| Those on again off again relationships?
Posted: 6/6/2009 10:10:45 PM | | i just got out of one of these i was doing it off and on for a year and a half but it was like every other week but she being 43 was bipolar to so i kinda stuck in there i loved her and well sometimes you have to let go of the things you love the most haha i must admit the sex was amazing but then it got to where i couldnt have friends cause i was doing them or hitting on them i couldnt go to bars or clubs or anything not even a movie with my brother but if u truly love them then give it your all and i did failed but hey life is full of bumps | |
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| Those on again off again relationships?
Posted: 6/6/2009 10:20:29 PM | It is hard to let go of the love, and easy to be reminded of the pain or abuse. Just wait a few days, and the abusive personalities will return shortly after the reconciliation.
Best idea is for both to get counseling, but even a million counselors won't work unless both parties work on addressing the issues and understand that the most likely cause of the problem is a failure of each to address their own personal issues, and to stop blaming the partner for them. | |
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| Those on again off again relationships?
Posted: 6/6/2009 10:27:40 PM | | i only broke it off one time during the whole time and i regrated it, plus it didnt help that we worked together and her being jealous couldnt stand the fact that my ex wife was still in the picture regardless no feelings or not even if it was for the daughters sake so after i found out that bit i was like well i guess there is nothing left to persue so i havent talked to her my daughter needs more then she does so bye bye and yes it does hurt and suck but after being with her a year and a half and finally she threw that in there nope dont think so so no more on and off its just off i turned off her light switch | |
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| Those on again off again relationships?
Posted: 6/6/2009 10:28:30 PM | Quote: hey life is full of bumps
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yea but some bumps are put there by life! and some bumps you put there. some people enjoy a relationship based on pain and hate thinking it is love. but it's not and it wears you down over time. it's never a good thing.. | |
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| Those on again off again relationships?
Posted: 6/7/2009 12:08:51 AM | mirabelle13, message 43 hit the nail, imo. People keep going back because they have not learnt their lesson. As Margot pointed out, there is a hope that things would change, perhaps. In reality I believe we use those excuses, but they are form of denial, we know deep down, how things are. And as Pssst pointed out, and I agree with her, that if we love someone we shouldn't want to change them. I have learnt from past experiences, that if there is lots of turbulence and 'on again and off again' thing going on, there is certain need for drama. And yes, there are those couples living and spending whole life together in ongoing drama. I have heard about them, from my girlfriend and this was a relationship of her parents. They were making everyone miserable around them, and would argue and at the end they would be coming back, and don't you just dare to say anything bad about 'him' or 'her'. Some are drown to dysfunctional relationships, and believe this is the way to live life, because they have not known anything else in life.
La Gioconda, | |
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| Those on again off again relationships?
Posted: 6/7/2009 3:46:26 AM | Watched this Japanese soap opera (Long Vacation) few years ago, the couple so happened to have this kind of on again off again relationship. And I remember one of them said something like this:
TRUE LOVE NEVER RUNS SMOOTHLY
Guess some of them just needs some drama to spice up their love life every now and then, and like to be reminded what they have does stand the test of time and thus it's for real, no? | |
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| Those on again off again relationships?
Posted: 6/7/2009 3:56:17 AM | One of my girlfriends who I simply adore has been in a on/off relationship with this guy for the past 7 years...it does my head in, but I've become so use to her crying phone calls that I promised to record her the next time just so she can hear all the shit this guy has 'apparently' put her through...I really don't have an answer for you OP..this woman as far as I know had a great childhood, healthly relationship with her dad, great job, financially stable..and stunning...why she does this to herself is beyond my understanding.... | |
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| Those on again off again relationships?
Posted: 6/7/2009 4:05:40 AM | The thing is if this person works it out and quits for good will he/she then get it. Its all lessons learned to strengthen their character and be a better individual.
Along our journey in life we have learned different things that made us what we are today. It doesn't matter what it is, but we have all been there.
In some situations you don't have to experience it to know. You are aware and understands the situation why it frustrates you when you see someone going through it that don't get it. We are all on different pages...why we clash or.... This is like relationships too...but will not go there in this discussion. | |
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| Those on again off again relationships?
