| Tearful phonecall
Posted: 7/20/2005 2:55:27 PM | I know you're sad when they're sad, but I agree with musicman - one bad experience doesn't mean she should come back yet. If it does get hard constantly on her, and it goes for an extended period of time, then sure, no need to put anybody through the wringer. But she will have up days and down days, just like you.
My son just called me this morning to chat. He's been gone for three weeks so far and there's another three to go until they come home. It's great to just chat with him. It's so nice to hear from him and laugh and ask about his day.
I miss them! I know exactly what you're going thru, feline! | |
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| Tearful phonecall
Posted: 7/20/2005 4:03:14 PM | Feline, I agree with musicman and secondbestdad....
She's been on this trip for awhile...is this your first tearful phonecall? If so, I'd say she's doing OK so far. Now if you have been getting them frequently, that would be a different story.
I would talk to your Mom or Dad again, get their general take on whether or not the trip should be cut short. Talk to your daughter and be sure she knows she has some control over the situation. That seems to help my son sometimes when he would get homesick or didn't want to go to camp/vacation/grandma's. I would tell him, listen, no big deal! If you really get to a point where you feel you have to come home, I'll get you home! It gave him kind of a safety net, just knowing he could make the call at any time.
More big hugs!
-sparkle | |
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| Tearful phonecall
Posted: 7/21/2005 7:35:53 PM | >>>>> sparklepants, musicman, bestDad
I absolutely agree with you, people, and I never questioned the length of her stay. the very first day, before I posted this thread, I 'd phoned my good girlfriend - needed someone to talk to. So she goes - well, you don't have to let her stay there for THAT long. You can always chahge the ticket.
No, it's not an option. I realize that 11 year old might go through some disappointments. There have been only two so far.
I feel like I have the right to make a decision for her - I can't imagine her having another opportunity like this anytime soon, besides, like I said - this also includes my Mom, who is quite old and worried that she will not be able to see her only grandaughter again.
So, I can't be very selfish.
The question is - where exactly could be the point at which I should consider changing her ticket?
Overall she seems happy. I think her nightmares were quite expected - this is the first time she is away from me in a totally different environment. I know that she slept well last night. I think the best I can do is to support her in her new experiences, that means talking and explaining.
But, dear people, again and again, I need to stress my sincere appreciation for you being with me through these very tough times. I think I have grown 15 years older as far as my parenting skills go - and I thought I was doing pretty good before.
Thank you all very much - I just wish I could be of a help to each of you should you ever need any support in such important issue as parenting.
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48 to go | |
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| I want to hug the whole sky. My daughter is there now.
Posted: 7/21/2005 8:48:56 PM | | wow..... do i ever know how you are feeling, but it will be absolutely fabulous for her, 11 years old and travelling to europe!!!! My 2 year old son is in BC with his grandma the woman that tried to take him from me only 4 mths ago. I won but as much as I hate her i know that it is best for him to see her because he will only be angry with me when he gets older if i dont let him see her now. I dont want to hurt him so i let him go. I dont know if that helped you at all i guess i just wanted to say i feel your pain and emptiness all too well. She will have a wonderful time and in the end i believe it will only bring you closer together because she has never had a chance to miss you before, now she will know just how special you are to her which is a good thing. | |
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| I want to hug the whole sky. My daughter is there now.
Posted: 7/21/2005 9:34:47 PM | >>>>>blueice79
You know, you really gave me something to think about!
I never thought of it this way - but may be you right... may be it will serve this good purpose - may be she will learn more about my love by being away.
It's not that I don't believe now that we do have very special connection with her - but the "teens" are yet to come...
Thank you so much!
All the best to you and your little prince!!!
Hugs, Feline | |
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| I want to hug the whole sky. My daughter is there now.
Posted: 7/22/2005 12:21:27 AM | Hey feline! You're doing great! Being away from your kids is always tough. And this is your first time. I don't think there's a set formula for "when is too long" - you love your daughter and you'll know if she really needs to come back or if it's just a little thing that will pass.
You have your act together, you obviously love her, you're looking at the bigger picture and putting her needs first... You're the best!  | |
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| Tearful phonecall
Posted: 7/22/2005 8:36:50 AM | Feline -
Hey sweetie! Regarding your question about at what point to consider changing the ticket...
