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| Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 5/26/2009 10:05:45 PM | | Any kind of contact, outside of a committed relationship, CAN be cheating. If it is not within the agreed boundaries. Shell, kissing is only fun, if both agree not to make an issue of it, otherwise, it's cheating. If I saw my Gf kissing another woman, the relationship would be over. | |
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| Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 5/27/2009 5:11:58 AM |
The point is, cheating is cheating is cheating.
I disagree. "Cheating is cheating is cheating" is seeing the world in only black and white colors, and we all know that the world consists of massive amounts of gray. If you do recall from my original comment, yes, TECHNICALLY a gay relationship behind your significant other's back is cheating. But REALISTICALLY, bisexual men (more so than bisexual women) are in a tough situation.
You've all heard the saying, "If you live in a glass house, don't throw stones," right? I don't think any of us live within exclusively black and white colors. None of us are perfect.
I think it's absurd to even entertain factoring society this or society that
From your entire post, Miss Priss32, I feel you were sincerely trying to offer a valid opinion, but your comment about it being "absurd" to factor in society is way off base. It's the VERY reason bisexual men go behind their significant others' backs. If the world were entirely accepting of bisexual men, then every man in a relationship with a woman would be upfront from the beginning and say, "Honey, I'm bisexual, so would it be okay if I have sexual relations from time to time with another man?" Yeah, right, how often do you hear about couples having those honest discussions? Answer: very, very few.
Flash back to reality, you have a bisexual man -- a man with a real part of himself, with real desires -- who can't act on those desires because SOCIETY puts such an incredibly tough stigma (of which I listed all the negatives in my first post) on him. So he remains closeted. Ultimately, his desires get the best of him. He's a human being, not a perfect robot.
Back to the glass house analogy, imagine having a strong part of your identity being cast aside and ridiculed by society. Imagine being made to feel bad about it, ashamed even. So I think it's not entirely off base for a bisexual man to cheat from time to time. I know those words sound terrible to the black and white crowd, but I think it's a by-product of an intolerant society. Kind of a "what did you expect" sort of thing.
Yes, I think we should all strive for honesty in a relationship, but I think the bisexual factor is unique. If you're going to use the word cheating in this instance, then it should have an asterisk beside it. | |
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| Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 5/27/2009 8:45:14 AM | Coming from a zebra I find the whole black & white analogy causes me to giggle...
Honestly if someone needs to sample outside of a committed relationship you poor bisexual then why go into such a relationship? Just date around until you find someone you can't live without. It's a piss poor excuse to say a bisexual needs to be with both male and female... I say if you can't make up your mind on which makes you the happiest then don't commit to someone... you would need to find someone who knows going into a relationship with you that you wish to remain in a "open" relationship. There are those out there who want that.... don't deceive someone... | |
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| Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 5/27/2009 8:55:07 AM | My GF cheated with another girl. She tried to tell me it wasn't cheating as it was "same sex"... I told her the other person is still a human being... and no matter how you look at it, it's still cheating...
Apart from all that, you can still get STD's etc if someone cheats no matter which sex they cheat with... so it's also potentially life-threatening to their partner if someone cheats... | |
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| Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 5/27/2009 9:37:14 AM | I don't have to say anything.....
"People and their double standards amaze me.
The "As Long As I Can Get My Rocks Off To the Dirty Little Details Afterwards"
mentallity is gonna bite you in the ass one day."
And here's another good one:
"Obviously, as long as it turns a man on to think of his woman w/ another woman.....
then it's OK!
Till his woman meets a woman that gives her oral like she's never recieved from a man.....and leaves him for her.....
then she is a two timing biotch!"
I hope you people are reading this......
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| Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 5/27/2009 10:02:16 AM | | i caught my ex with our dog once! i thought it was cute! lmao ughhhh yeah it is cheating!!!! | |
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| Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 5/27/2009 10:05:39 AM | | Um, yeah. It's still cheating if you've agreed to be exclusive and the other has broken that covenant. I'd think it'd be even more insulting, crushing and deflating to one's ego to have your mate stray to the same sex ("My God--I turned 'em gay!"). | |
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| Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 5/27/2009 1:50:57 PM | Zebra Circle:
Wah wah wah!