Posted: 6/9/2009 11:43:15 AM | | There are times, however, that one finds the one they truly love and try to overlook the problems that arise in the relationship. The problems become untenable, they break up for awhile thinking that old 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' and then back together, brief 'honeymoon' with both at their best, and then the problems start up again. That on again and off again can go on for years. What often happens in the apart time one forgets the 'bad times' and starts thinking about the good times they had and back they go again. When the pain far exceeds the happiness that love brings or brought is when one will walk away permanently. | |
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| Those on again off again relationships?
Posted: 8/25/2009 8:23:03 AM | Think of your family, brothers, sisters, even mother and father. Sometimes they drive you crazy, they say things they shouldn't say and do things they shouldn't do, sometimes you go months without talking to them because of something stupid they did to hurt you. Why do you go through this? Because you love them.
No relationship is over until you no longer love them. The heart has the ability to heal, if you let it. Forgiveness, hope and faith that "it" will not happen again is human nature...but...there does come a time....that...once you are done...you are done.
There is no blood tie that can stop...being done.
There is no love that can survive...being done. | |
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| Those on again off again relationships?
Posted: 8/25/2009 9:08:58 AM | | I think they just didn't have closure on their relationship. I'm in danger of doing that right now. And it's not a healthy thing. It was just difficult because we didn't break up due to any particular failure in the relationship. Still if you're going to split , I think you need to do so fully...or you are never able to move on. Something that I'm working on now. I'll let ya know how it goes , lol. | |
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| Those on again off again relationships?
Posted: 8/25/2009 11:42:49 AM | I understand how these types of relationships happen, what I don't is why people keep going back to them.... Do you really think the 3rd, 4th, 5th time is going to be the charm? I been known to give a second chance but after that I am done unless either I or the other person (sometimes a combination of both) have really done some work to improve what ever made the relationship fail in the first place. I will admit though I have gone back to some people in my past because the sex was freken fantastic but never with the intention of it being or becoming more then that.
You can have a love for someone and still keep your boundries, it does not mean being a total biatch or prick to the other person just respecting them enough to try and have a decent civil relationship. They are out there my ex and I have a relationship like that. He is a great dad and although we had our rough patches in parenting our daughter apart bottom line he always been there for us when we really needed him. He is awesome and I tell him so!
Do I want to get back with him? No, we are diffrent people, these days I have a much better picture of what I am looking for and where the real clarity came is in what I have to offer someone else. | |
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| Those on again off again relationships?
Posted: 8/25/2009 1:06:37 PM | Why does everyone think they can generalize the matters of life, especially when they're a third person spectator commenting on events of the heart that they hold no connection or consquence for them.....
.. how does that seem logical or remotely smart?
I've been in that type of relationship...
with a woman who I believed to be my soul mate..
the mother of my child...
in a relationship that reflected the essence of movies that most dream of....
But we both came from negative pasts, that carried many unresolved issues that most people remain are unaware of, until they're forced to recognize and process these facts via life experience....
So when the love is there,
when everything is there,
including obsticales that can be fixed, with solutions that are attainable, but your momentum and focus is distracted by the happenings and challenges of every day life...
.. tainted by the resentment born from frustration.......
... within a demanding, implusive and selfish society...
... where both individuals are PASSIONATE but unrefined.....
... drastic, emotional decisions are made by human's who don't possess the tools to resolve their conflicts...
Whats worse?
Fighting for something you love, no matter how it may look,
or taking the easy way out because its more convenient and acceptable within superficial eyes? | |
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| Those on again off again relationships?
Posted: 8/25/2009 1:39:32 PM | | Who said it was easy to walk away? It's not, what it is healther. If 2 people want to work it out I believe they can. It takes effort and alot of it from both sides. | |
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| Those on again off again relationships?
Posted: 8/25/2009 1:59:51 PM |
Codependency is like watching the same two cars crash into each other over and over.
What's that Einstein quote about repetition and insanity? | |
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| Those on again off again relationships?
