|
|
|
|
|
| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/19/2009 8:13:26 AM | Wow - not a socialist and not a feminist here. Just a warm blooded, Capitalistic woman.
Truth is that women play the abuse card too often. I wish it wasn't that way but it is. Nobody will ever convince me that the majority of the men in America are beating their wives. The problem is the abuse card, just as the race card in American politics now, has been overplayed too much and it doesn't mean anything anymore.
There is too much exposure to this and the true victims now, are just charicatures (sp?) of public opinion. I watched my brother's ex scream at him, poke him in the chest and tell him, 'hit me, hit me, hit me' so she could have an excuse to leave, with his daughter and have a fast track to custody. When she finally lost custody and was granted only supervised visitation, she continued to tell everyone she knew that my brother abused her. She uses that abuse card to get soft-hearted men to give her a pass on her lack of education, skills, things, etc. Pathetic. | |
|
| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/19/2009 8:36:15 AM | notfrau, what you went through is YOUR own experience, stop making it out to be the way they ALL happen. Your telling women that your experience is how they all are, when infact, you know that's not true. This is why women need to be taught that it's not OK to stay and accept his garbage behaviour.
And forgive me for my bluntness... but if it's so damn hard to get out of an abusive relationship, then why the hell would you stay at the very first sign? Why would you have kids with an abuser?
No, I've never experienced an abusive relationship. Why? Because I never stuck around long enough to find out.
Truth is that women play the abuse card too often. I wish it wasn't that way but it is. Nobody will ever convince me that the majority of the men in America are beating their wives.
Me either. Woman hold this power of playing the "oh poor little defenseless me" role WAY to easily. All it does is deminish the women who really ARE being abused. | |
|
| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/19/2009 9:20:35 AM | BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT YOU WOMEN WANT.
I cannot count how many guys besides myself have treated women like royalty only to be dumped for a guy who'll cave their head in any time they please. And its not big huge muscle bound men beating them silly, its little dorks doing most of it.
You all claim you want "GOOD MEN" but kinda funny how when one writes you, you brush them off. I've been on this website for a few months now. Had a few replies, but considering what I offered women, you'd think they'd be busting down the door to get in, but no, they see the DONT SMOKE, DONT DRINK, DONT DO DRUGS thing, and delete my letters. And I'm not the only one, there are countless forum topics from guys (many of whom look like male models) who have had the same experiences.
You women WANT a guy who'll cheat on you, beat you to near death, beat your children.
I see the same old story just aboutevery week on 48 Hous Mystery. Girl meets successful man and he is good to her, and what happens? She cheats on him.
Just about every week it is the same story. And I mean many of the men are multi-millionaires, men who are good to their wives, but what happens? The women cheat on them. | |
|
| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/19/2009 9:59:25 AM | Pirate, I just checked your profile. You have on there that you have a 'few extra pounds' and one can see that by your face pic. But you don't have a body pic. There are some women who love men who are solid - which would be considered a few extra to some- but not fat. You have music and camping as a hobby and not much else. The fact that you won't have a picture of yourself up makes some of us a little nervous. Then I have to ask, what are the ages of the women you are emailing and what are their hobbies? Perhaps if you would add a little more to your profile, you would get more of a response.
That said, do I detect a little bit of bitterness??? There are many good men and women out there, they just aren't good for each other. It isn't the quantity of the women writing you but the quality once she does. I would rather only have one really serious response and feel he could be the one than a hundred men who aren't.
Women want the same in a partner that men do. We want someone who fits us. Some men/women do want trophies but not all.
ohhh, and one last thing : pictures lie. can't tell you the times I have met someone and the picture is old. | |
|
| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/19/2009 10:04:24 AM | Futureshock:
Interesting post. I actually read it all.
There is a huge cycle of abuse being discussed, in its many definitions, going on in the forums, and out in society today. We have more victims today, than we ever did, some real and some imagined. Much leads up to the actual act of physical violence.
Mentally ill: that is a place to not go if it has never been experienced, and that includes all addictions: food, alcohol, drugs, drama. These are most often fueled by a personality disorder, which the psychological community is learning about in leaps and bounds ona daily basis. And it all leeches out into our society like a cancer. That is a place that can not be understood by normal thinking people. In these scenarios: it takes the abuser, be it emotional/phycological, and or physical, and the enabler. Most will not admit to any of this.
The key to all of this in breaking the cycle is being aware of who we are, and what we want, and to stand for nothing less. It is commonly referred to self confidence and self esteem. Having and recognizing and emotional IQ equal to ones age, is also extremely helpful.
