|
|
|
|
|
Papay
|
Joined: 9/11/2009
Msg: 126 | |
| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/20/2009 7:29:06 PM | For all of the same reasons that there are so many abusive women... women that abuse men... and women that abuse children in the name of "righteousness". It's still abuse and the reasons, no matter what they are, are wrong.
Men who abuse are wrong. Women that abuse are wrong. Period. Amen.
Cheers ~ Dwight, MD | |
|
| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/20/2009 8:01:58 PM |
I just wanted to add when Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans I went down to my local Safeway Branch and donated $200 to Red Cross at the time I was going to school and working part-time and that was more then what I spent on groceries. The local safeway branch was willing to double any donation.
So I didn't really have the money meanwhile the Bush administration DID NOTHING! People were dying from being exposed to the elements. Where was ur government? where was the help? oh that's right Americans don't help the poor. But this Canadian did even though it was a small gesture it was all I could do at the time.
Also when 9/11 happened Canadians crossed the border to help. We made donnations our firemen/police went across the border.
Jenn,
I agree with you that government/society should step in and help out people in situations which aren't of their own making, such as those you've discussed in this above quoted post. However, I also agree that it is not right to force taxpayers to pay for choices other individuals have made, as in the following example:
So you feel that if a girl gets pregnant, due to her own choices, society should pay for that child for the rest of its life? Are you nuts? That was a choice you made. So I should use my taxes to pay for food stamps and Medicaid and child care and schooling for you? You made that choice. The sad thing about a Capitalistic society is choices have consequences. Perhaps had you been taught responsibility early on, you wouldn't be looking for a handout. Money doesn't grow on trees and what is unfair, is taking money from men/women who work hard to support their own families and giving it to someone who makes bad choices.
Person A wants to have children very badly, however she delays her childbearing for the good of herself, her future child's father, and most of all, for the good of the future child. She finishes high school, graduates from college, gets married, begins a decent paying career, and then has children.
Person B also wants to have children very badly, so at 15 years old she has unprotected sex with the first guy who approaches her for sex.
Person B will obviously not be able to support herself or her child, and the chances are very high that she will be on welfare for a very long time. Why does Person A have to have money taken out of her paycheck to support Person B's selfish choices? | |
|
| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/20/2009 8:14:24 PM |
Why does Person A have to have money taken out of her paycheck to support Person B's selfish choices?
Because a child, while it may be the result of a selfish choice made by Person B, is the one that will suffer otherwise. It's not like they have the choice to go back from whence they came. As a Person A, helping such children doesn't bother me all that much. I pay my taxes anyway... knowing where a lot of that tax money goes right now, I'd much rather see it in the pockets of someone who might use it to feed a child. | |
|
| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/20/2009 8:30:38 PM | hooked and happy: I was gone for the weekend but I wanted to answer a few of your questions.
but if it's so damn hard to get out of an abusive relationship, then why the hell would you stay at the very first sign? Because the first signs of abuse were not identifed as abuse until about 3 years into the relationship. No one ever told me about the existance of emotional or psychological abuse until my oldest was around a year old. (This is why I agree that we desperately need to educate the children/young adults of today to recognise these for what they are)
No, I've never experienced an abusive relationship. Why? Because I never stuck around long enough to find out. If the first sign of abuse was a change in his eye color would you recognise it? If the first sign of abuse was a facial expression would you recognise it? If the first sign of abuse was him playing around and telling you "you have no sense of humor." when you call him on it, would you recognise it? Are you certain you'd recognise the pattern of insult/apology (or the effect it was having on you) before it was too late? (These are rhetorical questions btw)
Why would you have kids with an abuser? For me, the first one was before the abuse was identified, and the second one -- well, it happens when a wife submits to her husband sometimes.
notfrau, what you went through is YOUR own experience, stop making it out to be the way they ALL happen. Your telling women that your experience is how they all are, when infact, you know that's not true. I never said what I experienced (or what other women experienced) is what happens in ALL cases -- I AM saying that what has been experienced CAN and DOES happen. Remember, I also stated that my ex was never physically abusive to me -- that is not true for all cases. (he never had to resort to physical violence because his psychological abuse was that effective, besides physical abuse leaves evidence -- and he stated at one point in time that "I wasn't worth going to jail for.")
