| Some help me make sence of this
Posted: 5/26/2009 7:43:56 PM | WOW. Josh, you seem like a nice person. But how can you be with someone who doesn't respect themself? She is cheating on you left and right. And knows that she can always come running back to you...you will take her back.
You need to gently let her know that you are not her "go to guy" anymore. You need to move on and find someone that truly deserves you.
Best of luck in your search. | |
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| Some help me make sence of this
Posted: 5/26/2009 8:04:34 PM | Josh, you have to read the responces you've gotten......read them........
Josh, my first obsession.....her name was Stella of all names....when she dumped me, I would wake up in the middle of the night from the voices in my head which basically went over and over
1)what a loser I was
2)how to get her back
3)the good times
Sound familiar?
You can't do anything about the crazy or selfish ways she will act.
But you need to focus on finding work, on sleeping, on improving your self image.
Only you can do these things.
You can't save her.
And you have to work very hard to try to improve you life.
Or you will be miserable.
One day I promise you will meet another that will knock your socks off, and she will not want your friends, only you.
When she calls.....say you care about her but she needs to get help......that the two of you are a bad combo.....she will push, but stick to your guns.....and if she asks to make love, or get together or have a future, you say "Not until you get help."
And get better friends!!! | |
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| Some help me make sence of this
Posted: 5/26/2009 8:44:30 PM |
It doesn't make sense -- we spent nearly a year together, all the things we done, all that time we spent, and she acts like I'm meaningless -- its worse than I thought -- she doesnt care at all about me!
Josh, as I explained above (msg. 12 and 17), her behavior makes perfect sense for a person suffering from BPD. In response, you said "she's not a full-blown case of BPD." Well, yes, it likely is high-functioning BPD, not low-functioning BPD. And it may not rise to the level at which a therapist would clinically diagnose it as BPD. Yet, even if she has only "half-blown" BPD traits, she is a very sick young woman who cannot sustain a LTR with you, Jon, or Tom.
You complain that she apparently has no appreciation of all the wonderful things you did for her. At an intellectual level, she can remember those things. At an emotional level, however, she has no warm feelings (or sense of appreciation) associated with them. She is capable of only feeling current emotions because, with BPD, emotions are so intense and unconstrained that they push aside any emotional connection with your past good deeds. That is why it is impossible for you to build up any good will with her. Instead, it will always be "what have you done for me lately." Significantly, this is not because she is a "slut and trash" as her family members said. Rather, it is because she experienced trauma or abuse in early childhood and now is very sick. She apparently is incapable of doing very ordinary things (e.g., trusting, tolerating intimacy, tolerating abandonment) that you take for granted.
You claim that you "are familiar with BPD." If so, I suggest you greatly increase your familiarity by reading the article I cite above. It explains why this woman's behavior makes perfect sense for any woman afflicted with BPD, whether full- or half-blown, because it greatly distorts her perceptions. Moreover, other information at that website explains why you likely will waste the rest of your life in a futile effort to save her or another just like her -- all the while wailing and complaining about the injustice of her not remembering, much less appreciating, your efforts. Indeed, until you die and leave this world, your credo may remain "It Doesn't Make Sense." | |
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| Some help me make sence of this
Posted: 5/26/2009 9:31:27 PM | Oh she knows what I did for her she even admited to screwing up today. I just know shes still with Tom and she even said shes not getting to into him it wont last so what ever. I'm doing my own life now and when she comes back from her vacation if I'm still alone maybe I'll see what we have if she improves or settles down. If not then I'll try to be friends... ok its jen so friends with benefits 
I guess what it comes down to is she is messed up and I'm still in love with her. I know I cant have her right now and that much I have accepted. I just don't want to say Bye to her for good not yet. I still have feelings for her and I'm too alone to get rid of her. Do I make sense or am I making the wrong choice? | |
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| Some help me make sence of this
Posted: 5/27/2009 8:31:31 AM | Josh, do you seriously want to hit that again knowing that she has been with all these other men and has cheated on you a number of times already? She is an immature sleazy very little girl. Do you want a woman on your arm that has slept with and cheated on you with your own friends?
No girl is worth your self respect. | |
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| Some help me make sence of this
Posted: 5/27/2009 3:19:24 PM | Hi Josh
You sound like a really lovely guy and like it has been said before a little co-dependant. I've been there myself and to an extent I'll probably always think that I'm not completely worthy of whoever I'm dating. Looks change and it really is personality that is important. I'm sure she is really sweet when she chooses to be but for every nice thing shes ever said it sounds like she's done 10 more things that upset you. Its clearly not good for your health physical or emotional and you have to make some changes. I can understand the difficulty in getting a new number but when you make that step and focus your attention elsewhere you'll be amazed how quickly you can start to feel better. She's the cause of your misery and will never be good for you. I'm sure you still think otherwise but clingning to moments of happiness won't bring you anymore. Let it go, move on and one day you will look back, be a stronger person and meet someone who you can be yourself with but someone who respects who you are and will treat you the way you deserve.
