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| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 8/30/2009 2:11:11 AM | OP, domestic violence can take many forms - by law here it is described as physical, emotional, financial or spiritual. So, a man controls a woman by a/hitting her/ b/abusing her verbally, stopping her from seeing her friends/family - isolating her c/ through the purse strings ..ie keeping her poor or d/stopping her from practising her spiritual beliefs or forcing her to practice his.
The reasons behind domestic violence are many and varied, but it's all about control and power. Incidents rise when there is economic strife - when a man loses his job, for example. It's also a display of a form of ownership.
It's not simple and there have been many, many studies done on it. I do know that reporting to the police has increased since women know they no longer have to put up with it. | |
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| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 8/30/2009 2:31:03 AM | OP, domestic violence can take many forms - by law here it is described as physical, emotional, financial or spiritual.
FriendlyFree I agree with what you're trying to say but just a clarification. The above as far as I know are related to political statements and not the legal definition of what constitutes violence.
It is, to the reasonable mind, any form of psychological intimidation, the apprehension of violence, unlawful arrest or physical containment of your freedom of movement and physically striking you in any manner. There are also other standing offences for individual behaviour such as threatening behaviour, threats to kill or cause serious injury, etc.
In other words it is the standing Crimes Act governing regular behaviour and is prosecuted no differently, as far as I know. Is there a Domestic Violence Act I am unaware of in Victoria?
I am unaware of any Federal or Victorian State legislation governing or dictating religious freedom, other than unlawful arrest, psychological intimidation with the apprehension of violence (ie. common assault), etc.
In fact free speech legislation in Australia is extremely restrictive following the introduction of sedition and anti-terrorism legislation, and no formal bill of rights to institutionalise any citizen rights such as freedom of speech or religion, whatsoever in place to balance them.
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| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 8/30/2009 2:38:22 AM | Yes vanaheim, it was updated last year (for Victoria):
Taken from the Domestic Violence Resource Centre (VIC):
The Family Violence Protection Act 2008 came into effect on 8 December 2008, and replaces the system of family violence intervention orders provided for in the Crimes (Family Violence) Act 1987 . It includes a range of new initiatives to better protect those subject to family violence, usually women and children, and make perpetrators accountable for their actions.
The Act:
broadens the definition of family violence so that it includes economic and emotional abuse, as well as other types of threatening and controlling behaviour;
gives police more powers so that they can respond more quickly and effectively to family violence;
makes it easier for victims of family violence to adjust tenancy arrangements to enable them to remain in their homes if they wish; and
improves the court system to encourage greater reporting by victims, including restricting perpetrators from cross-examining their victims | |
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| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 8/30/2009 6:02:10 AM | Abuse can be hard to define because it is dependent upon the social contracts that exist in any particular group of people at any particular time and are often subject to change over time. What may be accepted behaviour by some cultures may be defined by other cultures as abuse.
Looking just at corporal punishment of children for a moment, the values (social contract) of some people will dictate that striking a child physically for any reason is physical abuse and others will say it is not if there was sufficient cause to use such punishment.
If you perscribe to the belief that as human beings, we all have a right to have our physical bodies and emotional well-being respected, then anything that affects negatively either our physical bodies or our emotional well-being can be construed as abuse by the "victim". Perhaps this is why there is so much abuse claimed by so many that so many others would not say was abuse.
Physical abuse can be clearly defined but we need to remove the "It is wrong to defend yourself" part for men. If a woman is hitting a man, she should expect to be struck back. Did we not fight for equality? What is emotional and verbal abuse is so subjective that it really defies legal definition but what seems to be accepted is that if the victim has communicated their level of discomfort to the perpetrator and the perpetrator persists in the treatment, that crosses the line into abuse.
The old "stick and stones" mentality that words do not hurt is so very wrong for so many people. Words do hurt. Constant criticism of one's personality, abilities and actions is just plain wrong in my books.