With some postings that I read in the forums, I find myself checking the age of the poster, because the posting appears to be written by a 17 year old, instead of say a 31 year old, as stated on the profile.
It all boils down to teaching our children and or learning as adults about accountability and responsibility, and those are two character traits that we see less and less of these days.
The psychological warfare that goes on these days is amazing, and you see it everywhere, and sometimes it comes out in physical violence.
There are some incredible stories on this post, and I feel for many. My hope is that many will own up to their part, stop with the drama, and move forward knowing who they are, what their needs are, and then choose to be in a relationship based on what they need. One can hope, eh?
T. | |
|
| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/19/2009 9:24:14 PM | As a single mother do you know what Capitalist would mean for a single unwed mother if there had not been social reformists??? I would venture and say you love consumerism and materialism two aspects of Capitalism.
This is why people should study history. With a Capitalist Society there are no safety nets. It is an economic system in which investment in and ownership of the means of production, distribution, and exchange of wealth is made and maintained chiefly by private individuals or corporations. The resources are in the hands of the few (and typically men) Laisez-faires is an important part of capitalism it means that there should be no government interference in economic affairs.
Not even a 100 yrs ago women did not have the right to vote, we were excluded from the workforce. Women were exiled to low paying jobs. 100 yrs is a short period of time. We were not human beings we were property. It was not until the Second World War when there was a shortage of men that women were begged to come to work in factories jobs they had been excluded from because women were inferior to men.
If you look at the history of capitalism you will see exploitation of the weak and vulnerable. Living standards were so deplorable that people started protesting. And social reformists started lobbying the government.
So yes lets as women continue to take for granted what other women protested for, some did hunger protests, some were willing to take public humiliation. Emily Wilding Davidson threw herself under the kings horse at the derby of 1913 just to get the right to vote! Can you imagine? I've actually seen video of that. She was willing to die to get her vote and be considered a human being. Now lets say all these social reforms hadn't taken place. Lets say all these ball-bearing women hadn't worked their butts off to make advances for women.
Now lets say you get pregnant at 16. The local high school kicks you out because they don't want you setting a bad example to the other girls. So as a high school drop out with a baby what do you think ur odds are going to be for advancement in a capitalist society. Tell me what job opportunities do you think you would have? Tell me how are u going to better yourself in that kind of environment so you can provide a better life for you and your child?
There is no government subsidy for day-care, there is no family allowance, no affordable housing because there are no social programs. There is no funding for you to go to university. There are no food stamps, there is no state subsidy to buy formula. Don't forget women were excluded from higher learning. I know if it hadn't been for these women (who were usually the ones pushing social reform) because they saw the negative consequences of a capitalist society my situation as a single mother would not be so cozy. (I don't use any of these programs as I'm an older single mother). But I know in Canada there is money available to single moms that there wouldn't have been 60-40yrs ago.
These social reformers (men & women) pushed for programs that unfortunately a lot of single mothers take for granted were not there for them. Can you imagine not having opportunities because you were a woman. Can you imagine how hard it would be for you to feed your child??? Its a pretty bleak picture. So the capitalist system is one that has been modified. | |
|
| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/19/2009 9:39:29 PM |
She uses that abuse card to get soft-hearted men to give her a pass on her lack of education, skills, things, etc. Pathetic.
This information I got is from a book and I want to clarify some of the issues on abuse. The book is "A World Full of Women" by Martha C. Ward an Anthropology teacher at the University of New Orleans.
First thing people do violence because they can. We are a society that tolerates violence.
Definition of wife beating - as a man deliberately inflicting physical pain on a woman within a male-femal relationship/partnership.
Wife battering - includes the possibility of severe injuries, maining and death.
In some societies violence and mistreatment of women are extremely rare and in others it is a daily and predictable occurance. Worldwide the worst crimes wives commit are disobedience and insubordination. Now when women are economically independent or contribute substantially to subsistence and household economies, they are beaten less. The most critical factor in wife abuse is social isolation.
Here are some precentages of women reporting physical abuse by a male partner during 1986-1993
Japan - 59%
Kenya - 42%
Canada - 27-36%
USA - 28%
Netherlands - 21%
Now also have to realize that most domestic abuse is never reported.
I won't even go into the practice of clitoridectomy because I do not think most of us westerners could stomach that practice.
and coloradostarlight where do you think your brother's ex's learned this abuse? do you think it just magically appeared or because she had been exposed to it as a child?
If we are going to see a real reduction in violence/abuse in the home it will only be because as a society we have said its unacceptable to abuse your SO & children. | |
|
| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/19/2009 10:06:33 PM |
If we are going to see a real reduction in violence/abuse in the home it will only be because as a society we have said its unacceptable to abuse your SO & children.
