| do females that do the break up feel just as terrible as the partner?
Posted: 5/14/2009 10:21:53 AM | I generally have felt relieved after leaving a relationship that just isn't working.
If I'm not happy with someone, I'm not going to be miserable when that person is out of my life. I'm going to look forward to my future life.
Doesn't everyone want the other to be happy or are we so controlling that we believe it should only happen with us?
We can't answer whether she feels miserable. Oh, I could tell you stuff that you maybe want to hear but it would hardly reflect anything she's thinking.
I can honestly say though that if I left a relationship willfully...I was feeling relieved that I didn't have to deal with whatever it was that made it so unpleasant in the first place.
But that's just me...
Good luck to you. There are no guarantees in love...only risk. Some of us love to gamble on those risks. But getting angry or hurt when we didn't win big makes for bad gamblers. | |
|
| do females that do the break up feel just as terrible as the partner?
Posted: 5/14/2009 12:16:18 PM | Yes, unless the other partner is a real nasty person. I have left a partner who I adored, unfortunately I could not live with him any more. Won't bore you with the details. I know what it is like to be in debt. Perhaps the stress, feeling of helplessness, pride contributed to your lady leaving. I don't know either of you so I am only thinking out loud.
I miss the man I fell in love with - don't miss the man he became. Doesn't stop me feeling guilty.
Have you tried talking to her, asking her if she is feeling terible and hurt.
However it works out I wish you luck | |
|
| do females that do the break up feel just as terrible as the partner?
Posted: 5/16/2009 11:57:06 PM | | oh yes. it crushed me to break up with my ex that i'd been with for over 3 years. i knew how bad he was going to be hurt and even though i knew things were over, i still cared about him very much. :( it killed me to see him cry when i finally got around to doing it. | |
|
| do females that do the break up feel just as terrible as the partner?
Posted: 5/17/2009 6:49:33 AM | | The real question that needs to be answered is what does it really matter if the woman who breaks up with you feels just as terrible as you do? In fact it doesn't matter much unless receiving the consolation prize of her pity and guilt is better than nothing! In lieu of getting stuck with whether or not she is "hurting" for you it is more beneficial to spend your time seeking a real relationship with a partner who cares and wants to be with you rather than continue torturing yourself with speculation about an issue that is quite frankly holding you back from moving on with your life. | |
|
| do females that do the break up feel just as terrible as the partner?
Posted: 5/17/2009 7:03:41 AM | You know I think it all depends on the situation. When I have ended something and I knew he truly cared for me, I felt awful I really did, while I know some people get their kicks from hurting those who sincerely care for them, I don't.
However, when the situation was hurtful and the person I was involved with was less than honest all I felt was relief when I ended it. | |
|
| do females that do the break up feel just as terrible as the partner?
Posted: 5/18/2009 12:24:45 AM | | Of course "it depends" on many things. But the fact that the relationship wasn't what you expected, or needed, that neither one of you were truly happy enough. That's the part that hurts. (I'm speaking from my own scenarios) Then there's the sucky times that you're home alone, watching the clock move hour by hour until the birds start singing. Which is around 4:15 to 4:30 here. Yes, females can have hurt feelings over an ended relationship even if the end was her idea. Sometimes I wonder if a guy acts like an ass just so you are inclined to breakup. Then he's not the bad guy, you are. Maybe that's a new thread question. | |
|
| do females that do the break up feel just as terrible as the partner?
Posted: 5/18/2009 11:22:47 AM | Nature..
Just let me say that I just told a guy that I was seeing that I was moving on. He is a devoted dad and always puts his kids first, he is also going through some drama with his ex and while we were always in communication, we just never seemed to be able to get together on a regular basis. It is tearing me up inside that I did this, but it was disappointing that we could never get together. We agreed to stay in contact and he still wants to see me when things calm down for him, so I am hopeful. Hang in there! | |
|
| do females that do the break up feel just as terrible as the partner?
Posted: 5/18/2009 11:44:54 AM | i'm not nature and not a woman
but i am sorry to hear about your brother
as for women hurting ...i think not
some of them make an art form af attracting and punishing men
i have been on this planet a long time with my eyes open
people today are not like our grandparents generation
most of them are self absorbed and have no morals
just look at what we have elected for a congress if you doubt that.