BTW, no one can convince me that the majority of men in America are beating their partners either (I really wish they wouldn't air the "domestic violence" calls on shows like cops -- most of them are assaults not abuse -- if the guy/gal did the same thing to anyone else it'd be considered assault anyway.) I also agree that the false claims do have a negative effect on those who ARE abused. My point all along has been that it is BECAUSE of those who claim to have been in abusive relationship when in fact it was not abusive or only involved assault that the MYTH of it's easy for an abuse victim to escape continues.........I'd guess that it's pretty darn easy for the assaulted or pretenders to leave at the first hit. I was trying to provide examples of the obstacles faced by the truly abused in their efforts to escape so posters here could understand the answer to "why does the abused stay?" It's not always that we're trying to stay as much as our attempts at leaving were unsuccessful.
Because the majority of men are NOT abusive is why I'm even considering another relationship..... | |
|
| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/20/2009 11:55:05 PM | Futureshock do you realize that coloradostarlight called me a welfare mom, that she states I haven't been taught responsibility. I have six yrs of upper education, a degree, a diploma. And because she doesn't agree with my views she attacks me. She also makes fun of how little I make even though I work very hard for my money. I'm not looking for a handout I don't even get child support from my ex (and my daughter was planned). Do you know how insulting this is to me? I just finished working its sunday I work 7 days a week. Even though I put away $200 a month for education funds for my daughter. Also insulting the contributions Canadians have made during war.
If a 16 yr old girl ends up pregnant NEWSFLASH her parents have failed her. So you are going to punish a 16 yr old girl who is now a mother? Her parents should be responsible for her and that child but lets face it they allowed her to get knocked up at 16. What kind of chances do you think that girl is going to have to better her life? To take care of her child?
Food stamps came in during the Great Depression when people were starving. FDR(Franklin D Roosevelt) who was the greatest American President in my books felt compassion to the poor even though he came from an affluent family. He was labelled a class traitor. He put Americans back to work. He kept Americans from dying. He is the reason you guys have an old age pension which you didn't always have. And for the record he wanted the US to get involved in the Second World War sooner but he couldn't get any support to join the effort until Pearl Harbor.
His motto was you put people to work. Because people would rather work then be on the dole. And he was right. People take a sense of pride in their work. With welfare their is a stigma. Why I was so upset being labelled a welfare mom, because I work I get nothing but the $100 a month that all canadian families get with a child under the age of 6.
Now give the woman the tools to make her life better and she will. My cousin did a 2 yr program after her American Republican husband abandoned her. And he doesn't pay his cs. So my cousin went back to school and she is making 25 an hour. She got funding for daycare. So now she doesn't need any help and she is capable of providing a good life for her child.
If you guys had universal health care you wouldn't be so bitter about having single moms on medicaid. All Canadians pay a premium. Yes we have a wait list for some things but at least no one is denied medical insurance. No one is thrown out on the streets or has to decide which fingers they can afford to have put back on after being cut off.
I was taught responsibility and compassion early on. Its so ironic that I'm being accused of looking for a handout because I make too much money for any of these programs I've talked about. Nor should I use them I'm capable and able to provide for my child due to my hard work and opportunities that my parents gave me. I'm not a woman in need. I think $2500-3000 month is liveable. I make it work and live comfortably.
The child doesn't make the choice to be born. The child doesn't make the choice to live in poverty. So yes I support universal health care, I support public education (because everyone uses that/everyone benefits from that), I support giving those a hand up when they fall. I care about the seniors, the poor, the vulnerable, the disable, all of those that are unable to compete in a capitalist society. A capitalist society has its advantages and disadvantages. I pay taxes. I paid just under $2000 last yr. I didn't even take maternity leave.