Good to see you Jenn!
I have to disagree with you here. It changes in the home and/or the individual first. NOT society. That is completely unrealistic.
And counseling for the victims and their children are essential. Most forget about the children. It is an incredibly sad state of affairs how most folk forget about the children, and only concentrate on the abused. The cycle can be broken. And this goes for all forms of abuse.
You don't go to clitoridectomy and I won't go into obese children. Deal? Both are devastating, as is all abuse, and their effects are gifts that keep giving, and giving generation after generation.
We as individuals have to say, enough is enough. | |
|
| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/19/2009 10:27:43 PM |
I have to disagree with you here. It changes in the home and/or the individual first. NOT society. That is completely unrealistic.
Actually, I think you're being completely unrealistic... abusers feel justified in their behavior to the point where their paranoid fantasies become their own reality. It's not like a man who abuses will suddenly think "You know what, I'm being a complete A-hole here. I'm beating on women and children because I have anger problems and don't know how to function correctly as a person. I need help". Often times, when the victim is the one trying to stop the violence it escalates or the attention of the abuser turns to an easier target like the children.
It takes society to say "Back the f*ck up here buddy. It's wrong, and you need to be stopped". There should be zero tolerance for any sort of violence. And people need to start lobbying for longer, harsher sentences for domestic violence before it escalates to manslaughter/murder. Abusers keep doing it because they keep getting away with it. And the responsibility to put a stop to it should not have to be shouldered by those too weak to handle it... whether it's physically or emotionally.
While I agree with you that there needs to be more focus on the children, you don't seem to understand that in practically every single case, the children are being subjected to the same as the "abused"... and the witnessing of violence IS abuse. For those cases where the children are not being subjected to the same forms of abuse, many times it's because the children have been groomed to take part in violence against the targetted parent. .
And before anyone tries to derail what I've just said by claiming sexism, crying "but women do it too!" instead of actually commenting on what I've said ... yeah, I know that women do it too, and the same thing applies. | |
|
| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/19/2009 11:51:36 PM | Notatowiegirl"
Please read what I wrote: It changes in the home first. First. Do you have any idea of what would continue to go on while people waited for society and zero tolerance to become effective? It boggles my mind to think, that anyone in an abusive situation would even consider waiting until the local society is equipped to handle abuse. This goes for men and women.
I know exactly of what I am talking about and I am completely realistic.
An Abuser will NEVER ask for help. And I NEVER said that. That is a ludicrous notion. We are in agreement there. We are also in agreement with this:
Often times, when the victim is the one trying to stop the violence it escalates or the attention of the abuser turns to an easier target like the children. This is the most challenging of all situations, which is why close friends and family are the only ones who should try and help. When strangers intervene, it can set an abuse off on a cycle that can last for months.
And:
While I agree with you that there needs to be more focus on the children, you don't seem to understand that in practically every single case, the children are being subjected to the same as the "abused"... and the witnessing of violence IS abuse. For those cases where the children are not being subjected to the same forms of abuse, many times it's because the children have been groomed to take part in violence against the targetted parent.
I don't understand what you are saying. I think we are in complete agreement. I am in agreement with the different forms of abuse children go through, and witnessing abuse is abuse. Therefore, this needs to be addressed and the children need to be counseled. I think when society gets their hands in, it is more often that the children and their issues are not addressed. Children are taught early on how to move about the world, and the best way to stay safe in an abusive home. Most often these children are considered extremely mature for their age, when they are actually quite immature but have excellent survival skills. The two are often confused.
Let me spell it out more clearly: If you are aware of abuse, then do something about it. If, for you, it takes lobbying, then great, but that is of little solace for an abused family, or an abusive situation, who needs attention now. People in abusive situations are masters of manipulation: it is how they make it through another day. Its a survival skillset. It takes people with balls to stand up and become involved. And to do it in such a manner that the abuser, catches on later rather than sooner, in order to avoid backlash.
And agreed: This applies to both sexes. I do feel however, men are lacking more, in the extremely limited resources available today. How many male safehouses are there? Don't know...
T. | |
|
| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/20/2009 7:37:56 AM | Tak,
I understood what you were conveying in your text and I agree with you. The cycle has to broken from within the family. In the case of our family, my brother moved in with me. It was easier for me to document and tape everything because I was outside the situation. I was also a woman so could physically intervene.
It is as I tell my son, 'My father never laid a hand on my mother and I'll be damned if a man ever hits me. " The harshest name my dad ever called my mom that I could remember was a 'battle-ax' and then he felt so bad a few hours later that he bought mom flowers and sat us down and apologized to her in front of us, 'there is never an excuse for losing your temper to someone you love. you are always in the wrong when that happens.'
