| I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/16/2009 7:17:16 PM | Baby it's going to be ok my husband of 24 years just kicked me out and filed for a divorce i thought i would die but i am still alive you will heal and so will i.Hang in there. | |
|
Cheba
|
Joined: 4/10/2009
Msg: 52 | |
| I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/16/2009 7:21:51 PM | what can i say?
the universe has bigger plans for you than being with that guy. maybe it's time you take a look at your life. were you happy with him? a guy who says.... "ur pretty but i have no love for you..." does not sound like a keeper to me...
take this chance to explore what you have missed out in the last ten years. maybe you will find the next great love of your life | |
|
| I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/18/2009 8:12:45 PM | | i am sorry i really feel for you. girls do this all the time and it happens both ways i know but it's hard it's just one of those things as hard as it is to take it as tough love. I have no idea what all your relationship with your husband intails but if your not happy do something about it. You to pretty to be down. | |
|
| |
| |
| I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/19/2009 7:06:19 PM | I read this and feel like I am staring at someone I knew very well 14years ago.
I was married once we have two children like all marriages had ups and downs I never doubted love and believed in the integrity of our marriage. He came home told me the same thing and I felt a small part of me died. For awhile I identified that small thing dying as him he took something from me he had no right to take. I sense that in what you wrote he was taking something from you he had no right to. I have a tendency to get wordy so I hope this either inspires you or encourages you here goes:
Our stories are generally the same like so many others someone in a marriage makes a choice to alter the vows to suit their needs. More often the one that chooses that is also a coward because they do not venture out alone somewhere in the sidlines is someone who says what they want to hear and cators to their insecurities. At least my story has that chapter. This is the part you may or may not get: My dad is a true/blue Bostonian so the drawl is missing here. When it all happened I was devasted, depressed, scared and overwhelmed. People like to say "It has nothing to do with you" yeah on a conscience level we all know that but hey I was the one "left". My dad got a little inpatient he was worried about my children, me my future etc... I will never forget this it caught me off guard I think he was at a loss trying to be strong for me he simply shoots out "Whats the diffrenence and similarities of the Lufthansia, Titanic and QEII"? my answer "All Luxury liners" he proceeds to tell me "I will tell you what my dad told me. Life is a boarding pass to those three ships two went down alot of loss alot survived one an extreme liner. You know how you find out which one you were on at any point or event in your life? when you find out what happened. You my girl were on the Lufthansia the torpedo has hit knocked you into the freezing water your two little boys are floating with you and so far you survived. Now you got two more passes it is critical you choose which one to board because your gonna need a good choice" if that means anything to you I do not know we are Irish. Anyway I chose the QEII I went to school, purchased my own home and car put my sons through private schoo and earned a Masters. My dad's little ananlogy was correct every now and again I am on the Titanic only wise enough to stay close to the lifeboats. I focused on me and devoted myself to my children dating, men etc.. not a priority I protected them loved them and did my best to give them what they deserved. I made sure to instill in them that honor and integrity required alot of courage and sacrafice .