I have worked and supported my child on my own since she was born. And I want to give my daughter the best life she can. And I had her at 26 not 16.
If you have a better education system, if you teach young girls that you need to go to school, get your career you won't have such a high teen pregnancy rate. Teach young girls to be confident. If so many of them didn't have insecurities by pressure to be beautiful they wouldn't be needing to feel like they have to have sex at 16. It will decline dramatically as it has in other industrialized nations.
Times are so tough for everyone. I consider myself lucky to have a job when jobs are hard to come by. I don't think its right to make fun of those that are less fortunate then you.
I have never said the majority of men are abusers. I have said abuse is negative to the family unit and is unfortunately passed on. There are some that say the woman is just playing the victim card... dismissing the abuse or they say she was asking for it. Both of these attitudes implies that the vicitims suffering wasn't legitimate, that it wasn't real. FS I have shared with u my personal experience with abuse. And I'm not about to share that in open forum and be accused of playing the victim card, or the attention seeker.
You know coloradostarlight I only hope that you do not tell ur niece/nephew these things about their mother. Tell the child that their mother is a sorry piece of work because I hope you realize that is a form of abuse. That is why I will never speak ill of my daughter's father in front of her nor will I let anyone else even though he has made poor choices in his life.
The people that sit around and smoke pot all day instead of taking care of their children, that neglect their children, should lose their children because that is a form of abuse. The system is right now reward the unwed mom for popping out kids? The more kids she has the more money she gets? Did you think about that? How about instead of rewarding that behavior make her get off her butt, stop watching daytime TV and go to school so that she can get a career.
In the end u support that kind of single mother for a lot less yrs. Maybe they get supported for 2 yrs. You tell them that if they mess up again they are out of luck. Make them be tax paying citizens so that they give back to what they took.
Canada has welfare. Men can get welfare too, the poor get welfare, the homeless get welfare. Most of them are such abused people, people that were abused as children? Do you not have any compassion for these poor souls? Their your fellow citizens. Most of these people feel despair, shame, and failure. Why do they turn to pot? Look for away to escape their horrible situation. And before anyone makes another assumption about me I HAVE NEVER DONE POT.
Canada our government is responsible for good social order, the Amereican Constitution emphasizes the individual. A country that could so easily afford to take care of your citizens. To make their life a bit better and you just don't give a damn. I think that says something sad about the US. I would give food to the homeless every day at work when I worked in the office in Vancouver. I still donate to the local food bank every time I go to the grocery store and I'm a single mother and things are tight because well I only make 2500 a month 3000 on a good month and I pay my taxes.
Where are your Christian values of compassion? I guess only some people are worthy of compassion. Don't you care for the suffering of others? Fine dismiss me as being the poor single mother needing a handout. My views were the same before I became a mother. And it pains me gravely to think of any child going without. And I will be donating all of my daughter's toys to charity once she is done with them. And there are a ton of toys. I've already given her clothes to one of my mom's students. Him and his gf have less then this one single mom. My daughter never goes without.
I used the example of Katrina because that was a US example more commonly known don't think that my charity is limited to Canadian borders or American. I might not be able to do as much as I'd like but I make an effort. And if everyone made a little effort maybe the world would be a nicer place. Why is charity such an uncommon thing these days? | |
|
| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/21/2009 12:03:50 AM | ^^^it's not uncommon. There are millions of people in this world who think like you do.
Don't let negative people in. Don't give them the oxygen. Pretend they don't exist - after a while, they don't. You don't even notice their smirking faces or hear they're derisive tones. And continue doing what you're doing for yourself and your child and this planet's future. Well done. | |
|
| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/21/2009 5:56:30 AM | FriendlyFreeSpirit is right Jenn......there are many in this world who share your values and beliefs...you are not alone. Trying to convert anyone who cares more for themselves than those less fortunate than them is like trying to nail jello to a tree. I don't know why some have more compassion for the suffering of others but we do. Some folks need to look down their noses and criticize others because it is the only way they can feel good about themselves. Some folks need to help others because it is gives them a sense of superiority over others as well and it makes them look good. Others still give to charity and help those less fortunate willingly through taxes and personal donations with no alterior motive. Others still have a strong belief that what is theirs is theirs and noboby is entitled to share in what they have.
