. but after 3 times i am finished. i just can't seem to get over the hurt and love. thats tough. i cry a lot. but i am still here and i will be each day as it gets better.......
Which drives home my Golden Rule:
Once you walk out the door and say you are finished then you are. There is NO going back for if you do, it just leads to the on/off again crap that can last a long long time. You never know what that person will walk out again and it isn't healthy or stable.
Jeannie, I am so sorry this happened to you. Just know that in spite of all the hurt you are going through, you will be fine and you don't need him. Don't look back. as one poster said previously on here, look over the edge of the abyss and you will see the sun shine again.
Good things are in store for you. - You just haven't taken the time to look around yet. | |
|
| |
| I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/12/2009 12:02:06 PM | I'm so sorry to read of your plight. Exactly the same happened to me,I think a lot of it started with the fact that his best mate was getting divorced and he got sucked in, along for the ride, although looking back now I knew it was over, we had drifted apart.
Unfortunately they don't know what they had till it's gone but for gods sake don't take him back, never go back!
nothing anyone says will make you feel better, only time will heal the wounds ( to some extent).
Five years later i'm a far better & stronger person, it's taken this long to think about trusting someone again. Time is a healer, don't get bitter it will only eat you up & it wont affect him in anyway. The grass is always greener until you get there as many people discover. Do not go back, look forward make a better future for your self. | |
|
| I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/12/2009 2:42:54 PM | WOW. I'm going through the EXACT same thing. I loved my wife beyond words. I didn't cheat. I was a good husband. I'm only moving on because I know I have to for survival. My wife decided that she didn't love me any more. We'd been married 13 years.
I don't know what the answer is, but I'm in the exact same boat.
I'm glad God is always there for a shoulder. | |
|
| I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/12/2009 7:19:03 PM | | Baby girl! Been goin thru the same thing right there with you. I couldnt write because you have to be a member for three days and it just about killed me. After 17 of the best years, I was told that it had "run its course" WTF, wasnt aware of an expiry date! Love me one day, not the next, we had an active sex life till that day! Then i found out about her, loser wasnt smart enough not to text her 400 times with a phone in my name. I have been thru three weeks of hell trailin two kids, three cats and a dog who keeps humpin my leg because she misses him. Had no clue, not a stupid girl, but blind with devotion to my big strong man and our two sons. I could tell you the whole sad story but after two weeks of being doubled over in physical pain, losing my mind, I am done with that story. I lost 25 lbs (good stuff!) in two weeks cause food tasted like dirt. I will not be the victim of a weak, spoiled man, even if I spoiled him. I am rapidly getting back on my feet and when it happens, you will know it. Don't cry any more tears for him, its over. Just create a new nickname for him (mine went from babe to piece of shit) Get up, dust yourself off and use your girl stuff! It will drive him insane if you show you don't need him cause you don't. Don't make anything easy for him and do not take him back. Once a cheater always a cheater. Be strong, you do not deserve that and if you think you do, you should get some help, not being sarcastic, being honest. Self esteem is all we have at the end of the day when you are dealing with someone elses issues. | |
|
| |
| I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/13/2009 5:41:25 AM | | Yup, same old story. Said he had a drug problem and needed some space, poor baby! I felt so sorry for him and wanted to help him sooo bad. He started working Saturdays too (ya right, working at what). | |
|
| I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/13/2009 8:04:55 AM | | i swear i could write a book on this subject!!blue skies will come out,i promise!my first wife and i were marrie fir 7years and she turned out to be a pathological liar.that hurt more than anything..the lies hurt,no doubt about it..u cant let youre situation own u !be pro active!!sex is not the anawer..friends and family are...i thought i wasnt vulnerable but people were right.i made the mistake and dated too soon..those dates were clouded with hurt and lonlines from my end and that made feel worse..speaking from a guys perspetive,i felt working out with friends and talking with my pastor really helped..now im a stronger person .hang in there ..i cant believe how good i feel and how i see my x and go what the hell was i thinkiing. | |
|
| I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/13/2009 3:17:44 PM | I certainly feel for you. It may not help but know that you are not alone. After 28 years of marriage my wife decided she wants a divorce. While I was out of town visiting her sister she told me not to come home or to our business. I am trying to figure out how to start my life over. I am living at my sons house, I am now working for minimum wage, and she canceled my health care. Essentially I have nothing. She is angry because we used the majority of our savings to keep the business going.
