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csi8
| | Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 76 | |
| | Are conditions like ADHD an excuse for parents who have naughty kids? Page 4 of 6 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6) |
. The schools and GPs are thereafter unable to offset an ADHD diagnosis. It will cost about £200
beware tho the schools, la, tribunals et al will try the
"you pay so you get the answer you want"
arguement
and listen more to what a SALT tells them, although they have NO training in dxing spectrum conditions, than any specialist | |
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| Are conditions like ADHD an excuse for parents who have naughty kids?
Posted: 6/8/2009 4:08:54 AM | ADHD is not just a behavioural disorder: genes in the dopermingenic pathway (in the brain!) are found to be involved in ADHD. Furthermore, the levels of dopamine reproduction are affected in a child with ADHD (which causes depression, as well as the typical short attention & inability to see consequences of behaviour).
However, environment and the family situation/behaviour can affect how severe a child's symptoms are. It doesn't take brain surgery to see that most children supposedly affected with ADHD come from homes with poor discipline strategies and lazy lifestyles.
There are alot of parents out there that use the term ADHD will-nilly, simply because they can't control (or cant be bothered to control) their children.
Yet ADHD does exist and IMO, I think that the physiology of people, in general, is changing due to the environment. Behavioural problems are increasing, in addition to mental health disorders rising and I think the easy-going lifestyles that many lead now-a-days, are a cause for it.
It's easier to get fast-food than it is to cook; it's far more easier to stick a child in front of the T.V than it is to go outside and play a sport. Children in the western world get a great deal of their own way, a lot of the time: they have computers in their bedrooms and get bought the latest designer clothes & mobile phones.
Behavioural problems are inevitable.
ADHD is like any other mental health problem: nurture it- instead of treating it- and becomes harder to deal with. I personally believe that many parents make excuses for their children's bad behaviour (thus encouraging it), but treat it and ADHD doesn't have include a child being intolerable and unbearable to be around. | |
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| Are conditions like ADHD an excuse for parents who have naughty kids?
Posted: 6/8/2009 9:42:06 AM | I'm not sure that I agree with Blower's definition of ADHD as a mental health problem per se, and think it is dangerous to label it a "mental" disorder - although the effects of ADHD on self-esteem etc. does tend these kids towards depressive behaviour, alcoholism etc. as late teens/adults (this is NOT a given but it does seem to be prevalent) - it is neurological in origin and has wide contexts, including motor skills. (My son's neurological 'wiring' was affected during my pregnancy - I had undiscovered Rhesus Negative syndrome and lost his twin) - his ADHD and other co-morbidities relate to physical neurology and not mental disorder.
I do agree that people with poor parenting skills who fail to provide ADHD kids with a disciplined, structured and routinised home environment due to laziness, or inability to cope, are actually making a long-term rod for their own children's backs. | |
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| Are conditions like ADHD an excuse for parents who have naughty kids?
Posted: 6/8/2009 9:45:12 AM | | Also, Blower, I would point out, that my son did not come from the sort of household you describe, and had a very switched on mother who exercised strong discipline at home and in her presence, and whose other child is one of the most self-possessed and self-disciplined people I know. Didn't stop him being ADHD though and didn't do anything to help the situation at school...... | |
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| Are conditions like ADHD an excuse for parents who have naughty kids?
Posted: 6/8/2009 11:26:11 AM | MissingMinx- apologies: I forget that the term 'mental' can be deemed offensive.
I didn't state that ALL ADHD children were from the kind of household I described, but if you do your research, it is a condition that is largely (not completely!) associated with poor discipline and hazy behaviour boundries.
My child is not ADHD, though I know of a few children who are and of one adult. The children I know....well, let's just say, if I was their mother- they wouldn't see the light of day! All their mothers are very laid-back with the discipline and the children don't have routines and, for want of a better word, are spoilt brats. The adult I know is also slightly autistic and he's fantastic! He was never a little sod at school (I've known him since we were 12) and despite his lack of concentration on simple tasks, can remember every pair of shoes I've ever worn in his presence! lol
However, his mother resembled Hitler in a lot of ways! | |
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JSSP
| | Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 82 | |
| Are conditions like ADHD an excuse for parents who have naughty kids?
Posted: 6/8/2009 12:45:54 PM | Both my daughter and I have ADD. We don't have the hyperactive part of this disorder. This means that we struggle to organise. It doesn't mean that we don't achieve. It just makes life that much harder.
My daughter takes medication but I do not. Sometimes I wish I had accepted some when it was offered. What it means is that instead of reading something 5 times and not being sure about what she has read, she can take her medication and read it once and know what was on the page.