I have never minded paying taxes to help those citizens of my country and around the world who need our help to survive. As a taxpayer, I hate that my tax dollars are funding the deaths of our Canadian sons and daughters for a battle we didn't start and one which I never agreed with but I also recognize that the US needed our help and still does. We are neighbours and neighbours help neighbours.
What happened on 911 was a tragedy and nothing like that should ever happen anywhere to anyone! I can't imagine anyone hating anyone enough to think that kind of action is acceptable in this day and age. War itself is abhorrent to me. You would think that after all the millenia and all the wars that man has engaged in, we would have realized that violence begets violence and solves nothing (if it did, we would have no further need for war). When one has no enemies, one has no need for military might to protect. People become enemies when they feel threatened, when they don't feel respected, when they feel that others are taking or trying to take control of their lives, country and RESOURCES. Then they build armies to protect what is theirs from outsiders trying to take it from them or armies to inflict harm upon those responsible for their fear. Of course, there are countries that amass armies so they can spread their way of life to others because they believe they are superior to others. History is the best teacher in the world and yet man learns NOTHING from its history but chooses to repeat history time and time expecting a different result....insanity! Hitler rose to power and was able to do what he did because of the state germany was left to rot in after WW1....germany hasn't risen up again because after WW2, the allies ensured that germany was rebuilt. We learned something then. Compassion even after defeat is a worthwhile effort. Perhaps that is what the US is attempting to do in Afganistan and Iraq but can any nation whose ideologies are so vastly different from the regions they are occupying actually gain the trust of those they are trying to help? Probably not. Democracy cannot be forced down on anyone, it must be desired, fought for and earned by those who will live it. The US of all nations on this planet should realize that having fought twice to build their nation, once with the British and again amongst themselves. The national pride in their ideologies is present because they FOUGHT hard to make them a reality.
It is fine to live one's life thinking only of oneself but no man/woman is an island unto themselves. When it comes to domestic abuse in particular, oftentimes those around the situation know what is going on but do not want to get involved. When anyone, anywhere is in need of help, there SHOULD be someone who cares enough to get involved......to report the abuse to the police, to support the victim(s) of the abuse and to ensure that the perpretator is stopped from continuing to abuse. | |
|
| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/21/2009 8:53:01 AM |
The people that sit around and smoke pot all day instead of taking care of their children, that neglect their children, should lose their children because that is a form of abuse. The system is right now reward the unwed mom for popping out kids? The more kids she has the more money she gets? Did you think about that? How about instead of rewarding that behavior make her get off her butt, stop watching daytime TV and go to school so that she can get a career.
In the end u support that kind of single mother for a lot less yrs. Maybe they get supported for 2 yrs. You tell them that if they mess up again they are out of luck. Make them be tax paying citizens so that they give back to what they took.
Iagree with you. Just to add though you may not know. The welfare system is changing, anyone (in florida) recieving cash assistance is required to go to workforce alliance to be taught how to get on your feet. They teach many classes, such as resume writing, how to dress and speak at interviews, GED classes, credit repair, computer training, etc. They are also required to do community service weekly till they get a job or give up the cash assistance. I think this is a good change, some that are on welfare, don't want to be , but don't know how to get off or have the ability to support themselves and their kids. T hey end up stuck in the system. Alot of people may want to judge these people but for some it really sucks to feel stuck in a rut they can't seem to get out of. These new program are starting to change that and at least some that want to be able to be self sufficiant have the opprtunity to learn how. | |
|
| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/21/2009 10:45:26 AM | This will be my last post on this issue:
Sounds to me like there is a female undercurrent to make men obsolete. Why do we need men if the Government will give us a house, feed us, put our kids in child care, pay for their college, etc. Works for me. All men should now just work 60 hours a week to pay into a tax system to support all the women who bear their children. It's ok if eventually the kid ends up in Goverment mandated poverty... After all, it isn't the Governments fault these poor children were raised by the same women who made the irresponsible choices that put them in poverty to begin with. And we wonder why poverty and abuse are generational. Enablers.
