| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 6/2/2009 8:22:37 PM | Fatandsassee, I know the truth hurts ; )
Look, every culture has it's positives and negatives. I've been simply pointing out our culture's negatives. The fact is, we are not inline with the rest of the world on this issue because we are harsh and judgemental on such a frivolous issue as this that has nothing to do with who you are as a person, yet people judge you based on this. I'm posting on this subject so some people can realize the false stereotypes that people have and to point out that America is in the minority on this issue which most people don't even realize. | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 6/3/2009 3:00:22 PM | | Steve, why do you feel it necessary to point out how much money and material things you have, but yet bash Americans for being shallow? Those in glass houses should not throw stones and honestly anyone can say they are independently wealthy online. When someone constantly brags so much about something it appears even moreso to be a lie. You can state your opinion without throwing in the nonsense about how much you say you have. Also, even if America is in the minority on how we view this topic that really isn't relavant either. We live here, not there. | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 6/3/2009 8:45:41 PM | There are sometimes good reasons to live at home ( although I would rather peddle pencils on a street corner).
But what I have found from the many I woman I have asked for fun, is that its ok that a woman lives at home with parents for any number of reasons.... BUT, if a MAN lives at home with his parents... WATCH OUT... HE'S A LOSER?
Interesting.... no? I find similiar hypocrisies with incomes and other interesting subject matters non related to this particular forum.
It's too bad really. Maybe this will change one day... maybe for our great grand children. | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 6/3/2009 9:57:12 PM | Steve, why do you feel it necessary to point out how much money and material things you have, but yet bash Americans for being shallow?
It should be obvious that I was countering the one person who , like so many, is assuming that those who live at home cant take care of themselves nor take care of another person, or are doing so becuase they are too poor. I couldnt think of a better way that to throw that out there as evidence against such stereotypes. I just mentioned I have sufficient savings and own a home, I dont think thats going very deeply into "material" things. Half the people on here probably own a home, not a big deal. Oh, and by the way, having savings or owning a home does not mean you are shallow. But judging someone or choosing who you date based on money is shallowness!!
Teena Weena, gosh, if you keep responding to my posts so often, I just might be forced to think you have taken an "interest" in me. Hmmmm??? ; ) | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 6/4/2009 10:28:08 AM | I have experienced this myself. My story is, I have recently divorced and have 2 kids. My sister is living in a home I co-signed the mortgage for. She and her husband divorced a few months before mine. My sister couldn't make her mortgage payments, I needed a place to stay and someone who would help with my kids as they are young and I work and go to school. So. I moved in with her temporarily, she and I and her kids are the only ones living there, I don't really see any difference between that and being a roommate with someone else, I mean I still have to pay rent.
Here is what happened, I was chatting with a girl who emailed me first on here. We were getting along very well, have alot in common and a mutual attraction. I explained the situation up front and more than once. We made a date, she is sending me emails how she is so glad we met and then all of a sudden right after she asks me again why Im living with my sister, she stops responding to my emails. The only thing I can conclude is she does not like the living situation, I'm pretty sure she is chatting with someone new who probably has their own home or whatever, It's just too bad these ladies cant see the WHOLE picture. You know the fact that I have been at the same job for over 5 years and am going to school full time to better my finances and that I am responsible and take care of my kids. | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 6/4/2009 11:10:25 AM | It would depend on the reasons why a person lived at home. Yes there are people that live at home because they are lazy or unsuccessful. But I think it is wrong to assume that is true in all or most cases.
1. Some people ( especially in their mid to late 20s ) are saving up money to buy a house. Houses can be expensive in certain parts of the United States.
2. Some people may have lost a job or had to take a huge pay cut due to the economy
3. Some people may have been recently divorced and needed a temporary place to stay.
4. Some people are taking care of sick and elderly parents.
All of my examples have applied to at least 1 person that I knew. | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 6/4/2009 2:54:54 PM | I think you brought up some very important points. Culturally, Spanish and Asians live in or near the family home for the most part, while (dare I say White) Americans generally can't wait for their child to turn 18 and be on their own. From what I've seen, the cultures where adult children live at home, they generally complete their college educations, marry and have their own family at a younger age, and are deeply family oriented.
I ended up living in two different countries where the children would never even dream about leaving their family homes, and either live in a wing of the home or build their own family home right next to their parent's home. It's beautiful! The family gathers daily for meals and just to hang out together, and has a very close bond. No elderly parents or grandparents sitting at home with no one to talk to or take care of what they can't do themselves.
Now, if the man is living with his parents because he CAN'T make it on his own is a whole different story. That would likely make a woman feel that he is unstable and not a good partner for her.