For her, the anxiety comes from the inability to organise. She is very bright and is currently at university and is continually frustrated by the problems she faces in organising her thoughts to study. The medication helps fantastically.
However, it is a mistake to look at ADD or ADHD in isolation. Many people also have to deal with accompanying disorders to a greater or lesser extent, such as Aspergers, dyslexia, dyspraxia and dyscalculia. When I get stressed I exhibit some of the signs of dyspraxia. I have to be careful as I am likely to trip up, burn myself on the cooker or the iron or drop things.
All of these are in my family. We can trace them throughout the family tree. I agree that some people jump on the bandwagon, but please give a thought to those of us who genuinely have problems and overcome them every day. | |
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| Are conditions like ADHD an excuse for parents who have naughty kids?
Posted: 6/9/2009 12:30:20 AM | The brain works in very mysterious ways .
My daughter....who is now 23 and completely fit and well....as a very young child started having major convulsions. I remember the doctor explaining to me that these could be caused by either too much or not enough mental stimulus. He also flatly refused to 'label ' her as Epileptic .
As a result , although myself and her dad spent a lot of time playing with and reading to her and keeping her 'busy' she was given a place at nursery a little earlier then normal.
She spent 3 years on medication, gradually weaning herself off as her body grew and I now have a beautiful talented daughter , no more convulsions and a degree in Music (classical guitar)
Parenting can indeed be difficult when faced with a child who has health 'problems' so maybe we all need to look to our own experiences before we are TOO quick to judge? | |
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| Are conditions like ADHD an excuse for parents who have naughty kids?
Posted: 6/9/2009 12:51:46 AM | | LOL Blower - yes I do agree about the laid back mothers thing - though how they could be laid back with the constant danger their ADHD kids would put themselves into gawd only knows :-). My kids said they were brought up by a ruling military junta but that they're pretty grateful for it now LOL :-) In my mind, it was the only way to survive being a single mother with one child gifted academically who could run rings round me intellectually and the other one just running rings round me, and round and round LOL....! | |
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| Are conditions like ADHD an excuse for parents who have naughty kids?
Posted: 8/17/2010 12:18:10 AM | Had a date 2 days ago with a woman who bought her kid along and its something i will never do again.
The kid whinged and whinged run about everywhere wanting his moms total attention ans she gave into him, she said she over substituted for his missing father and thats what gave him adhd.
he just needs to be put in his place by an adult if you ask me and learn to be patient. | |
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| Are conditions like ADHD an excuse for parents who have naughty kids?
Posted: 8/17/2010 2:28:19 AM | It can be and it can't be. Like with all range of behavioral and/or mental problems, there are just certain calibres of people who will opt to take the path of least resistance and assume the lowest amount of responsibility, and there isn't much you can do about it. The kind of people who let pulling a muscle take them off work for a month, for example.
Granted ADHD, ADD and other more complex situations are a bit more delicate, but of course the same thing will happen. It has nothing to do with the issue the person is claiming, and everything to do with their laziness or reluctance to assume control the best way they can.
For the record I am NOT labelling ADHD children/adults as these kind of people. I am merely saying that some people will try to claim their children have the condition, or use the fact their child does have the condition to excuse their perhaps questionable parenting techniques.
With regards to educational problems, I completely agree with an earlier poster who mentioned that a major problem is the academic enviroment we have (schools, college) caters to a very specific kind of learning. It's a case of "X is how to learn, and anything that is not X is not learning" and this is the major issue. Education is about the aquisition of knowledge for equipping people for life, or at least it used to be. Today more concern seems to be thrown on the method rather than the actual outcome. An example would be something I remember when I was at school, the sudden aboslute obsession to show your working out in maths. I understand it's a neat concept, as it goes some way to filtering out the change the child just copied it from a friend, however they seemed to stress this as more important than understanding the maths itself. There was a really bright guy in my class who was an absolute whizz with numbers, but he never showed his working out, because he didn't work it out the way the teachers outlined he should. He'd jott down his own way of doing it, but after being told "that's not what they meant" he stopped bothering. For this reason he was put into lower mathematic groups, despite having an extremely good matematical ability, simply because his grasp of the school's method, wasn't as a high as other people's.