Posted: 8/25/2009 3:09:51 PM | I don't understand it. My very first relationship was like this, and I quickly realized that this was NOT the way I wanted my life to be. Now, when I'm done, I'm done.
If I did the dumping, I did it because it was truly over, and there was nothing he could say, do or promise to fix that.
If I'm the one being dumped, I guess I'm just too proud to keep chasing someone who doesn't want me.
Maybe some of these people are bored with their lives, and the drama and emotional rollercoaster are exciting to them. | |
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Savona
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Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 70 | |
| Those on again off again relationships?
Posted: 8/25/2009 3:18:03 PM | Arghhhhh I have done this. With my X husband. I though we were trying to get back together, but he was only between girl friends. That was when I had to hit myself over the head with the dumb stick ...
Ok, so I am slow, I also loved him and we had a family. There are times you have just got to close that book. I have been on my on now for 9 years ... it took me a few years to get over all that craziness.
AGAIN ... ""me"" is the perfect example of why to never date anyone until they are fully divorced. Just little words of caution.
Now I am fully divorced and I would never date anyone who is not fully divorced and DONE.
S | |
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| Those on again off again relationships?
Posted: 8/25/2009 4:08:29 PM | twisted sis said,
Message: They're either co-dependents or they can't find anyone else to put up with their chit.
Or as I like to call it shit or get off the pot! "sorry"
For many, and sadly to say, mental illness might be for some to turn the corner to see the light in finding a healthy relationship.
And there is no explanation only to repeat and repeat these traumas and hopefully get some help and peace of mind. | |
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| Those on again off again relationships?
Posted: 8/25/2009 6:04:08 PM | Gnosis Sublime said; " Whats worse? Fighting for something you love, no matter how it may look, or taking the easy way out because it's more convenient and acceptable within superficial eyes?"
My question to you would be...just how many times do you fight before you realize you're fighting more than you're enjoying the relationship?
You speak of negative pasts and many unresolved issues. Just how many unresolved issues does another have to deal with, before realizing the plate just might be to full to for them to deal with. Yet the other denies they need professional help, and refuse to seak it! You stay in that type of situation...then the problems become your problem, no end to it, and both parties end up having problems.Vicious cycle! | |
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| Those on again off again relationships?
Posted: 8/25/2009 9:35:26 PM | | i've been in a couple of relationships like that when i was in my mid to late 20's... and then it was more about the control than anything else... the last relationship like that was about 1 1/2 yrs long... and completely exhausted me by the time it was finally said and done... i learned my lesson and got over those control issues and simply started to look for relationships i enjoyed being in | |
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| Those on again off again relationships?
Posted: 8/28/2009 1:39:19 PM | Unable to do better might be a reason, or , maybe it's like my neighbor Ben says.."Sometimes half a loaf is better than no loaf?
It's hard to know why this happens Psssst, because it's genuinely difficult to decode the human Spirit and what it needs. From a spiritual view, we often return to learn more......and not necessarily more about the other person....but more of what we need to learn....about Life, Love, Ourselves.
Caroline Myss describes our true Soul Mate...as one who kicks up the most problems, fear, anger and other nasty crap up in us. These are the people that bring to the fore things we need to face the most about ourselves in this weird trip through life. I don't disagree.
Sometimes, perhaps, we don't get the whole lesson all in one shot.
regards
~~Kimbo~~ | |
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| Those on again off again relationships?
Posted: 8/28/2009 1:54:46 PM |
Ultimately, the last time I broke up with him was for the same reason as all of the other times: he was not a kind person. His brilliance is unquestioned, and he was frequently right in whatever point he was making, but without kindness and compassion it was useless to me in a relationship. At the end of the day, it didn't matter whether I was being fair or not; once I acknowledged to myself that I couldn't give space to a part of his nature, and that it was a part of his nature that he couldn't alter as much as I needed him to, or even as much as he said he wanted to, it was over. But I certainly gave it my best before I threw in the towel.
That was well said. I have found myself in a situation so similar that it could have been the same man. I didn't have the clarity to see it the way you did. I thought I was in love and I let it go on for far too long. He was so many wonderful things, I just kept explaining away his cruelty because he had so many other desirable traits. | |
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