| | What Ive discovered about the living at home issuePage 5 of 6 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6) | | Ok lack of maturity and responsibility AHHA!!! I do not think anyone can be judgemental of an individuals position in life ..... No one knows ones past history that may have given not an option of moving out or moving back rather than owning ones own place, I am a 35 year old woman who comes from a stable family who had the fancy house flash car etc with my daughters father, this broke down and had no option to move back home ..... Well i did if i wanted to go to the council say i was homeless drag my daughter to a hostel before been placed in a run down dirty council House at the worse place in the city ..... No Council Houses here.. If i did not have my gorgous daughter believe you me i would not even be in this city, My parents are part of her stability in life i work full time have a good job and pay my way so i find it very offensive the comment u have made, thats whats wrong with this world people judge you who dont even know you. | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 9/21/2009 12:47:32 PM |
There are certain types of debt that are absolutely appropriate and expected (i.e. rent/mortgage and car payment). If you are being "murdered" by either or both of these then maybe you are living beyond your means & need to re-evaluate your spending.
o.k. so I should have said "dying a slow death" instead. you're absolutely right, mortgages are almost impossible to go without, however I disagree with your theory that you have to be bound to it for longer than you have to be so you can be "independant."
as I alluded to before person A moves out at 20 years old and gets a $200 000 mortgage with 10% ($20 000) down payment and say the average interest rate is 5% , over the life of their 25 year ammortization period, and person A will pay out in the neighbourhood of $313k when they're all said and done.
Person B however stayed at home for several years and saved up more money and gets the same principle ($200 000) mortgage and interest rate (assuming the rates are equal for both persons and they rise and fall the same) , but doubles their downpayment with their extra savings to 20% (or $40 000), AND they knock it down 5 years to a 20 year mortgage instead. Person B will pay barely $5 a month more but by the end of it save over $60 grand compared to person A.
I know it's a hard concept to grasp, but spend a couple years at home now to save another $20 grand to add on so I can save $60 grand by the time I'm ready to retire (not to mention in addition to my RRSP contributions).... I'd say it sounds worth the wait. | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 9/21/2009 1:15:12 PM | | However you choose to justify mooching off of your parents is perfectly fine with me. Live and let live. I just said I would not date anyone who lived with his parents. It's not an attack on how you want to live your life. It's just a personal choice I have made. | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 9/21/2009 2:15:47 PM | Thats cool with me each to there own but the welfare of my child comes first dont mooch for anything deary why would i bring her up in an undesirable area when she can have what she has here a huge garden horses in the field beside house woods along the back bike track country school half mile along the road with 40 odd pupils in the whole school rather in one class, And the effects on my parents when she aint around goes without saying.
I would be the selfish one to move her ... The benefits for me owning my own property ... Bring back tom****n harry when ever i want WOW what a miss NOT , not interested in one night stands love. | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 9/21/2009 2:42:51 PM | | Not sure why you assume that a woman who owns her own home must be doing so for the purpose of having one night stands. I have my own place because I'm independent. My parents raised me & taught me the necessary life skills to be able to take care of myself. I'm divorced as well and have two kids. We moved into a small apartment in a good neighborhood and my boys shared a room but we were happy. Having a big house with horses and private country schools is not all that children need & doesn't teach them anything about life. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day, teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 9/21/2009 4:34:46 PM |
Absolutely would NOT date a man that lived with his parent(s). I don't care the reason, it's just not something I'm interested in doing. Grown man needs to have his name on a lease/mortgage somewhere. If he stays with his parents overnight on occasion because they are sick, no problem. But every single night and he doesn't have four walls and a roof of his own? No way. Come to think of it, I wouldn't date a man with roomate(s) either.
Wow, so a guy is to ONLY stay overnight occassionally if his parent(s) are sick? Wow, and this is to impress women? So that it makes the guy look better to not be helping out his parent(s) when it is needed but only if it is convenient?
If my mom got sick, I do not have a dad around as sorry he passed on back in 1991, then I would NOT make my decision based on what a woman who wants to date me would prefer. Nor would I care if it threw a wrech into my dating life. Family comes first for me, and always will.
I have seen friends turn thier backs on parents when in a time of need all because he would not get a date as women would right away frown upon him for "living at home"
In my eyes, those type of women are not worth the time of day.
