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 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 26
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Seperated but not divorcedPage 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
A lot of people don't get divorced simply for practical reasons (it costs too much money, or this girl's green card situation--she doesn't want to get deported).

A better question to ask her would have been: If you're separated, are you still living in the same place? Still having sex? As well as, how does your HUSBAND feel about us dating? THOSE are REALLY the questions you want and need to know, I would think!!!

For all you know, her husband thinks they're happily married and she's just looking to sneak some side action, in which case, you'll be getting ready to eat a bullet, pal-!

Or maybe they are indeed separated, just sharing a domicile. Better to look for someone who is indeed DIVORCED.
 xLivingxProofx
Joined: 10/20/2008
Msg: 27
Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 5/27/2009 3:21:56 PM

A better question to ask her would have been: If you're separated, are you still living in the same place? Still having sex?


Well this is what have been on my mind if i did date her anyway... 'Is she still having sex with him' or i would be thinking 'who is she on the phone to' every time the phone rang or 'will she get back with him' all these things and more would have been on my mind which is why i asked those questions.... i'm better off not bothering and moving on.....

She's blocked me anyway
 majyk1
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 28
Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 5/29/2009 12:28:20 AM
Alot of good points have been made but at this point why do you care, no one can really answer that but the woman. Move on!
 NuttyRussian
Joined: 9/27/2008
Msg: 29
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Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 5/29/2009 12:47:28 AM
Most likely she isn't eager with her divorce because she is waiting for getting her permanent green card or citizenship. Obviously, she is in good terms with her ex, if he agreed to wait as well ( if it wasn't some kind of "fake" marriage). When her time is up, she will get her INS papers and finalize her divorce. In a meantime, she wants to go on a date... And if you are looking for a serious relationship forget about her!
I learned it a hard way - let those who are separated finish their divorce business first.
 Yankee again
Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 30
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Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 5/29/2009 4:25:44 AM
The piece of paper means alot. If your looking for ltr and they are not even out of the last one. Not a good thing.

Depending what state in the US you live in you may end up in the dicvroce mess as well. Many post seperated and they are actully married.

My divorce was a Nighmare took over 3 years. I did go out. But dating anyone, no.

But to jump back in dating with out healing would not be fair to the man.

In NJ there is not such thing as a leagel seperation. Many other states agree with this ruling. The drama of divorce when there is money and children issues to settle is awful, and its best to keep you dirty laundry where it belongs, at home. I am not saying don't go out. Just don't fool yourself in to finding the" love of your life."


I won't date seperated people. But that is me. I don't need the drama.




 Mr. Blblblbl
Joined: 12/31/2008
Msg: 31
Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 5/29/2009 4:46:22 AM

so then i ask 'wouldn't it feel strange wearing the ring of another man while out dating? And she replies with 'well i don't have a problem with it but it looks like you do so happy searching' and then she blocks me so i couldn't explain why i asked!

Anyway.... what's your analysis?

My analysis is this:

And i figured she maybe looking for someone who is Naive & Gullible! I also thought that she could possibly go back to her husband whenever she felt like it but she had also told me that she hardly ever speaks to him.... they ended the relationship on good terms but it's long time dead!

She probably isn't looking for someone naïve and gullible, she simply knew inevitably your conversation would turn to the above noted accusation and so she saved herself the time of waiting for you to stop beating around the bush. Note other responses in this thread... that's just where most people are headed in that line of questioning. If you weren't, live and learn. Phrase your questions in a less accusatory manner.
 P.R.Handgrenade69
Joined: 4/10/2009
Msg: 32
Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 5/29/2009 6:30:11 AM
People like that pay about $5,000 to get married. They take pictures of the 'wedding' and the 'reception' and then when they go before immigration, it looks like that person is actually living with their 'spouse'. They are also living with that person so they get used to the other person that way their is no mistaking anything and not getting their 'story' right. The person that is paid the money to get married has to ask the immigration for the legal status although they still have to do the whole swearing in to become U.S. citizens. Once that process is over, they can get divorced right away. The person that is becoming legal cannot apply for certain benefits here like Medicaid, financial aide to go to school, until they have been here for a certain amount of years so their spouse is completely responsible.

Most times, they don't even live together. They just keep certain items in the house so when an investigator comes over unannounced to 'catch' them out there, they don't have too much explaining to do.
 krlb4
Joined: 7/15/2008
Msg: 33
Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 5/29/2009 6:42:17 AM
This is the type of flakey baggage and drama often found in the world of dating. It would be nice if the dating world was comprised of sane, clean, stable types, wouldn't it?
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 34
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Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 5/29/2009 6:45:26 AM
Fair or not it is entirely possible that the woman has gotten into pissing matches with people over this and she decided to end the conversation before yet again she had to explain herself and her choices.

I really don't get blocking, if you don't want talk to someone just delete the e-mail. If this is her response even if based on past experience, you don't really want someone that afraid and rigid in your life?
 P.R.Handgrenade69
Joined: 4/10/2009
Msg: 35
Separated but not divorced
Posted: 5/29/2009 8:39:43 AM
@SagMan4U:

How many separated women have you gone out with that have single on their profile for you to make the comments about 'you women'?

So if misery breeds company, then familiarity breeds contempt. And if familiarity breeds contempt, then predictability breeds boredom. My point being? If you are used to dating a certain type of woman and you are coming up empty, you are going to put them in the same lot with the other 'separated' women. You will have contempt and misery will be the only company you have. And maybe you are just that ****ing predictable that all you are ever going to be is BORING.

