| I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 6/29/2009 12:38:03 AM | You're absolutely NOT alone in this. I myself detest the 'interview' thingie, which generally consists of the following questions, and my unspoken, snarky answers:
~ "are you working?" (no, but if you turn that big key on my back, I might.)
~ "what are your goals?" (what is this, a hockey game? I'm not applying for a job!)
~ "what's new in your life?" (well, each day, dear.)
...
I would much rather hang out with a guy who enjoys checking out different movies, stores, or restaurants, etc .. just to be together. I get so bored with investigative questions. There's one fella I see on the bus now & then whom I've been trying to avoid sitting near, because he's always grilling me on that stuff. To him they are good communication skills, being social and friendly, but my eyes glaze over...
You sound like the kind of person I could just chill with, and I'm glad to see I am not the only one who dislikes 'small talk'. | |
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| I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 6/29/2009 12:43:20 AM | | Interesting... I have found that activity dates and casual dates are usually more fruitful than the typical go to a restaurant and search your soul kind of thing. | |
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| I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 6/29/2009 7:56:21 AM | There are so many different styles of communication. I welcome the “interview” and especially the pop quizzes. I personally am learning about the person by how and what they ask, and by their reaction to my responses or nonresponses). Some people are just a little awkward, and don’t know how else to approach you. As someone else said earlier, if you are good at communication, you can easily turn an interrogation into a fun exchange. In my mind it is still a bit of an interview, but it is part of the process.
If you don’t like a coffee date, go to a park, a bookstore, a museum, meet at the dog park, what ever you like. There are as many places and activities to meet as there are people.
Don’t stress, and try to enjoy the process. | |
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| I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 6/29/2009 10:43:06 AM | It sounds to me like you just need some friends and not romances.
You obviously don't want anyone to REALLY get to know very well as a person.........just the things you do. | |
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| I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 6/29/2009 10:57:52 AM |
You obviously don't want anyone to REALLY get to know very well as a person.........just the things you do. That's not necessarily true: some of us just don't need to verbalize everything while enjoying another's company.
For some it seems the dialogue part is their fulcrum: they don't feel like they can know each other without wondering out loud, in quick succession, what kind of individual the other is. This sounds more to me like speed dating ~ i.e. "tell me about yourself in 200 words or .. "
For others, the acquaintance process can go much more slowly, through shared activities and interests. Over time they see who their partner really is, because the consistency is there and it's hard to keep up a facade indefinitely. Talking so much at the outset is, at least for me, less convincing. I'm a 'show me', rather than a 'tell me'.
'Show me' takes longer.
The 'interview' thing isn't for everyone, tho' obviously it's fine for many. Just don't knock the more gradual approach to dating. It doesn't mean the person doesn't really want to be known, it just means the process feels better evolving by itself, without quite so much 'what are you really like' chatter. | |
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| I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 6/29/2009 11:11:00 AM | | OP you have choices ... if you're not ready to met them face to face yet just deflect the question, tell them you have a busy shedule for a few days but can you call them again tomorrow. If you want to me them when they suggest coffee you suggest something else. Most people suggest stuff like coffee because they can't think of anything else. Just make sure you suggest something that isn't perverted or creepy or scary like meeting in the middle of the woods ... oh and bring a shovel lol. | |
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| I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 6/29/2009 12:54:07 PM | | well screw coff and say lets go for adrink kick back and enjoy your your self and tell her to call an intredesighner | |
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| I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 6/29/2009 3:15:45 PM | I know how you feel but why do you assume it's going to turn out that way? Why not meet at a coffee shop that has other stores nearby and simply take a walk? I know what you mean though I hate the interview process too. I also hate the "so what are you looking for."
Why can't people simply meet and talk without having a whole run down on how they want their future romantic life to be? I would tell you to keep an eye out for church fairs and the like to meet people at so you avoid the coffee shop interview. | |
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| I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 11/7/2009 9:14:44 AM | | I just had this happen a woman closed the match on me on e-harmony because she felt she was being interviewed and that I was reviewing her resume or something lol geez all I was doing is asking her basic get to know you questions.... Alot of very strange people out there lol | |
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| I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 11/7/2009 9:40:22 AM | hmm, I have to agree with the idea its an interview as described people tend to know your only looking for an excuse to dump or a validation for expending your time. Although in fairness how can one not consider and interest in knowing about you a good thing.
So I do not look at questions as obstacles but as time savers, if someone is going to judge any one of these potential answers as means to preclude dating you it's best to get that done early. In my case the answers do not change with time so why waste it by putting off any potential deal breakers she has on her check list.
Albeit, I am some what different in my own questions at times, deliberately not asking typical questions but it is hard.
Sometimes you are just stumped and have to ask the stereotypical "so what do you do?" because you do not have or at lease feel there is sufficient chemistry to talk about anything else. If the conversation does not be beyond these interview like questions there is a good chance or indication you share very little chemistry.