As my mother (and I'm sure many other mothers have said through the millenia), if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all. The saying I've picked up since becoming a parent is "We don't hit people we love and people who love us don't hit us". Mutual respect is about treating other people with a degree of acceptance. We are all different and we should be allowed to be ourselves without fear of criticism, as long as who we are is not infringing on anyone else's rights. | |
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| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 8/30/2009 6:16:00 AM | It can be summed up in the whole nature vs nuture game. Abusive relationships can be easily attributed to their upbringing. If they don't have a basic understanding of the "golden rule" then they just be ignorant.
Every person is different. This attitude can be learned later in life due to major life changing events. If you were to consider these people sociopaths you could blame nature. You need to ask why did they get to this level? Also, why would it matter to you other than what not to get involved with. | |
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| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/5/2009 11:47:36 AM | | Because, unfortunately, here and in most of the world, being a "real man" means being aggressive and controlling. Men grow up with the idea this is how they are supposed to act, and many take it to the point of psychological abuse and physical violence. What we need is a different standard of manhood. | |
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| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/6/2009 8:12:12 AM | I think the question that needs to be asked here is..... Why do you choose abusive men.
And why do you choose to procreate with said abusive men....
I imagine 98% knew he was an abusive dick when they decided to get knocked up to keep him around, or hope he changes.
It's your own fault as much as it is his, no sense in bitching about it.
Because, unfortunately, here and in most of the world, being a "real man" means being aggressive and controlling. Men grow up with the idea this is how they are supposed to act, and many take it to the point of psychological abuse and physical violence. What we need is a different standard of manhood.
What you need is half a fucking brain... There are plenty of men living by your alternative standards of "manhood" you CHOSE to be with a physically and mentally abusive dickweed and I feel no pity for you... You should have bailed the second he treated you like mud or laid his hands on you in a violent nature. | |
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| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/6/2009 8:34:51 AM |
I think the question that needs to be asked here is..... Why do you choose abusive men. And why do you choose to procreate with said abusive men.... I imagine 98% knew he was an abusive****when they decided to get knocked up to keep him around, or hope he changes. It's your own fault as much as it is his, no sense in ****ing about it. Because, unfortunately, here and in most of the world, being a "real man" means being aggressive and controlling. Men grow up with the idea this is how they are supposed to act, and many take it to the point of psychological abuse and physical violence. What we need is a different standard of manhood. What you need is half a ****ing brain... There are plenty of men living by your alternative standards of "manhood" you CHOSE to be with a physically and mentally abusive****eed and I feel no pity for you... You should have bailed the second he treated you like mud or laid his hands on you in a violent nature.
You make many valid points. What I would like to know is, why do some women still feel that having a baby out of wedlock, without consulting the man first, will be anything but disasterous? How can they think a baby will suddenly turn an abuser into Mr. Right?
As for those women who didn't bail when the abuse started and then had a baby to keep the man, I'd like to know also what they were thinking. What makes a woman have so little self-esteem that she not only stays with an abuser, but has a child to try to cement the deal on top of it? | |
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| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/6/2009 11:05:27 PM |
My nephew is currently facing a situation where he could easily be dragged away.
She has basically told him to go and move out. They have a newborn and the typical arguments over petty stuff is occuring.
He is 6 foot 4 and weighs around 230lbs. She is 5 ft 5 and is lucky to weigh 130 lbs. wet. She only chooses to push her agenda at inappropraite times. He can be quite loud and has been known to punch a hole in the wall but he has never hit a woman.
If he does decide not to move out right away it would not too far fetched that she could use his size to her advantage. If she calls the police and they arrive to see her crying regardless of any contact it is quite sertain that he will be asked to leave, a record or filing of abuse could easily be had and he will suffer when it comes time to settle custody. Not to mention he could end up in jail for the night and this would be a permanent record that will affect all further dealings in court.
This story resonates with mine.
I returned from work one day about two years ago. Went into the kitchen to make myself a cup of tea. Within 5 minutes of me arriving home, there were half a dozen police cars and a dozen policemen bursting through my door. She had nipped upstairs to call the rozzers, claiming that I had punched her. If anyone knows me, they would know me to be a calm person without the slightest hint of being an abuser. I was arrested and held overnight on a charge of "Breach of the Peace" During my incarceration my ex cleared out our joint bank account, had her father hire a van to empty the house of all the valuables and took our two boys, then aged 2 and 3 off to her new boyfriends house. I was tarnished with being an "abuser" by the Police, the Social Services and most of her family. Unusually, I decided to challenge the charge of "Breach of the Peace" which I ultimately was found to be Not Guilty, prosecuted the police for "Wrongful Arrest" which I lost and most importantly, fought through the family courts for custody/residency of my boys. 7 months on they were back in my care.