For most pretty women marriage is a course of business
or a matter of pride
they either marry for money
or for the cutest guy on the block
so they can show him off
i admit plain janes are different
heck some of them would pay you to marry them
but again to the original point
i have been dumped
and i have dumped
the dumper feels no pain
if she/he did that would mean he still cared for the person
why would you dump someone you care for
unless of course it was to get a classier or faster model lol | |
|
| do females that do the break up feel just as terrible as the partner?
Posted: 5/18/2009 11:51:21 AM | jay you got it bad old boy
you say its tuff to get over a nice girl
i dont think she was nice
she was anything but
but you were worse what were you thinking
marrying arm candy
we sometimes get what we ask for
but time will heal you old boy if you dont dwell on her | |
|
| do females that do the break up feel just as terrible as the partner?
Posted: 5/18/2009 12:09:32 PM | OP - only your ex knows if she's having a hard time with the break up or not.
For me, it has all depended on the relationship and my reasons for breaking up.
There have been some that have been so unbelievably exhausting and annoying that I was actually joyous and relieved to leave the relationship!!
There have been others when it was a little sad but needed to be done.
There have been some when it's been excrutiatingly painful to end the relationship and try to walk away. Those are the hardest to deal with but still...necessary.
Overall with the ones that are a little difficult, we like to think they are having a hard time with it as well. It's a comforting thought. It's just salt in the wound when you find they aren't. But... how they handle it is NOT important. It's about you and handling your own stuff. Sometimes when the pain is that real and that fresh, it's best to just walk away and break all contact. Out of site, out of mind. And spend some time dealing with your own emotions. | |
|
| do females that do the break up feel just as terrible as the partner?
Posted: 5/18/2009 1:05:21 PM | I know not all women feel something over a break up other than relief to have it come to an end. Just like some men don't care so women really don't either. I also have seen many women try to hold on to a relationship longer because of trying to make it work but finally get fed up with feeling that aren't being heard or have what they need in a relationship not happening e.g. more time, loss of friendship that turn into just sex , more going out, more cuddling, a bit less time together etc.
I know for me, even if I end something, I always feel bad. I have a hard time thinking I have hurt anyone in any way even if I know it is best for me to not be in a relationship with that person anymore. I hate seeing anyone hurting and for me to have caused it... I ache along with them even if it was for the best to end things. | |
|
| |
| do females that do the break up feel just as terrible as the partner?
Posted: 5/18/2009 4:58:56 PM | | I completely regret my most recent breakup. I broke up with him because I felt he was slipping away. I was crying all the time because I was afraid to lose him. I thought I cried too much before I broke up with him. Boy, afterwards, I cried for months. I still cry about it sometimes and it has been two years. | |
|
| do females that do the break up feel just as terrible as the partner?
Posted: 5/19/2009 10:05:51 AM | i hear all these people lying on here
of how it killed them to break up with their significant other
heck if they cared that much they wouldnt break up with them
and all this malarky about they didnt mesh 100%
there are no perfect relationships
2 humans never agree 100% of the time on everything
fact is people see a more shinny object and want it
if our grandparents were as eager to cut and run as
people are today..NONE of us would be here | |
|
| do females that do the break up feel just as terrible as the partner?
Posted: 5/19/2009 12:23:44 PM | | Personally, seems to me that she's just overwhelmed with stuff going on in her life. Sometimes we just can't cope with what life is throwing at us, and maybe she felt that being with you was just one more thing to cope with, i.e. finding the time in her day to see you. Did you put pressure on her to see you? If you were in any way needy, perhaps she decided that things would be better if she coped with one less ball in the air. Or maybe she decided, on your behalf, that you were better off without her. I don't think she seems a bad person, just someone extremely stressed dealing with stuff most of us would crumble under. Good luck. You've obviously got a lot to give. May be it would be worth giving her some time to heal, some time to get her head together, and then see if you can reconcile. But whatever you do, don't pressure her in any way, she'll run. | |
|
| do females that do the break up feel just as terrible as the partner?
Posted: 5/19/2009 12:36:26 PM | From personal experience, it always feels bad. Even if the guy was an ass to me...for some reason, I always felt bad. I think it is because if there was a prior attachment in history...it is always hard to let go.