Honestly in my experience people who share a great deal of chemistry care less and less about the answers to those questions and the as more chemistry exists the questions tend to morph into a more playful or sassier exchange which tends to be a clear sign of positive chemistry.
Dating can be game but it's also a chemistry experiment!  | |
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| I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 11/7/2009 9:50:21 AM | I wanted to add this was the first time we had spoken on the phone so what was she expecting? lol . How can one expect a convo to flow like you've known the person for years when its the 1st time you've chatted on the phone? I have a feeling that she really wasnt into me so turning it around and saying it was an interview was her way of rejecting and not wanting any further contact..
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| I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 11/7/2009 9:52:13 AM | I love coffee, so I don't mind meeting for a cup. However, I have found sometimes the interview process starts with the first phone call. It drive me crazy. I won't go out with someone who continuously fires questions at me.
In fact this sort of phone call happened the last time I was contacted by a POF member. | |
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| I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 11/10/2009 9:35:05 AM | This is so true.
To me, it feels debasing when a person presumes my answer to the question "what are your goals in life" or "how many women have you slept with" or "when do you want kids" indicates if we enjoy spending time with each other and find it fulfilling. It's as if when I say "Goals? Well I'm going to travel the world and be a doctor who does pro-bono work for impoverished children" somehow changes the person I am in front of them into the person I'm going to be in the future.
Don't get me wrong, I understand how these questions can offer insight into who a person really is, but for a first date? Come on. We haven't even spent hours together and already someone is trying to forecast the return on their invested time with me.
On a first date I'm not trying to gauge long term soul mate potential, I'm trying to enjoy the company of the woman I'm with. "flippant" some may say and they would be right. A good first date for me is a flippant good time. | |
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| I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 11/10/2009 11:12:54 AM | Miss contemplative,
LMAO, now this is original. Of course you didn't mean a word of it, but you did make a good point. (Of course a woman would not ever say something like this for real). What I see as the relative point is not what you said but what you pretend to be.
Tell me how many times have you done this "interview" with a man. And if you do are you cute, you just might get a couple of dates from this one.
I'm still laughing my ass off at this one. | |
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| I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 11/10/2009 11:19:23 AM | | How do you get to know each other without talking about you/them, and your likes, dislikes, etc? You don't want an interview because you do not want to get to know anyone, or become involved with them. You just want to get laid, or have someone treat you to dinner, a movie, etc. You are not the only one who feels that way, but you are one of the more hypocritical of those who do. | |
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| I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 11/10/2009 11:28:12 AM | | Interviews are the quick method of getting acquainted. Those who are honest about who they are, and what they want, and who want more than a quick casual sex fling, do not mind the interview. Those who dislike interviews are being shallow, sexs seekers, or very dishonest. They fear that the longer the interview goes on the more apt they are to slip, and get caught in a lie. Avoid them...by dragging the interview out to the point where they cut it off. Then you know they are not for you. It is a wonderfully effective screening process...when managed properly. | |
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| I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 11/10/2009 12:53:34 PM | Is it really that difficult? I go to sports bars all the time and just shoot the shit with anybody....same thing for a pof date, if questions come up its cool, but both sides should avoid the grill, its not cool, and its not like a real conversation, you already know their profile.
Best date: With a European woman, convo just flowed, I was just really interested in the places she lived, we closed the place.
Worst date: She sat down next to me at a singles event, grilled me like a police officer, then projectile vomited her food back on her plate, and gooooed on her leg, finished my martini and got the hell out there! | |
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| I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 11/10/2009 4:30:19 PM | Interview type dates only give someone information about a person. That's not really getting to know them, it is a small part of it. Spending time with them, swapping stories, natural conversation........now that's the ticket.
I can ask and have answered 100 questions and not know someone at all. I may know how many sibs they have, what their favorite subject in high school was, blah blah blah blah ad nauseum. Do I know if they have a twisted but engaging sense of humor, they are strong minded but sentimental, are transparent about themselves??? Not from a questionnaire....no you find out those things by conversing with someone. It's pretty cool and a lot more FUN!  | |
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| I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 11/17/2009 9:35:26 AM | An afterthought, if so many people prefer "no interview" please; does anyone else find the following points to be strange stats:
1) all dating sites pretty much operate with the same Q&A or "resume" like profiles
2) local singles night events such as speed dating also tend to operate as Q&A sessions sorta like profiling! 
3) "Lists" are possibly one of the most popular tools used by either print or online content providers; used because studies have shown they boost readership levels
I do not know there is any solution to this angst! No one wants a date to resemble a job interview.
But we all want the job  so we have to take the interview. 
Well not all of us; some sit at home alone in their underwear, drinking and posting to forums! 
Not me of course, just sayin! | |
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