Whatever the case, sometimes I wish the American society didn't feel the need to push their children out of the home when they are not mature enough, or financially stable enough to have a good start on their lives. | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 6/4/2009 4:21:48 PM | | Steve, I'm afraid it would never work with us. I like my men to bleed red white and blue lol. No, it is not shallow to own a home, have money, etc. It is, however, shallow to brag about it even if indirectly. It is not shallow to factor money into who you want to date. There's nothing wrong with wanting to date someone who is financially 'stable'. I could care less how much money someone makes as long as he can take care of himself and pay his bills. That doesn't make me shallow. | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 6/4/2009 4:41:45 PM | I recently moved back in with my mother. I am 34 and have lived on my own, with no roommates since I was 19, in San Diego (not the cheapest place to live). I made the mistake of following my heart to Oregon, which got burned...badly. Because of the current economy, I moved to Texas to get back on my feet. We own 104 acre ranch in East Texas, I work two jobs on top of that, am working on getting my business off the ground, and I rent a room from my mother. I am going 6 if not 7 days a week.
Hell my truck payment (which I have had since I lived in San Diego) is nearly $600/mo. I pay all my own bills, pay in for food, and pay rent. I also do my own laundry. I am not a freeloader, moocher, or lazy sob...I am well known and liked in this town because of my profession, and I am a sweet caring guy. I don't feel that just because my address is the same as my mother's, that makes me some irresponsible freeloader.
If I were living in my mom's basement, in my 'lair', didn't have a job, didn't have any motivation or aspirations, I can understand that labeling, but I am none of those things.
So, I am responsible with my bills and such, so why is living here so different than living in some cramped apartment with a roommate? Its a nice ranch house, lots of property, very rural environment... | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 6/4/2009 6:33:10 PM |
It's just too bad these ladies cant see the WHOLE picture. You know the fact that I have been at the same job for over 5 years and am going to school full time to better my finances and that I am responsible and take care of my kids.
Yep, you got it. Thats a typical reaction for most american ladies. Just date foreign ladies, they dont care about that, wont JUDGE you over it. Though, like I posted, there are indeed "some" nice american ladies out there who wont judge you over that. | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 6/4/2009 6:41:05 PM |
I ended up living in two different countries where the children would never even dream about leaving their family homes, and either live in a wing of the home or build their own family home right next to their parent's home. It's beautiful! The family gathers daily for meals and just to hang out together, and has a very close bond. No elderly parents or grandparents sitting at home with no one to talk to or take care of what they can't do themselves.
Whatever the case, sometimes I wish the American society didn't feel the need to push their children out of the home when they are not mature enough, or financially stable enough to have a good start on their lives.
Amen. Exactly what Ive been saying here.
Americans really fall short in so many ways compared to foreign cultures when it comes to family values in general. Some here get upset and angry when I say that, but its true. We are very harshly judgemental about something that is really normal in most of the world. And no , it doesnt mean Im anto american. It means we have our weaknesses as every culture probably does. | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 6/4/2009 6:44:52 PM |
I pay all my own bills, pay in for food, and pay rent. I also do my own laundry. I am not a freeloader, moocher, or lazy sob...I am well known and liked in this town because of my profession, and I am a sweet caring guy. I don't feel that just because my address is the same as my mother's, that makes me some irresponsible freeloader.
Amen again!
But sorry to break it to ya, in America IT DOES mean that! At least by most. Get used to it ; ) | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 6/5/2009 10:24:34 AM | | I had a relationship where the person I was with lived at home with their parents. I don't think someone living at home is an issue. What is an issue is why. If the reason is to save money, can't afford to live on your own, that is something that can be overcome. What is detrimental is when the person stays at home because they cannot make it on their own emotionally. If you are looking for a partner, this is not someone you want. You will never be partners, not as long as that emotional crutch is there. You will either be rejected for trying to get in the way of what they have, or they will grab onto you as hard as they did their parents, making you more of a parent than a partner. If you like that, then you will be OK. But, from personal experience, it is not fun to deal with. | |
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| What I've discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 6/6/2009 8:47:23 AM | Sadly it is the many double standards that exist. Women living at home acceptable. Men lviing at home unacceptable.
Just like a man living at home helping his mom out is frowned upon by most women. Because in a woman's eyes and man is supposed to be close to his dad and a woman is to be close to her mom. And if there is no father around the man is to be independent and on his own.
Sad but true. I don't judge anyone, as long as they are doing thier fair share at home and contributing. Then it is no different than a roommate. But women want men to have thier own place so they can go there anytime, and eventually get a key. Women will stay at home longer than men as well. | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 6/6/2009 7:06:33 PM | Steve,
It's nice that you are caring for your parents.