I think your instincts will tell you if that need arises. She's probably going to have a few more disapointments (the slushie thing cracked me up), but your internal "mommy-meter" will know when it's enough. It will flip on like a switch and you'll just *know*. Since she's with your parents, who obviously love her and are spoiling her, and she can phone you and vent, I doubt it will come to the point of cutting the trip short.
But hey, if it happens, let me know and I'll go take her place...I love hanging out with the geriatric set!
More big hugs!
-sparkle
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| After all - that's parents hearts.
Posted: 7/22/2005 9:28:57 AM | Feline;
First of all, there is no need to apologize for my misunderstanding of the thread. I did understand once I re-read the thread and all of the responses. I do understand the need of wanting to "Hug" the sky until you received that precious phone call from your girl.
Secondly, I did not know about the loss of your husband. I am sorry for that loss you had to suffer so unexpectedly. I do understand where you are coming from with your fear of losing the ones you love.
I guess I am still not completely over the horrible and (!) absolutely unexpected loss.
With time it will get easier but you will never be "over it". There is never exaggeration when you are expressing your sincere and deepest feelings.
I know that you will be so happy when your daughter gets home. I know I will be happy for you and your daughter when you can grab her up in your arms at the airport and just hold her - never wanting to let go. Just wanting to make up for lost time. Just when you think - ok I'm gonna let her go -whether it is when she arrives home and you stop hugging her or when she is of the age to move forward with her life - you'll never truly let her go. As you put it - (their return path is always to our hearts)
Best wishes for you in making it through the remaining days.
TO: BestDad - I have to agree with Feline - it is so nice to see a father experiencing the same hardships with such a loving heart. You seem to be right on track with what you need to do to allow your children to experience their childhood and make lasting memories.
To all that have children away visiting for the summer or anytime: Best wishes and I wish happy and safe returns to you. | |
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| Tearful phonecall
Posted: 7/23/2005 8:30:17 PM | >>>> sparkie
LOL, girl!
thank you so much!
I needed a smile after a day at work (day like today)
I will make sure to let you know!
You right - my heart should be able to define if this trip became a burden to her.
Little disappointments... Oh, well.
Today she phoned all happy and excited - they are going to visit her grand-grand-grand father's park.
But there was a request: "Mom, when I come back, can we go to Callaway Park (that's our local ouydoor amusement park), - the rollercoaster they have here doesn't curl.".
"may be, honey, may be - depends on the weather", - I told her and thought to myself - "as soon as you get here, baby, I will just hold you tight". Something like that...
Anyways, it is 46 days to go, and tonight (!) will be the first night that I will spend in my bedroom - I had to take all of her furniture out to complete rennovations, so I had to take her bed apart. Untill now if I slept - was only on her bed.
Thanks, Sparkie. thank you again and again. I just wish you realized how important was your message to me.
All the Best,
Feline. | |
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| After all - that's parents hearts.
Posted: 7/24/2005 10:05:32 PM | I am gone again for three days.
Latest update - we discovered that they don't have "medium" in regards of clothing sizes.
So, she was a bit tired after having to try on a few dresses - Granma insisted in buying a couple "european style".
I told her today that I met a lot of wonderful people on this site. i told her how much you all are helping me through this terrible and unknown time. I don't think she really got the message - but she did say: "Mom, are we going to invite them to our house?".
May be, baby, may be.
Just come home soon.
44 long nights without a hug to go... | |
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| After all - that's parents hearts.
Posted: 7/25/2005 5:51:22 AM | 44 more days to go...did you even think you'd make it this far?!?!? Way to go mom, your daughter is one amazing child! The hardest part I think is over...you hit the peak...I think it's down hill from here. Those weeks will fly by.
That would be very cool having a big welcome home party for her, we'll all be sitting here at our desk's cheering you both on when she arrives at the airport again!!!   | |
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| After all - that's parents hearts.
Posted: 7/25/2005 10:21:19 PM | What a cute story - are we coming to your house?! lol
Well, you can let her know that we're all excited for both of you - for the fun she's having right now with granma, and for all the fun she's going to have when she gets to see her mom again!
Oh, and here's a hug, since we can't be there in person... | |
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| After all - that's parents hearts.
Posted: 7/26/2005 5:34:05 AM | ""Mom, are we going to invite them to our house?"."
LOL - if only we could be more like our children! That's so wonderful.
OK - Travelocity I need airplane tickets for one adult and two children!
Wouldn't it be nice to be able to have this little party "in real life" as my daughter would say?