Anyways, I'm rambling. I get what you are saying Tak. It is that way in our family. One last thing, what ticks me off is the double standard that come from this issue with the feminists. They only see abuse from man to woman and not the other way around. It is 'acceptable' in jokes for a man to be hit with a frying pan and 'acceptable' for a man to be murdered by his 'victim' spouse. An abusive women is considered 'spirited' and 'hot-tempered'...
IMHO: It is no wonder that men are concerned about commitment. All the wild cards are in the woman's deck. He works 50 hours a week to provide for his children only to have that used against him when he tries to get custody. Then, when that isn't enough, the next wild card is the abuse card. If that doesn't work and he has a little girl, he is labeled a pediphile. Life isn't fair when you have society give a pass to one sex over the other. | |
|
| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/20/2009 7:51:19 AM | Jenn,
Where do I begin. Thankfully, we are a JudeaoChristian country where beating your wife is not acceptable We are also Americans and have always tried hard to do the right thing and to think for ourselves. It is counter-intuitive and man-hating to assume that men don't love their little girls. So what man would raise his little girl and love her and then give permission to her husband to beat her?
Where did his ex learn it? Fine history of mental illness. Her mother exposed her to it while she was on the run from the law and a fugitive. They lived in motels and did whatever she could to make ends meet. Her brother knew who his father was but she didn't know hers. So when the courts gave custody of the brother to his dad and placed her in foster care, she took him. Then, when she was arrested, she stabbed a corrections officer. Then she took these kids away.
We are breaking the cycle with my niece.
But on top of that, we have all known bullies. It isn't always the parents fault if the kids turn out to be abusers. That is an unfair notion. Mental illness plays a role and lack of inhibition control.
I would rather live here and be a woman than in any other country of the world except maybe Israel and Japan. We have unprecendented rights and are free to do with our life, what we want. This means, we have the responsibility to get away from abusers or to fail if we make bad choices. It is not up to someone else but up to us. | |
|
| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/20/2009 8:03:40 AM | Jenn - regarding your rant on how powerless women are against mean Capitalist society.... welfare mom, perhaps?
So you feel that if a girl gets pregnant, due to her own choices, society should pay for that child for the rest of its life? Are you nuts? That was a choice you made. So I should use my taxes to pay for food stamps and Medicaid and child care and schooling for you? You made that choice. The sad thing about a Capitalistic society is choices have consequences. Perhaps had you been taught responsibility early on, you wouldn't be looking for a handout. Money doesn't grow on trees and what is unfair, is taking money from men/women who work hard to support their own families and giving it to someone who makes bad choices.
I was ticked a few weeks back when I found that Stimulus money was going to NYState to give welfare kids $200 each to buy school supplies. I pay taxes and while I don't pay much, I pay them. This year, I cut back on spending for my son. Taxes still go out. I paid for 12 kids to get school supplies when my own son went without. Nice system, huh? Want to know the kicker??? Much of that money went to video games and booze and big screen tvs. Imagine the money you are getting every month in handouts... then ask your friends who work, how much they pay in taxes - and figure out how many hours your friends are working to support you while you sit home and complain about how unfair our society it. Go to Canada if you are unhappy here. But let me tell you a secret - you won't get in. They won't take you if you can't contribute.
I would rather live in a tent and know my son has a chance in life... that with hard work and studying, he has an option of moving up. My life might suck but at least he has the ability to become more than me. Not so in any other society on this Earth. In most societies, where you are born is where you spend the rest of your life. this is especially true in the Communistic form of government you are wishing for. Gd helps us all if you get your wish.
Ohhh, and that spiel about where we were a hundred years ago... our society, while not perfect, allows us to try to get a more perfect union. We have changed things that needed redress but when a society gives more in handouts/entitlements than people working, that society will fail. What happens when those who truly need help, like the disabled or elderly, can no longer get it because single mom are on welfare and young men are too busy smoking dope to get a job. We are reaching that point now. We have record deficits and if you feel communism or statism is better, think again.
Do the math. I make an average, middle class salary. I pay about $2600 a year in taxes. How many of me will it take to pay for a single mother on Medicaid to have her child? How many of me does it take to pay for housing for that welfare mother? Even the cheapest child care is $150 a week, how many of me has to pay to watch your child? What about school???? I have student loans I am still paying off... why should you get your education free for a bad choice when I made the right one and am still paying for my loans? My school was $15,000 a year, how many of me now would pay for a single year with my taxes?
