|
|
|
|
|
p~s
|
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 26 | |
| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 5/27/2009 7:22:16 PM | [Well, bugmenot has NEVER seen any women living on their own. Where are you looking? All my female friends (and male ones) live on their own without roommates, parents, etc. So I have no idea where you're living or who you are meeting?]
He's 21, still wet behind the ears  | |
|
| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 5/27/2009 7:31:57 PM | I want to ask you, are YOU the one taking care of your parents or is it the other way around? You make it sound as though you've got a good job and are capable of independent living so why are you living at home?
I read your profile and it sounds to me as though your parents don't actually need you there, you're not doing much to contribute to their own well being . You're not living at home for the same reasons that those in the east do from what I'm understanding.
To answer your question, no one is taking care of anyone really . LOL. Someone taking care of another is not a prerequisite for living together. How about just plain ole family closeness? My best friend and his sister are in their 40's and they all live at home as one big family. Anyways, I think my mom and I both appreciate each other's company. Its a huge house and we do our own thing, have our schedule, so sometimes I dont even run into her for days at a time. As far as I why I live at home? 1. Save money so Ill have more when I really need it, assuming I do get married someday. 2. Why live in a tiny apartment when I can still stay in a 5,000 sq ft $800K home with a panaramic treeline and gazeebo/pond view. We have a Planned unit development where the houses back into a huge pond with a breathtaking view. People go "WOW" when they see it. The house is paid for, it cost her nothing for me to be here(ok maybe $80 extra in electric? Big woo. Its always been home for me, I have no desire whatsoever to get a small cramped apartment , much less get woken up every morning by all the loud noises you get at apartments (people cranking their motoricycle, blasting loud music at 3 AM etc) unless I have REASON to , like if I ever get married and have the need for privacy.
And let me correct you a little here, those in the east (Latin america , asia, most of Europe) ALSO live at home until they marry off, boys or girls. Its not only because they need to take care of a parent. They typically stay at home till they marry. Or, often, even after marrying they still stay at home as one big family, sort of like JR ewing in the old Dallas series. The Ewings lived at home and I dont think they "Contributed" or were needed there, right? . LOL. People who havent traveled and dont know other cultures first hand have no idea about this fact.
I cannot imagine explaining to my parents that I'm bringing a man over to the house or we are going to be busy in my bedroom. It would be ackward to say the least. So, my lifestyle isn't conducive to dating a man living at home.
Im at the other end of the house, hell, my mom doesnt even know if I have someone over. LOL. She's kind of like a Mr Magoo in that respect. She comes home and goes straight to her room and closes her door . But I rarley have a girl spend the night , just out of respect for her as she would not approve of that. BUt who cares, do we have to sleep with each other to date and have a relationship?? Not everyone is into premarital sex too. But admittedly, most girls I met had a place or a roomate etc, so if we did need to spend the night, we did it there. Throughout my late 20's and all my 30's, my ladies sure didnt care , and ya know why? Its cause they LIKED ME!! Frivilous BS like my living situation didnt matter to them, as it shoudlnt , at least not in a judgemental way .Maybe in a lifestyle way for some people it would.
| |
|
| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 5/28/2009 12:18:36 AM | [ ] Bragging about leeching off your parents is cool.
[ ] Women find men that still live with their parents very attractive.
[ X ] "Big Woo" is the technical term for "Unnecessary $960 per year spent on electricity."
[ ] Making references to an 80's era TV show to make your point is cool. | |
|
| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 5/28/2009 2:42:41 AM | Hi Steve,
Reading for the past couple of days, I just have to chime in.
First of all, I am really glad living at home has worked for you.
You have a VERY unique situation. You live a huge home where you can even go a few
days without seeing your parents.
But really, how many 30-40 something’s living with their folks can say this?
I left home at 18 because my mother drove me nuts. I felt stifled and smothered.
Her conditions were, 18 you will give me half your paycheck and I was still treated like a child. I can tell you, I would rather have lived in a studio apartment in some hole than to live in a 2 bedroom apartment with my mother.
There is such a liberating feeling of doing what you want with YOUR place. You can put whatever furniture you want, paint it whatever you want (if you are renting, within reason). If I want to watch Buffy the vampire slayer in my underwear with a forty in my hand on the living room couch, it’s not a problem.
Living with your folks at 40 is not “cute” or “endearing” and most families aren’t like the The Waltons, or the The Ewings or whatever fantasy TV situation.
I also see some perverse irony that the women you decide to be intimate with, you go to their place. Yeah, guess they aren’t living with mom and dad. Very convenient.
