| I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/12/2009 10:51:00 PM | OK, you are 32, you say that you have fought hard the temptations to lead a decent life, so right there, your profile is hypocritical because you want a woman with an open mind and because you see someone that is divorced as damaged goods, they could have the five other qualities but no go for you.
Your prerogative to want someone with no kids but you are obviously narrowing your pool tremendously and you could be passing up the greatest woman in the world in the process but that is a choice. You could wind up with someone who fits all of your six criteria and ultimately doesn't make you happy while you pass by the woman that really would make you happy because her criteria is wrong.
Does someone need an advanced degree or a college graduate or someone else with a fine mind that has a vocation that is dissimilar to yours and very happy not up to your standards either? I have met many degreed people that are quite frankly stupid and you can be pretty dumb and manage to get a master's too if you have money or are inventive enough to find creative ways around your natural limitations.
Again, is a profession necessary if someone has goals and is happy with what they are doing?
OK, most people need to be attracted to the other person so that's not unreasonable, you are attracted to what you are attracted to.
So do you need someone who is in the same shape as you or who is healthy and not more than 10 pounds overweight?
You said what you described are qualities but they are not, they are simple factoids about a woman. You have not even considered in your list of criteria whether the woman is actually intelligent, has a sense of humor, does she have common sense, is she caring, is she good with children, has she thought about how she plans to raise them, values, is religion a part of life, is she political, is she good with money. I know many people that fit your criteria and their lives are a mess because you are talking about what people are not who they are.
Your criteria has merit to a certain degree but my little list will take you further toward finding the woman that is right for you rather than someone that fits into a rather narrow list of circumstances with no regard for what the person is actually like.
And what exactly do you have to offer a woman besides the things you listed because quite frankly, were I a kidless 30-year-old wonder those things wouldn't really impress me. They are not unique and they do not speak AT ALL to the type of person you are. So you practiced safe sex, had the discipline to go to college, get an advanced degree and begin practicing your profession, big whoop, all that tells me is that you were able to get through school and get a job. You don't have a failed marriage because you chose not to be married, not because you will actually be any good at it. Marriage requires communication and compromise and you're not looking very good in the compromising area.
Doesn't tell me squat about your ability to manage finances because for all I know you are up to your eyeballs in debt, doesn't tell me whether you are a kind man who thinks about other people or if appearances are more important to you. Doesn't tell me if you are going to be a waste of air in raising children or if you will be a hands-on nurturing father. Doesn't tell me if you are going to be a real partner or if you are going to be keeping score, seeing if I measure up to the wonderment of you rather than whether you are adding something to my life. Doesn't tell me if mommy and daddy paid for college and although you have a good job have never had to struggle for anything and you could be again, a waste of air when it comes to handling crises and making difficult choices.
Maybe you should be looking less at your criteria and what is really required of a good relationship and whether you have any qualities beyond the factoids that actually make YOU desirable to the kind of woman you say you want. What you list would really be more appealing to vapid arm candy than the type of woman with depth that would actually be likely to make that life-long commitment. | |
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| I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/12/2009 10:58:01 PM | OMG...I could never date someone like me.I get on my own nerves most days and I am not a great conversationalist with myself,most times it turns into an argument.
In my own opinion people find others that don't mirror themselves instead they find someone that compliments them and quite frankly are the opposite of them in most aspects.
Another thing is that you are trying to hard.Stop looking and concentrate on other things and love or yout twin that you seem to want so bad will find you,. | |
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| I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/12/2009 10:58:18 PM | I just like someone close in age, similar personality to me.
If you want someone who is EXACTLY like you, I guess someone's going to die a lonely old man someday. No one is exactly alike. Most women over 20 do have children. Sorry! | |
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| I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/13/2009 1:04:41 AM | Move out of Fresno 
Seriously, if you want to find more like minded women you need to go where more of them are. And do you belong to a gym or the many outdoor related activities Fresno has (lived there once) ? Good grief neither you nor I are that far from Yosemite or the ocean. And then there are the countless wineries who hold gatherings.
Get involved with helping special Olympics or other athletic groups. Or do volunteer work in areas you like. Because quality women who are educated, professional, fit and who have good hearts and are well grounded, seek out these type groups. Thus like attracts like. Also loose the butterfly comment in the profile it sounds to fem. And what about a woman who has all you seek but sadly is a widow with no children?
The Fresno Art Museum has some awesome happenings last I heard. Used to sell my work there when they were small and at Radio Park. Heck if they still need nude models you could sign up for their art classes.
Also re-read Beachdancer post as she gives some great suggestions. When I met my late husband he had the dozen things I had on my mental list, so I believe it pays off to seek what you need and want. He wasnt what friends and family would have chosen for me, but I knew myself well and we were married decades.
~Beth~ | |
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| I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/13/2009 1:12:32 AM | Here are your criteria:
I am single, never been married.
I have NO kids.
I have a master's degree.
I have a profession.
I am at least average or slightly above average looking.
I am in good shape.