To sum this tale up 4years after our divorce my ex shows up to pick the kids up asks if he can come in. From there he proceeds to tell me how "proud" he was of me and how "unhappy" he was what a "mistake" this was etc..... You know what it just did'nt matter I felt no need for revenge, anger or much of anything else. All I recall is that I had my first job teaching nursing while he was talking my mind was organizing my grading techninque. I realized what he took from me was an anchor his conversation about "us" I could not identify with because he was talking about someone else. Hang in there you are not loosing your soul decide which pass to use life its funny the stronger you become the more insignifcant he becomes. This choice after 10years is who he is and you deserve more. It is none of my business but jumping into dating and seeking men is boarding the titanic work on you. | |
|
| I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/20/2009 7:21:39 PM | | Hi, I can't give you much advice but want you to know that I sure can sympathize with you. I was dumped after 6 years with my "fiancee". Little did I know that he never planned to marry me. There were no signs of ANYTHING wrong. He just dumped me out of the blue! He chalks it up to a midlife crisis, yeah right! I KNOW there has to be another woman, but have no proof and now I'm 800 miles away from him. My life is turned upside down. I'm left without a job or home. I feel so hurt and hopeless and used and cry 90 percent of the time. I'm praying it will get easier. I hope it will for you too. | |
|
| I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/20/2009 7:41:56 PM | I am so very sorry. I went thru the exact same thing last September. My husband of 19 years confessed to an affair with a co-worker. GOD it killed my heart. He is 43, she is 28, married, 3 little kids and she was pregnant. Had the baby - a boy April 29th. We would have been married 19 years yesterday. I literally could NOT get out of bed for days. I had to call a friend to come and get me out of bed. I could not think a minute ahead. My heart and soul were broken. They moved in together last September and my divorce was final April 7th. We have two boys, whom he left with me. I was so hurt. I still feel the pain of betrayal. I cried 24/7. I was physically sick. PHYSICALLY SICK. Did not eat or sleep.
Now.....it still hurts. I don't love him anymore. I am still lost. | |
|
| I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/21/2009 12:12:32 AM | | I hate to tell you this but you will feel sick for a long time. The same thing occured to me over a year and a half ago. I cried everyday for two months, then every other day. After about 6 months I found that I only cried about three times a week, and truth be told every now and then I still find tears in my eyes. It isn't as bad as it was in the begining, but it still hurts. I will tell you how I survived, first I took a long look at myself, my goals and my desires. Then I decided to make some drastic changes in my life. I got a different job, went back to school, and started taking dance lessons. I am remaking myself into the person I want to be. It was only by setting these goals and focusing my efforts towards acheiving them, that I could keep going each day. I really just wanted to die, but by having an objective for my future, I was able to keep my more destructive desires in check. It was hard, and when I hear of someone else going through the samething, the pain comes crashing down on me again, but I have gotten better, and this fall I will get my degree, I also have become a pretty good dancer. I haven't gone out on any dates yet, but perhaps that will change soon also. It is so, so hard, there is no easy way to deal with something like this. You still love them, you still want them, but they no longer love or want you. Don't be supprised if you feel this way for months, it is normal. I'm so sorry for you, it hurts and nothing is going to stop it from hurting. Just remember you are worthy of love, and I am sure that there are people in your life that love you, now is the time that you must lean on them in order to keep going. There is light at the end of the tunnel, it just is so very far away right now that you may not see it, but in time you will. | |
|
| I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/21/2009 1:55:08 PM | | well babe sometimes that happens i just left a three year realationship thought i would be with her forever but i know its hard so are you two staying together or separating? | |
|
| I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/21/2009 2:32:39 PM | There is some really good and some really bad advice posted here! Can I say anything what will make a difference? I hope so or why write something!
First, your feelings are your feelings and there is no simple quick fix. What you are going through, and you must go through it, is sudden, awful, and earth shaking. All that advice of keeping busy and talking to others etc is only necessary distractions so your feelings are not so intense that you can not function. Helpful but is also avoiding the issue and thus does not get to the crux to resolve it.
Let me say that all the hype of finding the perfect match and getting married to him/her is an accident waiting to happen. No one stay the same over a lifetime. People change. How you deal with those changes is what makes or breaks relationships. With each little crisis that you work through together you build trust for when a big earth shattering crisis comes along. If your marriage has been really smooth up til now, you may find yourself franticly reaching for tools and helps to deal with it. That is where good counsel comes in. At the same time you still have to live it each day.