I’m not slamming your lifestyle, but I take exception to your attitude that America is going down the tubes because we lack family values due to the fact us single people aren’t living with our folks.
I can tell you for a fact that most of my male friends that didn’t leave home have very little ambition, just hang out and mommy cooks their meals and cleans their room.
As soon as they find a woman to leech off, they move into the woman’s home and their gf have to do all the things mommy did for them.
And, yeah, yeah. I’ve heard it all before. “I do everything for myself, mom doesn’t have to cook for me, I pay my bills, yadda yadda yadda.” But, I’m sorry, I have personally seen the opposite. Just my experience.
Hell, if my mom had a 800sq foot home overlooking a lake, was paid off and I could go for days without seeing her, it would be tempting for me also to live at home. | |
|
| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 5/29/2009 6:47:07 AM | Well in the north east (and I'm assuming west coast too and chicago metro area) things are expensive. You generally tend not to see people living alone.
http://boston.craigslist.org/aap/
most apartents start at nearly 875 a month (and thats for a studio). A full apartment nearly 1100 a month.
Compair boston to houston
http://houston.craigslist.org/apa/
And looking at regina (nearest city I can picture for p~s)
http://regina.en.craigslist.ca/apa/
that's cheap...that's DIRT cheap compaired to where I live near. Heck I'm assuming those are priced in us dollars. Canadian would make this nearly 7% cheaper.
On the same level I'm sure boston is cheap comapaired to LA or NYC (although there's price controls there)
Also with the housing bubble that was here when people can't afford homes then ended up in apartments. The demand went up but the supply stayed the same so therefore the prices went up for apartments. | |
|
| |
| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 5/30/2009 5:36:26 AM | | KPOOKS..lmfaooooooooooo no kidding. This has always been my thought. Okay, you meet a guy, a few dates later, we all know what will happen and what does the guy do? say "hang on, I need to shut my door" or even better "oh, lets got to your house, my mommy and daddy are home". I met one guy off here, he is now 42 and STILL lives with mommy and daddy. And of coarse he never told me until a later time (no more long distance deals because of this situation). Seriously, I heard EVERY excuse in the book. Bad economy, no job, bad life, mean x wife, mean x girlfriend, blah blah blah you name it. Sorry, I do not buy these "I HAVE to live with mommy and daddy" stories. I have worked 2 jobs sometimes just TO survive. But being alone and independent is a major important thing. For more reasons than one. I have also seen this same OP do nothing but bash "American" women...so he may be one of the type who is better off with RussianBride.Com....people who are used to living in huge colonies of multiple people in their homes and eventually wonder who the father of their baby is. Sorry guys, be independent or just keep living off the sugar tit. Learn to make it on your own. | |
|
| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 5/30/2009 10:51:31 AM | | I completely agree 'Imahotmess'. This topic is so overdone. If someone doesn't want to date you because you live at home with your mom then pick up your ego and get over it. That simple. Some guys only want fit women. I'm not fit. I don't care. lol Wish them good luck in their search and continue with yours. It's not rocket science. Also, the reason you're not getting enough dates on here might have less to do with your living at your moms home and more to do with the stereotyping of American women, Americans in general, the fact that your profile reaks of negativity, and then there's the paragraph on 'mom and son's weight loss story'. I mean really??? How about you tote your mom and your unpatriotic *** to Asia where you will be much happier? I'm proud to be an American. | |
|
| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 5/30/2009 3:27:18 PM | I think a lot of it does have to do with culture. I was chatting with a man on here for example, who still lives with his father and step-mother, but he is helping to support them, and his father had chronic health issues. He said in his culture (his father is originally from Albania) its not a big deal for adult children to live with parents. In some cultures, you'll have many generations of families that live together. But in America, it does seem to be less tolerated.
I guess due to my own personal living situation (I help to support my mother and brother financially due to some health issues they've had) if I meet a guy who still lives at home, it's not a big deal to me. However, it depends on how he's living at home. If he's mooching off of his relatives/parents, then I have a problem with it. But if he's making an effort to contribute financially to the household, then its not a big deal to me.
I suppose there is a certain amount of independence and emotional maturity that comes from living on your own, but for some of us, it just hasn't been an option due to specific situations. I'd actually love to live on my own, but I have two family members who are somewhat dependent on me, so that's just not an option at this time.
