| I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/15/2009 6:59:14 AM |
I've got friends like yu in their 30's- 40's no kids - running on empty trying to scale some mythical bar set by the status quo -
who believes in the artificially priviledged alpha male anymore he's a phony who lied lied lied bout values n such
These are only SIX qualities. (those aren't qualities - trust me)
(status, education, quality of life, similiar type of profession, physical condition, that's all superficial latte they change as you change
you think because you did what yo mama told u an became a good lil status junkie
u should be rewarded with a ' ultimate baby-maker alpha male o the year award
wrong -
is this a legacy issue? your mba and yr profession not keeping your cojones warm - shoulda got a life - taken gladly any woman who'd have you join her in her gene pool and stopped looking for a stepford wife
trophies belong on shelf -dude
grow the hell up - ditch your presentation kit
^^^While mrmajestik's viewpoint is his own and it may seem harsh....He, imo, brings some real interesting contrasts and realities to the forefront. Finding 'good people' is not that difficult; what will be difficult is finding people that line up well enough so that you can check the box on 'this' or 'that'. While some of 'this' or 'that' matters; not all of it does. Attractive people who are interesting, full of life, and passion, are even more likely to reject these fixed parameters and boundaries, because they have been desirable by others and they have lived .... Holding fast and firm to an ideal can only take you so far, therefore use it as a guide only and not your modus operandi...and blinders, while good at keeping directional focus, they don't help you peripherally to really 'see' what could lie just beyond. A great post actually.
jmo | |
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| I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/15/2009 7:10:39 AM | mrmajestik is my new hero.
Well said and holy snappin turtles.... on the mark.
I almost want to weep with joy at that post.
I must infuse though...
Not entirely fair to trash the OP for his wants (paper or plastic....)
We can all get blinded, and we all can become products of our enviroments.
I only recently woke up to some major shite I have to deal with to become wholly healthy. That said... to the OP. There is hope AND if you are convinced that the things you have listed will bring you the best mate material, then fill your "gucci's" man. | |
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| I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/15/2009 7:11:06 AM | OP I've just read your profile so that I could make fair comment and I see you're an Engineer.
That would be enough to stop me from going any further. I have dated your type before and I don't date Engineers for a reason. While I may not be your "type" and I may not be as educated as you are, I do play the piano and other things too.
So you can brag about all the things you do and cry about all the things you want but from what I can tell you have an arrogance about you that isn't very appealing. | |
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| I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/15/2009 7:19:03 AM | You just joined for crying out loud...chillax!
Someone just like you? Narcissism isn't a very healthy trait.
Why on earth would you want to interface with someone just like yourself?
There is a difference between compatibility and sameness. Don't confuse the two.
Tons of women are single, never been married. Many women have master's degrees, in fact almost all of my friends at school are female and are pursuing their master's now. The profession part comes after the schooling...remember? Average to slightly average looking, tons of women out there that fit this description. In good shape, again, tons of women fit that description.
How about adding a 7th criteria that apparently ISN'T just like you?
Someone with patience! | |
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| I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/15/2009 7:27:07 AM | OP, the 6 qualifiers you have are perfectly fine. We are all entitled to our preferances.
I dont advocate 'settling'. Someone alwasy ends up hurt when one settles.
Keep looking. There are lots of women who have the 6 traits you desire. A few have even posted here, and the forums represent only a small fraction of POF users, so if only a handful post here that meet your list, then surely there are thousands more on POF who also do. It is simple enough math.
If you are having trouble attracting them, that is another issue all together, and the ball is in your court to change whatever you are doing to 'repell' the type you seek.
I suggest you try to join groups that attract professionals, like the wine tasting suggested earlier. Go to events put on by your professional designation. I am certain engineers have yearly events, awards and such you can attend wearing a nice suit etc...Put yourself into situations you see woman you like going to. When I was still a project manager, the society of PMI locally held a luncheon every Wednesday. Great chance to network with people who work in the same field. Get creative. | |
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| I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/15/2009 9:12:39 AM | So, I don't think it is wrong for me to ask my girl to have the similar values and even qualities I have.
Here is what I have:
I am single, never been married.
I have NO kids.
I have a master's degree.
I have a profession.
I am at least average or slightly above average looking.
I am in good shape.
These are only SIX qualities.
I am very frustrated to have found out that it is extremely hard to find someone with those SIX.
First, I have to say that these are not qualities...these are things that you have accomplished in your life....qualities are: honesty, compassion, kind, loving, genuine, supportive, understanding, etc.
