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Posted: 5/27/2009 7:40:05 AM | I've gone three years before in a completely monogamous relationship.
I'd also like to know if the length of time a person can be faithful is perhaps foreshadowed in their ability to restrain from having sex between relationships.
I've never seen any correlation. In fact, being in a relationship sometimes makes a person a magnet for the opposite sex. There are more opportunities to have a number of different partners when one is in a relationship than when one isn't, so being celibate while single is not a guaranteed precursor to future faithfulness. | |
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Posted: 5/27/2009 8:14:41 AM | | I've gone 25-plus years in a completely monogamous relationship. As spitfire noted, the other issue has no correlation - if I'm dating, I'm probably not going to abstain. | |
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Posted: 5/27/2009 8:24:24 AM | | 1 year. Then things just sorta naturally fizzled out, her work was more important anyway, so we mutually split. | |
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Posted: 5/27/2009 8:46:55 AM | Here's my thought process on "the correlation" ...
I think (but have little experience to reference with long term monogamy) that if a person abstains from casual sex whilst single or dating/having sex with one person at a time would be more likely to maintain a relationship than someone who was used to changing partners frequently.
I ask because in my experience with dating I feel like sex becomes a topic within the first 1-3 dates and I can only assume that men I meet are hoping to gain that chance without discussing the LT potential. It's RARE that I've been asked if I'm sexually involved with someone else when they make advances and it's typically assumed that I'm being pursued by different men but it's never been expected that I am a relationship-oriented person. Truth is, I am a one man woman... or I'm single and unattached. No gray areas for me. I assume that men get what they can while still looking because of how eager and capable they are of being intimate without certainty that I'm emotionally and exclusively interested in them. That's my experience and I wonder if it's outrageous to expect a man so frivilous to be capable of monogamy if he's accustomed to having meaningless casual sex.
I've been monogamous my entire sexual life-- but my partners changed. My choice to sleep with that one individual no matter the definition of our relationship was based on my preference for monogamy. I wanted to know essentially if someone who frequently messes around with different partners can maintain a committed, monogamous relationship for a long term relationship. | |
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Posted: 5/27/2009 11:15:46 AM |
What is the longest amount of time you've been monogamous without cheating... breaking up... ever having sex with someone else?
4 years. The moment I found out he cheated it was over.
I'd also like to know if the length of time a person can be faithful is perhaps foreshadowed in their ability to restrain from having sex between relationships.
I went on a bit of a crazy rebound phase after that and then took a nice long 2 yr break. | |
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Posted: 5/27/2009 5:27:27 PM | 21 years of monogamy with my ex - 4 yrs. of celibacy post-divorce while I did a ton of work on me. I have been dating 6 yrs. now.
I don't think there is a limit on how long someone can stay faithful... it all depends on the individuals involved. | |
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Posted: 5/27/2009 6:06:08 PM | I've always carried monogamous relationships, and would have stayed in most had it not been for other factors not related to sex. Outside of my relationships, I have been both celibate by choice, and fooled around with a FWB (basically to see if it made me feel any better about myself-No it didn't).
After being in a loving, caring and completely intoxicating relationship, the "fooling around" is no comparison to the love one gets in a good relationship. Don't settle for spam, when u need steak so to speak.
People who sleep around seem to be missing something in their life...ask yourself if that person is worth your valuable time since they seem not to value sex the same as you do.
Bottom line is: A person who is fulfilled within themselves and their life, doesn't spend their time looking for sex. I seem to think that makes them very sexy and confident.
Especially compared to the ones who are out prowling around for their next conquer. | |
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Posted: 5/27/2009 6:47:46 PM | 4 years.
At least, on my end. Things ended somewhat questionably.
I don't cheat on people as a rule. If I don't want to be with someone, I just tell them that. | |
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Posted: 5/29/2009 5:36:41 AM | monogomy is the best. no secrets and no lies. I 've had 2 ladies cheat on me. one i didn't care what the hell she did and was glad to find anexcuse to drop her anyway and the other. well i was truly in love with her, and try as i might, even after a couple years, the whole trust thing was completely gone. we tried to rekindle a few years later and i still felt the same. could i ever do it back first or what ever, not a chance. I could be the other guy, but that's her decision and I surely wouldn't get too seriously involved. trust issues again. as long as there's an agreement and cards on the table, i guess it's ok. better left to a personal choice and not a public opinion. wounds do heal, but scars are for ever. | |
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Posted: 5/29/2009 5:51:38 AM |
That's my experience and I wonder if it's outrageous to expect a man so frivilous to be capable of monogamy if he's accustomed to having meaningless casual sex.
I see what you're asking here, and I would have to say that my instincts tell me that a man who had been sleeping around and having casual sex wouldn't make a good choice for a potential long term relationship. One that so easily bed hops isn't going to suddenly change and settle down to one woman I reckon.
On the other hand, I've heard of guys that have 'played the field' and 'sowed their wild oats' in their misspent youths but still ended up growing up and being faithful to their partners long term. I'm sure there are women with the same story of a drunken, debaucherous youth that bears no resemblance to their current ability to commit to a long term monogomous relationship.
