| ~~ When to Tell Someone You Love Them ~~
Posted: 5/20/2009 7:23:19 PM | | All you can control is your feelings and what you do with them. If you feel that you love this person I would say it. We can not control what someone else feels about us all we can control is what we do with our life . If you are a loving person and it is natural for you to tell someone that then that is who you are. What if nobody could say this until the conditions were right? I say be who you are because that is your legacy. | |
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| Glad to see....
Posted: 5/20/2009 7:48:12 PM | within the 1st hour or so of meeting a man on a date, the average woman has already projected her life far, FAR into the future with the average man. she has already locked down on the preliminary analysis as to whether or not he has potential as a husband/live-in BF, right down to what do the freakin drapes look like and the color of the carpet. the average man is more or less aware of this phenomenon but chooses to more or less ignore it, until the dreaded "I.L.Y." phrase is uttered, at which point all that shite about babies and picket fences comes shooting straight into his frontal lobes just like an ice pick lobotomy. unlike the average woman, the average man is extraordinarily reluctant to engage in extended mental calculus about what his relationship with a woman means or where it is going, until after "x" amount of time, he has actually decided for himself what that is. the average man may even have a lot of the same feelings as you do for him, but until he gets confirmation on that in terms of whatever criteria are in his own head that only he understands, an unexpected "i love you" can feel a whole lot like a complicated emotional abyss that he isn't quite ready to stare into.
i'll tell ya, delicate creatures, these dudes ;) and discretion is the better part of valor.
hey cowboy you're cute as hell & i really like ya. see ya next saturday! nope, can't go out this friday. i already have plans..... | |
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| ~~ When to Tell Someone You Love Them ~~
Posted: 5/20/2009 7:58:57 PM | Sometimes we are falling somewhere and are far between liking someone and in love and yet you feel the need to express your feelings. You could actually tell him/her that or you could actually tell him/her that you love him/her if that is truly the way you feel.
If the relationship is right and it is the right person, you aren't going to scare them away, if you do, you probably need to take a look at whether you are seeing the situation without glasses of any color. | |
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| ~~ When to Tell Someone You Love Them ~~
Posted: 5/21/2009 10:38:22 AM | Ya know.. [I think] if you feel you love someone, but you're not experiencing the devotion that a person who is also in love with you should be displaying (through their actions).. You then become scared or unsure if or when you should say "I love you." If there is no indication of "devotion" then it makes you uncertain of their actual feelings for you.
I don't know of anyone who's afraid of doing or saying something or not knowing when to do or say it .. when they already know what the response/outcome will be. When you love someone and they love you just as much... It takes away the guessing and the timing just comes naturally.
I've only told one man "I love you" in my life. It came easily to both of us and our relationship lasted 30 years.. I wanted to tell another man that I (thought) I loved him.. but his lack of devotion dictated that I should'nt let myself be vulnerable to him. I consider both relationships to be a success while envolved in the dynamics of them.
IOW: OP: When and if you're certain you're both on the same page.. then anytime is the right time. Otherwise.. I don't feel comfortable putting my "stuff" on him. | |
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| ~~ When to Tell Someone You Love Them ~~
Posted: 5/21/2009 10:49:08 AM | I don't think there is a time frame for saying I love you.
I don't think there's a time frame for falling in love either.
Some people fall in love instantly...for others it takes months or years.
I don't have a problem saying I love you if I mean it.
Saying I love you doesn't mean you expect the person to love you back or even say it back. It's not about them. It's about YOU and what you are feeling.
I realize there are people that NEVER say I love you...and people who say I love you all
the time. I'm one of those that says I love you freely...I tell my kids that everyday...my friends...and certainly anyone that's in my life.
I've never suffered adverse affects from this. If saying those words chases people away...how the heck are they going to react in a REAL emergency? hahahahahaha!
Life is too freaking short to be worried about scaring people by loving them.
At least that's my opinion.
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| ~~ When to Tell Someone You Love Them ~~
Posted: 5/21/2009 10:52:14 AM | Totters in spurs clinking off splendiferous slippers and ooglable calfs muscles - the ole love me stand off lurve erm lurve me paradox -giggles 49% sanely. Cooee when you love them is best time to tell them...or merely lie and deny.
Though I concede there will never be a god time as it rarely happens at the same time.