This happened just over two months ago. I tried therapy with her but she was not really interested. For a while I would call her and beg her to try to save our marriage. I could not sleep or eat and spent so many hours just crying. I finally realized that it takes two people to make the marriage and if your partner is not interested there is nothing you can do. It is getting better for me but it is still hard. I find that when I am by myself I get very lonely and sad. I have begun talking to friends and that seems to help. I am going to a divorce support group next week. Talk to people and maybe join a group yourself. I wish you the best.
Jeff | |
|
| I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/13/2009 3:44:28 PM | I know this won't help you right now, because unfortunately very little can ease the pain that you are feeling right now. But I can honestly say that I do know exactly how you feel--because I was there about a year and a half ago. My husband, who I thought was my soul mate, decided that he was no longer in love with me, either.
I felt as awful as you do for quite a while (sorry, but I'm being honest). But eventually I came to realize that he had done me a tremendous favor.
I know you can't understand this right now--because you need to grieve the loss of love that was your marriage. But I promise you that with the passage of time, it will start to hurt less. and eventually you will realize that you don't want to be with someone who doesn't feel as strongly for you as you do for him.
You deserve the best. And your husband just doesn't have the ability to be that for you. I know its hard to believe right now, but you will be happy again. I promise! | |
|
| IT WAS 2 YEARS BUT HURT MORE THAN MY OTHER X OF 14
Posted: 5/14/2009 1:15:30 AM | | EVERYONE WILL SAY STAY BUSY , HOBBY, KEEP TO YOURSELF BUT THE TRUTH IS THAT YOU WILL CATCH YOURSELF AT LEAST ONCE TWICE A DAY THAT SOMETHING YOU SEE OR HERE OR A PLACE YOU GO WILL BE A REMINDER YOU WERE THERE WITH HIM . I CAN UNDERSTAND BECAUSE PUT IT THIS WAY ( MICHAEL JACKSON KING OF POP ) THERE WAS A GUY THAT HAD FAME ALL THE MONEY AND ANY WOMAN HE WANTED HE JUST HAD TO PICK AND NAME A PRICE. BUT HE WAS A MISERABLE MAN BECAUSE HE WAS ALWAYS LONELY NEVER REALY HAD ANYONE IN NEVERLAND THAT HE COULD HAVE A TALK TO BESIDES CHIMPS. WHAT I AM SYING IS MY EX LIVES IN AN APARTMENT STILL HAS TO PAY RENT A DEAD END JOB AND A CAR PAYMENT AND OTHER EXPENSES , JUST LOST HER KIDS IN A CUSTODY WAR WHICH I WENT THROUGH WHEN HE HAD FULL CUSTODY 5 DAYS A WEEK. I HAVE A HOUSE PAID OFF CARS PAID OFF I PROMISED HERE SHE COULD GO TO SCHOOL AND SHE NEVER PAID RENT. SO I AM STILL HURTING MORE THAT HER SHE DUMPED ME NOT EVEN A MONTH LATER SHE HAS A NEW GUY 21 HAS NO HOME LIVES IN TAFT IN A TRAILER MAKES HER DRIVE TO PICK HIM UP HAS A LOT OF GIRLS DRINKS AND TELLS HER NOT TO AND SHE IS HAPPY WITH THIS I WAS A THIRD WHEEL AND SHE TOLD EVERYONE I WASNT A MARRYING TYPE NOT THE FITT BUT THIS GUY HAS NO KIDS IS ONE AND NOTHING TO OFFER EXCEPT A MOTORCYCLE AND THATS WHAT SHE CLAIME D IS COMPATIBLE . I CANT SEE WHY WE AS NICE PEOPLE THAT DO SO MUCH FOR THEM THEY END UP BRINGING OUT THE WORST IN US I DID THINGS THAT NOW I WISH I DIDNT JUST SO SHE COULD FEEL HOW MUCH SHE HURT ME , I REALIZES THAT MY KIDS SUFFERED AND I WAS LETTING THEM DOWN SHE LOST HERS AND I SNAPPED OUT OF IT I WILL NOT LET MY KIDS SEE ME LIKE THIS I WILL GET STRONGER WE ME AND YOU R STILL VERY APPEALING SO DONT LET THE AGE FOOL ANYONE ITS NOT TO LATE TO FIND THAT ONE I HATE WAKING UP ALONE I DONT KNOW ABOUT U IT SUCKS GOING TO STORES OR THE SHOW JUST REMEBEREING THAT WE ONCE HAD THE PERSON THAT WE THATUGHT TILL DEATH DO US PART PARTED NO SHE CAN GIVE THIS GUY WHAT I WISH I HAD MORE OF HER NOW SO SHE WILL SMOTHER HIM AND SAD THAT SHE CHOSE HIM OVER HER KIDS | |
|
| I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/14/2009 1:47:55 AM | OP - I was in exactly your position a few years ago! We had been together for 11 years and I was devoted to him and he simply came home one day and left me and our daughter. Saying he was no longer in love with me. For the longest time I felt like I was drowining and then walking through an eternal fog - and everything seemed numb.