Off Topic:
bestDad, my family and I lived up there near you in the lovely little town of Poulsbo, just across Puget Sound from Seattle from 96-99, before moving down here to Florida. Beautiful country!
Now my children are away for 2 weeks visiting Grandma and Great Grandma! It's awfully quiet around here - but I find that this thread actually helps!
Feline - looks like you and the little one are doing fine - and you've actually ended up helping other people get by, through the act of sharing what you are going through. All the best to you.
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| I want to hug the whole sky. My daughter is there now.
Posted: 7/26/2005 12:37:07 PM | | I know what it is like to let your child go. I had to let my not even 1 yr old son go to his father. It was a terrible mess and I have a lot of hate for his father for taking him away from me. I've been struggling really bad with being homeless and trying to maintain a job, now I only have supervised visitation rights. It's terrible. Now I live in Michigan and I know I will not see my son for a very long time because I'm not allowed. I have never hurt him or anything like that. It was a bad lie from the fathers mother that ruined my life that way. I know what it's like to let go, and I guess just knowing that they ARE being well taken car of can help you cope with it. Letting go is never easy but dont be afraid to move on either. Your daughter is ok and you will be too. (((((((hugs to you)))))))) | |
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| I want to hug the whole sky. My daughter is there now.
Posted: 7/27/2005 2:56:42 PM | Got my phone call from the kids last night! - flew from Florida to Oregon safely - whew...
It's amazing the joy you get just hearing their voices on the phone, the excitement in their tone...
For me it will only be 2 weeks - but it is SO quiet around here - I see their toys and remember what they were doing last, I see my daughter's unmade bed, and I recall picking her up and giving her a good morning hug ....
I don't know how you've managed it for as long as you have Feline... my heart goes out to you - cause this can really be tough...
Take care, I find myself in the middle of the day sometimes wondering how many days you have to go before she's back home... funny isn't it? | |
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| I want to hug the whole sky. My daughter is there now.
Posted: 7/27/2005 8:40:43 PM | Music Man: So glad to hear the excitement in your words that you were able to speak with your kids. I know Feline has longer but your days are just as streneous without your life lines (kids) there to keep ya on your toes.
I am about to send my daughter to be with her dad for a week (400 miles away). I am scared that he may try to take her and keep her since things have started getting ugly with the divorce. How do I let her go and know I can trust he will get her back to me? I am trying to have faith that he would not do that to me - but he is so dead set against paying me a lousey $100/wk child support. I mean I take care of everything else - all I ask is a little money to help me out. He has been telling me to let him have her and he would do it on his own no help from me (child support) and I told him I would have to be 6 feet under before I allowed that. I know this isn't the right thread to be venting about it - but I have kept up on all of your postings and would like some feedback on my situation if anyone wants to offer it. Please everyone keep me in your thoughts as well and may want to send a prayer for the ex and anyone that stands in my way if he tries to do anything close to keeping my daughter. U all my see me on the news about going postal on her ex....lol j/k would fight tooth and nail to get her back though.
Feline: I hope your days are going by quickly for ya. Can't wait to hear the excitement in your words once you have told us all that your baby girl is home safe and sound. 
Best wishes to all that are awaiting the safe return of your baby/babies
Bonita | |
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| I want to hug the whole sky. My daughter is there now.
Posted: 7/28/2005 6:35:35 PM | Hello to all of you, my dear dear dear people!
Here is a quick report: With 41 days to go (still not even a half of her stay), my daughter and I almost at the same time approached the stage, where seems like we both somewhat got used to the huge distance between us and now our conversations sound like we are in the same city, but apart for some reason (like I am at work). This is new, a bit calming feeling, but it concerns me.
Today we spoke about prices there and compared them to ours, spoke about fashion difference and all that girly-mom-daughter stuff. I caught myself really enjoying the discussion and not even once (40-something minute long call) have I shed a tear. Don't get me wrong - I am still sick because of her not being with me, everything reminding me of her, I shed a tear occasionally, especially when I see kids her age - I am just trying to describe this strange change, it came from nowhere and I don't know where all this "reasonable calmness" came from. May be I have finally adjusted to the fact that I will see and touch and feel my baby no sooner than in 41 days.