Good luck | |
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| Some help me make sence of this
Posted: 5/27/2009 7:41:12 PM | I had a really good call with her yesterday as I posted. However last night she texted me I hope you feel better bla bla bla but ended it with "do me a favor tell Jon I miss him". I didn't respond and I ignored her texts today and then a hour latter she blew up my AIM (it sent them to my mobile then she blew up my phone and then called. I never answered. ..
I don't know if I'm going to ignore her for good or not but right now shes with a sex afender named Tom and thats all I need to know. If and when she cleans up her life I'll be here. I do still love her and would come to he rescue in a heart beat but right now she don't need me she has Tom and god only knows who else. Besides why call me and act all hurt if I ignore her I'm not her man..  | |
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| Some help me make sence of this
Posted: 5/27/2009 9:14:32 PM | Dude, I understand where you are coming from. I mean you are slowly recovering from a horrible relationship with the wrong person. I understand how you feel that you "still love her" and all that since she was the first girl you fell in love with, but you could definitely do better.
I don't know the whole story but she obviously didn't really love you, because if she did than she wouldn't have gone diking around with those other guys.
Just tell her to gtfo of your life, as she doesn't deserve you. Tell her she can go mess around with one of her several bf's for that. And btw, did you ever ask her to prove to you that she was pregnant?
Just try your best to put this all behind you. Next thing you know, you'll find someone who will really love you and won't cheat on you with a bunch of different guys and then claim she's pregnant to make you stay with her, while she continues to backstab you.
A bit of advice, try looking for people closer to your own age next time. You will find that someone your own age will be a lot more mature than your ex.
You can find and deserve someone much better, good luck and have fun on your journey  | |
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| Some help me make sence of this
Posted: 5/27/2009 9:40:37 PM | Thats just it I don't like my age there no fun lol  I could be wrong but what I loved about her was her immature fun personality. She called it her heywired side. One minute shed be singing to mama mia the next shed be choking me to listen to the sounds I make when I tried to talk. She was just fun. Not very bright at all way below average but she was upbeat and happy. Its hard to describe she just was such a kid at heart and yet IDK just fun to be with. She could act 14 or 40 romantic or slutty she had every thing...
sadly tho shes messed up in the head. As for the preg thing no one knows any thing. See jen was prematurely born and due to her size (5ft 89lbs) she has issues... I'm not going into details but shes very small every where and the chances of her getting pregnant is around 10% to 20% according to her gyno. Now she has very irregular periods were talking once every 6 or so months and her hormones are all over the place. So who Fing knows anymore. I was NEVER aloud to use a condom I would try but she would just hop on before I had a chance and shed just say "if you want to we can stop and put one on near the end) bla bla bla she never would let me crazy woman. Yea I know how stupid could I be but she was on the pill as well (Now I find out she didn't always take it). Now tho after being with 4 guys since me I can tell you this much. If I EVER hit that again it will be with a RUBBER 
The real question is am I really that lonely... Face it everyone.. I'm alone and hurt and she can make things all better at least for a while so if I don't find someone soon to keep me grounded and Jen don't push me away its going to happen. | |
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| Some help me make sence of this
Posted: 5/27/2009 10:01:57 PM | | no I know I know. Part of me sees it as a challenge and I never back down from a fight. I want her and yet I want her to be normal I know this wont happen any time soon. I just need to work on me and wait and see what happens. Maybe I'll meet some one else maybe me and jen can be friends or maybe more then that only time will tell. Shes been diagnosed with manic depression so maybe medication will help balance her out... (fingers crossed) If shes on anything yet IDK. | |
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| Some help me make sence of this
Posted: 5/27/2009 10:57:08 PM | WOW so much advice and it seems as if its going in one ear and out the other..boy,your 24 yrs old .she dont love you period.i dont think she loved you,does not love you ..and will never love you....seriously..i think she is thinking she can do watever behind your back and get away with anything.she is never going to change .now if shes doing this to you now what makes you think that shes going to change if you decide to get married...i dont think she will seriously i feel she might be married to you but she will cheat behind your back knowing she will always have a dumb guy to come home to if nothing else works out with anybody else.this is all a mind game and you need to accept this .i feel your in denial and dont accept that shes actually cheating and never going to change.now about using protection ,well, what if it breaks?what if shes got stds or aids .you know your going to be sleeping with all the guys she slept with also keep that in mind.SHES NEVER GOING TO CHANGEand no matter how hard you try YOU CANT CHANGE HER .and you never will.just take some time off for your self and ignore her .she calls you becouse she wants to make sure that if she dont meet nobody in her vacation or if her relationship dont work she can always come back to you until she finds someone else or goes back to her bf.