There is no-one that can say anything that will get you through it.
The only thing I can say is that TIME DOES HEAL. That was the most awful thing for me to hear - i hated it! But it is so very, very true. I am now 2 years on and healed! We are in fact good friends and get on well for our daughter and I am now friends with his new partner as well.
I thought there was no way forward for me, from my soul-mate! But I have put the past behind me and left any anger/resentment behind as well (coz there was a lotta bad sh*t that went down after the split as well) and I am a whole person again.
Counselling helped, friends helped, crying helped and the movement forward of time helped. There is no secret cure - accept your feelings and take ownership of them. If you wanna cry - then do so! If you wanna scream - do so!
This is probs no help at all
xxxx | |
|
| I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/14/2009 7:35:32 AM | Hi hotbreez,
I know what you mean. I am in the same situation. All you can do is turn to the Lord, i don't know if you are a christian or not but i am hoping you are, every day my heart hurt so i pick up my bible and read and pray. So today when i do I'll say a prayer for you.
I will pray now!
Dear Lord, please take hotbreez into your loving arms and allow her some peace and joy. Show her as you have shown me that you are in control not her nor her husband is in control, Let her know your love for her and if it is your will bring this marriage back together. In your holy Name Lord Jesus I pray. Amen
Contact me hot breez if you would like to chat, My name is Jackie  | |
|
| I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/14/2009 9:34:23 AM | You're on 70 peoples favorites list and you signed up in February and your husband JUST broke up with you...
:::doing the math here:::
Why would you join a site like this if you were married? | |
|
| I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/14/2009 9:35:00 AM | | I have the thing happen to me. I you just feel a mix of loss and anger. What I am angry about is all the wasted time. I have found people feel this way in long realationships a lot. When he says he does not love you what he is really saying is he does not lust over you anymore. Which is very sad because that can change with time and work, but most people don't want to put in that work. Also if he really cared about you then he would have put more effort in the relationship. I'm sorry if that's not the pep talk you were looking for but its the truth. I don't understand why people will throw away good years over lust. | |
|
| I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/14/2009 11:37:26 AM | | I know how you feel, I was engaged to a man last year that I thought, and He told me, that we were soul-mates. We were 2 weeks away from the wedding and He told Me He loved me, but wasn't in love with me, and couldn't marry me. Ripped my heart out and stomped on it. I wanted to throw up and I couldn't stop crying, either. Have you ever watched the movie- Fireproof? - it is a tear jerker, but has good things to say. I can only tell you I know how you feel. I am 57 and have had 2 marriages before this. One only lasted a couple of years, and the other one lasted 32 yrs. only because I refused to give up. I gave up 3 yrs. ago and left. I found love again, just to be hurt again. This last summer I spent sitting by the lake going over things and healing, and time and God are the only things that will heal this. I gratefully had both. put your feelings in a journal, write them down and get them out- you can read back later, and see how far you have come, and it lets you vent the anger, frustration and hurt that you feel without attacking the other person. It is far more healing than I realized until I did it with this last relationship. I will pray for God's guidance and help for you. watch FIREPROOF and see what you think- it could give you the tools you need to restore this . God bless and keep you, "breezy" | |
|
| I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/14/2009 9:44:26 PM | Well if he's dead set on walking away there is nothing you can do but let him go and realize it's his loss more then yours. He will see the grass isnt greener in time. You have to realize that theres plenty of men out there that would love to be with a woman like you and you'll be ok in time, better off even.