She gave me her schedule for all next week, and sounds like she will be very busy. Which is good. I will be extremely busy too. I will be going away for a quite a long bus trip. For two days I will be deep in the mountains where I know my cell wouldn't work. I told her that today and it seemed to make her sad. Well, in the past 28 days there was not one single day where we hadn't talked or exchanged pictures. But it's work, and between work and rennovations that I still have to finish my time flies a little faster than when I was just sitting and crying because I am missing her terribly.
>>>>>>> As far as inviting you all. My God, wouldn't that be just fairy-tale wonderful? After everything I shared with you here, after all the support and advice you, people gave me - after discovering how many real parent's hearts are out there - to get us all together, with our kids? May be. I like to dream. Dreams do come true. One thing is for sure - untill this dream comes true - I will wait for your messages here, I will try and check them on the road.
I know that my daughter will always remember her Mom's story about how so many people from so many different places came to the rescue to her Mom, when she felt so lonely, scared, somewhat lost and unsure of doing the right thing. I will tell her everything. I will show her this thread. In fact, I will save it in our memory for many years to come.
As I mentioned, I will be gone now for quite a few days ( I think close to a week). I will be able to check my messages off my laptop - however, like I mentioned - there will be some time where Internet will not be accesible. But it will make me even more excited to get to the first "zone" to meet you, my dear friends, and once again, regain my strength in your wise advices and hearty wishes.
All the Best to All of you and your Children!
God Bless you.
I will see you soon!
Hugs to all,
Feline. | |
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| I want to hug the whole sky. My daughter is there now.
Posted: 7/28/2005 6:48:58 PM | >>>>>>> yourbrowneyedgirl?
Dear, this is THE RIGHT thread to not just vent about it, but to also let us all try and may be help you by sharing our opinion.
First of all - if you don't feel absolutely sure about her return - don't let her go!
I have nothing against fathers, that fight to keep their children honestly hoping to provide the best environment for them, however, if the mother is completely capable of fulfilling her duties, and taking proper care of the child, that's where children should be, at least for the first 10 - 12 years of their lifes. But like I say - I don't want to begin a neverending battle who is who in parenthood.
Please take some steps towards ensuring her return. Like may be keep her healthcare information undisclosed, let all you close realtives know under which circumsatnces she is going away. The last step would be may be expressing your concerns to children welfare workers. Nothing is wrong with that. But than again, if you are THAT afraid - why let her go?
May be you can work out a deal where he stays in town in some hotel and gets to see her for a week? Be brave. Noone can deny your mother's rights unless there is a really good reason, which I think is not your case.
I have a friend who flies from Vancouver every second week to stay with his son. He is completely capable of taking care of his boy on his own and thus saving huge money on travelling and hotels - but he is sure that untill the boy is at least 10 years old (he is now 3), he has no right to take him away from his mother, just because their marriage didn't work out.
Well, I gave in my two cents.
I will just pray for your worries to go away and so there will never be a reason for them to come back.
HUGS,
Feline. | |
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| I want to hug the whole sky. My daughter is there now.
Posted: 7/29/2005 4:55:47 PM | Rus,
I was unable to get online for a while and am just catching up on the thread. It sounds like you and your daughter are doing wonderful at adjusting. I still have 26 days till my son gets home, but I am enjoying listening to all he has learned.
Hang in there! | |
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| I want to hug the whole sky. My daughter is there now.
Posted: 7/30/2005 10:01:47 AM | First major disappointment.
Granma got very upset over some broken flowers - but as my daughter says - she didn't intend to, she didn't even know those were flowers in granm's flowerbed - she says looked like weeds.
"Mom, I think Granma is getting too old".
"Honey, she still loves you very much".
"Yeahh... but I will not go outside now. I will just stay in my room."
Good... My daughter shows some character. But I know that it will go away very soon. And I know my Mother - her flowers are the world to her, but her only granddaughter is much more.
In about 3 hours I will be in no-connection zone. Scary. First time I will not be able to talk to her for two days.
39 days to go...
Will be looking forward to tomorrow's night. Talk to her and than come here to talk to you.
All the Best, Everybody!
Cheers,
Feline. | |
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| I want to hug the whole sky. My daughter is there now.
Posted: 7/31/2005 4:03:21 AM | In an odd sort of way - that incident also shows that your daughter and grandma have gotten closer. Comfortable enough to express anger / dissapointment / hurt - whatever - really just being themselves around each other...
The 'make-up' time will certainly be a wonderful thing! | |
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Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 100 | |
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