If it comes down to an age thing, I think that it's likely that anyone over the age of 35 that is still bed hopping is not the 'settling down' type. | |
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Posted: 5/29/2009 10:27:37 PM | one6irl: "more likely to maintain a relationship than someone who was used to changing partners frequently"
You are mixing up two questions. Here you ask about a relationship, but earlier it seemed to me you were asking about cheating.
I would agree that a person who frequently changes partners may be more likely to end a relationship (read it as 'does not care' or 'does not take sh!t'). It could be good as in not becoming dependent and being able to move on or bad as in not trying hard. The opposite end of that spectrum might be the clingy psychopath who never had a relationship and conjures up drama and suicide scenarios, if that relationship was threatened.
Plus, after a few partners and more frequent dating, you have been there, done that. You start to jade a little, develop a pet peeve about clichees (why do people only use half their glasses in the first place?) and get tired of unrealistic expectations. It becomes easier over time to push the 'Next' button.
But does that mean they are more likely to cheat? Since that is a character trait about deceit, I'd say no. In fact, since they are 'trained' at walking from a person, they may more easily choose to split than to cheat (compared to their 'normal' counterparts). | |
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Posted: 5/29/2009 11:07:45 PM | I am 100% monogamous in any relationship I am in. Once the mutual decision is made to be in a relationship, then that's it for me .
Should I ever find myself looking for someone/something else, I would break up with the other person first - having been through both scenarios, getting dumped is a hell of a lot easier to get over than finding out you've been well and truly played. | |
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Posted: 5/30/2009 1:40:39 AM | Re the Opost
When monogamous is not stereo-gamous, then temptations develop.
My reply: 2 years. | |
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Posted: 5/30/2009 1:46:17 AM | I was just reading about a well known Australian Rugby player who sowed his wild oats and then some all before the ripe old age of 22. He then decided to became a Born Again Christian and decided to wait until he met "the one" before having sex again. He finally met Becky and it's been a 14 year wait.
I couldn't believe what I was reading but it's all true. Now if more people behaved like that................... | |
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Posted: 5/30/2009 2:51:03 AM | Msg1.
Having or not having sex between relationship is an interesting question. As every sexual encounter can be viewed as a relationship in itself.
So to answer the question:
I'd also like to know if the length of time a person can be faithful is perhaps foreshadowed in their ability to restrain from having sex between relationships.
No. A persons promiscuity is dictated by that individual. Other than any facts you might asscetain about their ability to commit to you, the frequency they have had or are having sex, and that interval, is meaningless.
A person can have sex with many different partners and many different times in a day, week, month, yearly type of fashion that suits their fancy. The raw statistics of those events, the numbers, are meaningless without knowing the person. Therefore having not a clue as to if those numbers were anything other than a notch in ye olde beadpost.
The more valid question, beyond the sex, is will that person be faithfull to you. That decision will not be based purely on your decisions and actions. Being faithfull and comitted is a mutual decision or a wasted time trying.
Love is not an emotion, its an attitude. And as with any other guise of meaning it must be conveyed as intended to that recipient. Being faithfull or not is a decision based on the expression of the above attitude. Sex is just sex. Any significance to that being how you value or debase it.
9to9 | |
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Posted: 5/30/2009 7:47:40 AM | | Twelve years while I was married The last 2 years we opened the marraige up so we were openly having sex with others (no that was not the reason it ended). If I am not in a serious relationship, I see no reason to be celibate. If I was to promise monogamy to someone I would never cheat because it is against my ethical code and I would not be ok with myself. I don't break promises if I have any control over the situation. I have control over who I chose to get naked with (barring rape and that doesn' count as cheating). However, I do not believe monogamy is the relationship structure I want so I dont believe I will be making that promise. | |
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Posted: 5/30/2009 7:49:34 AM | never have cheated, never will cheat on someone. I saw the damage it did to my mother when my father cheated and i refuse to put a woman or myself through that hell.
I will stay monogamous until the bitter end..once either one of us says its over, then its game on..but until then i couldn't cheat and look myself in the mirror. | |
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Posted: 5/30/2009 8:44:04 AM | | 26yrs for me. It wasn't easy she didn't like sex and only give it to me 4 to 6 times a year | |
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Posted: 5/30/2009 9:00:38 AM | 4 years, but would have been forever had the relationship lasted.
Be well....... | |
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Posted: 5/30/2009 11:32:01 AM | | Longest successful relationship (without anything happening) 2 and a half years BUT.. im only young xD so ive not had time to have anything better. As for sex inbetween.. anywhere between 2 weeks to 4 months... Altho from my experience the sex inbetween doesnt effect any relationship that follows so that i didnt feel any less likely to cheat in realtionship if i hadnt had sex for 4 months leading to it, or 2 weeks, my own personal morales prevent me from doing anything anyway so actions before or after wont effect it. | |
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