| Getting over Shyness? >.>
Posted: 5/11/2009 8:57:27 PM | i know what you are talking about and its like some women have a shield around them while others do not.
Like I myself would not consider myself a shy man... I am not shy around many but every now and then I run into some that i become shy near.
its almost like some women put themselves as being aproachable while others are not... just make yourself look like a dork... get her to smile and the wall comes down... that is what I have done to get past a few of those barriers that seem to be in place.
or here is a tip.... head down to panama city beach and go to club la vila on thomas drive.
bet you will get over your shyness around beautiful women very fast. | |
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| Getting over Shyness? >.>
Posted: 5/11/2009 8:59:34 PM | It's all about the practice! 
Good news - You're young, and in your prime practicing time! Sounds like you are kindof getting started on the right track already, so keep getting out there and just have fun with different women.
Chat with some women out who don't make you all week in the knees right away, but maybe they have some common interests and seem cool. There will be less pressure, and you still benefit from the practice without looking like a tool because you got some silly idea that all your future happiness will be destroyed if you say one thing wrong.
The more practicing you do now with whoever is handy, the better your chances of doing OK down the road when The Real Deal happens into your life.
Like many here have testified, I was painfully shy when I was your age. (Only with women I liked - Public speaking and stuff was always pretty easy for me. Having been a singer since I was small I had lots of practice with that, but it didn't transfer to dealing with the ladies!)
Now (a few years later, lol), I am 100% comfortable any woman. That doesn't mean I never make mistakes, guessing that she's ready for a kiss when she really isn't or whatever... I just don't worry and obsess about it. I've figured out that women are people too, I suppose! | |
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| Getting over Shyness? >.>
Posted: 5/11/2009 9:07:52 PM | | I was never shy until I got the Acne Rosacea problem I have, and now I have no clue what to say after hi, because I am too worried what she is thinking about the redness on my face. I know that is my issue but a difficult one to get past. | |
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| Getting over Shyness? >.>
Posted: 5/11/2009 9:16:13 PM | Any advice you can give me to get over this shyness would be awsome. thanks
become a commissioned salesman.... you don't talk you don't eat......
till i started looking for a relationship, I have met a few people off this site and messed it up cause i like couldn't think of anything to say and the stuff i did want to say i couldn't cause i thought it was stupid
don't worry about sounding stupid.... i can guarantee you someone has already said something stupider than you can think of!
bottom line...............RESPECT
#1 rule......................RESPECT
most important.........RESPECT
ok now that i gave you the three most important rules to dating.... this one should help you get over the shyness....be you! don't try to act like the person you think she wants to be with!! act like the person you are!!!
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| Getting over Shyness? >.>
Posted: 5/11/2009 9:24:29 PM | "ok now that i gave you the three most important rules to dating.... this one should help you get over the shyness....be you! don't try to act like the person you think she wants to be with!! act like the person you are!!!"
I agree with this. It is something I keep telling people, I am going to be myself. I have had several people tell my I am not going to get a woman with the way I dress. On casual days during the winter you will catch me in sweats and a sweatshirt, and during the summer shorts and a T. I know when to dress for the occasion, but if I am just having a casual day, I dress for myself not if I am going to impress somebody I don't even know. | |
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| Getting over Shyness? >.>
Posted: 5/12/2009 2:18:04 PM | Important caveat: Be yourself... But if yourself sucks for whatever reason, you'd be well served to make the effort to be a better self.
We often hear morbidly obese people complaining that others don't see past the unhealthy physique to their "inner beauty" or whatever, when it's generally well within their power to do something about that and there's no downside to a healthy lifestyle. In that case, it would be a good idea to make a change.
Same goes for guys who lack confidence around women. "Being yourself" is lovely, and it's certainly easy... But since there is no downside to changing to become confident, I recommend guys do that!
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| Getting over Shyness? >.>
Posted: 5/12/2009 2:30:36 PM | | Go out and talk to more people, start off little, then build from there. Don't be yourself, people telling you to be yourself are idiots, that is the worst advice I've ever heard, cause what if being yourself isn't working!? Idiots! You have to change, you don't want to be shy, so talk to more people and become more outgoing, if you like the way you are changing, you are still being 'yourself'. | |
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| Getting over Shyness? >.>
Posted: 5/12/2009 3:31:30 PM | i always strive to be something different cos being myself is not what people like, the lord alone knows why, i think im ok
im only just starting to realise as i get closer to 40 ive never had friends or a partner encounter or anything, not even a kiss lol!!