And so iam not lynched oot of this un ive told someone I liked them perhaps 6 times in my life..I am 39 and been around the block :)
I told 2 people I lurved them
1 was my ex wife even she knew it was a lie and stopped fishing for it (oi ive grown since and now know better- but i never mind admitting to my own short cummings or failings)
So go for it I say, is what ive learnt from these forums along with the clear bereftion of boots and corsets
*sanity margin of error or plus or minus two
And best of luck if you feel you do. But you wont always like the answer or silence. But you were true to oneslef and thats all you can be..and thats all I ask anyone else to be. | |
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| ~~ When to Tell Someone You Love Them ~~
Posted: 5/21/2009 11:58:21 AM | | I think after a certain period you will get comfortable enough to know when it's time to verbally express how you feel...Love is just not about words it's actions s once the other person provides actions to show you they love you then you'll know..And you wont hesistate to say it! | |
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| ~~ When to Tell Someone You Love Them ~~
Posted: 5/21/2009 3:23:14 PM | i started seeing my guy in mid august.
by thanksgiving i knew how i felt about him, so i said a couple times; "i am just plumb crazy 'bout you." so when i did say "i love you" it was already known how i felt.
diana | |
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| ~~ When to Tell Someone You Love Them ~~
Posted: 5/21/2009 5:10:49 PM | i think its really hard to decide that.. i fall really fast.. usually when i tell someone that they either bail or aren't sure what to say.. my ex i told him about 2 months into us dating.. i think that it takes a while to love someone fully but its always good to let the person know how you feel about them.. no matter what happens... not saying anything could hurt things in the end.. but it could always bring more issues.. i don't believe there is ever a right and a wrong time to say that you love someone.. when it happens it happens.. hope that helps
Annie | |
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| Glad to see....
Posted: 5/21/2009 5:11:21 PM | | well i believe it is .. significant | |
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| Glad to see....
Posted: 5/21/2009 5:31:10 PM | | I believe its significant....I also believes it scares the hell out of a guy...omg..I'm losing myself if I fall in love with her..what about the guys..my stuff....my other girlfriends...wait I changed my mind....I think we are seeing too much of each other...I'll call ya....yeah, whatever..... | |
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| ~~ When to Tell Someone You Love Them ~~
Posted: 5/21/2009 5:36:01 PM | When is the right time to tell him? I tell him that I love him when I'm 100% positive.... and no sooner. And trust me~ its not hard to 'love' someone but when I say "I love you," it means I am REALLY "in love" with him.
My heart doesn't lie .
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| ~~ When to Tell Someone You Love Them ~~
Posted: 5/21/2009 7:13:31 PM | Tell the other that you love them when you feel it is overwhelming, do so without reservation. I was married for long time [did not want it to end]. A year after the end in 2002 I met a wonderful woman, a month later she told me she was in love with me. I felt the same. We had an off/ on again relationship, it was not easy as we had both just been hurt badly by our spouses. In one of the "offs" i met another woman, and 17 months later I realized that I loved her and thought she did too. Then in 5-6 months she ended it, I should not have given her my heart as she didnt deserve it. Later tried a bit again with her, as she had just enchanted me, foolishly to no avail. In 2007 the first woman moved back to her native Argentina. Now i love her more like a sister more than a lover when she visits and we speak, but it is still !!! an overwhelming and most precious feeling to me. I tell her that I will always!!!!! love her, and i know she will always love me. we finally got it right! If you have a chance that you cannot deny to yourself to love and be loved - - - - , then sieze that chance!!!!!  There is no timetable for love to be found. | |
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| ~~ When to Tell Someone You Love Them ~~
Posted: 5/21/2009 7:18:30 PM | It's a significant event...almost like a proposal....and the rejection can be devestating! So, I hope anyone contemplating such a statement...knows that there might not be an outcome that first comes to mind...like acceptance and reciprication.....so, be ready for either outcome...if you really feel you do love someone....and need to tell her/him.
Irish | |
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| ~~ When to Tell Someone You Love Them ~~
Posted: 5/21/2009 7:33:28 PM | It is a significant event.
Some people know right off that this is the one. It's a "knowing it's right" feeling.
Telling the person that you love them should be done when you feel it's right.
I love spontaniety. | |
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| ~~ When to Tell Someone You Love Them ~~
Posted: 5/21/2009 9:58:50 PM | OP, another way to look at it is that if it is starting to be a strain not to say it, you are almost having to watch yourself to make sure it doesn't slip out, you need to say it and let the chips fall where they may.