These systems are handouts. They are not handups. Let's not forget, this conversation was started by the premise that it is that man's fault that he is abusive and how powerless poor, poor women are to get away. Wow, isn't this the feminists dream? Wait, it is... at least it was when I was in college and indoctrinated into 'female studies'. | |
|
| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/21/2009 1:24:39 PM | I think you've misunderstood the topic, coloradostarlight or you've got no idea of what's going on. There was no premise "that it is the man's fault that he is abusive and how powerless poor, poor women are to get away". Domestic violence is real. To deny it is bizarre, really.
And as for it being men's fault - many men are victims as well, but it's up to them to tell their story.
One more point for the road: you don't have to be anti-women to be an anti-feminist. | |
|
| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/21/2009 1:32:09 PM |
Why do we need men if the Government will give us a house, feed us, put our kids in child care, pay for their college, etc
Funny. I don't need a man OR the government to do this. | |
|
| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/21/2009 2:12:53 PM | How does this sit......
"The rates of domestic violence in same-gender relationships is roughly the same as domestic violence against heterosexual women."
http://www.aardvarc.org/dv/gay.shtml | |
|
| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/21/2009 8:53:34 PM | Sounds to me like there is a female undercurrent to make men obsolete. Why do we need men if the Government will give us a house, feed us, put our kids in child care, pay for their college, etc. Works for me. All men should now just work 60 hours a week to pay into a tax system to support all the women who bear their children.
Feminist are not that powerful to make men feel obsolete. You know what is making men feel obsolete watching all the manufacturing jobs disappear. Where are all the manufacturing jobs going that once were the solid foundation of North America? They are going over seas for where there is cheap labor, poor regulations to meet environmental standards and even labor standards. Do you know how hard it is to find any toys (or anything for that matter) made in Canada or the US??? In less then 10 yrs my dad has gone through 2 sawmill shutdowns. My dad worked at the mill for over 40 some yrs. He lost part of his pension. He has lost his self-esteem. My dad went from making close to 30 an hour to making under 10 at Walmart. But my mother who is a successful University Prof has stood beside her husband. Why because he was a hard worker he provided for his family and loved his children. Their roles have reversed my mom is now the main provider.
I loved my ex very much it was why I was willing to put my career on hold for us to start our family. I could have been making 36-40k a yr as a successful paralegal and then maybe even have gone on to law school. I had the grades. I actually didn't have to pay a portion of my student loans back because of my high gpa. I didn't think I was going to be a single mom. Thought I was going to have a family with the man I loved.
My ex suffered from abuse as a child. He witnessed his dad beat the crap out of his mom and when he confided in me I could see how much pain this brought him. How he felt so helpless to help his mom. I also saw how his mom abused him even as a grown man telling him it was his fault that his twin brother was the way he was.
And then my ex was teased relentlessly by other children in school. So he has no self-esteem. I really wanted to give him the happy family. What I couldn't love where the choices he was making that have made it impossible for us to be a familiy.
He swore to me that he would never hit me. I told him that was good cuz if he ever did I'd be gone and he'd never see me again. Well he never hit me nor did he ever raise his voice. But never once did he hold his child. Father's are supposed to love their daughter's especially a daughter he wanted.
Women are not powerless some of us are just catty and take for granted what women have struggled to gain. 100 yrs isn't a long time in history.
Women used to be hanged and tortured for being witches. Why because they were often the weak and vulnerable women in society (elderly, poor).