Throughout my many family court appearances, solicitors and barristers for my ex used the evidence of my arrest as a tool to prevent my boys from returning and only after the "Breach of the Peace" case had collapsed was I able save my children from a life in the control of drug fueled alcoholic mother.
For me, that fateful day, I was abused by my ex and the State alike. Nobody seems to understand what I went through. As the "Breach of the Peace" was a civil crime it cost me in excess of $15,000 to fight my corner, as my earnings were in excess of the amount that qualified me for "Legal Help" the challenge to the police and the fight in the family courts cost a further $10000. Most men would have just given up and been tarred with the "abuser" brush, I wouldn't blame them either. | |
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| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/6/2009 11:34:05 PM |
Oh, for Christ's sake, I realize not all--or even most--men are abusive. I was speaking generally, not categorically. You get a @#$% brain.
Whats the matter, don't like being held accountable for your actions? | |
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| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/6/2009 11:53:11 PM | | Problem is that many people generalise and base their opinions on statistics that are often manipulated to serve someone's agenda. Generalisation seems on the surface to be fine and dandy but in reality serves to cover-up the problems facing men who are the victims of an abusive partner. | |
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| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/7/2009 1:40:46 PM | | There's abusive men because men are aggressive, physical creatures and when we get into confrontations it often gets physical. That's our nature. The trick is: we have to control ourselves. If you find a man who can't control himself, leave. Without generalizing too much, men and women are equally cruel in relationships. Their methods are different but it happens. Men get the bad rap because physical abuse gets heard about more often. A man whose wife/girlfriend attacks him continuously via emotional or mental attacks is not going to have a bruise the next morning. He'll keep it inside...who's he going to talk to? Guys don't talk to their buddies about their wives/girlfriends breaking them down emotionally. If anything he's going to do one of two things....he's either going to bottle it up and let it build into rage which he may unleash with a slap to the face in the future. Or he may just get tired of taking it and leave. That's my whole issue with the abusive man/woman bit. It's one of those things that is easily solved: leave. If the law needs to be involved, involve them. As for why there's so many men who are abusive...maybe because they get away with it? Don't let anyone get away with hurting you...act on it every time. There will be less abuse if nobody gets away with it. | |
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| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/7/2009 2:43:31 PM |
For me, that fateful day, I was abused by my ex and the State alike. Nobody seems to understand what I went through. As the "Breach of the Peace" was a civil crime it cost me in excess of $15,000 to fight my corner, as my earnings were in excess of the amount that qualified me for "Legal Help" the challenge to the police and the fight in the family courts cost a further $10000. Most men would have just given up and been tarred with the "abuser" brush, I wouldn't blame them either.
I am so sorry that you had to go through all of that. Your boys are very blessed to have such a strong and loving father.
There's abusive men because men are aggressive, physical creatures and when we get into confrontations it often gets physical. That's our nature. The trick is: we have to control ourselves. If you find a man who can't control himself, leave. Without generalizing too much, men and women are equally cruel in relationships. Their methods are different but it happens. Men get the bad rap because physical abuse gets heard about more often. A man whose wife/girlfriend attacks him continuously via emotional or mental attacks is not going to have a bruise the next morning. He'll keep it inside...who's he going to talk to? Guys don't talk to their buddies about their wives/girlfriends breaking them down emotionally. If anything he's going to do one of two things....he's either going to bottle it up and let it build into rage which he may unleash with a slap to the face in the future. Or he may just get tired of taking it and leave. That's my whole issue with the abusive man/woman bit. It's one of those things that is easily solved: leave. If the law needs to be involved, involve them.
You make an interesting point. Women are equally abusive just in a different way.
As for why there's so many men who are abusive...maybe because they get away with it? Don't let anyone get away with hurting you...act on it every time. There will be less abuse if nobody gets away with it.