I agree with the poster who said, this is only seen as a problem in the United
States. I live with my Dad. Not by choice, but because I was a dumbass with
my finances, and I'm trying to slowly, but surely get out of this situation. There are all kinds of reasons for living at home, and the media with its constant refrain of
"you must be a loser if you still live with your folks." is insane.
Don't let the judgmental people get you down.
If you think people judge for living at home, you should see how they judge
you on your sexual experience, or lack there of. In other words, people suck, but there are good ones out there, so you should always keep looking. :)
Good luck to you. :) | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 6/6/2009 8:34:06 PM | | Wow is this a whinefest or what? Look not everyone is going to like you in life. Most of the people on here seem to focus on the negative. I'm so glad I'm a positive person with enough self esteem to handle a little rejection now and then (for whatever reason) without boo hooing and being angry for no good reason other than being in denial. Also, for all you bashers of American morals, culture, etc. how about consider living in Africa where female castration is a part of their culture... still think ours is worse? The U.S.'s good far outweighs the bad. Negative attitudes will keep you single for a long time. | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 6/6/2009 8:41:21 PM | Steve, It's nice that you are caring for your parents.
Well, a correction is due. I dont live at home to help my parents. : ) My mom is, well, extremely well off and at 73 is doing just fine. Just thought Id correct that realy quick : )
and the media with its constant refrain of
"you must be a loser if you still live with your folks." is insane.
Oh yes, it is VERY well ingrained into the American Psyche, my favorite ones are the Wall Street Journal commercials. Those were actually funny. Its only an american phenomenon, and maybe a few other Western cultures closely related to us. You wont find this judgemental belief in 90% of the rest of the worlds cultures. Just stating some facts here : )
Oh and Teenweena, I just have one thing to say to your last post,.."Waaaaaaa" ; ) | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 6/6/2009 9:11:28 PM | Wow, what is going on here. Ive been on this forum for god knows how long , never got emails and now suddenly since this particular post, Im getting emails galore. LOL. This is too funny. LOL. I got several positive ones from foreign ladies agreeing how this is a strictly "American viewpoint" and they find it strange too how so many americans judge people over that. Also got a few ladies living who are living at home also who just want to express support for what Ive posted. WOW. Quite interesting indeed. Its interesting to see the DIVISION that exists out there. Very interesting.
Hey, I got it. Im going to start the "living at home dating club"!! What ya think Teena Weena? It'll be a smash hit! Or, Im sure you would have me call it the "Anti American dating club" LOL!! Well, whatever I call it, Ill make enough money from it to FINALLY be able to afford to move out on my own!!! HAllellujah, praise be the lord! !!!!! | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 6/6/2009 9:18:41 PM |
Oh, grow up! There is nothing attractive about a 41 yr. old man living with his mother. What does this say about you?
Mmmm, to be honest, this mostly depends on who you ask. If you ask a foreigner, it says nothing. If you ask an american, it says you are a loser without a dime to your name. Hope I answered your question to your satisfaction ; ) | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 6/6/2009 10:13:16 PM | Another thing I thought about when I saw your post (again) is that I really don't like all the anti-American sentiment. I'm very proud to be an American and feel blessed to have the opportunity to live here. Are we a perfect culture? No, of course not, but this is a great country. It bothers me, Steve, that you feel the need to put down the country you live in.
I just wanted to say that I'm personally upset by the anti-American sentiment. At one point, your sentiment was just towards American women. Now, it's against our country. What a shame! | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 6/6/2009 10:57:26 PM | Some people will say anything for a green card I guess.......... lol.
Ha ha ha, veeeeery funny Teena Weena. Whew, you are just too much ; )
Well, I guess I need to clarify. These were foreign girls who are CURRENTLY living in the US!! LOL. I guess I should have clarified. A few latinas and one asian. All in the US already.
PS- And I just got another PM, a canadian lady(ID- only.looking.for.one. ) who wants to be part of my fan club. How endearing ; )
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 6/6/2009 11:04:28 PM | Another thing I thought about when I saw your post (again) is that I really don't like all the anti-American sentiment. At one point, your sentiment was just towards American women. Now, it's against our country. What a shame!
Hmmm, then I wonder what that big fat american flag is doing hanging on the wall of my bedroom. (See the new photo I just added to my profile as proof!!!)
SHucks, I guess its just there for austerity reasons,...NOT!!
Heck, I even got good ole Elvis up there too(the ultimate of American culture icons). LOL
Good try though. LOL
Not too many people I know has one of those hanging in or outside their house. Do you? In fact, Im extremely patriotic. My father was an aircraft carrier pilot in the 50's, he flew panthers. Alot of my family is in the military actually.
To be honest, I love everything about our country except a "few" behaviours and harsh JUDGEMENTAL attitudes of our culture as discussed here. As I said before and as cannepers said, every culture has their weakness and this is one of ours. | |
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