This sounds like a very typical mid life crisis, which covers a lot of things! So there are no pat answers. You do have to talk or nothing changes. Each has to both listen and talk while being very willing to do some soul searching. All to often a person will turn their life upside down without identifying the real problem. Then lives are shattered and all becuase he never realized a dream. Well, sometimes dreams have to be put on the shelf because we worked on other dreams that are far more rewarding in the long run, but not easy to see when looking at one that will now never be realized. So in some vain attempt, and I stress 'vain', to live the impossible for a moment, we distroy what is really charished and loved in our lives. It does not make sense. Do not try to apply logic. It is all emotion and feelings, and you are living feelings now that help you realize you can not write them off or ignore them. Yet resolution does require some moment of being rational. That's is just a beginning. If you can get inside his heart just one more time, you have a chance to help him ... and he does need you to help him. Otherwise the outcome will most likely be another life disaster for what should have been a happy marriage. May God bless you in this, your own personal testing. | |
|
| I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/21/2009 2:52:30 PM | | That's how my last relationship ended. We were living common law and have a child together then one day she says she only have friendship feelings for me. 2 weeks later she has a new boyfriend.chances are, someone else has caught his eye or if not, he has thought about it. | |
|
| I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/22/2009 12:14:17 PM | | hi hotbreez. im so sorry for what happened to you. no word can ease your pain, you love your husband dearly and nothing anyone says could possibly change that. i have just had my heart, soul, world, ripped from me a couple of months back and it has left a huge hole in me. the only advice i could give is try and be strong hold your chin up. its working for me. slowly but its working. if your eva needing someone to chat to just give me a shout. take care x | |
|
| I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/22/2009 12:36:58 PM | A part of what you are going through is Oxytocin Withdrawals, similar to a chemical addiction. (Read article: "Why Good Women Stay With Bad Men" by Dr. Pat Allen. Type its title on google sometime, it's result should come up.)
There are ways to rebuke this pain.
Hey, you're single now!
Think of all the fun you can have now as an unattached individual that you couldn't have when you were coupled. You can watch whatever you want on TV without considering his interests, stay out late without facing his hangdog face, let the dishes pile up, yak with girlfriends on the phone without limits, buy something frivolous without having to justify that purchase.
And give yourself fun events to look forward to.
I personally, plan to attend a camp gathering at a private ranch this summer aimed at the biker crowd. I'm not a biker, but I'm gonna go anyways, get me some rides on the back of Harleys, and dance all night to an outdoor concert with men in leather my mother would never approve of! Ha-ha!
Now do you think this event would still be as much fun if I had a boyfriend tagging along?
Bingo.
        | |
|
| I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/26/2009 1:51:51 PM | | I was married 25 years.I know what you are going thru.I caught him with another woman.I was faithful to him our whole marriage.I think the mid life crisis set in.This could be what he is going thru.You need to try and get answers so you can move on.You have to learn to start taking care of yourself. Us women sometimes are caught up in taking care of our family and we forget we have needs too.If you need someone to chat with I'm here.I wish you good luck | |
|
| I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/26/2009 2:45:51 PM | this is interesting!!
reading your provile,it would be someone who is a happy go lucky person.
if you are in so much pain,you should not be looking for a new dude!
maybe he cought you being on the net looking,something smells!
almost thought he has a girlfriend on the side and is dumping you for a junger model.
and what means"he left us"are ther kids??
at first glance i was thinking"what an idiot to leave you,you look like a 9 on the "babescale".if you loved him with all your hard and soul, he is leaving what we all dream off!!
if i am out of line,i am sorry!
but it looks like you are looking for sympaty and it is as usual the guys falt!
"i dont know what happened,he just left me for no reason"
if you want advice,start with telling it the way it is.
maybe with:i made a horroble mistake and am going to lose my husband over it!
' | |
|
| I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/26/2009 7:44:54 PM | my ex husband was never in my marriage. that was unfair to me and ultimately the kids. he was into himself. he kept HIS money is a UK account called an ABBEY account with only his name on it. The money that was in the USA was under his name only. I had one child and was having another. He had a cell phone. I was not allowed to have one. He was from the UK. I am American. I loved my husband very much. I was willing to work past his insecurities and make OUR marriage work. I was willing to do whatever it took.