I do not believe that ANY woman would NOT help out thier parents be it that it would be bestter to move in with them or have them or if it is one parent, move in with her so she can take care of her/him or help her/him out.
Shows us though how we feel about parents in North America. Raise us and then "See ya, you are cramping my style mom and dad" and then when they are in need of help for whatever reason, be it finincially or health wise, throw em in a Seniors Home and leave them to be because god forbid someone may not like you for helping them out YOUR WAY.
As i say I could care less how anyone judges me because I am sure not out to impress the world with whatever I choose to do in my life.
Again, family comes first.
AOh and it is conveniently interesting how when a guy is seen living at home with his parent(s) he is automatically presumed to be mooching, but women always say they are never mooching off thier parent(s) if they live at home and men ARE supposed to believe that. I doubt it very much. | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 9/21/2009 4:41:29 PM |
Not sure why you assume that a woman who owns her own home must be doing so for the purpose of having one night stands
wild guess, but it's probably the same reason that you assume that anyone living at home is "mooching" | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 9/21/2009 9:31:15 PM | | Hey, I live at home and I am 36 years old but it's only because I have a 'disability' AND for someone who is therefore limited in life, I've managed to save up a nice sum of money to where I can do whatever I want when I want. Sometimes I even like to think I'm better off than a lot of other people that rent their own apartments just because it's less of a headache for me not to have to work 3 jobs at once just to make the rent. Besides, what is 'money' anyway? It's just a piece of paper that divides people into classes and turns human beings into '***holes'. Just sayin' | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 9/22/2009 6:01:03 AM |
So that it makes the guy look better to not be helping out his parent(s) when it is needed but only if it is convenient?
You are absolutely missing the point. I think it's great if people take care of their ailing parents/grandparents. But you can take care of your parents and still be an independent adult with your own place. The two things are not exclusive unless of course your plan is to wait for your parent(s) to kick it so you can have the family roost to yourself.
I guarantee if you took a poll of all the people over the age of 22 years old who are living at home, I bet you most of them aren't living at home because they have an ailing parent. They are living at home because they (1) want to save their OWN money so they can buy themselves nice things or (2) have screwed their credit up because they didn't know how to be responsible the first time they left home and now can't afford to take care of themselves. | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 9/22/2009 7:49:44 AM | It makes me laugh this discussion how the hell you can all make judgement on other peoples stand in life look after you and your family the way you feel fit, I feel the best way for me to bring up my child and give her the best from life is staying wher i am, I have a very demanding job which if i was not at home and no other support would not be able to do, Maybe i unique in this situation but yes i save money no t much by the time i pay rent pay electric pay for upgrades to the property its a real family home two dogs cats etc, I would be the selfish one to move out into a two bed room flat..... taking my bern away from her stabillity , Her dad walked out... and had to listen to her tell me mum we wont go on holls we wont have this ot that but save all our pennies to get a man to find my dad ? so a bern of 3 that does not forget thing who is now near 7 has had enough to deal with in life and does not know anything else rather than where she is, is her home, do not think i am some moocher who has not tried over the last 6 years would i up root her and move to Aberdeen to live in a big Fancy Barn conversion life the life of riley ... WHO would be the MOOCHER there yes could of married him and
two years later divorced him and took half of everything ? I the only woman in the world that has not taken a penny of any man i ever been with, my daughters father took everything and the last guy i dated for over a year took 6.5 grand of me towards a deposit on a house for both of us and disappeared , so how i irrate i feel towards u rightnow, prob get every benefit under the sun ? while others do whats best for their kids and there family. YOU CANNOT JUDGE PEOPLE FOR WHERE THEY LIVE OR HOW THEY LIVE THERE LIFE, WHY SHOULD ANY ONE HAVE TO JUSTIFY THERE REASON ....? OR IS IT JUST JEALOUSY THAT SOME ARE LUCKY ENOUGH TO HAVE THE LOVE AND SUPPORT OF THERE PARENTS AND THAT LOVE AND SUPPORT CAN WORK BOTH WAYS. | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 9/22/2009 8:10:15 AM | I'd love to respond to the verbal fit you just had but I didn't understand a thing you said. Use some of the money you're saving by living with your parents to take a grammar & writing course.
