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| should you tell someone when they are too negative or just not talk or ignore them?
Posted: 5/25/2009 5:13:24 PM | | I can relate to what your saying. It seems I am stuck with a bunch of cry baby co-workers. I wear ear plugs 95% of the time at work because I don't want to hear them belly achin about their lives, wives, and so on. I figure if its that bad do something to change it or shut up about it. The shiiiit gets old real fast. Its getting better though because they all think I am a mute now so they don't talk to me anymore. If they do I just give them the crazy eyes. | |
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| should you tell someone when they are too negative or just not talk or ignore them?
Posted: 5/25/2009 8:16:54 PM |
For example, isn't the "positive" feeling that house prices would go up forever part of the reason we are in such an economic mess? But if I had made a statement such as "Housing can't go up forever while real wages are dropping," I would be told very emphatically that I am a negative person.
Your example describes better than what I can come up with how much of the negativity is perceived. Perhaps 'negative' people think a little bit more realistically about things that can happen. Perhaps they are more risk-adverse. Perhaps they learn from history rather than make the same mistake twice. Or perhaps they are grumpy beyond recognition - I am not ruling that out either.
But to categorically rule people as negative because they say something unpleasant more than once is an easy gag on the opinion of those. How did Alan Greenspan ever get a listening ear? I just know that once he did, the world paid attention...
Let me get out my rose-colored glasses and pop a "happy pill" - I am going on a date! | |
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| should you tell someone when they are too negative or just not talk or ignore them?
Posted: 5/26/2009 6:06:04 AM |
that's the problem with overachievers "They think they know everything"
leave the psychology for the professionals
Actually, the "professionals" that abound today, in the media, in clinics, and on day time talk shows are pseudo intellects on human behaviour.
I have been to business seminars that attempt to "teach" successful "strategies" on managing people, conflict resolution and project objectives. They are a complete joke. It only works on paper, and in an ideal world.
Truly effective people, live in reality, not in ideals. They do what works, not what shoud work.
After being exposed to the business world since I was 5, and being in management and personal business for over 25 years, I've learned what works, what can potentially work, what can potentially fail, and what is doomed to fail.
One of my favorite expressions comes from a Bill Cosby comedy routine where he says something along the lines of " I don't know for sure what the formula to success it, but I do know for sure what the formula is for failure"
Words to live by...
but if he/she continues to be negative on a continual basis, then i'd personally avoid them... i do find people draining when they're negative simply because they find it a pleasure to be so, rather than as a desire to proceed with their life
Toxic behaviour is just that,....toxic. It spreads like an airborn disease and infects all but the ones with the strongest immune systems, but no one is totally immune.
Ask any person in a managment position. Toxic elements need to be identified, remedied, or eliminated. Period.
If you choose to manage your personal live differently, chances are, you are an expert at failing yourself... | |
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| should you tell someone when they are too negative or just not talk or ignore them?
Posted: 5/26/2009 6:40:37 AM | | I would put up with it once or twice at best, and try to get them to look at their attitude towards the events and transform it into something positive. However, after making the attempt to help them, I would either say that I don't want to hear about it anymore and if that didn't work, I'd avoid them. I have compassion, but there are limits to what I can manage - and the limit is usually when it begins to negatively affect my mental tranquility and happiness. | |
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majyk1
| | Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 59 | |
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| should you tell someone when they are too negative or just not talk or ignore them?
Posted: 5/26/2009 6:56:30 AM | I have to say that right now I am faced with the combination of the two, where ultimate positive thinking can be naive and destructive and ultimate negative thinking can be as well naive and destructive. It all started last week when after a mammogram and biopsy the doctor told my gf that she had a 95% of having breast cancer. But they needed the pathology report to confirm it.
I said, when you have 95 percent it's really a done deal, so let's look at what is not and plan accordingly. So in my head I looked at what level she was and came out with a rather positive approach to what the treatment would be. She in the other hand attached herself to that 5 percent of false hope. So when we got the pathology report on Friday, she was so devastated, she completely freaked out and fell apart, thinking that the end was near. She went from one extreme to the other, and along the way called me insensitive and all that. It wasn't until Sunday and last night, that we went and bought the book "It's not about the bike" by Lance Armstrong, who like me is a cyclist, and that is something that she has understood since she knows about all my accidents and how when you train you also deal with a lot of suffering and overcoming that she saw an incredible light, that sometimes based on something so horrible, so destructive, so painful you find an ounce of light, hope and energy to fight whatever comes your way.
So think positive. Fight with all you got. | |
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| should you tell someone when they are too negative or just not talk or ignore them?
Posted: 5/26/2009 7:05:34 AM | if you were on a positive road to your life and you were becoming more selfaware, what would you do if someone you had become interested in decided to share a bad day with you and that bad day soon turned into a regular topic of conversation. their boss is stupid blah blah blah.
I am (and have always been) an empathetic person - people, even strangers, feel comfortable (and are welcomed) to share their "bad days" with me.
But...there is a difference between having a having a bad day and groundhog day. As much compassion and empathy I have for people, I have no patience to listen to the same woes day after day after day after day after day if they're not willing to at least try and change their situation - that's where where my sympathy will quickly turn into a "put up or shut up".