Add it all up and you'll see it takes a village of tax payers to raise one welfare child and support her mother who made that wrong choice. I seldom agree with Obama but I did agree with him when he said his daughter shouldn't be punished for one wrong choice. You made that choice and knew before you had sex, whether you are for abortion, adoption or pro-life. At what point do we, as a society say, enough is enough.
Let me fill you in on something: I spent many times growing up homeless and living in a tent city. My dad never took welfare but made us read. There was never an excuse to be ignorant (libraries are free), dirty (public restrooms are available) or hungry (many people will help, even if it is just rice - if they know you are trying to help yourself). The dirty secret about handouts is it is just enough to survive but not enough to get ahead. It is a way to keep people silent and on a new form of plantation. | |
|
| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/20/2009 8:28:50 AM | Ok, I have just had an epiphany of sorts (or I need some caffeine...lol).
What if.....
It is nothing more than two genders trying to develop new roles in relationships with each other? Women wanting to be treated equally by men but really not knowing for themselves yet what exactly that means....and Men wanting women to return to the roles that gave the man so much more power over women? | |
|
| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/20/2009 8:32:16 AM | why are so many men abusive. hmmm well everything has been said thats needed to be said i guess. key points women accept it, the men these women choose are pathetic, its not just women being abused i think its half and half if not more towards the guys side (im sorry guys are even less inclined to report abuse than women) but in all honestly i think if ur gonna stay in an abusive relationship u deserve ur treatment. its the same as a heroine addict saying they want to stop so they can be with their family but wont do anything about it. yes this shit is hard but the only way to be stronger is by taking the action yourself. as far as abusers go i have nothing for them. the definition for abuse is pretty vague so i cant say im not guilty of it. i have never laid a hand on any female other than my daughters butt when she wont mind. and emotional or psychological damage im even less sure on what that even means. it could be considered i gave my ex wife psychological damage because i left her and took my kids because i couldnt agree with her sleeping around on me. so yeah maybe im guilty of that. overall i agree that the abuse card is overused by women and somewhat underused by men (although i completely understand why and i have to say id be the same way about it) if women want men to stop being abusive first key: STOP HAVING THEIR KIDS second key stop letting it be acceptable behavior for a person to abuse another person regardless of the situation. (ie kids poking fun at other kids moms screaming at dads fathers hitting there wifes or gfs kids screaming at their parents) its a big list of stuff to be looking for but if u want this world to be a better place u gotta fix the wrongs where you see them. and yes its gonna cost alot even maybe ur life at some point.
"we should all fear evil men, but theres is another evil which we should fear most. And that is the INDIFFERENCE of good men." - priest in Boondock Saints | |
|
| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/20/2009 9:20:33 AM | itallinthesoul:
It is nothing more than two genders trying to develop new roles in relationships with each other? Women wanting to be treated equally by men but really not knowing for themselves yet what exactly that means....and Men wanting women to return to the roles that gave the man so much more power over women?
I am on coffee cup number two...and I sooo wanted your statement to work...but...its not!! lolol...I see what your saying and possibly in a few situations it would work.
I don't think it has to do with women being treated equally at all. Abuse exists in every socioeconomic level in society. So does low self esteem and self confidence.
The minute a partner in a relationship feels the need to start 'convincing' or 'talking to' the other partner, trying to 'explain' that they are worthy, or need to be understood, some form of abuse is going to start soon. When in all honesty, this is just not a compatible relationship. Counseling or the ending of a relationship should be the only options depending on the length of the relationship. People need to understand regardless of who, what and where they are, their words count. And they need to choose partners accordingly.
I don't think it has to do with feminism, equality of the sexes, or socioeconomic issues.
Once an abuse victim is out of said relationship, the healthy move it to go into effective counseling, with children if there are any, so that they may understand, what their role was in the situation, identify it and learn.
T. | |
|
| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/20/2009 9:32:46 AM |
Jenn - regarding your rant on how powerless women are against mean Capitalist society.... welfare mom, perhaps?
LMAO. Maybe you missed the part where I said I never used any of those programs or that I have my BA (5 yrs of University) or anything of importance in my argument. So you know what you are a true capitalist. You only want to see what you want. You forget that the US founding fathers that brought capitalism with them also brought slavery.
I work 50 hours a week. I make 2500-3000 a month. I make more then min wage double. I live very comfortably and on no ones assistance but my own motivation and drive. My child does not go without. I do not recieve any kind of assistance. I work very hard to provide for myself and my daughter. I do not recieve child support. I have never been a welfare mom. But I for one would rather my tax dollars going to help a woman in need with bettering herself then to killing people. Just because I'm a socialist and care about the sufferings of those who are less fortunate doesn't make me a welfare mom.