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| Some help me make sence of this
Posted: 5/28/2009 12:15:30 AM | | Dude... thats heavy. Lose her, take a vacation, get some strange and move on. "New" people tend to have alot of crazy stuff going on, fortunately, you've got the benefit of being 24. You're smart and deserve better. Good luck | |
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| Some help me make sence of this
Posted: 5/28/2009 12:22:19 AM | Sorry but I just have one thing to add. You don't use a condom???
She's already caught some nasty stuff, will you be happy when she catches something more deadly and without a care in the world pass it on to you?
She's not crazy she's unbelievably stupid and so are you if you continue on this path. Its not just her self destructing its you as well and you need to take control of your own life. | |
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| Some help me make sence of this
Posted: 5/29/2009 6:33:35 PM | I never used a condom no. At the time when we were very actuive I was her one an donly man and she only ever been with 1 other and I know Jon is clean. So we felt safe she got tested anyway before we started. Now tho yea I wont go near her without another test and a few months of solid dating. Its funny she called last night didnt ask about me or nothing she called to **** about jon and then when I asked if thats all she wanted she said "I didnt have to call you I choose to"
So yea I sent 2 texts after I hung up on her and hey were very clear and blunt. I loved her she ended us its over kinda texts. Well she didn't respond and I didn't care and then today at 10PM I got a call and she keeps crawling back. I got the I love you and I don't want you out of my life. I cant see you because of my parents but when I get back in the fall I am going to collage and I will have my own car and I can see you with out my parents knowing. bla bla bla She mentioned TOM a few thousand times so...
Drum roll please!!!
I Just enterd her number into my block list on my sprint account I am soo happy! *and soo upset thinking I just passed up a chance to be with her in the fall 
It is what it is tho Shes with tom and I cant keep getting hurt I need to move on. So hopefully thats the end of Jennifer. If she shows up at my place (she said Tom would bring her) I don't now what I'll do so if you see a new thread titled "Hey they got PC's in prison" then you know what happened...  | |
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| Some help me make sence of this
Posted: 5/31/2009 4:16:57 AM | Hey Josh.
Good for you, its the first step forward and if you keep it up you'll start to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Just don't let her waste anymore of your time, keep taking control of your own life and I promise you will start to feel happier again.
Good luck :) | |
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| Some help me make sence of this
Posted: 6/1/2009 1:06:54 AM | | You either have a head injury that you havent disclosed to us or you are one of the most pathetic and most ridiculous human being I have ever met...........I thought at first this might be a joke and then I started realizing that you actually are real and you exist which goes to show that the world is truly screwed if the young men of today are like you...........Listen get back your balls the girls has got them in her purse somewhere and she squishes them for good luck while you are brainless.............you either get the balls back or get a sex change because you are truly the most torturing human being to read in THIS PLANET...................UHHHHHHHHHHH | |
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| Some help me make sence of this
Posted: 6/1/2009 7:10:30 AM | | If you keep enabling her to play you, then you are asking for it. Don't give her that permission if you don't want to. Simple. Take care of yourself first | |
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| Some help me make sence of this
Posted: 6/2/2009 8:44:07 PM | Well apparently sprint let me down shes still calling me and things were looking up she wanted to go out to dinner bla bla bla then she talks about us and wanting to be with me bla ba bla. Then she pulls the Jon card and says she cant see me or be with me if Jon wont talk to her because hes my friend and her ex and its just to awkward.
today I went nuclear on her and I told her off again only this time i held nothing back. She said she never broke up with me she wanted time and I ended us (lie) and then she said she likes Tom allot and **** me and bye bla bla bla I said good **** off and die! I put my phone down I picked up my bottle of Everclear 190 and said good ****ing ridens!
Then a hour latter she calls with this innocent sweet and yet so sad tone and she says she don't want no yelling she just wants to talk. it was a I love you but I cant be with you you need to move on. I said great, good bye and hung up the damn phone 45 mins later. And so the saga continues...