Its pretty sad when a single mom feels she needs to add to the garbage that is said about single moms. I expose myself to ridicule because I for one got sick of reading all the crap that was being said about single moms.
And while I was waiting for a yr for my ex to clean himself up to step up be the father our daughter deserved he just found another women to warm his bed. So really who is the exposable members of society men or women?
I do not get money from the government things are tight for me but if I needed to I could get a higher paying job but that would mean putting my daughter in daycare. Something I'm not going to do when the first 2 yrs of her development are so crucial. My daughter doesn't live in poverty. I live in a nice safe home. I'm saving for her education $200 a month. Yes I have more money in my daughter's education bonds then in my personal bank account but oh well.
When she graduates high school and wants to go to University there will be money there for her.
There is so much pressure on the traditional nuclear family maybe you haven't noticed but there is a recession going on. Nuclear families have lost everything. | |
|
| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/22/2009 2:04:10 AM |
How does this sit......
"The rates of domestic violence in same-gender relationships is roughly the same as domestic violence against heterosexual women."
http://www.aardvarc.org/dv/gay.shtml
That's because domestic violence is about control. It's about power. It's not a gender-based issue, but all statistics show men are more likely be violent to their partners than women. | |
|
| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/22/2009 6:25:47 AM |
Sounds to me like there is a female undercurrent to make men obsolete.
You have some perspective there......
I don't believe that females are trying to make men obsolete at all. I think women are just asking to be treated with the same degree of respect, to not be verbally, emotionally, physically abused by the men they love or by society as a whole. Isn't that a basic human need though? Is it really a gender issue at all? You " ass ume that only men are working long hours and that the majority of women are standing with their hand out to government for assistance.....what a narrow view you have of women, especially single parents who are female. Welfare reform in my province has significantly changed the landscape of who is receiving support and for how long.......
Many men are victims of abuse than the statistics will show simply because men are embarrassed to admit they are victims of a woman. How emasculating that would be for many men to find themselves in such a situation. If the true stats were known, I truly believe that you would see that there are as many female abusers as their are male abusers but the form of the abuse might be quite different.
If you truly believe that feminism is about women making men extinct or women playing victim to men, you must have been smoking some serious shit before attending your female studies course in college......
Whether you like it or not, accept it or not, there have been classes in society for a long time and there will likely continue to be classes in society (unless we all want to move to a model of pure communism that is). You can call welfare enabling and if someone is not improved by the use of the system and eventually gets off it and begins to contribute to the coffers, I would agree with you. We will likely never eliminate poverty and the need to help others who need our help. But for the grace of ____ that could be you begging on the street for food you know.......life can change in a heartbeat and unless you have a healthy savings to ride out the storm, you could end up one of those with their hand out....wonder what your perspective/opinion might be then of social programs. | |
|
| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/22/2009 7:05:29 AM | Good morning ladies!
itsallinthesoul:
Some folks need to look down their noses and criticize others because it is the only way they can feel good about themselves. Some folks need to help others because it is gives them a sense of superiority over others as well and it makes them look good. Others still give to charity and help those less fortunate willingly through taxes and personal donations with no alterior motive. Others still have a strong belief that what is theirs is theirs and noboby is entitled to share in what they have.
Great post! There is another group of people though that I would like to add and it is those that offer empathy, kindness, and education/counseling. If a victim of abuse, does not get help, they will continue with what is comfortable for them, and continue with the cycle. Jenn's post above about her ex, is common, on how abuse infiltrates into society. Depressed adults are often victims of abuse as children, and depression is often the root of addictions. The stigma of talk therapy is so amazing to me, and find others would rather report abuse in their life, and promote their martyrdom, than go to counseling and break the pattern.
Jenn, while you were waiting a year for your ex to become clean, did you go for counseling? Living with an addict is abuse. They are emotionally unavailable, and are demeaning and dismissive in their behavior which creates a fertile breeding ground for emotional/psychological warfare which equals abuse.