She might not think its the right time for you guys to be dating now....but maybe that will change in the future. I think she was respecting you by letting you go and wanting you to find someone who would love you and give you quality time that you deserved. It doesn't mean she thought it was the best day of her life when she broke up with you....I am sure it was hard on you two. Letting someone go and wanting them to be happy is one of the bravest things that someone can do. Sometimes it is just as difficult on the dumper as it is on the dumpee. | |
|
| |
| |
| do females that do the break up feel just as terrible as the partner?
Posted: 6/2/2009 2:05:08 PM | | Yes, it hurts us just as well, remember we were in the relationship and also are feeling a sense of loss. And at some point you need to be angry at her in order to let go fully. It's a part of the healing process. You can't deny that she is the one who left you all alone. Don't hate her, but allow yourself to feel, not wonder why. It's too late for why, you just spin your wheels on what could have been and not what is. Good luck, broken hearts take time to mend! | |
|
| do females that do the break up feel just as terrible as the partner?
Posted: 6/2/2009 3:02:35 PM |
you don't leave something for nothing sweetheart....
I have never broken up with someone because I had someone else waiting in the wings. After my last break up I did not date anyone for 4 years. I wanted to be alone. I figured if I could not deal with one man, I certainly could not deal with another. Called a long time out and just hung with myself and my son.
A lot of bitter people have come in here proclaiming women dont feel anything when they break up with someone. Grow up. It is just as difficult to approach someone to end things as it is to be the one approached. One day, when the shoe is on the other foot, you will see that for yourselves. (not talking about asshats who break up over email or text-those types of PEOPLE dont feel anything, if they did they would have taken the time to do it respectfully) | |
|
| |
| |
| do females that do the break up feel just as terrible as the partner?
Posted: 6/3/2009 7:51:20 AM | | I have broken up my last 3 relationships, and walked away without any guilt, or pain... i ended my marriage because i was living with a control freak, who fought with me infront of our small children. .. he grew up in a house like that, and ended up a very bitter man.. i did NOT want my children to be that way.. i felt no guilt walking away from him.. oddly enough, he didnt see it coming at all.. the next one after that was a VERY short relationship, if it can even be called that.. 3 weeks.. in those 3 weeks, he told me he was falling in love with me, and had named our future children.. no guilt there either... my last relationship, he was absolutely amazing.. very attractive, a great lover, wonderful friend, spoiled me rotten... i, however, just didnt feel the same for him as he did for me.. he was completely smitten, and i just wasnt.. i felt badly about hurting him, because he was a really great guy.. but, i couldnt 'fake' being in love.. i think that me faking the next however many years of our relationship would have been a much worse pain.. i believe someone else has said "she's already gone thru all the pain before she even tells you".. i guess to some extent thats true.. it took me 6 months to leave my husband, but once i did, i never looked back. same as my last boyfriend.. it took me a long time to deal with my feelings, and decide if this was something i wanted to so, before i actually did it.. and again, i never looked back.. maybe this makes me cold-hearted.. i dont know | |
|
| do females that do the break up feel just as terrible as the partner?
Posted: 6/3/2009 5:36:37 PM | brown eyed woman...I think you hit the nail on the head. She does sound very busy and maybe keeping you happy was just more stress on her which she couldn't handle.
Maybe down the road she will realize what she lost and have the time needed to devote to a good and healthy relationship.
Ending a relationship is never easy...whether the man or woman ends it. If there were any feelings involved it always hurts. But sometimes it just has to be done. Met someone last year who I loved very much. But due to his lying and stealing and drinking it was a toxic relationship and I had to get out.
I agree that taking time out after a relationship ends is a great idea. I took a long time after my ex left for someone else. I am ok on my own. But as I get older I have more time and the desire to have someone to share my life with. Sadly it is way more difficult than I ever imagined it to be.  | |
|
| do females that do the break up feel just as terrible as the partner?
Posted: 6/3/2009 10:04:43 PM | I've been the "dumper" in every relationship except one and I usually dealt with my surrender progressively, through a series of events that indicated to me that this person wasn't going to change and that I needed to make an executive decision based on this fact.
I didn't feel bad per se, so much as I felt genuine disappointment that we both needed to re-engage ourselves in the ambition of finding a life partner (commitment minded types) and of course the loss of all that we'd invested in the relationship together.
But no, I didn't feel guilty or wrong in any way. Just saddened and disappointed. | |
|
Home
login 