"I'm single, never been married"=I'm afraid to commit
"I have NO kids"=I'm now looking for a "baby mama"
"I have a master's degree"=I think education is very important (not a bad thing)
"I have a profession"=I'm too good for a blue collar worker
"I'm at least average/above average looking"=You better be a Barbie
"I'm in good shape"=I'm really too good for you | |
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| I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/15/2009 11:06:27 AM |
"I'm single, never been married"=I'm afraid to commit Or... I take commitment seriously and haven't found someone I trust to do the same.
"I have NO kids"=I'm now looking for a "baby mama" Or... I'm sexually responsible, and haven't had children with people I wasn't seriously committed to. I am not a package deal with baby-mama drama.
"I'm at least average/above average looking"=You better be a Barbie All through the animal kingdom, mates are chosen for traits that are desirable to pass on to the next generation. Most of them are physical attributes.
"I'm in good shape"=I'm really too good for you Or... I take care of myself and value the same in a mate. His choice, and certainly no less valid than sitting on the couch (with a can of chocolate cake icing and a spoon) whining about shallow hard-bodies that don't love you for what's on the inside... Subsequently, some poor schmuck is sitting at home trying to figure out why he can't even score a big girl with chocolate stained teeth. It's all relative to perspective. | |
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| I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/16/2009 11:51:25 AM | Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and we are a poor judge of our own beauty. While I might think that I am beautiful others will not. (which I do not see myself as beautiful, this is only be used as an example.) While many can be book smart they may not be street smart and the same can be said the other way around. Besides knowledge comes in different degrees and ways. We all like to think we know all but that just is not the case. I am sorry but I did not see what Metal posted as humorous or tongue in check if she was then I do appologize.
However, we need to look up in the dictionary what the meaning of vain is... it usually means someone that thinks very highly of themself, that they are better than others since I for one am NOT better than anyone else I let my outer appearance and knowledge to be judged by others. Meaning, it doesn't matter what others think of me the important ones will stay around.
When one becomes to picky on our mates we may just lose out on the best person ever so one should always leave their options open. | |
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kazmum
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Joined: 1/12/2009
Msg: 110 | |
| I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/16/2009 1:53:42 PM | i have to say ive read through all the posts here and i agree with all of them. just because we have kids well some people have to carry on the gene pool, have been married before guess thats twice i thought i was happy for a while eh lol, didnt get a good education as a youngster actually i did a btec ND and got 2xD and a merit as a mature student which shows ive more courage as an adult than as a child, and dont own their own house and have a good occupation who does nowadays. well il tell you youd miss out on me for one. life is my education and ive had more education in that department than all your years of schooling. and to me someone who is interesting, kind, loyal, handy with a tool kit and a genuinely nice person goes one up on all the education in the world. i once went out with someone like you and guess what. he was the most boring guy i ever met. had everything going for him except personlity. get a life man get a life.
kaz | |
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| I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/16/2009 7:53:39 PM | | Aw now yall, don't be so hard on the OP.!!!! Mrmajestik, you have me laughing!!! He wants what he wants, give me a graduate of the school of hard knocks, someone with humility and a heart, any day, but the OP will find someone like him, you can be sure. I see these couples all the time. Just wait till he does have children and they rebel against his rigidness!! They will get him, trust me!! Remember, variety is the spice of life and while he may feel he is better than the rest of us, deep down inside we really feel we just might be better than him. | |
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| I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/16/2009 8:18:15 PM | VERY good post beachdancer...
i think mr perfect , er sorry, mr cabrandan is being far too materialistic in his expectations, rather than looking at a person's character and qualities. there are other avenues for him to meet the EXACT right woman: he can pay a private matchmaking service, or he can frequent all of the social gatherings where this 'perfect' (remember, he said those were only his SIX specific characteristics, which to me implied him having more) woman might be expected to show up. But to complain about the lack of 'qualified' dating material on a 'free' dating site is rather lame! Post your ad, think positive, and hope for the best like the rest of the fish,,,, or try another pond.... | |
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| I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/16/2009 10:42:35 PM | | Personally..all I see is someone who only has his interest at heart and no room for a female him! Opposites attract that seems to be the way it usually goes. However.,...good luck in finding someone that tries to portray themselves as perfect. | |
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| I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/16/2009 10:59:19 PM | This is nothing but a "look at me" post with a side of "Why do all women [apparently] suck"
Here is what I have:
I am single, never been married.
I have NO kids.
I have a master's degree.
I have a profession.
I am at least average or slightly above average looking.
I am in good shape.
These are only SIX qualities.
I am very frustrated to have found out that it is extremely hard to find someone with those SIX.