Ultimately, I had to revoke his green card. My ex has mental problems and refused to take his meds. So he went on the internet met a woman in Canada, shagged her, and now is in common law marriage with her. Abandoned the family.
I was sicked to my stomach. Cried all of the time. Every day. I was left with 2 babies in diapers and my husband is fuchking some whhore. OMG!!!!! MY HEART WAS BROKEN.
I just focused my loved on my children. Talked to friends online. I DID NOT DATE!!!!!!!
I started dating when I was 100% positive that I never wanted him back again and wanted a divorce. I started dating when I decided that I will never forgive him in my heart and throughout my whole body. You understand what I am saying. The pain consumes your whole body. When you make that decision it will be from within and you will feel disgusted by him and just stop caring. You will realize that he is not the man that you thought that he was. The man that you thought that he was, is a fantasy. Who is is, is not a nice person and you deserve the best! | |
|
| I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/30/2009 8:59:28 PM | | I am sorry this happened to you. It's not fair but it will get easier, I promise. I've been where you are - I wasn't married but I was in love - he was my first love & we were waiting for me to finish college before we married - he broke up with me on Valentine's Day my senior year - then he married someone in august about 2 days after my summer session was over. It broke my heart - it's been 23 years and I've never loved that intensely again. | |
|
| I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/31/2009 11:30:47 AM | HotBreez
Your story sounds like mine only I was married for 15 years and my husband was a minister. He left me because he started seeing someone else. Nice minister, huh.
I cried for a month, (what a waste of tears).
The thing that helped me most was Christian Counseling.
It does get better in time.
I will pray for you
Susann | |
|
| I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/31/2009 12:46:01 PM | | This may not be a lot of consolation for the o.p. But then again, it might. If we consider that our earthly lives are not a random solo act, but rather a guided mission, then in fact we are never truly deserted or alone. Existing beside us is what is called an oversoul, sometimes called a guardian spirit. In times of stress, such as during a separation, directing our thoughts to the concern of our guardian can often bring instant relief from such agony, especially if during the course of the relationship we steadfastly had held our end. We are deserved of mercy and consolation, and so we shall have it. | |
|
| I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/31/2009 2:06:45 PM | | You poor thing .I been married along time and divorced.It took me some time to heal.Then I meet a guy it lasted a long time and it ended.And I am looking again and this time I hope to find a good nice man this time around.The last two did a number on me .Take time to heal move on and keep busy.I know it hurts and it is hard.I go to god now and church it helps.If you need to chat look me up. | |
|
| I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/31/2009 4:03:25 PM | sorry to hear i'm going threw the same thing thought i was spending the rest of my life with her but she wanted someone else . we can pick up our selfs up dust off it takes time but one sided love dosen't work. it's his loss in the long run love is just another word with no meaning to him. so gather the ones that love you they will never leave you you have a good heart n soul or it wouldn't bother you give it time you'll be fine
ps i was born in montreal here's a angel to look over you  | |
|
| I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/31/2009 5:55:31 PM | Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men ( The Shadow Knows) NOT! I feel your pain dear, I too got the "He likes me, thinks I'm a nice person, thinks I'm pretty, but has no love for me, and I deserve better" speech.
All I can say is LIFE GOES ON and it is so very important you force yourself to do things you want to do that you put on the backburner so it allowed more time to be devoted to him. Now is the time to devote to YOU, it's not about him, although he think it is, it is not, it is about you now. The hurt will turn to anger and then fade away in time it's the process.
Many above have given great advise!
Wait and later down the road you'll find that feeling again! | |
|
clito
|
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 75 | |
| I feel like I've lost my soul
Posted: 5/31/2009 7:14:23 PM | | Unfortunately, no. This is something you have to journey through by yourself-like death. However there is hope. Time does indeed heal all wounds if you can just endure your anguish. I know that may not be what you wish to hear, but all will be well-the sun also rises! | |
|
Home
login 