Stop crying about being bisexual and not being able to have the best of both worlds
(at someone else's expense no less and risking their emotional and physical health in the process)
and accept responsibility for your actions!
You should really know better by your age.
From your entire post, Miss Priss32, I feel you were sincerely trying to offer a valid opinion, but your comment about it being "absurd" to factor in society is way off base. It's the VERY reason bisexual men go behind their significant others' backs.
People go behind people's backs because they are dishonest not because of any external stimulus.
"Cheating is cheating is cheating" is seeing the world in only black and white colors, and we all know that the world consists of massive amounts of gray. If you do recall from my original comment, yes, TECHNICALLY a gay relationship behind your significant other's back is cheating.
Some things in life ARE black and white.
Just because you try to fabricate excuses to justify your behaviour doesn't make it any less wrong.
It's the VERY reason bisexual men go behind their significant others' backs.
They can't be THAT significant if you are willing to go behind their back.
If you cannot commit to one person, regardless of their gender, then simply don't enter into a committed relationship. Have an open and honest relationship instead.
It's your whiny sense of entitlement here that is pissing me off and the fact that YOU just don't get it.
If the world were entirely accepting of bisexual men, then every man in a relationship with a woman would be upfront from the beginning and say, "Honey, I'm bisexual, so would it be okay if I have sexual relations from time to time with another man?"
Yeah, right, how often do you hear about couples having those honest discussions? Answer: very, very few.
Very few because the men you are talking about aren't being honest about it.
Don't you think that the woman in that relationship deserves to know the truth about what she is entering into?
Of course the entire world is not accepting of bisexual men for the very reasons you are putting forth...
most, by your account, are dishonest.
However, some women are very tolerant of this behaviour.
You need to put it out there and be honest about it up front like someone would be about having herpes or any other communicable disease.
And I am not equating being bisexual with being diseased.
I am simply saying that there are certain things in life that people need to know up front about a person in order to make a healthy and informed decision.
Medically speaking, a woman is at a much higher risk of getting an STD/I from a bisexual man than a heterosexual one. Especially if he's going behind her back. And yes, I got that info from a medical doctor. He agreed that it was not politically correct to say but then MY health is his main priority so who really cares about being politically correct?
Why do you think you (bisexuals) are so special that you deserve to have your cake and eat it too at another's expense?
You've all heard the saying, "If you live in a glass house, don't throw stones," right? I don't think any of us live within exclusively black and white colors. None of us are perfect.
I can honestly say I have never cheated and that I know I never will. It's not who I am. I admit I am not perfect. However, being imperfect does not give me the right to intentionally deceive someone.
Yes, I think we should all strive for honesty in a relationship, but I think the bisexual factor is unique. If you're going to use the word cheating in this instance, then it should have an asterisk beside it.
Your 'logic' is flawed on so many levels.
And you don't sound like you are striving for anything, let alone honesty, seeing as you are not even self aware enough to realize that cheating is wrong. Period. No freaking asterisk!
Just because you are a 'unique' bisexual you think you deserve to have both a man AND a woman in a supposedly monogamous relationship?
Do you think you have the market cornered on desire?
What if I happen to like both brunette men AND blondes?
By your logic, am I then entitled to have an affair because I because I think I 'uniquely' deserve to have both even though I have committed myself to only one?
What if a hot, bald guy comes my way and turns my head? Can I have him too?
Your pathetic attempt to show 'mitigating circumstances' would be completely laughable if it wasn't actually so sad.
At least by posting your views on this subject anyone who wants to have an intimate encounter with you will at least know that honesty is not a high priority for you up front and will then hopefully take the necessary precautions.
If someone is going to lie about their sexual orientation and proclivities then it's a safe bet to assume that they will also lie about their blood work results.
You are really giving bisexuals a bad name here as I am sure that there are many that are actually able to commit to a monogamous relationship or at least be honest about having an open one. | |
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| Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 5/27/2009 3:34:57 PM | Accidentally In Love,
Whew ... where to begin with such an absurd thread and rambling such as yours. You didn't go to college, did you? Or if you did, you don't get out much. Or you live a sheltered life.
Let's start with this quote because you seemed to use a variation of it a lot:
What if I happen to like both brunette men AND blondes?