You would think men would love their daughters but unfortunately it is not always the case. Look how the US exploits women sexually? Biggest industry in the US pornography. Women have bought into this beauty myth where fashion magazines tell them they have to look a certain way.
I never once said it was okay for a woman to beat a man. Where did I say that. You are making assumptions about feminist that are ungrounded. I said violence on any level should be unacceptable.
Do you realize how much US tax dollars are spent on having ur military? The US could solve world hunger twice.
You keep buying into your empty capitalist dream. You totally missed my argument the reason we (women) have so many rights about our bodies is because women have FOUGHT to achieve those rights. We did not have these rights to begin with. You act as if these rights are something women always had. No that isn't the case. And as jobs continue to be outsourced to 3rd world countries where labor is much cheaper and the opportunities for social advancement become smaller and smaller well see how much you love capitalism then.
Oh and the US has the highest infant mortality rate out of any industrial country. You also have the highest level of crime per capita and you also have the highest level of poverty in any other industrialized nation. What does that say about the US. I'm so glad I AM A CANADIAN.  | |
|
| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/20/2009 10:09:35 AM | Jenn - regarding your rant on how powerless women are against mean Capitalist society.... welfare mom, perhaps?
 You picked the wrong woman there buddy!
Why is it that when someone is a socialist at heart, they are often painted as someone who needs socialism to survive? ~scratches head~
Jenn, I am similar in my views as you are when it comes to values that societies should have for the overall (forest) benefit of everyone (trees). Capitalists do seem more concerned with the trees (their own interests) than those of their neighbours (forest).
Takmeaziam, I hear you...more caffeine in my system now. When one sits back and views the dynamics, not only in these forums but in the "real world", between men and women one thing does shine through for me. Neither knows the other very well in terms of what we need/want/expect of the other.
Do people listen to what other's have to say and can they accept that is who the other person is without applying their own personality to the situation? My SO and I are different but we share values so there is a common ground to build upon. There are times when I just don't "get" his way of looking at something and times it seems he doesn't really "get" my way of looking at something. Still we accept that is the perception of the other...we are not trying to change each other.
I hear both genders complaining about the other gender and much of their complaints seem to be traceable to "he/she is not like me"......
I do think that women in general are frustrated by some men who don't appreciate or recognize that we have the same rights they do. Perhaps that is why so often women cry "abuse". I know in my own life, I have battled sexism and gender stereotyping and have learned that I can't change another person's perspective. Even when proven wrong by actions, some will cling to their beliefs and cry "exception to the rule".
I've been called horrible names and criticized in some of my relationships by partners but I also gave back as good as I was getting so if he was an abuser, then so was I in the context of that particular relationship. I do believe that aside from actual physical abuse, a lot of abuse is not really abuse at all...it is two people that simply do not compliment each other and have no business trying to make a relationship work.
Compatibility is a tall order to fill if someone cares more about their needs than the needs of anyone else. The cry of abuse is often I think little more than a complaint that the man/woman they loved didn't meet their needs.
As one poster said earlier in this thread, real abuse is vastly different. Anyone who has been through or known someone who has been abused can easily see the difference between having one person use threats to control your every waking moment and your perceptions and someone who is simply not a good match. The recovery from real abuse is not overnight...survivors have real trust issues that they have to overcome before they can begin seeking out a new partner. Some of the women that have cried abuse on this forum seem to jump from one fvcked up relationship to another....there is abuse there alright but it is purely self-inflicted. | |
|
| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/20/2009 11:54:18 AM | Jen, Canadian, huh? Why then, are you even making a comment about MY Country. It is easy for you to tell me how MY taxes should be used because you don't pay into MY system.
My military has kept your country safe for a very long time. You guys don't have to have a military because you know Big Brother, down south, will take care of your interestes too.
You have NO reason to criticize my country. We have freed more people in this world and fed more people in this world than your country. I love Canada because my roots are French-Canadian and I am close to my Canadian relatives. But, But they come down here when they are really sick. The have homes in Florida and businesses down here because those same things up there, are a beaurocratic nightmare. My ex-fiance owns a business in Alberta and believe me, while he loves his country, he much prefers our system down here.
I AM GLAD YOU ARE A CANADIAN. I do not want any more Communisist, Socialists, Marxist down here than we already have. America is not Canada, it is not England and thankfully, it is not Saudi Arabia. IF CANADA IS SO GREAT, Why are the people of QUEBEC trying to LEAVE IT???????
ONE last news flash: Whether you choose to admit it or not - we are in a cultural war with Islamic fundamentalists. Pretending it doesn't exist and kvetching about MY COUNTRY'S defenses that are there to protect your BUTT doesn't make the situation go away. You, my dear, are clueless but then again, you aren't an American. You wouldn't understand what being an American means.