$50 bucks says she will call me tomorrow  The funny part of all this.. Her dad Steve and Jon are meeting up tomorrow morning to go over a restraining order Jons filling against Jen. She doesn't even know its coming... Sure I could stop it like always but... well.. NAH!!!!!  | |
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| Some help me make sence of this
Posted: 6/3/2009 5:20:00 PM | | Yep I got a text and then she called 2 mins ago before bed. She just don't get it I'm not going to be used by her any more | |
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| Some help me make sence of this
Posted: 6/4/2009 5:59:35 PM | | Change your number Josh, its not hard. She's just messing with your head, take control of your life and cut her off. If she calls don't answer etc. You'll never be able to live your life otherwise | |
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| Some help me make sence of this
Posted: 6/14/2009 12:54:42 PM | Its funny you know a girl can say all the right things... She really had me going there she had graduation last night. She wanted to see me today and all of a sudden she goes MIA then tells me Tom is getting mad shes talking to me its not fair to him bye.
I don't get it. All these weeks shes been talking about US and wanting to see me and how tom doesn't treat her as well as I do and I need to give her time. Then this... Tom and I are meeting up he wants to go threw my phone it records all inbound calls. It has the last 3 months of jens phone calls about 6 or 7 hours worth a week. Just 2 days ago I was her number one bla bla bla she wants to meet me Sunday and get a body massage and she ended it with I love you. Yea hes going to ****ing flip.
Its funny I'm meeting up with Bri tonight as well... A friend I guess, she had feeling for me a while ago I'll see how it goes. Shes not my type shes a tomgirl and I'm into the princes types but who knows. I need some thing new... I'm just not attracted to her... But its what ever at this point every one thinks I'm going to hurt her shes a V and a bit heavy set not huge but heavy and I just dont know whats what I'm at such a loss I mean could I love her shes there for me I mean... IDK God Jen was so simple for me to fall in love with and it wasnt complicated at first either we just happened. Now I am stuck dealing with a mountain of shit that never stops growing. | |
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| Some help me make sence of this
Posted: 6/15/2009 11:30:54 AM | Well heres the end. I guess it needed to be said
Josh to jenj
show details Jun 14 (1 day ago)
Reply
Hey,
This is the last time you will hear from me but I have a few things I need to say to you Jen. I am really having a hard time putting my feelings into words and I really don't know what to say to you after the past 10 months but one thing is clear to me. I love you and you will never be mine again. The past few weeks you have said all the right things and you have given me such hope for us and yet in the end you always ruin every thing. You said I should wait for you and give us time.. You told me we had a connection and I was still your number one and after every thing the calls the talk about meeting up and heck even the talks about making love and my hands... You still in the end cut and run. You talk about your love for me and how I'm always there for you. You mention you needing me for court and how you want a future with me and some day a family. You say all these things and then the next day you act like I don't even exist!
That text Jen.. about how you talking to me isnt fair to Tom. WOW!!! Like any on this is fair to me! ME Jen!!! The guy you asked to marry you! The guy who bought you a ring... How is any of this fair to me? You call me acting all lovey dovy and talking about wanting to be with me again and then you say that this isnt fair to Tom... You knew him a few months you knew me nearly a year. The only thing that isn't fair is the game you play with mens hearts.
I gave you every thing I had to offer and I loved you with my heart Jen and that means allot to me IDK about you but you meant some thing to me. I cared about you more then anyone you were my baby my precious my yum yum and I never thought the day would come that I'd hate you... But God I do Jen, I hate you so much for what you have done to me. How you just threw me out like trash over Tyler, Scott, and now Tom. And after everything you done to me I stood by your side always and I still was by your side today. now tho after every thing after how you just threw me aside again today.. I thought you changed I thought maybe just maybe Jen really cares about me. Maybe shes telling me the truth and really does want to be with me. Then you went and did this... After every thing we been through how could you?
One things for sure Jen you arnt capable of love. You don't understand what it means to truly love some one and what it means when you tell some one there the one you want to spend your life with. That some one was you. Just know that you had a future with me and now you ended it before it even began. I may still have feelings for you Jen and I may still want to grow old with you but I know now that will never happen because of what you have done here today. You made a choice and it wasn't me... Don't call and don't write. Don't text and don't ever think of me again. My heart can't take it I swore I'd never cry over you again and here I am crying trying to type a email to you and I just can't take this any more. You must have no heart to have done this to me, no feelings at all... Your soo cold
I wanted to spend my life with you, raise a family and grow old together. I'm so sorry you never loved me the way I loved you. I hope some day you find a man who will love you and treat you as much and as well as I have. If you ever find your self alone and in need of help (emergency) you can always reach me at 215-679-**** Its my home number. But please only if its life or death I can't take any more games I'm to fragile now. My cell is changing if I can't have you then I must move on.
Goodbye,
Skittle- | |
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