While it is not yet the deep love that a lasting relationship is based upon, certainly it is not bizarro that you believe you love him in four months.
Couple of years ago I was seeing someone and we were in that in-like period, lol. He was going through some emotionally exhausting b.s. with the ex relative to the kids. When you are the other person, you can't really do much to help other than caring. I told him that I was not making some declaration of undying love but recognizing that I love my friends Jane and Bob the same way, I love you. He accepted it in the spirit it was given, not something that required running for the hills.
You are obviously concerned about whether your feelings will be accepted so you can say I don't expect you to say or do anything, but I just want you to know that I love you. If that scares him, he is a weiner. | |
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| ~~ When to Tell Someone You Love Them ~~
Posted: 5/21/2009 11:00:46 PM | Well, I have to check myself to be sure it is not Lust , Infatuation,Crush, what I felt for him, ,,,, I have to wait for him to tell me first that he loves me, then I will dive on him ala Maria Clara Pinong Pino style , Wow the Wow!!! He'll be knock down and amaze what kind of cyclone hit him  I hope he has a strong Heart heh,heh, heh.......... | |
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| ~~ When to Tell Someone You Love Them ~~
Posted: 5/21/2009 11:26:49 PM | I was in a realtionship that lasted seven months after the death of my husband that was all about the sex. I told myself that I was in love with this man so the sex was not sex but making love. Duh. Even though for seven months this man was telling me he loved me and was in love with me, eventually my brain caught up with my crotch and I realized I loved the sex, NOT him.
Fast forward five months and I start dating my current boyfriend. I held him at arms length for a long time. I did not want to repeat the same mistakes I made in the last relationship. We are about three and a half months into this. My heart is telling me that I love him. I can tell by the way I treat him. My heart is telling me that he loves me.
I can tell by the way he treats me. Emotionally , after making such a dreadful mistake the last time, I am not in a big hurry. I want to live with the feelings for awhile before I open my mouth. If this love is true, it will last, and stand the test of time and there will be plenty of time for me to tell him I love him. Right now I plan to just love him with my deeds rather than my words. It is far less threatening to a man to have a woman show him her love than tell him. | |
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| ~~ When to Tell Someone You Love Them ~~
Posted: 5/22/2009 4:13:05 AM | PD,
Ha! We we dating reciently? Your someone from a couple of years ago could have been me. My g/f doesn't know why I keep the ex-outlaws farther than arms length. I don't think the L word in anywhere in my near future...just a guess...it so hard to know what to say and when about the L word...I guess if one feels it one moment and not the next then it's not right to express the feeling....cause it's not total love...it's part-time...kinda like I could....I want to....but, I'm not sure....so zippered lips are ok too.
mums the word,
Irish | |
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| ~~ When to Tell Someone You Love Them ~~
Posted: 5/22/2009 5:43:45 AM | I made a oath that the first time i say i love you to a woman it wouldnt be during sex or a romantic moment. I remember once a girl telling me i love you during sex and she said "this is what i say during sex" The falseness of those 3 words turned me off bigtime and I always thought and still think that when someone is making you feel good is the worst time to be the first time.
I think some people think confuse romance or great sex and equate that with love.
Here are a few times I have told someone I love them for the first time.
1.She is throwing up and i am holding her head by the toilet.
{i would not be doing this if i didnt love you}
2. At a otherwise boring party I wouldnt want to be at if i wasnt with the greatest most fun woman in the world
3.During a arguement where she is totally driving me nuts and i decide I dont want to kill her or breakup with her and come to the conclusion that no matter how much she irratates me I want to be with her. Thats love . Anybody can love somebody during a candlelight dinnner.
4. At a moment where she just shows her spirit and what a good person she is.
Example- you see her helping a elderly person cross the street . Just one of those moments that are not rare or normally important but just shows the warmth and what kind of character you have fallen for. | |
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| ~~ When to Tell Someone You Love Them ~~
Posted: 5/22/2009 6:13:33 AM | Just say it, If you tell him you love him and he runs of he doesn't love you back, that simple. If you do scare him and he runs, and he loves you he will come back, be understanding.
But only say it if your sure.... people misuse the L word entirely toooooooooo much! | |
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