Also, due to the economy, we are seeing more adult children move back in with parents due to losing their houses, jobs, etc. So its not that uncommon anymore, for Americans to be living with parents, or a parent. Sometimes, circumstances change this for some people. | |
|
| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 5/30/2009 11:12:31 PM | the fact that your profile reaks of negativity
Teena Weena 2000, are you sure about that? LOL. The only part that will seem to reak as negative is the part where I briefly mention my preference for foreign ladies due to the poor values (high divorce rate and materialism here). The remainder of my profile is actually quite positive, you have to admit as much.
Look, I always knew that some American ladies will take offense to my viewpoint of most American ladies . No surprise there.
And no, I dont need to move to asia or leave america. For the most part, I have no complaints about America and especially for what she stand for, just complaints about many american ladies values when it comes to relationships and dating, ......their lack of humblness, and sense of entitlement, and high materialistic expectations. And Ive always said, I dont think ALL american ladies are a certain way. And in fact, perhaps you yourself are not that way. I do tend to find that the country, non city, type girls do tend to have the right values, as do many church going girls. Its mainly in the the city where you find most of the materialism, self entitlement (what have you done for me lately) type attitudes, and focus on dating men for money.
PS- I agree with the part about weight loss history (by the way, I did mention my freinds success too). My profile should be more about me and what Im looking for. I think it was a little odd to have that in there. Ive deleted that part . Thanks for your help : ) | |
|
| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 5/30/2009 11:19:15 PM | He said in his culture (his father is originally from Albania) its not a big deal for adult children to live with parents. In some cultures, you'll have many generations of families that live together. But in America, it does seem to be less tolerated.
THANK YOU!
100% spot on!!
Its ONLY america that has a stick up its butt about this issue. God knows why. Well, I do have my theory, .....we are not as close to our families as most other cultures. Most americans havent a clue that this is very standard and normal in most of the rest of the world. Most people havent traveled overseas enough to know this fact. | |
|
| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 5/30/2009 11:56:21 PM | I agree with Steve 100%. I live at home with my parents. My job cut my hours to 26 hours a week. I have bills. At the moment I can't even afford a studio in the ghetto part of town, and I won't put my son through that. Sure, this sucks....and its been the one and only major obstacle in my dating..but oh well..this is life and the economy really sucks. In addition, my parents are both in their 70's and there is no way I'm going to leave them by themselves.
And this is only my opinion and I'm sure I'm going to get skewered here...in my opinion the reason why a woman or a man living at home is such an issue is because alot of people are superficial. Sure, there's some people that live at home to be parasites, but some of us would rather live at home and be "uncool" than live in a homeless shelter or in a car.
I'd rather live at home and save up for when the economy gets better (crossing fingers) than be a parasite on the welfare system like alot of people do. | |
|
| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 5/31/2009 12:22:49 AM | Ya know, my mom's business partner is worth over 10 million, as such, you'd think he would be judgemental like so many American are about living at home. I had told him that I thought that maybe I should move out and get a apartment in order to expand my dating pool. But to my surprise, his response was: "steve, man, if I were you, I wouldnt worry about what other people think. Did you know that in most of the world, there are people struggling just to find a way to stay alive and feed themselves? Why worry about such a irrelevant thing as what people think about how you live your life. If the american girls are so shallow as to make judgments about you based on that, its their loss. You should go find yourself a foreign lady who could care less about something like that., there's plenty of foreign ladies in the US these days, so it shouldnt be a problem. "
Point is, he is also very well traveled and he already knew that foreign people dont really see that as an issue.
| |
|
| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 5/31/2009 5:21:26 AM | I am no expert on foreign culture, but I do know that in general in this country (not every case geez) adults still living at home with their parents are viewed as having a lack of responsibility and having financial difficulties. In some foriegn countries the adult children (usually men) are expected to do such because that is their culture and they are respected for that. So, in essence, they are playing the expected role in their society and are respected. We live in a wealthier country where most older adults can take care of themselves without needing their adult children to move in. It is expected for the children to be self sufficient and out on their own as adults. It is not that we are shallow, materialistic, etc. and again if someone doesn't want to date you because of it (or any reason really) then why waste your time being angry and insulting them? It's their preference. I had a guy once tell a friend he stopped dating me because I didn't have any pictures on my walls and my house was more like a dorm room (I just moved). LOL I let him know what I thought, he apologized, I got over it and we have been friends for 4 years now. The point is we all have things we prefer in a mate and even if it is something we don't agree with such as having better decor so what? Get over it and find someone that appreciates you for who you are.
Steve you are right I am a country girl with country values. I think maybe if you rephrased what you say about American women into what you said about the country/city values people would not be offended like they are. Also, good move on deleting the weight loss story lol. | |
|
| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 5/31/2009 7:51:41 PM | 42 is old but consider this...sometimes children have no choice but to take care of their parents. If you are listed as the power of attoney you have no choice.