That, and/or the "abuse" label is over used or exaggerated. Or it is a convenient excuse to hide the fact that it was the woman, not the man, who caused the break up of the relationship. | |
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| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/8/2009 2:48:18 AM | Yes, lightbite, I agree. Your boys are blessed to have such a loving, strong and brave father.
Futureshock, you asked these questions:
What I would like to know is, why do some women still feel that having a baby out of wedlock, without consulting the man first, will be anything but disasterous? How can they think a baby will suddenly turn an abuser into Mr. Right?
As for those women who didn't bail when the abuse started and then had a baby to keep the man, I'd like to know also what they were thinking. What makes a woman have so little self-esteem that she not only stays with an abuser, but has a child to try to cement the deal on top of it?
Not everyone is blessed with your intelligence, logic, wisdom and self-esteem, futureshock (and I say this in all seriousness).
Some women think it's normal for men to hit them. Maybe that's how they grew up, watching their mother being hit or yelled at or ignored. These women think is how love is shown. Love equals pain.
And an abuser generally doesn't start off as abusive. They can be very charming and the women feel that if they just do everything perfectly, they can keep their man happy. Of course, that can never be and these women begin to believe it was their fault they were abused. And they're hooked on a fantasy of what their man is really all about. It can take years before they start to hate him.
I haven't been abused, but I've read accounts in the newspapers and magazines, watched movies and talked about these issues. To understand why, think outside the square, use your empathetic skills and do some reading. | |
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| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/15/2009 8:09:38 AM | It has been my opinion that many single moms use the 'abuse card' to explain why they are single. They aren't single because they are imperfect in some way but because the man is flawed.
My eyes glaze over when a women gives me that story when I first meet her. She wants my sympathy and to somehow explain why she is alone.
Men beware - if you date a woman who claim this... she will eventually use that card against you. I'm not saying after a few months of dating she brings this up..but right away? Call the bullshit card. | |
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| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/15/2009 7:25:09 PM |
and/or the "abuse" label is over used or exaggerated.
Having escaped a truly abusive marriage, and having listened to other women talking, I have to say yes the abuse label is overused.
The best definition for true domestic violence I have encountered was "a process of deliberate intimidation to coerce the victim to do the will of the victimizer". The abuser starts with small "innocent" comments like "if you loved me you'd......." "if you didn't do ________, then I wouldn't get so angy." No matter how hard the victim tries, the victimizer is never satisfied; the blame goes on the victim and the victim is conditioned to accept the blame......"it was my fault he got angry, I should have ________________."
Many of the people that claim to be abused because they were hit/beaten once (or one/two occasions) and then left the relationship are really not victims of abuse but rather simple assault. There is an important difference. The assault victim was never a prisoner, never felt the level of terror experienced by the true abuse victim. The victim of assault does not need to rely on "the modern underground railroad" to escape -- many of those who are truly abused do, which is why the locations of the women being aided by the women's shelters are kept secret.
Why do the women who are in trully abusive relationships not leave? Because the abuser has turned them into his psychological prisoner using the same techniques that prison guards use on prisoners of war. Then there is the fact that the majority of women killed by their abusive partners were trying to leave the relationship or had left less than 6 months prior. Women leaving an abusive relationship face a 75% greater risk of injury or death than those who stay. I did the math last year for a college class -- over 1200 women are murdered by their partners each year -- an average of less than 900 soldiers per year have been killed in combat in Iraq and Afghanistan combined.
A truly abusive person is in total control of his/her actions while abusing -- how else can the abuser control who is abused, when the person does the abusing, and where the abuse is inflicted?
If you have never been in a truly abusive relationship, you cannot understand the terror that is involved. Just as someone who has never seen combat can never understand the emotions felt by those who have. Do you judge the soldier weak for suffering from PTSD? Why then do you judge abuse victims weak for having PTSD, for using all energy to survive today rather than trying to fight for tomorrow, for being too terrified to make the decisions you think so easy? (you -- refering to the reader not a specific poster here)
As one abuse victim stated "I thought taking my husband's abuse was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but, I didn't know what hard was until I decided to leave."