Oh, BTW: I know from experience that $2500 to $3000 isn't much up there. You have higher energy costs, higher food costs, higher taxes to pay for socialized medicine and your social network and you make this amount with OT? Wow, and I thought we had it bad down here. Perhaps you should lobby your government for a cut in energy prices and taxes and pray to Gd your country doesn't ever actually have to fight a war without the US's help. | |
|
| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/20/2009 1:58:49 PM | Jen, Canadian, huh? Why then, are you even making a comment about MY Country
That's unfair, Americans feel the need to involve themselves in internal politics of many nations
My military has kept your country safe for a very long time. You guys don't have to have a military because you know Big Brother, down south, will take care of your interestes too.
Canada is a safer place because it does not threaten to damage other national interests. More diplomacy than world domination.
We have freed more people in this world and fed more people in this world than your country
America, the wealthiest of the western industrial nations, is unable to feed it's own poor never mind the poor of the third world. When you talk "freedom" others would talk of "strangulation"
I do not want any more Communisist, Socialists, Marxist down here than we already have
So much for the "land of the Free"
it is not Saudi Arabia
Well actually, the financial clout of Saudi Arabia, the nation that spawns most of the anti American terrorist organisations throughout the world, including Ben Laden, is so powerful in your country that it probably has all the power. That frightens me for sure. | |
|
| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/20/2009 2:00:09 PM |
What if.....It is nothing more than two genders trying to develop new roles in relationships with each other? Women wanting to be treated equally by men but really not knowing for themselves yet what exactly that means....and Men wanting women to return to the roles that gave the man so much more power over women
I agree with Takemeaziam. Abuse/violence towards women isn't about developing new roles in relationships. It's about power and control. Some men might want women to return to the days of yore and some women might want that as well, but abuse is abuse. You can have an agreed power relationship; it doesn't have to be enforced. In fact, if it's enforced, it's far less effective. | |
|
| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/20/2009 2:52:30 PM |
Why then, are you even making a comment about MY Country. It is easy for you to tell me how MY taxes should be used because you don't pay into MY system.
That is RICH coming from an American. Canadians and other nations generally end up going in and cleaning up the mess from Americans sticking their noses in other countries business...... Afganistan for one.....our men/women wouldn't be dying if your President hadn't completely destabilized that entire region. He could have taken out Bin Laden and his boys with minimal fuss and muss but that is not what he did. Thank GOD our PM didn't support what has happened in IRAQ....btw, where are those weapons of mass destruction, hmmmm? There is a holy war underway no doubt but who exactly started it?
Canadians know far more about the US in general than the Americans knows about Canada. Can you tell me what the national capital of my country is without googling it? The "ignorance" of some Americans about my country is unbelievable. You buy into your propaganda...can you think for yourself?
We have freed more people in this world and fed more people in this world than your country.
Did the US government ever ask the people they "freed" if they wanted to be freed or did they shove their ideologies down the throats of those people they believe are inferior to them. Our country gives billions/year for humanitarian aid. Do you really want to start comparing numbers?
Why are the people of QUEBEC trying to LEAVE IT???????
Ask a separtist that question..... Since you seem to know jack-shit about the history of my country, I'm not going to bother to educate you. Read up on Canadian history if you want to understand. I don't think you do though......
Whether you choose to admit it or not - we are in a cultural war with Islamic fundamentalists.
You are in a cultural war of YOUR OWN MAKING!!!!!!!!!! Who funded Bin Laden in Afganistan....do you know? Your government did when the Soviets were involved in Afganistan. Who gave Bin Laden and his boys their military training? Oh that would be the almighty U.S. of A. Why do you think Muslims are declaring holy war against your country? If you can't figure it out, then you are just like every other "I'm better than you" american I've met. Here is a hint....people usually go on the attack when they feel threatened............ In Canada, we SEPARATE church from state.
MY COUNTRY'S defenses that are there to protect your BUTT
Oh please don't kid yourself.....your defenses are there to protect your own interests, not our butts. Canada is not out in the world making enemies at the rate that the US government does......we don't NEED your protection. You want our borders protected from people slipping through them bent on hurting YOUR country because of the actions of YOUR goverment. When was the last terrorist attack in my country? FLQ in the 70's........google it, you might find the answer to the other question you asked.
I know from experience that $2500 to $3000 isn't much up there.
Then you don't know much......depending on where one lives, $3K per month is plenty to live on, especially when you are not forking over money for medical visits.
pray to Gd your country doesn't ever actually have to fight a war without the US's help.
When have we ever had to in the history of mankind? NEVER!