This is what needs to be addressed, the "There's the only good way to learn". People learn in many ways, visual, oral, auditory, written, acting out. Yet educational score-charts till plague this apparent grasp we have on this fact, and cause learning to be measured in fewer ways, and mainly by method. My job is working with students with learning difficulties at university, and it is by no means that they don't get the material at all, sometimes they just need the map to turn into a breadcrumb trail before they see how it all fits into place. It can be trying to get some of them to focus on what you're trying to explain, but it's easily worth it when thanks to your suggestions, they're getting top marks back on their assignments/tests, or you're being invited to their graduation celebration. Education is a right, not a privilege, so those who want to learn should be given exploration of the tools available to make it happen. Not shut out as soon as the first tool didn't fit. | |
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| Are conditions like ADHD an excuse for parents who have naughty kids?
Posted: 8/19/2010 2:22:32 AM | As the mother of a child with clasical autism im going to have a say on this thread . when a womens pregnant her head flips into mummy mode she plans a future with her and her unborn baby . what is the first thing a mum does she cheques all the little fingers and toes are there . Now at 2 my son regressed he lost all speach he was talking great stoped waveing stoped looking at people everything went . Nothing could have got me ready for this were had my perfect baby gone . waiting for diagnoses for any parent is horendos . you just worry constantly . adhd doesnt always show right away either . I got the diagnoses it was lifelong they never new if he would ever speak again . The beautifull baby i had was now banging his head in supermarkets on concrete screaming constantly biteing himself . Iwas lost i joined a group for parents with kids with autism and adhd . i latter became chairperson . the other mothers were all the same lost in diagnoses werent getting over it as they werent getting any sleep .We as a society need to understand that that little child in the supermarket kicking up a fuss . may just not no how to express what is in his or her little head . the mother needs to go to the supermarket shes a mum . these kids needs 100% love to understand the world . The mums need our understanding and time to deal with what isnt easy . live in her shoes one day . now every mum and dad at my support group felt the hardest thing to deal with was other peoples opinions when they were out . what do we do as parents rather than be condemed buy folks judjeing us do we keep our kids at home . we cant as our kids more than others need to learn how to behave in public . here is an experiance i had my son wouldnt sit in the trolly i lifted him out he then started smashing his head of the ground . im his mum so i sit and let him bash his head of my legs as you would not be able to calm him . i wanted to love the tantrum away as he couldnt tell me why he was so upset . A crowd gathered my father herd a women say she needs to get control of that child . some mother . my dad camely said thankyou yes she is some mother she gets very little sleep the wee one has autism and shes constantly trying to conect with him my dad pointed out i had a finding nemo sticker on my nose . my son loved nemo then and if it got him to look at me i didnt care what anyone thought . The women then realised and said thankyou to my dad and she said the wee boy looks totaly normal. yes he does because like downsyndrom the kids look no diffrent from any other dont be so quik to judge . what is my boy like now hes 9 hes the most wonderfull child in a playground he doesnt toss litter on the ground he doesnt swear in fact he will say if any one swears ( sorry ) then in my home you apolagise . he speaks great he only needed time . i felt i lost my perfect baby . but time has given me a boy thats smile will light a room a boy that i love more than anything . a boy im so proud to be his mum . my daughter had a little girl the school seen trouble ahead i did not . when she was pregnant we got him a doll to show him how you treat a little baby we took him to every scan showed him the baby . we got the newiest scans privatly the lady showed him his little niece . shes now over 2 and there just like brother and sister shes a tipical 2 yr old and he loves her so she hits him he hugs her . hes never ever reacted to her hitting him . the school could have caused me more worry i went with my instinct got him ready for the new baby . i can sit with my grandaughter and play with her he joins in . Mums dads out there the journey is tuff raising our very unique kids . But the results are so rewarding . the reson my son kicked of in supermarkets was the noise and lights sensory isues . he had to learn to acept there is noise and light everywere . the hannan project has a wonderfull book for dealing with scensory isues and teaches parents how to daily get the child to cope . also parents talk to other mums and dads dont be alone . I no you feel that things wont improve they do . get support . but remember if a child is having isues relating to the world the tv and films have to be monitared . my son still wont be allowed to watch superman spiderman . WHY TOSSING PEOPLE ABOUT HITTING IS NOT ALLOWED . ( he wouldnt get that it wasnt if he was watching it . swearing on the tv will cause a child to swear . Our kids are special very special but they need us to teach them about the world . Dont let the tv as they dont understand this is a made up world . your child like any will respond to love mums with kids with autism the stiker on the nose gets you eyecontact . never ever care what others opinion of your child is consintrate 100% on your child he or she needs you xxxxxxxxxxxxx A diagnoses realy hits your heart get support deal with it and maybe you fell your dreams of that perfect baby was shattered . i did but they werent i wouldnt change my son for the world hes taught his mummy so much . the day i herd him say mum again for the first time my heart was singing and yes now my son can sing . Dont judge people walk a day in a parents shoes .. a poem Welcome to Holland
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability – to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this…
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum, the Michelangelo David, the gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!" you say. "What do you mean, Holland?" I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy.