Nursing home care is easily 10K a month...vermont recently started a program called choices for care that allows someone to take care of a elderly relative or friend (they get paid $10/hr) they get to stay and keep their homes.
In much of europe people take care of their parents and in italy it isn't uncommon for someone 40 years old to still be at home.
In much of asia it isn't uncommon to have parents and grandparents at home.
Not to put a historical spin on things but consider this. Back in the day people had large familes to tend to farms. And the concept was that as the children got older they could collectivly care for their parents. That worked to a degree in north america up until the time of slavery. Since it didn't exist in the same form outside of north america this is the result.
So in retrospect if the baby boomer generation has lost a chunk out of their pension/401k/IRA and their house is down significantly in value who will take care of them if it isn't a company or the government? | |
|
| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 6/1/2009 7:44:46 AM | Give me a break, I'm closer with my family than anyone I've ever met...Its not a question of right or wrong or how close you are with family...its a question of why in gods name would you want to live with your mom and not strike out on your own.
This just sounds like trying to find some self excuse as to why you don't want to strike out on your own..If your finding people don't respect that in our culture, well they don't and you don't live in china. | |
|
| |
| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 6/1/2009 4:52:51 PM | Silly americans the majority of the world says "so what?" and we can not get past the hollywood advertising view of the world. So many things here are all about Appearance over substance. If you can not find a way to look beyond the way it is supposed to be in the fairytale world that does not really exist to see what the reality of the situation might be, not to say that the situations you describe do not exist and I have to add that I do not know anyone else who moved home for the same reason's but ....
Just my 2C. I not only moved out but moved across the country. Then ended up moving back and then back in with my mother when it became obvious that she could not take care of the property anymore. She had diabetes and lost feeling in her feet. Long story short she was able to stay in her home until the day I took her to the hospital the final time. I paid rent and utilities and unless my truck was broken did not borrow her car. If you want to tell me this was wrong fine but I say go walk that same road on the other side of the street and come back and tell me you have no regrets. I took care of the person that gave me life and worked everyday of mine from before I was born until she retired three years before she passed. I have no regrets. I cherish the time I got to spend with her because I was there and now she is not. | |
|
| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 6/1/2009 7:16:18 PM | Women typically want some sort of security or understanding that a man can take care of them. Doesn't mean we don't want to work outside of the home, just that we want a man we can look up to, someone that can hold it down and someone we don't have to take care of.
Living at home is, and SHOULD be an issue for every single woman out there, at least in this (American) culture. The reason is: How can you take care of a family if you can't even take care of yourself? You need to get your life together first, then proceed into a relationship. That goes for both men and women.
If you are age 30 or over, its really hard for me to swallow why you are living at home or why you are endeavoring to pursue a relationship if your life is not together yet. We all have roles in this society. Women typically have the role of being the "homemaker", even though we are working outside the home. Men still have to play the role of provider. If the relationship should mature....where will you live?...who will be responsible for being the typical head of the house? Women want someone that can hold it down, not someone we have to take care of. And although EACH PERSON'S REASON for living at home needs to be be taken into consideration, it certainly does not mean it shouldn't be something important that women look at.