Canada entered WWII before the Americans. I guess you don't really understand Canadians. We are different from Americans. We don't have to show our love for our way of life so blatantly. We have the reputation internationally as peacekeepers, not shit disturbers. IF Canada ever had to go to war, you can bet your last dollar that we wouldn't NEED the US, if our way of life was threatened, Canadians would fight to their dying breath to protect it. We are just not as "in your face" about it as you are "cousin" and we aren't parading around the world telling everyone we are the greatest nation on Earth. We are simply not that arrogant.
Note: I love the US and I find the history of the US fascinating. I understand why Americans feel the pride they do in their country and to a degree I admire it. What I take offense to is the kind of bs that particular poster spewed.....
That poster obviously loves BUSH and his kind.......glad that MOST Americans did not vote for another BUSH but took a different path. | |
|
| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/20/2009 3:08:03 PM | Look how defensive someone gets about me making comments about the good old US. Wow. Take it easy. Can we say Republican???
It is funny that you call me a welfare mom I'm still kind of chuckling over that one. Maybe $2500-3000 a month isn't much but I get to be a stay at home mom with my daughter. So that in itself is priceless to me. Yes I could make more money but my daughter is 19 months old and I do not want to put her into daycare. And I'm above the poverty level.
My dad is french-canadian... so that's where you get ur stubborn (head-up-the-@$$ syndrome from) I have it too. And quebec has some of the best social programs the best day-care in all of Canada. Now I did 5 yrs at a University yes in Canada but my favorite teacher was an American prof from the US. He had been to the vietnam war. Awesome guy his classrooms were always packed solid. I have done yrs of research.
So what because ur an American u know more then I do. Yes you live there but you know what hun I could get a job teaching in the states in the public schools scarey thought eh? having a socialist like me not a communist there's a difference and I'm sorry I don't have the time to explain it right now. But if you want I will later.
So 5 yrs taking American History courses, American Politics, American Literature. You know what instead of buying into mainstream society maybe try doing some research for yourself.
Canada doesn't have an army? How dare you say that. Canadian soliders are dying in Afg. right now. 90+ up to date. So how dare you! Plus Canadian soliders went into WWII before the US did. We were dying trying to protect freedom while the US played the ISOLATION CARD. So you know what keep arguing with me??? And I'm getting my 50K advance soon from my novel? So still think I can only afford rags for my child???
And you know what I had my socialist views before becoming a mother. Because it would saddens me when a child grows up in poverty and goes hungry. That is the one thing in life we have absolutely no control over-- who are parents are. And hun if ur so fabolous why are you a single mom. And Alberta -- most of those people are conservatives and a lot of them were originally in the States with the westward expansion.
I don't get paid OT. I work from home. I have 3 jobs. Data entry for the legal software company that I was working for in Vancouver that didn't want to lose me as an employee when I got pregnant. 2nd job piano lessons I can make more money if I add more kids. My 3rd job is book-keeping which I'm just starting.
You know what the comment about canadians not being able to hold there own at war is ignorant. That was a low shot and disguisting. And shameful to anyone in military service in Canada past & present. You know never have I wanted to call someone a name in a post more for that comment. But I will bite my tongue. Because I am canadian and I hold myself to a higher standard.
Hey lady important history fact for ya.... why is the American White House white? Because when Canadians torched it they had to paint it white to cover up the damage caused by the fire. 
I love american history & politics its fasinating thats why I studied it for 5 yrs. And I'm so glad that America got it right this time with voting.... everytime they elect a Republican the $h!t hits the fan. | |
|
| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/20/2009 3:31:14 PM | coloradostarlight I take the time to spell out your name I spell jenn with 2 ns. I just wanted to add when Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans I went down to my local Safeway Branch and donated $200 to Red Cross at the time I was going to school and working part-time and that was more then what I spent on groceries. The local safeway branch was willing to double any donation.
So I didn't really have the money meanwhile the Bush administration DID NOTHING! People were dying from being exposed to the elements. Where was ur government? where was the help? oh that's right Americans don't help the poor. But this Canadian did even though it was a small gesture it was all I could do at the time.
Also when 9/11 happened Canadians crossed the border to help. We made donnations our firemen/police went across the border.
And who says I don't lobby my own government??? | |
|
| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/20/2009 7:25:12 PM | Reply to Jan3181
Bare in mind that Americans have access to a very small percentage of the World Wide Web. As a result, they see American problems and American issues as world priorities. New Orleans, as bad as it was, pales into insignificance against the flood damage inflicted on countries such as Bangladesh by the phenomena of global warming. | |
|
|
| Page 5 of 7
|
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
|
Home
login 