Also, I have no patience for people who can't/won't take responsibility for their actions/lives, so if what's causing them grief can easily be solved but they keep blaming their boss/job/spouse/dog/the whole world for their woes, I will tell them to either put or shut up.
And because I believe in the motto of treating others like one wishes to be treated, I appreciate (and fully expect) others to tell me the same thing if and when I start complaining about things I could change but for which I am too lazy/stupid/complacent to do anything about.
A perfect example of this is my constant complaining that my upstairs neighbors are driving me nuts (and they are -> literally)...BUT...this has been going on for years and it's not going to change - calling the cops/management/retaliation via the broom/loud music have all failed - I'm left with two choices - move and save my sanity or stay and complain (and go nuts or nuttier than I already am).
The point is that I've exhausted my list of "sympathetic" listeners - now they just tell me to put up or STFU and that is what I (rightly) deserve to be told. The situation might not be fair but it is one where there is a solution - it's up to me to DO something about it and quit my whining.
Anyway, it's a fine line between having empathy for someone or a situation and knowing when to (kindly) tell someone to put up or shut up...in my opinion anyway and from my own (humble AND very humbling) experience at having been at both end of the stick...believe me, nothing humbles you like being given and brought back to reality with a large (and much needed) dose of your own advice ...
JMO | |
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| should you tell someone when they are too negative or just not talk or ignore them?
Posted: 5/26/2009 8:08:10 AM | Depression is organically and chemically based, molecular patterns may be abused before our own organism showed up !! .. like definitively attracts like in personality and companionship .. the OP says she is changing her life .. hence the liklihood of changes in organics and chemistry and as a result she is ready to move on, she is doing some things very different in her life so the mechanics of her life style are also changing ..
It happens alot on this planet .. the equation has changed because someone has changed .. bettering her position for better results .. it is rocket science..
Someone mentioned that suicide amongst teens is sometimes contagious or territorily based.. yeah.. it is also behaviourally and organically confined as well .. most are doing the same recreational drugs ..
My niece's best friend committed suicide last year doing a combination of street drugs .. my brother was quick to step in and find out what was going on in their social scene .. and intervened in getting the ball rolling to give transparency to a situation that was neglected... alot of the parents in this group did and still continue to be blissfully absent in the lives of their adolescence minds.. that is also a crime of the times...
The Op did not go into details about the fundemental ways she is changing her life but when you affect change in one area of your being to produce a result it will affect change in others.. If she knows that he is not ready to affect change and that he is into a pattern of "comfortable agony" and is staying there.. she has no other choice than to leave .. her spiritual journey is already been altered and even though her emotional ride is heavy she is ready to move on..
Now she knows what she doesn't want.... and very clear about what is now good for "her" ... a valuable transformation for self...
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| should you tell someone when they are too negative or just not talk or ignore them?
Posted: 5/26/2009 9:15:14 AM | | I would drop them like a hot potatoes, I met this guy I thought he was the man for me, All he talks is about his illness/his hatred to his exwife divorce for so may years/his kids, I was so sympathetic to him , he believes thinking positive is hocus pocus, and he was dragging me down so fast, even we seldom see each other and talking to him on the phone is tedious. The dating didn't lifted up the ground . I did not tell him the reason why I was so turn off with him what is the use ??? | |
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| should you tell someone when they are too negative or just not talk or ignore them?
Posted: 5/26/2009 10:22:06 AM | I went with someone for two years and 99% of the time nothing came out of their mouth but negativity. No matter what the subject always negative comments and soon it started affecting me and my thoughts and once being a very positive person I found myself becoming negative.
We broke up and it was like a weight off my shoulders not to listen to negativity 24/7. I went back to how I was a very positive person - no matter what life threw my way - surrounded myself once again with positive friends, old and new ones.
Negativity draws negative and positive draws positive into your life. Get out of the relationship(s) while you can as you may not recognize the subtleness of negativity taking a hold of you and changing your thoughts and outlooks in life. | |
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| should you tell someone when they are too negative or just not talk or ignore them?
Posted: 5/26/2009 7:58:29 PM | wow smell, You assume a lot
The Op did not go into details about the fundemental ways she is changing her life but when you affect change in one area of your being to produce a result it will affect change in others.. If she knows that he is not ready to affect change and that he is into a pattern of "comfortable agony" and is staying there.. she has no other choice than to leave .. her spiritual journey is already been altered and even though her emotional ride is heavy she is ready to move on..
Now she knows what she doesn't want.... and very clear about what is now good for "her" ... a valuable transformation for self...
This post was NEVER about me I have NEVER said i was making changes in my life I have NEVER said that this involves anyone who i might or might not be interested in dating or talking to.
I did not give you details BECAUSE THERE ARE NONE!
If you look at how warped your responses have been regarding this Im very glad that i am not posting about anything that is going on in my life - i cant imagine how it would feel to have someone twist my words like you have been doing - if i had some actual drama occuring in real life.... shakes my head in wonder. | |
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