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| do females that do the break up feel just as terrible as the partner?
Posted: 6/4/2009 3:11:50 AM |
I broke up with my boyfriend almost 2 months ago and am still hurting bad, though getting a little better now. I broke up because he broke dates and promises among other things.
The boyfriend before that I also broke up with and I hurt bad over that one for a long time too... the relationship just wasn't going to work though because he was a control freak among other things.
In my case, both break-ups were very painful... I did not want to break up because I loved them both, but there were things going on that would have only got worse, thus more pain later.
Sorry you are going through a heart break yourself and hope it gets better soon.
Pretty similar for me with my last boyfriend and it's still quite recent so I'm still feeling bad.
I don't think it's easy either way unless the person who ends the relationship has already moved on and is simply going through the motions, then I would guess ending it would be more of a relief. | |
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| do females that do the break up feel just as terrible as the partner?
Posted: 6/4/2009 2:04:18 PM | | All I can say is that it is agonizing from me to break up with someone even when I know it's the right thing. For the most part it is probably difficult for a lot of people to do so. Nobody wants to hurt someone. Sometimes you just have to do what is best for yourself. | |
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| do females that do the break up feel just as terrible as the partner?
Posted: 6/4/2009 5:38:55 PM |
All I can say is that it is agonizing from me to break up with someone even when I know it's the right thing. For the most part it is probably difficult for a lot of people to do so. Nobody wants to hurt someone. Sometimes you just have to do what is best for yourself.
Thats right, when in doubt be heartless and selfish, thats the way of the world. | |
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| do females that do the break up feel just as terrible as the partner?
Posted: 6/4/2009 8:57:04 PM | Hi Nature,
I can only go by my own experience. There have been times in my life when I have been the one to break up with someone first. I've found that some were harder than others. What hurt the most though, was when my last relationship broke up with me. I was/and still am on some levels, still hurting. Yesterday was the first time that we saw each other in almost a year and I didn't know what to expect, even though we still talk occasionally. He is in Pentiction and I'm in Vernon. We met online and talked for months before ever meeting. I had high hopes.
To make a long story short, thank you so much for a line that you posted which said "Love yourself and look for a positive reason for the break." Very true.....but is it EVER really possible to mend a broken heart? I"m hurting bad right now. The crazy thing is, that I KNOW I don't want to live with this guy. He drove me crazy. He just about sucked the energy out of me. I'm grieving right now because seeing him yesterday brought up ALL of the losses in my life. I never really seem to get over deep rooted pain. Is that wrong? Feeling sorry for myself BIG TIME and tired of being alone. | |
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| do females that do the break up feel just as terrible as the partner?
Posted: 6/4/2009 10:27:28 PM | Hi Keoiblue
I am not sure about ever mending a broken heart but I do know time heals a little at a time. No contact of any kind worked for me, which means I can't be friends either, not now or inthe near future. You also have to change your thinking of losses. There were no losses but only gains made from the break. There is a resaon for every thing, a possitive reason. It is ok to have pain. Just don't dwel on it and get out and do different stuff with new folks. Those painfull moments will fade and become less frequent. I beleive you will see the possitives and eventually be able to face the memories with little pain and smile at the good times you had with your ex. good luck and have faith | |
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| do females that do the break up feel just as terrible as the partner?
Posted: 6/4/2009 11:18:27 PM | if a man or woman dumps a partner for work, that is workaholism--an addiction and behavior to avoid intimacy and feelings, often due to a dysfunctional background. i was dumped in one marriage and dumped another. i tried a long time in the second marriage, it was unbearable. if i had stayed, all our lives would be a shambles. aside from other addictive issues of a computerized nature (!), he almost went bankrupt a second time and a second time, found a new wife to bail him out. she has "no clue". he found me, after bankruptcy from his first marriage, which of course, he blamed on his first wife! the third wife has seen my house and hopefully she is catching on. i do my best, given he is also the adoptive dad of my kids. he has many "issues".
i did not feel bad with the latter husband. i felt so relieved i could have danced three days straight and that was when i was quite ill and had three fost/adopt teens to care for. we divided our assets in half and with all that, i'm not bankrupt. he paid child support and now nothing much. i bail all three kids out to the best of my ability and within reason. so, it all depends. i would not leave someone i committed to, unless for a very good reason.
my first husband left me, crushed, having made another woman pregnant. he's done the same to her. it took me five years to get over, but after that and after he wanted to again have us both (!), i came to realize how truly ludicrous and pathetic he really was. time heals and gives perspective to feelings that are often not "reality based". hang in there and remember what was passed onto me by another pof'er: we are all the one common denominator in our failed relationships. just work on yourself and you will find a complementary soul eventually. there is never a guarantee, so we need to take "educated" risks. i'm getting a ph.d in that respect! | |
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