I have listened to my sister for 20 years go on and on and on, about her home situation. She is a nurse, well educated, and has three children. Her husband terrorizes her with psychological warfare, that everyone turns a blind eye to. She is plagued with weight problems, in her late forties, she is starting with illnesses, and her three children are unruly, disrepectful, and use drugs too often to be considered experimental, and it is costly too! and while she says it is about them finding themselves and not being judgmental...that is not it at all. They are emulating exactly what their dad does. People in the know call her a martyr, me? I won't listen anymore. It's painful to watch. Many in my family call me judgmental because of the situation, and how I set parameters with people, because she is abusive in her own right with her extreme manipulative behaviors, which she needs to survive in her home.
So while there is not an immediate solution, there are ways to move about and offers that can be made, and that is through emotional education for those who are victims of abuse.
And no single mom needs to defend themselves on here...this is an internet forum. You want validation? Go to a singleparent website, or email privately. Nailing jello to a tree...gosh I love that!
Need coffee...
T. | |
|
| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 9/23/2009 10:41:46 AM | I was doing a bit of people watching today. I have a business selling fashion handbags. Almost all the women coming in to buy their bags, asked their partner whether or not she should buy it. Lots of the blokes knew the game and answered "well if you like it dear", but some of the inexperienced actually answered "yes, that handbag suits you".
Well, aren't these blokes storing up problems for later. When the women get home and have a change of heart, you can bet your bottom dollar who'll get the blame....... "Well you chose it, didn't you?" The poor bloke doesn't really give a monkey's about handbags but is made to suffer for his love for his partner.
Why women should abuse their men is beyond me and perhaps it's about time that men stood their ground. | |
|
| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 10/25/2009 10:13:27 PM | | Freetime, I dont know where you are getting your numbers, but they are certainly not the numbers used by the WCA or the domestic violence council. Women do abuse and I don't want to make light of that, but not in the same numbers or to the same degree. Domestic violence is the number 1 killer in the US for women 25-40. There are women who have killed or tried to kill their husbands, but nowhere near as many. A lot of this is because we do still live in a chauvenistic society and while laws have changed, they are frequently not enforced. I was told flat out by the sheriff that a protection order against my ex would not be enforced in Owyhee County. I tried moving to Canyon County, but at the time, I had a divorce agreement that required my kids to go to daycare in Owyhee County. I lived in a shelter, but he found me there. The shelter had me moved to the WCA in Boise. He continued to relay messages to me, follow me, etc, etc. When I got my own place, he broke in and crawled into bed with me at 4am. He somehow got my number and I even showed the police my caller ID (75 calls that day). Once when he said he would kill me, I got away and got to my car. He jumped in his and chased me at approx 90 mph for nearly 30 min before I lost him. I finally went to the DA because the police wouldn't do anything. The DA issued a warrant for his arrest on 3 counts of violating a protection order (the 3rd is a felony). He called the sherriff's office right in front of me and said "her life is in danger. You need to bring him in now. " He was never arressted. I had to leave the state and my children for several months until he found someone else to beat on. 3 yrs later, he was pulled over for a broken taillight and they reminded him that there was a warrant out. They let him go with the promise that he would turn himself in. By the time it came to court, my witness had moved and I no longer had "proof". A few yrs later he beat up his new wife with my kids in the house and was arrested in front of them. The charges were dismissed because he promised to see a counselor. This was all a long time ago, but I worked in corrections and I have worked with a lot af battered women. The reality is that there are still a lot of misconceptions and a lot of resistance by law enforcement to the laws that are meant to protect. Until those attitudes change, there will continue to be a lot of abuse. | |
|
| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 10/26/2009 4:17:35 AM | "Freetime, I dont know where you are getting your numbers"
Then you put this "Domestic violence is the number 1 killer in the US for women 25-40.". Which is not true at all. http://www.cdc.gov/Women/lcod.htm or http://www.benbest.com/lifeext/causes.html. Makes me think the rest of your post is total BS too. Not even in the top ten. | |
|
| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 10/26/2009 8:12:44 AM | | Those were the stats being used at by the wca and acap. As I said, it was a long time ago, but not that much has changed. The average battered woman goes back 7 times and on the 7th time there is a 50% chance of either murder or suicide. You can check that one with WCA as well. | |
|
| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 10/26/2009 9:19:00 AM | | I don't know what WCA is but if they reported "Domestic violence is the number 1 killer in the US for women 25-40" when it is not even in the top ten they are completly messed up. See the links I provides and don't smoke, because smoking is way up on the lists not domestic violence lol. | |
|
| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 10/26/2009 11:01:38 AM | Interesting reading..makes me happy to be Canadian waiting for my hand outs vs my hand ups lol. Wow the capitalist propaganda is hypothesizing for people attempting to elevate themselves in society. Even the most arrogant and successful capital aren't admitting to being capitalist since the subprime mortgage crisis, they are either busy quietly cleaning up investments or hiding hoping nobody knows they are responsible for the fall of the economy.