I did manage to get your last sentences. No one is judging you. If you don't see a problem with what you're doing, then why do you care what other people (particularly complete strangers) think? | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 9/22/2009 8:51:53 AM | | Ok you severly got a chip on your shoulder with regards to people who live at home sorry for you lass that u have such a dim view of people who do the best thing they see fit I a 35 year old woman not a 22 year old who wants to buy designer clothes i suggest you take a look at your own life and stop judging others maybe go out into the real world and experience and listen to others rather than been so judgemental. WOOPY DOO you have your own place so what !!!!! you obviously have no respect for others and regards for one self. | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 9/22/2009 8:59:52 AM | My FWB lives with his parents, or rather, THEY live with HIM.
After his mother was diagnosed with Alzheimers and his father retired, (Dad doesn't know how to cook, do laundry, etc...he was brought up to "bring home the bacon", not do the frying!) he discovered that installing them in HIS home, he could keep an eye on them, keep them safe & not have to put them in a home. They are a very close, loving family, and he couldn't turn them away. My FWB pays the rent/bills, and does the cooking & cleaning up for his parents, and in return gets peace of mind (although privacy seems to be less).
I'm proud of him & can only hope my sons would do the same for me if needed. | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 9/22/2009 10:11:52 AM | | The dynamics of internet introductions and meeting someone in person are different because in person, the chemistry, if it exists, is right there from the start. If a women already thinks you're hot, she's going to try to justify a lot of things in her mind, because of the emotional pressure of the attraction. No such chemistry exists on the internet, so seeing "i live with my mom" in your profile has a lot of power that it might not have in person. | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 9/22/2009 11:51:06 AM |
you the type of woman that gives us a bad name
Yes, women who have standards usually aren't liked by those who don't. Not wanting to date a man who lives at home is no different than not wanting to date a man who smokes, or does drugs or has kids. It's called personal preference and doesn't make me judgmental. You can approach dating as an equal opporunity situation if you choose to and act like everyone deserves a chance at wasting your time. But I appreciate my free time and don't wish to go on dates with people who lives a lifestyle I'm turned off by. | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 9/23/2009 2:35:59 PM |
I guarantee if you took a poll of all the people over the age of 22 years old who are living at home, I bet you most of them aren't living at home because they have an ailing parent. They are living at home because they (1) want to save their OWN money so they can buy themselves nice things or (2) have screwed their credit up because they didn't know how to be responsible the first time they left home and now can't afford to take care of themselves.
Or 3 they just have a bad paying job and can't afford to move out. 22 is rather young to be moving out, especially if you're short of friends who have decent paying jobs. I've seen deadbeats and not everybody who lives with their parents are deadbeats yet alone "screwed up financially". | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 9/23/2009 5:13:07 PM | If you learn how to be responsible and take care of yourself in the process, then I see nothing wrong with sleeping on the street rather than staying with your parents. Whatever will make the point clear to you that you need to be responsible for yourself because you are no longer a child. If you feel you need to throw a temper tantrum and threaten to sleep outside, then so be it. You're grown. Whatever floats your boat.
I personally don't believe in staying at home simply because it's easier and more convenient, because you get to save more money, have nicer things, go on fancier vacations, have a bigger home (someone else's bigger home) etc. All these things are possible because someone else is supporting you, same as when you were a child. I don't think that is anything to brag about when you are an adult.
I'm curious as to when exactly, if ever, is independence a goal? And if you have children, how do you teach them, by example, to be able to care for themselves? After all, in most instances, our children will do what we do.
I just usually think ahead, and this is what would go through my mind: 1. Where will we live? I don't want to live under someone else's roof with someone else's rules...2. Can he even manage a household? Does he know how difficult it is and how much he has to juggle? How much practice has he had if he (or she) has been sheltered for years as an adult?... 3. Will I be absorbing most of the responsibility because he has no desire to do such? Because he's been living at home and his parents have been shielding him from real responsibility?....In the words of Tyler Perry 'I Can Do Bad All By Myself'.(interestingly Tyler Perry was homeless and living in his car right before he made it big. I'm sure it taught him discipline and that hard work pays off).