First you list your qualifications [see: nobody really cares]
Then you say "Why is it so hard to find someone with those six" as if you've spent ages trying to find just ONE woman that has a masters degree, or no kids, or average or above average. Sorry dude, but in reading this, all I hear is Look at me, I'm so great, why can't I find a woman that's great.
Ugh, All I can say is good luck. You have a long road ahead of you. | |
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| I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/16/2009 11:18:55 PM | | Just a little observation. It is perfectly acceptable for a woman to express and even demand partner criteria which are equal or superior to herself (well shait, 90% of women do). When I man does it, he is instantly ridiculed and trivialized. Another shining example of he overwhelming hypocrisy prevalent in our society today. | |
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| I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/17/2009 5:33:41 AM | OP I feel the same way and understand exactly where you are coming from.
I myself wish to find someone that has a lifestyle similar to my own and no I do not think it too much to ask.
A very wise person once told me "You want someone who brings to the table what you bring to the table".
Not too long ago I was having a discussion with a someone I know regarding finding love. This person is female, she is a about 5 years older than me and has been married for almost 20 years now and she surprised me by telling me that I won't find someone who is like me and basically said I should take what's out there or I will never get married. Needless to say I was very surprised by her comments, but after thinking about what she said I began to fell very sorry for her. She settled, settled for a man who doesn't appear to be in love or value her. It's very sad to see.
Why should I settle.... Just because I remain single .......I think not. | |
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| I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 5/17/2009 7:19:02 AM | Redkatt... one does not have to settle and yes you should have common ground but to be a carbon copy of self is not right and unfair to anyone.
It is fair to want someone that is successful, educated and places their priorities in the same place but that is not what the op is requesting from my understanding of his blog.
Two people exactly the same never work, why because they are to much the same. I never suggest to settle for something but to be open to the possibilities because you may never know where Mr/Ms Right will be.... | |
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| I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 6/20/2009 11:42:52 PM | You are thinking too much like an engineer.
At least a third of the single guys I've met since I have been single are engineers. Go figure. You are going to have to stop thinking in such a linear way of problem solving. SO are trying to solve your single status with something of a math equation.
It's really quite funny for us creative types. You need someone NOT like you it more ways than you imagine! | |
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| I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 6/21/2009 12:00:08 AM | I don't think you should worry about nice or not nice message, because that isn't what you value.
I think that if you honestly put up those qualities, and state up front that is what you seek, I doubt you will have difficulty finding what you seek. I believe statistics indicate women are starting to outnumber men in universities, and I cannot imagine the reason you aren't running into women who have those things you value is the lack of that type of woman.
I work with numerous women who are single, attractive (according to skinny=beautiful standards), advanced degrees, etc.etc.
I wonder if they, like you who are about to give up, are finding that the education and the looks aren't enough to guarantee happiness.
Anyway, I wish you good luck, M | |
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| I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 6/21/2009 12:01:56 AM | Maybe you need to jump in the pond, get wet, to catch ya fish instead of dangling ya big toe in the pond and hope Ms similar values and qualities bite!
You are no different beside your better education to everyone that is fishing in the POF pond. Work on your approach if the present one is not working for you or change pond. Try your professional circle if you are determined to find a clone of you. | |
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| I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask?
Posted: 6/21/2009 12:25:48 AM | cabrandon, you are severely limiting yourself, and no, I don't mean you should settle. Those six things you have to offer: what if the girl who has those traits isn't looking for those? Say that kind of girl wants a man who's modest, puts family and faith first, knows that money isn't everything, isn't wrapped up in appearances...there's no way you could appeal to her. If she's worked hard to develop a career, she might want a man willing to be a househusband and raise the kids, rather than being with someone who would never put her first.
On top of which, the glass cieling still exists, and women still make less than men for the same jobs.
While I'd never rule someone out because they had children, or married young, I understand the feeling of "I waited for the right person/situation. I knew myself well enough to wait. Why didn't you?" or something along those lines (hard to put into words).
Maybe if you stopped worrying so much about externals, and worry about internals, which are the things that make a relationship last, you'd have better luck. If she has her own high-powered career, you'll never have time for each other. If she got her money by marriage or inheritance, how does that make her your "equal"?
Sorry, but to me it sounds like you think your accomplishments make you a better person than most, and that as such, you want someone like you. Sharing values is a good thing, but people who are too much alike tend to butt heads. It's 3 a.m. and I'm having trouble finding the right words...
You need someone complementary to your career, and all the rest, not someone who's looking to do what you seek to do. The match to your puzzle piece needs to click together, not fit over exactly.
I hope you got the gist of what I meant.
Good luck. | |
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