LOL! I don't recall there ever being a case where this question was put on a ballot for the public to vote on. I don't recall there ever being an outlash against people with blonde hair vs. brunettes. Name me one person you personally know who is a closeted blonde (or brunette). Just one, that's all I ask. I'll save you the effort and answer for you: you can't!
You see blondes and brunettes don't have to lead a secret life, like bisexuals do because of the KNOWN ramifications involved if they do so. So your entire analogy is baseless and void of any merit.
Now let's examine this quote of yours, shall we?
Why do you think you (bisexuals) are so special that you deserve to have your cake and eat it too at another's expense?
First, I can see that you have a hatred toward bisexuals (probably gays, too). Where did I ever say that we're so special that we deserve to have our cake and eat it, too? You think it's a blast to keep a part of yourself hidden because if you revealed it to the world you'd be ridiculed, have hateful remarks thrown at you, had violence done to you, possibly lose your job, and other negatives? Yeah, that's a special person all right.
You see, straights can have their cake and eat it, too, because they're biologically geared toward ONE person. There is no other feeling or desire they have to deal with. So bisexuals are a little different; there's an attraction for two genders. One, however, is made to feel shameful. So where's the fairness there?
Like I said, it would be great if the world didn't even have a term for bisexuals (or gays) or straights. To use your lame analogy, there were bisexuals in the world just like there were blondes or brunettes in the world. Different, but nothing to really think about. All could coexist in harmony. But the world doesn't work that way, does it, Accidentally In Love? Even you should be able to acknowledge that.
So I stand by my statement(s). Yes, we should always strive to be honest with each other, but I can certainly understand -- and not be the least bit surprised -- when a bisexual man (or to a lessor extent bisexual women) needs to experience what is a part of him without being brave enough to tell his significant other. Because of intollerant people toward bisexuals (and gays), this is the VERY reason most stay closeted.
So if you decide to respond, give me something intelligent to work with next time; otherwise, I have nothing else to say to you. | |
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| Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 5/27/2009 5:05:53 PM | YOU Zebra Circle are the one that is missing the point here.
There are definitely shades of grey when you are talking about sexuality but not integrity.
You see blondes and brunettes don't have to lead a secret life, like bisexuals do because of the KNOWN ramifications involved if they do so. So your entire analogy is baseless and void of any merit.
What I meant was that you cannot have everything in one single package regardless of your sexual orientation.
But I don't believe that was the issue...cheating was... and nobody said life was fair but can you seriously condone your actions and dishonesty by fear of repercussions?
ALL actions have consequences and being bisexual does not exempt you from this fact.
Nobody is going to be completely satisfied with their significant other in EVERY way humanly possible but if you are in a monogamous relationship you do the best you can.
The problem I have is that you are willing to put a woman's life at risk and lie to her about your cheating.
Why do you think you have that right?
You see, straights can have their cake and eat it, too, because they're biologically geared toward ONE person. There is no other feeling or desire they have to deal with. So bisexuals are a little different; there's an attraction for two genders. One, however, is made to feel shameful. So where's the fairness there?
You're the one who is separating people here based on sexual preference.
Unlike you I see people as people and if the person was interesting enough I could see myself being interested in anyone.
I don't see myself as being completely hetero if you are judging by the Kinsey Scale.
I like lesbian porn but I've never kissed a girl so I don't really know if I'd like it or not but I DO see myself as being completely monogamous in EVERY relationship if that is the understanding between us.
But break it down even further and you can go on forever with the possibilities.
Are you merely attracted to a person based on their sex?
As for having your cake and eating it too I was referring to what you said about men being in relationships/married to women and being on the 'down low' as you say.
What gives you the right to cheat on someone and lie to them about your faithfulness?
You see, straights can have their cake and eat it, too, because they're biologically geared toward ONE person.
Straights are geared toward ONE GENDER not one person!
And the argument was about cheating.
It does not matter that you are attracted to more than one gender it matters if you can be monogamous.
Simply being attracted to a single gender does not make monogamy easy.
Attraction can happen for many reasons and just because you are bisexual does not give you a free pass to be disingenuous.
First, I can see that you have a hatred toward bisexuals (probably gays, too). Where did I ever say that we're so special that we deserve to have our cake and eat it, too? You think it's a blast to keep a part of yourself hidden because if you revealed it to the world you'd be ridiculed, have hateful remarks thrown at you, had violence done to you, possibly lose your job, and other negatives? Yeah, that's a special person all right.