I really feel that the bottom line is that everyone has to decide for themselves how they are going to live their lives. If someone chooses to live at home, for whatever the reason, that is their choice. Anyone who might date that person would need to decide if that's something that bothers them or not. If it doesn't then it's all good. The traits and characteristics that we look for in a partner VARY from person to person. | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 9/24/2009 10:16:24 AM | Still haven't seen a single post yet that can support the claim that living at home automatically means you're irresponsible or mooching/having someone else pay your way. As a matter of fact, the posts so far are supporting the opposite, where independance doesn't equal responsiblity whatsoever. Not only are the independant freaks grossly failing here, but they're making their own independence look rather unsophisticated and immature.
I remember when my best friend lived in an apartment where all the other tennants (and the main reason why he left) were welfare bums that drank booze, smoked all sorts of drugs and basically lived a life of crime and "mooching" off society, yet not a single one of them lived with parents.
So best of luck picking your "independant" winner. Enjoy your cheap beer and smokes!
But I digress; this IS the internet, where judging books by their covers is not only accepted, IT'S PROTOCOL! | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 9/24/2009 4:51:34 PM | It is bizarre that if a GUY is living at home helping out his parents, WOMEN think he is full of shite and mooching off them, but when WOMEN are living at home it is said that she is helping her parents out and she is NOT lying.
Sad double standard.
Also why would someone have to live elsewhere to help out thier parents? Just so he impresses and gets the passing grade by a woman that he at least NOT living with his parents or parent? Seems well ok for women to fully judge men on everything from Income, Living Arrangements, Type Of Car Driven, Type of Job, Type of Friends. But never do the exact same to women because that is a no-no.
One friend of mine refused to let his mother move in with him because he felt it would cramp his style and women would not like it if he did that. His dad had passes away and then his mom got laid off. She ended up living in a shelter. Have to remember, saving for first and last months rent is not easy when you have bills and rent due, then have a less amount of income to pay it all.
Well he refused to help his mom out in any way. He is proud to say he never had to ask for thier help and his mother should learn to fend for herself.
Sad but shows you how much power a woman has over a man when it comes to who is more important to him. His parents or someone he is dating or wants to date.
I'd let my mom move in with me so she could get herself on her feet again if needed. She did raise me, why would I care what some woman who I want to date thought? If she felt my mom should not move in with me then I would say you are not the woman for me then. | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 9/24/2009 7:11:25 PM | Other than YOU, who has said that EVERY SINGLE person living at home automatically means they are mooching? Clearly since you have such a negative viewpoint on the subject your own conscience must be bothering you.
If your parents are supporting you, then they ARE paying your way. That is the reality. If you don't like it, then change it. Don't tell responsible women that we should be okay dating a weak man who refuses to take responsibility for himself. Men like that NEED to be at home or get a sugar mama to take care of them. If you want to live your life that way, then find someone who is okay with that.
No one is saying that if a man lives at home there are no other positive qualities about him to love. That's ridiculuous! But one very, very important quality is the level of responsibility, and like it or not, you are a man, and you are expected to be able to hold it down, or at least make an honest endeavor to try.
With more freedom comes more responsibility. Most ppl can't wait to get out from their parents house so they can do things their own way. That is what people who grow and mature want to do. There fore, it says a little something about your character if your sole reason in living at home is to simply have more responsible people take care of you like a child.
Only YOU really know the answer to why you are living at home, but I believe that if you were as responsible as you IMPLY that you are, you would be totally comfortable with your living arrangements. It sounds to me like your conscience is bothering you. | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 9/24/2009 7:24:08 PM | for "Forums001" :
This friend of yours who refused to help out his mother....It's best to draw on your own experiences because you don't know all of the issues that may have gone on with this man and his mother. If he is "proud to say he never had to ask for their help" that should tell you right there were some deep-seated issues going on between him and his parents which had to do with why he was refusing to help her. If he felt that she was never there for him in the past and he had to scrimp and scrape just to get to where he is now, this may be why he was not there for her when she needed him and would not want to cramp his style for someone he felt was nonsupportive in the past. Classic 'Cat in the Cradle' syndrome. But that's HIS business, right or wrong.
For YOU, you would let you mom move in. I would let my mom move in too. So what?
Women want to know WHO is living with WHOM because we want to know if you are responsible or not. | |
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