but am taking steps to change that, but im not really comfortable trying to be something im not but i feel there isnt an alternative really | |
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| Getting over Shyness? >.>
Posted: 5/14/2009 11:58:23 AM | You have to be yourself. You have to treat her like your friend (not necessarily like your guy friends, but a girl friend)
No question is stupid. If she treats you as if your stupid then she isn't a great girl in the first place. Women adore questions, it shows you want to get to know us. Be yourself, we're as nervous as you are, be a sweety that you are! | |
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| Getting over Shyness? >.>
Posted: 7/27/2009 1:10:10 PM | | that's exactly me, i feel intimadated and get all quiet when i'm hanging out with guys. with girls not so much. | |
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| Getting over Shyness? >.>
Posted: 7/27/2009 1:41:40 PM | I have always been quiet and shy. I have had to force myself to get out of my comfort zones and try something new. I use to belong to a singles group when I first started I hardly mingled with anyone and kept to myself but eventually I got out of my comfort zone and started mingling asking men to dance and on dates helping to organize events, etc. What started my turn around was in highschool and most of the signatures in my yearbook were about to a nice, quiet girl, I didn't know you very well, it was frustrating to me to be known like that and fading into the background so I decided to make sure I had human contact, my first job a waitress and now work with patients. People who only know me as quiet are surprised I have a good personality and have a humorus side and they are doubled over laughing. I am not as afraid to try new things. I still cannot sing in public but I am now able to get up in front of a group of people to talk. Confidence.  | |
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| Getting over Shyness? >.>
Posted: 10/8/2009 9:16:25 PM | With strangers: Smile and say Hi a lot. Don't care what people think. Just be freindly. People don't care about you, they are primarily interested in themselves. Listen to them and help them get what they need.
A lot of times very bright people are shy. So a shy to a shy needs them to think about what's important to them and ask direct questions.
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| Getting over Shyness? >.>
Posted: 10/10/2009 12:38:20 AM | Acute shyness is a hindress to socialising, & self-development
... for me, It was realising life's too short not to engage & enjoy it
~sc~ | |
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| Getting over Shyness? >.>
Posted: 10/10/2009 1:51:46 AM | minako79 Msg 14 "...I find toastmasters international is a good way..." Now that is sound advice, I used to be shy too, very much, now I want to be a motivational speaker. Public speaking whether you are talking to someone or in a group setting takes courage. 20 years ago I taught adult basic math and computers in College, I only did it for one semester. I hated it because I would rather be at the back of the class than in front of it. Then I got into politics because I wanted to make a difference to my community. I volunteered, so whatever you do, go outside of your comfort zone. Continually challenge yourself and learn the skills you need, it gets easier when you practice. Now I can walk in anywhere, talk to anybody, we all have a wealth of information that we can rely on, our experiences, where we lived, our careers, interests, the weather, news, you name it. I tell stories as well, bottom line, if you want to dance, you gotta stand. Same with swimming, you gotta get wet... and I don't mean standing in the rain...
Volunteer where you can, take on tasks, work outside your comfort zone, give little speaches, treat everyone as a friend, be kind, Oh and don't forget to SMILE... A smile opens many doors and is the universal language, it is so easy to do that even a baby understands... If you help enough people get what they want, you too will be rewarded by getting what you need...
I was watching Dr Oz this morning and this girl had a big red blemish or birth mark across the rightside of her face, they put corective medical cosmetic makeup over her redness, then to the patient's surprise, the make up girl also had the same condition, you couldn't even tell she was wearing any makeup. The girl was so elated about herself, it made such a difference...
Toastmasters teaches you about Roberts Rules of Order, time management, impromptu speaking, reading, voice modulation, word whiskers such as "Uh, ah..., etc" eye contact, and most of all confidence. Remember to give it all you've got, you only get out of it what you put in... Be willing to take risks, learn from your mistakes and continually move forward. Give yourself some timelines, achievable ones, it reminds me of this one story of a clock. They asked a clock if it would tick 31 million times a year. The clock said, "NO Way that's way too much..." So they asked the clock if it would tick once every second, the clock said, "Sure I can do that..." Little did the clock know that it was ticking over 31 million times a year. So take little steps to get where you're going, measure your progress, and be happy with your accomplishments. Good luck... 