Oh, someone here mentioned that the women were having the babies to keep the abusive man around -- it's the other way around -- the men force the women to have babies (by denying access to birth control and, yes, even through rape) to make it harder for the woman to leave (if nothing else through threats of violence to the child if the woman does not obey the man) | |
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| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/15/2009 8:14:57 PM | notfrau,
I absolutely agree with you. Those who have truly been abused know the difference. Generally, it isn't something that is told because it was an emotional experience and the abuse was real. It was worse than simple abuse in that generally it affects everything else after and it does make it hard to find someone to love. Abuse like that is the raping of the soul and while the raping of a body can heal, it takes a long time for the spiritual wounds to get better.
IMHO: Those who play the 'abuse card' make it harder for those women who are truly abused. They are the professional victims. How many women who escape then consider themselves victims? Most become stronger just by the act of leaving. Perhaps since you did the report last year, you would know the stats on this.
I also think that these women, by advertising they were victims of abuse, are hanging a sign on their profiles challenging men to abuse them again. Abusers don't start out abusing... it is a slow process. I'm talking abuse and not a dumbass who would assault you. It's spinning the web of dependancy and then preventing the women from being independant. I've never researched the subject but wonder if it is a calculated sort of thing... a little bit here and a little bit there.
Anyways, great post on this one. | |
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| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/15/2009 9:37:13 PM |
Those who play the 'abuse card' make it harder for those women who are truly abused. They are the professional victims. How many women who escape then consider themselves victims? I agree....the women I know who were trully abused consider themselves to be abuse survivors not abuse victims. (myself and my children included) Those playing the "abuse card" are perpetuating the myth that it's easy to leave an abusive relationship. They are also minimizing the damage done to those who are in a true abusive situation.
I mention it on my profile because of the impact the abuse has on me still today (I had one gentleman comment on the fear he saw on my face just because he got too close to my personal space on a first meeting) Am I challenging men to abuse me again.....no, as I don't really care if I remain single for the rest of my life.
Abusers don't start out abusing... it is a slow process. I'm talking abuse and not a dumbass who would assault you. It's spinning the web of dependancy and then preventing the women from being independant. I've never researched the subject but wonder if it is a calculated sort of thing... a little bit here and a little bit there.
Yes, it is calculated on the part of the abuser....the abuser doesn't start out with the physical or sexual abuse -- he starts with the emotional and the psychological abuse, then adds in the verbal, sexual and physical. Economical abuse is added in sometimes, to make it harder for the women to escape and/or as part of the emotional/psychological abuse.
One of my dv counselors once said that you "cannot even begin to address the phyically or sexually abuse until you've addressed the emotional and psychological abuse." (in terms of counseling the victim that is)
Oh, yeah, by the time I left, I wasn't even capable of cooking a proper/edible meal for the family (his statements, not mine) though I had cooked meals enjoyed by the family for years. I had no say in the family finances, beyond earning my paycheck. Heck, my kids and I had a hard time making decisions for ourselves the first few months.....we had two options prior to that -- obey him or deal with his "temper".
One of the first things I did was cut my hair short -- just because he forbid me to have it shorter than shoulder length. | |
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| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/16/2009 12:51:01 AM | | violence is something popular...in the media...even cartoons promote that kind of behaviour...when you have a son you need to teach them...not to behave in that manner...and little girls need to learn not to accept it | |
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| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/16/2009 1:17:58 PM |
violence is something popular...in the media...even cartoons promote that kind of behaviour
1. Violence has been around a lot longer than the media.
2. Violence in the media is usually (not always though) of the assaultive type - both genders have to be taught not to behave in that manner.
3. Abuse isn't just about physical violence. It IS about control and domination and that is something that is rarely promoted in children's television, movies, and electronic games. | |
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| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/16/2009 2:58:44 PM | I think there was and still is a lack of male role models for our boys(men) to look up to.