Try this criteria changing it too:
Single, hopefully if a women your age has been divorced, she just followed her heart and did the "right thing" and married the man she loved , but things didn't work out. Be a little less judgmental about divorcees.
Second change master's degree to bachelor's degree. Not everyone who has a profession has a master's. | |
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| I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/13/2009 1:19:07 AM | consider dating someone who is not like you in all facets of yor 'requirements'. i find that some similarities, i.e., values ,morals, etc. are important, but someone just like you would likely have the same personality traits as well. i personally like to be with someone who has similarities but differences as well. i find it a plus for them to be more a balance to who i am, and vice versa, than to simply compliment me.
A direct example is that i like to joke around and have a good sense of humor-- i find there is balance with someone a little more sedate, but not boring.
if you really want to find someone like you, do an advanced search and plug in these requirements. if anyone shows up in the search, contact them and see where it goes. | |
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| I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/13/2009 2:43:28 AM |
hehehe... A 32 year old woman who has never been married, has no children, and is above average in looks..... hehehehe.
Wait, wait... I'm trying to stop laughing, OMG OMG OMG...wait, never mind, it's pointless.
It's not pointless. Some women are smart enough to practice safe sex and can actually remain childless until they are ready and want to have kids. Honestly, it is not a turn on to be 25-30 with more than one kid, no husband (or wife as the case may be), and you've never been married. You can't knock the guy because he doesn't want to date someone's baby's momma or because he doesn't want any baby daddy drama. Really, who wants that kind of grief? It's okay to be selfish in this aspect. If he doesn't want to be hooked up to some chick with a passel of brats then that's his right and he shouldn't be condemned for it.
I am 35 and I've never been married, I have a successful career and I am greatful to be childless by choice and through the grace of safe sex practices. I may not be well above average in looks but I am attractive. | |
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| I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/13/2009 2:52:16 AM |
Ridiculous !!!!!!!!! Any jack and Jill can get on paid sites too.
If you will read a bit further you will see that I advised him to try a professional matchmaker. Not just any Jack or Jill can afford something like Samantha's Table which can cost a couple of hundred dollars just to set an appointment with the matchmaker. Serious people pay serious money for quality matching services. I wasn't telling him to go and pay for some franchised farmed out online service like Match.com or eHarmony. I meant a REAL professional dating service where you arrange a meeting with a matchmaker who interviews you. Then after paying a fee to the matchmaker (not a monthly subscription fee) he or she will then review potential matches and interview them to see if there is an interest. If so, the matchmaker arranges the date. If things go well, you continue to date the person and if not, then you just go back to the matchmaker and ask to have a date arranged with the next potential match. | |
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| I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/13/2009 3:46:41 AM |
I'm not picky. I just want a woman with a pulse but pulse is optional. Without a pulse she can't run away from me.
for someone not picky, TxWheels, you sure have a lot of restrictions on your profile. If you like playing on the forums and believe what you say, you should ease up on the restrictions and accept some conversation and friendship...who knows...the woman of your dreams may be off the chart somewhere. | |
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| I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/13/2009 4:03:22 AM | Hey OP. That is life.
Suppose Ms. SuperSixThingsUGot Comes walking up and fits your six things to a tee. Think it will automatically work? Sure it should... you bot share the six most important qualities in the whole wide world. How couldn't it?
Now. Throw one of any of the following variables in....
She has genital herpes.
She is butt ugly.
She is opposed to having children and you desire a family.
She refuses to perform oral sex... EVER!
You have absolutely nothing else in common.
Or worst of all... I hate this one... Brace yourself. Perhaps she just isn't in to you.
Truth is pal. Relationships are about compromise. Ask anyone around these boards... If you nail four out of your six you're blessed.
That is just how it goes. | |
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| I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/13/2009 4:05:33 AM | cabrandon,
yes, you are fully entitled to match yourself with a person of similar background, traits, education, character and the like.
don't sell yourself short or settle for anything less if this is truly what you're looking for.....
not to say you can't possibly find a great lady here on POF but i think you might want to check within your local area some type of professional dating service that caters to more of what you're looking for. it's almost like looking for a job in the sense of do you want to use a "temp agency" to look for employment or are you going to use a "professional headhunter" to do the job for you.
it's all the same but at a different level and yes, here on POF there are women with equal professional and educational backgrounds as yours. so, don't cut POF out but there are other places both on-line and probably within or near your own community that can aid you in your search.
best wishes........ | |
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| I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/13/2009 5:57:13 AM | Finding someone with similar values is probably a lot easier than going tit for tat over personal attributes. You may find that you don't really need the female version of yourself but someone who balances you out. A single, never married woman, with no kids, a master's, career, with average or better looks in good shape may find herself more attracted to someone greater than what she thinks she is.
I say have fun and try dating every attractive, personable woman that's out there to learn more about yourself and what you really want. Also, I hope that POF isn't your only source for this. You didn't mention having a "life" outside of work. | |
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| I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/13/2009 6:53:21 AM | I wonder how long you've been looking, OP, and where? If you're talking about this site, then you're rather premature in your assessment.