I have no hatred towards bisexuals or gays...just prevaricators.
Where did I ever say that we're so special that we deserve to have our cake and eat it, too?
Right about here. (See below)
Realistically, how can getting something on the side be anything BUT cheating?
I'm merely saying that, realistically, I can easily see why a bisexual guy might not consider a sexual encounter with another guy as cheating. He loves his girlfriend/wife -- is generally happy with her -- but he craves a blowjob, handjob, or sex with another guy from time to time. Yet because he knows the lack of tolerance for such desires, he can't just open up and tell his significant other -- not matter how much he'd REALLY like to.
And why do you feel the need to tell your employer about your sex life?
I don't share that kind of information with anyone not in my immediate circle.
(And now, apparently, with the people on this forum ;)
I take issue with your lack of integrity and your 'woe is me' attitude not your sexual preference.
Why can't you just be honest with the people you are sleeping with?
There is no shame in being gay or bisexual and you don't have to tell EVERYONE about it!
Just the people you plan on sharing your body with!
I can understand that you might not want to out yourself to a man and risk getting beaten up but you don't run that same risk with a woman (although you probably would if she found out you'd been cheating with men behind her back...the key phrase being 'behind her back') and you owe anyone that you are intending to sleep with the courtesy of being honest with them considering the risks you take with your body could have negative consequences to their health.
YOUR kind repulses me!
And by 'your kind' I am not talking about gays or bis...love is love after all...I am talking about liars.
Not that you'd recognize intelligence if it was sitting on your face but answer me one simple thing:
If you know that you are incapable of being monogamous due to your bisexuality then why can't you be honest and simply state that fact up front to your prospective lover? | |
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| Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 5/27/2009 7:20:09 PM | being bisexual is no excuse to cheat.
I agree........if you want both worlds......don't commit to one of them. | |
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| Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 5/27/2009 7:24:51 PM | | Yes, it is the same as "normal" cheating. But I think if I caught my man with another man, I would probably join in before getting really mad at him! | |
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| Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 5/28/2009 8:53:13 PM | In my eyes, cheating with the same sex is worse than with a person of the opposite sex. If a person isn't upfront about their desire for people of both sexes, then how could you assume that they'd be truthful or upfront about anything?
I.E. Girl comes home to her dude banging another dude.
Now not only has he cheated on her, but he's also lied to her (by virtue of omission) about having homosexual tendencies.
I'd consider it a betrayal and move on. | |
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| Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 5/30/2009 8:48:56 AM | The only way its not cheating , is if your partner knows about it and is fine with it
other wise its cheating.
I being bisexual know this very well | |
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| Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 10/24/2009 9:02:32 AM | | If you need to keep it a secret from your partner, it doesn't matter if it's gay, straight, phone sex, or cybersex it's all cheating. | |
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| Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 10/24/2009 11:30:56 AM | | Cheating is going outside of the boundaries you and your partner set up when you got together. If you didn't actually discuss what would or wouldn't be cheating to you then you have to base it on what you honestly think their reaction would be to anything you do. | |
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| Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 10/24/2009 12:06:41 PM | | If the understanding was you are exclusive, no matter what your sexual preference is, yeah, it's cheating. | |
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| Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 10/25/2009 9:36:50 AM | I think the matter of what is "cheating" depends on the agreement between two people. If your agreement is to be completely monogamous, then it doesn't matter who the other party is.
I know a few hetero couples where the guy tolerates the woman having occasional encounters with other women and doesn't consider it cheating.
As far as we've come in being more tolerant of homosexuality, it's still a big taboo for a lot of people and probably difficult for many men to integrate about themselves. There are men who don't realize they're gay, get married, and then figure it out. There are men who realize it but think getting married and having sex with women will "cure" them. And there are men who are bisexual and this creates a dilemma. Some bisexual people have no difficulty being monogamous but some have a hard time giving up sex with one or the other. If they have an understanding partner and a strong relationship, they may be able to be open about it. However, not all partners can deal very well with such a situation. This creates a real bind: either give up the possibility of that aspect of yourself and live with the frustration of it forever or be secretive about it. It's a tough situation to be in.