As far as getting over him, well thats going to be the roughest part and many nights you will cry yourself to sleep. Took me almost 2 years to finally get over my ex.
But eventually the darkness does lift and the sun shines thru again. Stay active with friends and family, do stuff, don't stay home and mope, only makes it worse.
Love that we can not have is the one that lasts the longest, hurts the deepest and feels the strongest. I promise, you'll be ok.
Love, not time, heals all broken hearts. You will love again, just hang in there. | |
|
| I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/16/2009 10:52:33 AM | | I was though that before now going though something else trying to get back my soulmate! But back on point,There is nothing you can do about the way you feel! trying doing hobbies or seein friends talking about it! mybe after awhile you can get him back.Mybe A card but dont put alot of words in the card make it simple! Mybe put down things you guys did aas a couple just bring up happy times I know it will hurt inside doing this but it will make him think too! Try to be up beat in the card too! dont throw yourself at him it will make him go running.Mybe just be thoughtfull. The one thing that gets anybody attention is being curious! Make him wonder! Meet new friends I know its hard I have been doing it for 2 months now I send her cards sometimes myself but upbeat and the way it use to be not throwing myself on her! Tell him you want a new start! BUT up beat about it if you want him back?Jon | |
|
| I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/16/2009 12:49:01 PM | I'm been there too...I'm so sorry. It will get better, time does heal all wounds. Concentrate on getting better. Surround yourself with friends and family. Don't dwell on what he said or did. Remember what's great about you. Go to a counselor and a support group. It's very helpful to see others who've gone through what you are. Mourn the loss of your marriage. This isn't what you wanted right? Then feel sad, cry, yell or punch pillows. Limit your pity party time though. I gave myself 15 minutes a day. Don't hold grudges, that will hold you back from moving on. Forgive him, but learn from what happened. Forgiving isn't always a one time deal, it's an ongoing thing. It does not mean forget either. You are responsible for your attitude, keep it positive. Do you go to church? The people in my church showered me with love. If you need help ask.
You did not lose your soul. Divorce hurts. You will be okay. | |
|
| I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/16/2009 1:57:11 PM | OP ..... I have the same thing with my ex-wife.
I have not seen her now in three years. I could pick up the phone and be on a "date" with her this week but ......
I spent 20 years thinking she loved me ........... and she did and still does but .......
"just not the way you want me to"
THAT IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME ........ so I remain alone - my choice.
-----------------
OP - it took me three years to accept it. I have now accepted it and that is that. Since that is not good enough for me - that is that.
I suggest you accept it - pull yourself up by your bootstraps and FORGET HIM. | |
|
| I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/16/2009 5:38:34 PM | | Oh, Honey. I have felt that pain. It is a true pain and I too felt like I was drowning. It is so soon for you. I went to a counselor to fight through my pain. It helped me realize that I deserve to be happy and he is the one that lost. Please take a few deep breaths and realize that we are here for you. | |
|
| I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/16/2009 6:08:48 PM | Mans opinion...Let him think you are possible interested in seeing someone else or that you are try to meet new guys to fix that heart of yours...I didn't say sleep with someone but he doesn't have to know any different...It may take some time or he could want to talk pretty quick But you shouldn't talk about foregiveness to soon,give him time to stew on things and what he's started.IF he moved out DON'T CALL OR TEXT HIM.and don't make up excuess to do that either,he'll see right threw it.Things have to run their course.
One more thing did he know you are on PoF...? | |
|
| I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/16/2009 6:17:53 PM | | Okay, you probably don't want to hear this but here we go. If it's meant to be .... it will work itself out. If it doesn't work itself out then it wasn't destiny for you guys to be together forever. The end of relationship via divorce is no different in many ways than be one passing away. It should be mourned....jumping right back into dating isn't the answer. Let time take it's course. I was hopelessly in love with my wife....she betrayed our marriage. You are deeply in love with the person you believed him to be....the fantasy. It's obviously not who he was. I'm sorry and I wish you the best. Whoever recommeded to you counseling or support groups is very wise. You are not going through this alone. I wish you the best. | |
|
Home
login 