The fact is that few women will meet all your criteria, plus your unstated criteria, AND also find that you meet theirs. That's normal. During my search, literally only 3 women out of the roughly 1000 with whom I corresponded (and the far fewer I met) matched my criteria and me, theirs. My search took nearly 2 years. One lived 8000 miles away, the other two a little over 100 miles. As you can see, I put few restrictions on my search, other than true compatibility - and even at my age at the time, there were some women without kids (2 of the three I mentioned had none). As for that third woman I mentioned - she is still with me more than 9 years later, and it's everything we hoped for.
And by the way, I think things like comparable education, career, and financial success don't really matter, as long as they're of similar intelligence, are responsible, and compatible in the truly meaningful ways. Other things, like health and fitness, can be lost unexpectedly through illness or accident, but are reasonable expectations at the start of a relationship. | |
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| I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/13/2009 7:08:33 AM | | Awww, give the poor dude a break. One day he will find someone as stuck on themself as he is on himself, it'll just take time and since he doesn't have time for kids that just gives him more time for what he really enjoys, himself, and the search for someone equally selfish. Yes, I said selfish, I tend to view those that choose not to have kids as selfish and wanting life to be all about them (providing it's been their choice to remain childless), and for him to claim to be in his early 30's, single, never married no kids, hmmmm smells like selfishness to me. I could be wrong, but eh, who knows, certanly wouldn't be the first time. BUt if he's loking for a nearly carbon copy of himself it might take a while, good luck OP, I think you're gonna need it. | |
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| I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/13/2009 7:16:47 AM | I find the whole debate to be rather humourous.
Their is a simple solution to everything the OP requires.
Go to HD and grab a mirror.
End of story. A match made in heaven.... | |
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| I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/13/2009 7:25:45 AM | OP there are TONS of women that have the six qualities that you consider so important ... only thing is they are just as particular as you and the chances of one of them jumping on your train is as easy as you finding a woman those train you want to jump on.
Anyway I have dated several men that have never had children and although I have 4 ... yes 4 they are all grown, I have found that men who have never had kids or been married by the time they reach my age are just way way way way way way way too narcissistic for me to date. Just my opinion and experiences thats all.
Happy fishing
Savona | |
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| I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/13/2009 7:49:51 AM | | Beachdancer WTF are you talking about? You mean I don't want to be contacted by users looking for intimate encounters or sex, looking for other relationship, looking for intimate encounters, looking for activity partner, must not do drugs, must not be married? EXCUSE ME for having morals.....GEEZUS | |
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| I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/13/2009 8:32:51 AM | You could meet a woman who IS everything you list, and still not hit it off.
I guess this refutes the assertion that only women make lists of "must-haves". | |
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| I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/13/2009 8:40:02 AM | | An exact clone is boring. I bore the shit out of myself. There's only so much that I can say and do with...me...until I seek someone different to bounce off of. I suggest finding someone who is similar enough that you have similar passions to talk about, but different enough that you might learn something from her and she from you-! | |
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| I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/13/2009 8:44:10 AM | I know a woman that would be perfect for you and she more then meets your requirements. The problem is, you don't meet hers... ~~~The Rock Man
BINGO!
Precisely what I wanted to say. A woman normally is married/have been married long before she reaches your age and though professionally successful, may also have children and if by any chance she was single and a clone of yours, would definitely also have her own requirements which you may NOT meet. So, is she asking too much? What about the IT factor? How can you guarantee you are going to be compatible?
This reminds me when I met what I thought was my ideal man. There simply was no ooomph, no chemistry, try as I did! And he was not even a clone of myself...
But he fitted the requirements I have set for myself since I started becoming aware that I was attracted to 'guys.'
Being alike does not guarantee a fit! | |
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| I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/13/2009 9:02:08 AM | I'm surprised no one has yet brought up the Seinfeld episode where he meets a female version of himself. Actually I think they did this theme twice - in one instance she looks like him (and has other similar mannerisms, which freak his friends out), in another she's a female comedian who also likes cereal for breakfast. Naturally it didn't end in happily ever after. In fact it ends both times within the alloted half hour. Go figure...
<div class="quote">-is it too much to ask?
Evidently. But that doesn't mean you should cave to those urging you to "settle". (Is there a word for settling when you're already trying to settle - kinda like settling squared?)
And, yea, Fresno may well totally suck. I know it does around here. The educational standard alone is going to screen out 95% of the population or more. Over thirty and never married, screen out 85% of what's left. (You left out: not currently attached...) No kids: there goes another big chunk of those still in the running.
Lather, rinse, repeat... do all the math (multiplying a whole bunch of small numbers together) and the answer is still finite, but it amounts to trying to find one in ten thousand or fifty thousand, or some similar large number. And then even if you find one of the elusive finalists, she may as others have said not really do it for you, or you for her, or not be in the same place in life as you are. Is she really going to be worth all it might take to locate even just a mere candidate, or would one of those even appreciate your rareness and all the efforts?
Probably better to just give up while you're ahead. | |
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