Now to the OP's question.
Perhaps, its' not that there is a higher number of people in abusive relationships but a higher number of women online looking for relationships. This is a safe place to get your feet wet again in the dating world. I'd think the majority of women openly admit to have been in abusive relationships are seeking a better understanding of the dynamic that caused them to seek an abusive man versus making the same mistakes by immediately diving back into real world dating. | |
|
| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 10/26/2009 4:29:23 PM | | The WCA is the Women and Children's alliance. At that time they were still associated with the YMCA and they provided most of the counseling and education on domestic violence for the state. ACAP (anger control and abuse prevention) was the only counseling available for abusers at that time and the first program of it's kind in Idaho. Most of their information came from the Idaho Domestic Violence Council. Also, I can tell you from my experience working in the hospital that in 2 yrs I saw dozens of suicides, attempted suicides and serious injuries caused by domestic violence. None of the victims I saw were men. There is one woman in Idaho that I know of who killed her husband (and children). She is on death row. I know several men who killed their wives and some who killed their kids (I facilitated anger management groups in the prison) and most of them will soon be or already are out on parole. I am certainly not saying that Robin Rowe should be released, but the men shouldn't be either. Also, I agree that you shouldn't smoke and I have known people to die from smoking, but not in that age category. I will take a look though. | |
|
| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 10/26/2009 4:36:01 PM | | Sorry freetime but there wasn't much to look at on the websites you named. It took about 10 seconds because they only list causes for ALL women - they don't break down age groups at all. | |
|
| Why Are There So Many Abusive Men? (Not Here)
Posted: 10/27/2009 4:57:04 AM | Staceyssc
You posted "Domestic violence is the number 1 killer in the US for women 25-40" and this is complete Bull Sh#t!!!
"Sorry freetime but there wasn't much to look at on the websites you named. It took about 10 seconds because they only list causes for ALL women - they don't break down age groups at all."
The web sits I posted gave break down for all ages and the one sit gave more detailed break down for other ages even if it did not specifically give a break down for the bracket 25-40 it is clear from the data given that domestic violence is not even a top ten killer and you posted it was number one with no links at all.
"The WCA is the Women and Children's alliance." The WCA is also the World Cube Association and I bet they do a much better job then the group you named at getting their numbers correct. You see why I look at every thing you have since posted as suspect, flawed or complete bull sh#t or just a man hatting troll post? May be you can post a link showing how it is the number one killer like you said.
To the OP and "Why Are There So Many Abusive Men?" May be some women keep posting BS and need to be straitened out. Now I would personally never advocate going all OJ on a women for posting BS again and again, but I believe it could be a contributing factor lol.
Staceyssc putting out bad information like this hurts men and some might even call it abusive to men, stop being abusive to men.
 | |
|
|
| Page 6 of 7
|
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
|
Home
login 