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to some horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy a new guidebook. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around, and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills, Holland has tulips, Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life you will say, "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
The pain of that will never, ever, go away, because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss.
But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland.
Written by Emily Perl Kingsley
i mourned italy yes but i no exactly how wonderfull holland is .. GET SUPPORT MUMS AND DADS national autism support group will tell you of local groups and for adhd they will also help | |
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| Are conditions like ADHD an excuse for parents who have naughty kids?
Posted: 5/18/2012 5:13:51 AM | | I do think that some parents use this as an excuse for their naughty children , and other parents are genuine ,i have seen parents of children with ADHD just laugh when their child is misbehaving and when i have asked why they havent chastised their child , their reply is , oh he/she suffers from ADHD so yes some do use it as an excuse for their child being naughty .How is the child supposed to know what is acceptable behaviour and what isnt if the parents are going to just ignore it because they have ADHD . | |
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Nobilo
| | Joined: 10/15/2011
Msg: 89 | |
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| Are conditions like ADHD an excuse for parents who have naughty kids?
Posted: 5/18/2012 5:22:38 AM | I stick by my earlier assertions I made in the thread…
I think these conditions such as ADHD do exist but parents need to put them in the right context and not make them the whole excuse for their kid's behaviour. Parents still need to encourage their children to take responsibility for their actions as much as possible. There is a tendency that when you label someone it puts them in a box and you categorise them as being deficient in some way according to the label attributed to them which does more harm than good as you are not addressing the individual. I think there is a tendency that parents might also relinquish their responsibility through their own feelings of guilt and shame around the issue by over-compenstating for their child's behaviour and excusing them for everything.
My phobia with labels seems to go quite far back...it seems!
But what I think should also be highlighted is the fact that a lot of learning difficulties come about because people don’t understand that there is more than one way that children learn. I was always better at taking information visually rather than orally or written work. I sincerely hope that teachers are better equipped to work with different children’s needs than when I was at school.
Now you've put the cat amongst the pigeons! the rise in cases of ADHD could also be to do with the fact that it's now more easily diagnosed than it used to be.
VVVVVVVVVV | |
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| Are conditions like ADHD an excuse for parents who have naughty kids?
Posted: 5/18/2012 5:33:09 AM | Yes, I think it's often used an excuse.
I didn't even know I had it, until I was about 30... and all that did was make some of my past decisions a little clearer.
It's easy to deal with and even if I had been told I had it as a kid, there's not a fvcking chance that I'd have been allowed to use it as an excuse for being a prick.
I had an active lifestyle, moved all over the show, avoided calm and dull situations and none of it set me off.
My triggers (for want of a better word) are certain foods and when I have nothing to do, but want to do something. Both are easily dealt with - which is why it wasn't noticed until I had to take some psychoanalytical test
I laugh when I see parents make a ridiculously big deal about it, and despair when I see it trotted out as an excuse for bad behaviour.
Sort your sprog out!
Vvvvvv
I'm trying to work out how that could be the reason and I'm just not seeing it.
If he was bullied, then I reckon there's another reason for it. | |
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| Are conditions like ADHD an excuse for parents who have naughty kids?
Posted: 5/18/2012 5:47:24 AM | ^^^^^^^^^^
Ok, perhaps it was because he was an arrogant git at times! Yeah, that's more likely the case then.
I didn't even know I had it, until I was about 30... and all that did was make some of my past decisions a little clearer.
I know someone who wasn't diagnosed with it until he was in his 40s. He had a terrible time of it at school apparently and was badly bullied... he says it was down to him having ADHD.... which if that's the case, is sad. | |
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| Are conditions like ADHD an excuse for parents who have naughty kids?
Posted: 5/18/2012 5:48:01 AM |
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-12359070
I reckon this goes some way to explaining the rise in cases
That could well be it woz , i see children on day to day basis aswell as adults in my job , and some who have been diagnosed with ADHD are wrongly diagnosed they are just naughty kids whose parents have no desire to chastise them as in their eyes they are convinced their child has the condition long before they are diagnosed with it , the doctors now just put the tag ADHD on the child even if the child is just a naughty child it makes their job easier to tag them , and then some parents are in their element as once the child has been diagnosed with the condition in goes the claim for disability , but soon they wont be able to claim that as the government will end up making them go to parenting classes ,thats when you will see a decrease in children with ADHD .