No matter what, if your partner believes you are being monogamous, make sure you take measures to protect them from getting any STDs. | |
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| Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 10/25/2009 9:49:00 AM | | I am gay and it doesn't matter if you are gay or straight cheating is cheating. It is all about what the couple descides are the boundaries for the relationship. If the couple decides that they can "fool around" on each other occassionally well that's their rule. However, if the couple is supposed to be committed that's a different story. | |
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| Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 10/25/2009 7:24:07 PM | cheating is cheating, if ur doin it behind the person's back. i am bisexual, i have a bf and i did have a gf. we all knew about each other, my bf and i have discussed me having a gf for a long time since he knew im bi and he doesnt want to have a gf cuz he only wants me thats our agreement, he is very happy with me.
it is called open relationships, my god ppl sayin its cheating. how is it cheating when both partners have talked and agreed with an open relationship? i am not cheating on my bf and he isnt involved with my relationships with women. everything has been laid out on the table and there are no issues.
my ex gf was dating me, she was not dating me and my bf. i dont go to bars clubs or parties just kissing girls that i do not know. i have never kissed anyone i dont even know anyway. our (bf and i) relationship is secure about it bein open, we would have lots of communication which other cpls dont know how to do anyway.
bein bi, gay, str8, les, ts, queer, etc doesnt give u the right to cheat i dont care if u r mono, pansexual, asexual, polyamorous, etc. | |
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| Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 10/25/2009 7:33:27 PM |
it is called open relationships, my god ppl sayin its cheating. how is it cheating when both partners have talked and agreed with an open relationship?
The general concensus is if you have discussed it with your partner and they agree to an open relationship.......it's not cheating.
We only think it's considered cheating if you are not honest w/ your partner about it.
No matter what gender your partner is. | |
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| Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 10/28/2009 8:46:17 PM | msmicki,
i agree with ya. women would ask me did i discuss my bf about an open relationship? i said yea if i didnt discuss it why would i put oh we have an open relationship? my ex gf got the nerve to scan me to make sure i wasnt recruiting for sex yet her ass lied to me about bein in a relationship with a guy! in her pof profile, it didnt say anything if she was dating a guy so i saw oh shes single. she didnt tell me she had a bf until 2 weeks later.
i always put in my ads that my bf always known about my sexuality and is fine with me having a gf and its open yet i get ppl askin me 21 questions! ive met women who i didnt know had bfs/hubbies and their relationships were always a mystery to me. i met a woman who wanted to meet me, near the end, she confessed about having a bf but he doesnt know shes bi! lol i cut her loose.
i am always honest about how me and my bf's relationship is constructed. if the woman doesnt like it then she needs to find someone else (those must be the mono women i keep meeting) yet i cant seem to meet women who are honest about themselves or where they stand. ive met plenty of cpls who lie about their status, the ones who lie are the ones who are obviously cheating and their relationship isnt open, trusting, nor secure. | |
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| Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 10/28/2009 9:26:56 PM | I think that we need to arrive at an "objective definition" of what "cheating" is
Here's mine:
"Cheating" is a violation of the "agreed upon" definitions of "others/exclusivity/terms of your "relationship"
Notice I said AGREED UPON. That definition requires a DISCUSSION between the two of you about WHERE your RELATIONSHIP actually IS. In BOTH of your minds
If you DONT talk about it.. then you cant have YOUR FEELINGS hurt, by the actions of your "other" By that I mean.. that your OTHER "may" do things. HOW you react(your feelings) is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY..
Never ASSUME that a particular act.. such as having sex.. having sex often.. having sex on a regular but not EVERY day basis MEANS something.. the whole issue of it MEANING something makes me think of Cameron Diaz in Vanilla Sky..
SHE thought that since Tom(i'm a headcase cultbelieverscientologist)Cruise had "CUM in her FOUR TIMES" and it "MEANT" something.. made it a significant "relationship" and it was SO significant.. she DROVE THEM BOTH OVER A BRIDGE TO APPARENT DEATH.
Now. THAT was a "Strother Martin" moment.. from Cool Hand Luke
What we have HEEEEERE.. is a FAILURE to COMMUNICATE.
So.. back on track.. Cheating.. is a violation of AGREED UPON terms of the relationship.
If you havent SAID it.. you cant EXPECT it. | |
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