**~Remington55~** 
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| Getting over Shyness? >.>
Posted: 10/21/2009 12:29:21 PM | Shyness hurts Men a lot more than it hurts Women:
In reality, it is much more difficult for a man to meet a woman than it is for a woman to meet a man. Women are able to approach men and are also able to wait to be asked out. Men can not wait and rely on women to approach and ask for the date because men WILL NEVER BE ASKED OUT. Men have to do everything in order to get anything with a woman. Women have the god given right of never having to deal with rejection or incur any of the pain associated with it. When a man gets rejected he has to shrug it off and his friends would tell him to “be a man”. On the other hand, if a woman gets rejected, she would most likely take it as a personal insult on her inner child and her friends will comfort her. A woman is automatically accepted by society as a woman; whereas men have to prove themselves at every turn. A shy woman WILL get asked out without having to over come it. Men have to work more on themselves than women do. Men must have confidence, real self confidence, that is not based solely on how they look, but rather understanding and acknowledging their self worth in order to approach. Building up this type of confidence takes time and understanding. | |
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| Getting over Shyness? >.>
Posted: 10/21/2009 1:30:30 PM | Shy in life? Be the leader. Sometimes shy people aren't very sure about stuff. They're modest and don't give themselves any credit, so they expect whatever they say or do to be challenged or rejected-- and so they say nothing or mince their words.
Find something that you are REALLY good at and share that. Whether you share it through teaching, passing comments or whatever.
Also whatever it is, try to be around people that like it too for support. You'll open up more with them and that confidence will grow and integrate into your life.
Once you realize that YOU rock too, you won't be so shy.
Shy in love? Do the above but also instead of a pickup line, try just talking about something. Doesn't even have to be a question, just a few passing comments. If she's interested, she'll take the bait.
Good luck!
Adylia
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| Getting over Shyness? >.>
Posted: 10/28/2009 11:15:39 AM | | Why is it okay for women to be shy but not okay for men? why do we have that double-standard in our society? Is it because we live in a Male-Dominant society? Do I have valid point? What are the reasons? | |
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| Getting over Shyness? >.>
Posted: 10/28/2009 12:53:14 PM | | That happens to me when I am overwhelmed physically by thier beauty and sex appeal. Since your mind is in sexual mode, its hard to think of normal stuff to say or talk about. Like one women who worked at a fast food store claimed to say to the guy at the counter, asking what he wanted on his burger she hesitantly stated, would you like me on that. We say stupid stuff, we get shy, ect when we meet somone like that. It is easier to strike up a conversation when were on common ground than someone you feel sexually passionate for even though thier a stranger. | |
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| Getting Over Shyness?
Posted: 10/28/2009 1:12:00 PM | | Like anything else in life, when something's awkward whether it's social interaction or the right way to hit a golf ball...doing it until you're familiar with it is the best way to do it. If you do anything long enough it becomes second nature and boring, which eliminates the anxiety. | |
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| Getting over Shyness? >.>
Posted: 10/28/2009 6:44:01 PM | I am basically like you, I can talk to perfect strangers about anything. Put an interesting girl next to me at a bar, and I want to talk to her but I feel like I curl up into a ball. I lock up.
Only thing I can say is dont sweat it. Try to relax be yourself. If your on a date with someone. Just remember this is a new person your meeting, and dont think of how pretty they are. Ask questions about them, if its someone you met here, well you know some stuff already dive into more conversation of what you guys talked about.
Basically relax be yourself and have a good time. If theres no connection don't sweat it. | |
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| Getting over Shyness? >.>
Posted: 10/28/2009 6:59:27 PM | Sometimes it just takes someone a little time to open up and come out of their shell.
It is naturally like that for some, a bit like two tigers encircling each other, checking each other out ... LOL
It's 'protective' behavior, a natural instinct because you want to let someone into your heart, but at the same time fear it - particularly when you have been scarred.
The heart is one of the deepest parts of us, that we expose to few.
There is nothing wrong with being protective, just release little by little as you feel comfortable. Don't close over completely, otherwise you might miss someone. That's just one opinion, mine, please take it for what it is worth.
PS .. Meditate and stay positive.
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| Getting over Shyness? >.>
Posted: 10/28/2009 8:28:17 PM | | From experience just be yourself. Being yourself won't always get you a girlfriend or get her in bed but you will always gain a friend. A lot of people are shy. I'm 20 years and ever since I got into college I been socializiing with different people. Hell I'm still a virgin and I'm a attractive guy but I'm still outgoing. If you really want to get over your shyness go up and talk to the girl. Girls love guys with confident, when talking to her make eye contact, smile. but be careful because some women will reject you on the spot. | |
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| Getting over Shyness? >.>
Posted: 10/29/2009 9:21:13 PM | There's many books out there to help over come this. The best advice I received is this....
No matter how attracted you are to a woman never see her as a potential when you first meet. Place her on the same scale as every other women in the scene. We get nervous because we are afraid of making a mistake in front of her. Big note: Women love a man that can say or do something silly and laugh at himself.
Secondly everyday you go out make it a habit to talk to as many women as possible. Start off hi how are you.? Move on to a simple compliment. Once you have accomplished these many times go ahead and make her laugh with something silly.
Thirdly not every one is for us so if you get rejected nicely or mean don't get discouraged. It's just she's just not into you just as you are not into some women. | |
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