Mom has been raising the kids by herself for so many years now, it is common. It should not be common to raise our kids alone. We didn't have them alone; we didn't asexually reproduce thease kids. Dads need to step up to the plate their dad's didn't. Break the cycle. Show their babies that they care about them and see how far that takes them. Learn how to keep their anger in it's correct place. Every couple has it's arguements. Men need to accept the good with the bad and STEP BACK before they loose everything in a quick fit of rage. Is it really worth it? | |
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| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/16/2009 4:27:18 PM | Domestic violence is a pattern of controlling and coercive conduct that serves to deprive victims of safety and autonomy. Perpetrators believe they are entitled to power and control over their partners and perceive all interactions within relationships through a prism of compliance or disobedience. Perpetrators use abusive tactics to reinforce their rules and maintain absolute control over their victims.
Perpetrators come from all races, religions, socioeconomic classes, areas of the world, educational levels and occupations.
They often appear charming and attentive to outsiders, and even to their partners, at first. Many perpetrators are very good at disguising their abusive behavior to appear socially acceptable. Once they develop a relationship with a partner however, they become more and more abusive.
Characteristics
Domestic violence perpetrators:
seek control of the thoughts, beliefs and conduct of their partner.
restrict all of the victim’s rights and freedoms
punish their partner for breaking their rules or challenging the perpetrator’s authority
Men who batter:
minimize the seriousness of their violence
believe they are entitled control their partner
use anger, alcohol/drug use, and stress as excuses for their abusive behaviors
blame the victim for the violence
A batterer covers up his violence by denying, minimizing, and blaming the victim. He often convinces his partner that the abuse is less serious than it is, or that it is her fault. He may tell her that "if only" she had acted differently, he wouldn't have abused her. Sometimes he will say, "You made me do it."
Victims of abuse do not cause violence. The batterer is responsible for every act of abuse committed.
Domestic violence is a learned behavior. It is learned through:
observation.
experience.
culture.
family.
community (peer group, school, etc.).
Abuse is not caused by:
mental illness.
Personality disorders, mental illness, and other problems may compound domestic violence, but the abusive behavior must be addressed separately.
genetics.
alcohol and drugs.
Many men blame their violence on the effects of drug and alcohol use. Alcohol abuse is present in about 50 percent of battering relationships. Research shows that alcohol and other drug abuse is commonly a symptom of an abusive personality, not the cause. Men often blame their intoxication for the abuse, or use it as an excuse to use violence. Regardless, it is an excuse, not a cause. Taking away the alcohol, does not stop the abuse.
Substance abuse must be treated before or in conjunction with domestic violence treatment programs.
out-of-control behavior.
anger.
stress.
behavior of the victim.
problems in the relationship.
A batterer abuses because he wants to, and thinks he has a "right" to his behavior. He may think he is superior to his partner and is entitled to use whatever means necessary to control her.
Some ways batterers deny and minimize their violence:
"I hit the wall, not her head."
"She bruises easily."
"She just fell down the steps."
"Her face got in the way of my fist."
Characteristics of a Potential Batterer
Jealousy
Controlling behavior
Quick involvement
Unrealistic expectations
Isolation of victim
Blames others for his problems
Blames others for his feelings
Hypersensitivity
Cruelty to animals or children
"Playful" use of force during sex
Verbal abuse
Rigid sex roles
Jekyll and Hyde type personality
History of past battering
Threats of violence
Breaking or striking objects
Any force during an argument
Objectification of women
Tight control over finances
Minimization of the violence
Manipulation through guilt
Extreme highs and lows
Expects her to follow his orders
Frightening rage
Use of physical force
Closed mindedness
Manipulation
Abusers often try to manipulate the "system" by:
Threatening to call Child Protective Services or the Department of Human Resources and making actual reports that his partner neglects or abuses the children.
Changing lawyers and delaying court hearings to increase his partner's financial hardship.
Telling everyone (friends, family, police, etc.) that she is "crazy" and making things up.
Using the threat of prosecution to get her to return to him.
Telling police she hit him, too.
Giving false information about the criminal justice system to confuse his partner or prevent her from acting on her own behalf.
Using children as leverage to get and control his victim.
Abusers may try to manipulate their partners, especially after a violent episode.
He may try to "win" her back in some of these ways:
Invoking sympathy from her, her family and friends.
Talking about his "difficult childhood".
Becoming overly charming, reminding her of the good times they've had.
Bringing romantic gifts, flowers, dinner.
Crying, begging for forgiveness.
Promising it will "never happen again."
Promising to get counseling, to change. | |
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