That being said, of course there are all kinds of women out there, you have to find the right one for you. If you are living at home, its good to find someone who is okay with that. Maybe on down the line she will take care of you, or maybe she will move right on in with you into your parents house and you will all live together mooching happily off your parents, I mean living happily with your parents. But don't judge women negatively for having the insight to want a man who is responsible. | |
|
| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 6/1/2009 7:49:40 PM | | This is a truly sensitive topic. Yes a woman should have the sense of security she needs to know that a man should be able to be responsible and that he will treat that woman with respect love and compassion. The exact same qualities that are exemplified when a child has to take care of a parent because she/he is now alone due to the untimely death of their husband/wife. It is truly sad to see how many selfish women there are out there who want a man to be responsible yet don't understand how unbearable it can be to be alone after so many years of marriage . Yes you would want to have a beautiful meaningful relationship with someone understanding and compassionate and yes it can be very difficult to cultivate a relationship when you have to care for a parent that is alone, just as difficult as it is for a single parent with one or more children. And yet " love me love my kids " seems to go over better than " love me love my parent who is alone and cannot take care of herself/himself like they did when their husband/wife was alive ", it's just sheer hypocrisy on the part of those who think just because a man/woman lives at home taking care of their parent that he/she is irresponsible. Some children as all single women with kids never had that choice, they are bound morally and ethicly to take care of their parents/kids giving up their freedom, and sacrificing everything they had and who they were to do the right thing only to be judged harshly and wrongly by ignorant selfish people who can't be depended on to do the right thing, and you wonder why these people don't have someone who loves them??????? | |
|
| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 6/2/2009 12:20:48 AM | Cherry444, who ever said that if a person lives at home that they can't take care of themself? Who ever said that a person living at home couldn't take care of his partner should he move out to live with her? Whoever said that if you're living at home , that you don't have your life together. These are all extremely ignorant assumptions. Not everyone who lives at home is doing so because they can't afford their own place. Duh!!! Myself, I have over 75k in savings and I own a house I rent out. I have a great job to boot, so excuse me, but I must say I consider myself as completely having my life together!!!! If you disagree, then let's compare bank and stock accounts, assuming you're measuring that by liquid assetts. LOL . So your stereotyping that people living at home have no money to afford their own place or can't take care of someone is a 100% flop. And if someone is at home because they can't afford their own place, then I just guess they are losers and shouldn't dare think of having a loving relationship with anyone right? They should just go crawl up in some corner and die huh? Is this how cold heartedly we americans think? If so, we americans are a shallow, cold, and selfish people!! We seem to care so much about $$$$$$$$. Look , maybe the woman makes 75k and the guy works his ass off and makes 21k. (or vice versa)Combined together, that's about 100k together, so what's there to worry about??? Ohhhh, I see, it's expected that the man makes more than the woman right? And also, it's unfair that she would be contributing most of the support and somehow that makes him look like a leach or that she is just supporting him. I thought we were in the new feminism era where it doesn't matter anymore who makes more.
Now, why can't we turn the tables in this feminism equal rights political environment, huh? Why can't we say "a man won't feel comfortable with a woman living at home because he wants a woman who can hold up her end of the bargain and help support our family needs after we marry". I mean, hey, woman are making as much as the men these days. I'm going to start judging and being critical of woman who are still living at home. I expect her to prove she can equally contribute to our family. How's that sound , huh? | |
|
| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 6/2/2009 12:50:37 AM | You are lucky that you have a huge house with your own wing so really it's like living in a self contained apartment as such, you are not living in each others pockets like many would who still lived with their parents.
Personally for me though i find independance very appealling and i would find it off putting if a guy still lived with his parents, though not if it was just a brief turn of events while they resettled due to move/job change etc. | |
|
| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 6/2/2009 6:45:35 AM | | You know what the other poster is right, you are an azz when it comes to Americans. Why don't you pack your bags, reject your citizenship and move to another country if you hate America and Americans so much. Steve2600. It pisses me off when some self righteous jerkoff thinks its slick or trendy to be Anti-American. I'm sure plenty of us will gladly take a collection to buy you a one way ticket to another country the only condition is that you turn over your American passport. | |
|
| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 6/2/2009 9:11:55 AM | Does buying a house in the valley your family primarily owns count? We can bs ourselfs all we want but we know american men want to be king of the castle and american women want to be the princess their daddies always told them they were.
Other cultures do not have the stigmas that go with living with relatives. In particular I find the oriental cultures approach to family quite appealing. Incidentally this is one of the reasons I purchased the house I did and I'll be buying one of the last 3 houses in the valley that our family doesn't own in the next year. Family should look after one another, and that includes parents (if they're still alive). | |
|
| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 6/2/2009 4:22:28 PM | I agree and disagree with you on this...
I disagree that women outside the realm of the internet don't care if you live with your parents. TOTALLY untrue. They do care. If you're over 25, you're a loser in just about any woman's eyes. So if you're in that situation, yeah, don't reach out and date, ESPECIALLY online because it gives no room for exceptions, which is where I do agree...
... women (and guys I imagine) are more superficial when "shopping" online for the opposite sex. They automatically assume you very well may be kind of a loser or have issues... it's "chic" to bash online dating and the folks who indulge in it, out of their embarassment of doing it themselves or horror stories they've heard. An uphill battle. That, with all the selection they have at their finger-tips (great ratio for the ladies), they will be much more picky. They don't want to spend their time hearing how it's very understandable that "Guy A" may be living with his parents -- "Guy B" is one click away. My advice is not to go online shopping in this dept unless you are ready to date.
If you're a guy, over 25, and living with your parents? Uhhh, yeah, not good. Maybe in Europe, but not here, online or off. | |
|
|
| Page 2 of 6
|
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 |
|
Home
login 