I didn't even know I had it, until I was about 30... and all that did was make some of my past decisions a little clearer
I cant understand why it took them until you reached 30 for them to diagnose it | |
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| Are conditions like ADHD an excuse for parents who have naughty kids?
Posted: 5/18/2012 5:56:38 AM |
That could well be it woz , i see children on day to day basis aswell as adults in my job , and some who have been diagnosed with ADHD are wrongly diagnosed they are just naughty kids whose parents have no desire to chastise them as in their eyes they are convinced their child has the condition long before they are diagnosed with it , the doctors now just put the tag ADHD on the child even if the child is just a naughty child it makes their job easier to tag them , and then some parents are in their element as once the child has been diagnosed with the condition in goes the claim for disability , but soon they wont be able to claim that as the government will end up making them go to parenting classes ,thats when you will see a decrease in children with ADHD .
Totally agree.
I know a couple of kids with genuine ADHD and then i know some naughty little effers who have been labelled as ADHD and they really are just naughty little sh1ts. There is a big difference and half the time the parents get it in their heads to get a diagnosis and get disability living allowance and carers allowance.
Grrrrrrrr.
This is one of those subjects that really gets my bl0ody goat. | |
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| Are conditions like ADHD an excuse for parents who have naughty kids?
Posted: 5/18/2012 5:59:06 AM | Wait a sec, why the fvck is anyone getting a disability/carers allowance for having a kid with ADHD?
Even if the kid really does have it, how on earth is that justified?
That's just absurd.
@msg 95
Because I don't think anyone would've thought I had it.
I was very hyperactive and if I got bored, I got into mischief sometimes.
My teachers at school, always made sure I was kept occupied - which was easier to do when I moved away from a state school - and the old dear did the same at home. Plus I didn't eat a lot of foods that kicked it off.
Therefore, it wouldn't really have been noticed.
I had to do a psych test for some tv show and from my responses, that's when it was properly noticed.
It's never been a problem for me, so if I hadn't have done it, I'd have just carried on assuming that I have a short attention span, can be fairly fickle and some foods make me a bit excitable - which is exactly the case, but now it's just got a fancy label. | |
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| Are conditions like ADHD an excuse for parents who have naughty kids?
Posted: 5/18/2012 8:39:25 AM | Oh my what an old thread!?
When I started school in the 60's I didn't know anyone that had an alergy, was hyperactive, had ADHD or were autistic for that matter...it was after the time of asylums and sanatoriums I assure.
I was raised by a Mum who was an ordained minister and a father that was Ex British army, so singing choral recitals whilst partaking in unarmed combat! Appreciate at a time before Computer games (BBC/Acorn and Sinclair Spectrum don't really count!) or McDonalds 
My children 8 & 9 are exactly like me at that age...and I adopted them 5yrs ago so not a matter of genetics...but like me they've only had one cold in the last 5yrs! | |
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| Are conditions like ADHD an excuse for parents who have naughty kids?
Posted: 5/18/2012 8:54:26 AM | I'm very divided in my opinion of this. As I said on another thread, I know a child who has been diagnosed with ADHD but he does have a really unsettled home life. I cant even go into all of it because it is so complicated. Basically he lives with his father (who turned out not to be his biological father), was separated from his natural mother for a year while the parents fought over custody and now sees his mother every other weekend whilst residing with his rather poor role model father.
His behaviour is just horrendous and the school have now stepped in and got social services involved. I really feel that his home life contributes largely to his appalling behaviour. How the hell is ADHD assessed? Dont they as a first resort look into the home to see what's going on there. There have been numerous girlfriends of the father who havent been able to cope with him and treated him badly. Of course he's going to behave like a tyrant and I dont think its all his fault.
But Im not wishing to dismiss the fact the ADHD exists in some children - Im sure it does, Someone here said a few clips round the ear would sort a difficult child out. I think its a little more complicated than that - my son was quite difficult as a child, but not diagnosed with any condition, and if a few clips round the ear could have sorted him out my life would have been a breeze! | |
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| Are conditions like ADHD an excuse for parents who have naughty kids?
Posted: 5/18/2012 9:44:45 AM | I agree with a lot of posters that the condition exists, and I sympathise completely, but there are many cases given that diagnosis that are really the result of bad parenting.
When I was a child this condition didn't even exist as far as I recall it was unheard of, seems to be a modern affliction. | |
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