P.S.: It is quite obvious that you are a 'man' as only a man can make comments like this.

Have a nice day!
 Dream Up
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 36
Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 5/29/2009 8:49:05 AM

Anyway.... what's your analysis?


She is not sure of what she wants and decided to move on.
 Dream Up
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 37
Separated but not divorced
Posted: 5/29/2009 8:56:34 AM

Women(I'm a man) should wait until their DIVORCED first than go look for whatever your heart desires.


SagMan4u, are you sexist? Many, many, many men look for another woman while being separated and even while being married. So, why should WOMEN wait?
 P.R.Handgrenade69
Joined: 4/10/2009
Msg: 38
Separated but not divorced
Posted: 5/29/2009 9:21:12 AM
@Dream Up:

He had a bowl of sour grapes and now he wants to throw up on someone. You made a really good point about separated men and men seeing other women while they are married. He was probably one of them.
 raikos
Joined: 5/12/2009
Msg: 39
Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 5/29/2009 9:51:04 AM
Hello, new to the site but had to reply..... O.K. so I have been separated from my husband since 2007, tried to get back together late last year and it did not work. While we were separated he started seeing other people, I did not. I was trying to get myself together to see if I still wanted to be married or not. Anywho, he came back around and wanted to reconcile but whats done in the dark always comes to the light eventually, he chose to lie about it and try to have me and 2 other females so of course I went on my way, just filed for my divorce about a month ago but they tell me it will take a year to be final. I don't want to wait that long to start dating! I have not engaged in any kind of sexual activity since December 2008! (it was with my ex), so I guess now I have to explain to new friends about my "separated" status because technically I am not "divorced". I am still trying to see how I will feel about having an intimate relationship with another man, I had been with my ex for 15 years! Its kind of exciting and scary at the same time! The dating game has changed since I was last out there and I see even the conversations have changed! So wish me luck! (smile)
 MarknDFW
Joined: 2/26/2007
Msg: 40
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Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 5/29/2009 9:56:59 AM
I think you meant, She WAS NOT from America and wanted to stay here.

But either way, Some people want to stay hitched for that sense of belonging. It explains why some abused women will not charge their abusers even as they beg to get into the shelter for the fourth time this year. There also might have been kids involved.

I agree blocking you was the nicest thing she could have done.
 Dream Up
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 41
Separated but not divorced
Posted: 5/29/2009 1:24:40 PM

He had a bowl of sour grapes and now he wants to throw up on someone. You made a really good point about separated men and men seeing other women while they are married. He was probably one of them.


Sorry s.n.marin, I couldn't assume this unless he said so but thanks for acknowledging my good point.

Have a good day!
 Dream Up
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 42
Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 5/29/2009 1:29:24 PM
Raikos,

I just know what you are talking because you just about wrote my story.

But don't worry, you will be fine and happy if this is what you decide to. I believe that when we want to change our life, we find the way to do it.

Keep going on, you are on the right track.
 lorelei540
Joined: 8/14/2008
Msg: 43
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Separated but not divorced
Posted: 5/29/2009 4:13:41 PM

If you read my post, I said I was pissed off about women who put down "separated". What are they thinking?? No morals, no values??
Plenty of morals, plenty of values, just not what you're looking for. You don't have to go all frothy around the mouth because you don't agree with someone else's choices.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 44
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Separated but not divorced
Posted: 5/29/2009 4:37:19 PM
~OT~ I did learn something while being on here far too long: what transpires in the United States vs. Canada re: divorces, are two entirely different scenarios. Here in the US? Get a damned divorce. Then take some time to figure out what you did to promote a failed marriage (because, yes...it takes two) and when the re-invention of self is either complete or at least working to your advantage, then pursue something. In Canada? That's a whole different deal. (And this certainly isn't gender specific ~ I can't even begin to count how many "separated" men have written to me over the years. I wish there were an email restriction for that, but there isn't.) JMO
 Stormwolf
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 45
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Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 5/29/2009 4:42:16 PM

looks as though she did you a favor...good luck
 lorelei540
Joined: 8/14/2008
Msg: 46
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Separated but not divorced
Posted: 5/29/2009 4:42:30 PM
Here in the US? Get a damned divorce.
And again, if it doesn't work for you, then don't date someone who is separated. But telling someone what to do? I don't think so.

Then take some time to figure out what you did to promote a failed marriage (because, yes...it takes two) and when the re-invention of self is either complete or at least working to your advantage, then pursue something.
One can be fully self-aware and self-realized while still separated, or divorced for years and still wrapped up in the marriage and the drama of its ending.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 47
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Separated but not divorced
Posted: 5/29/2009 5:56:14 PM

And again, if it doesn't work for you, then don't date someone who is separated. But telling someone what to do? I don't think so.

Musta hit a nerve a little????? (I opined about MY OWN self, and it's VERY obvious via my profile, posts, etc., etc., that someone separated is NOT on my list of someone to do today.)

One can be fully self-aware and self-realized while still separated, or divorced for years and still wrapped up in the marriage and the drama of its ending.

And if that's the case? I wouldn't date that person, either. (The wrapped up person.) This is not a forum for posting dissertations or the War & Peace of why, "I refuse to date someone separated in 1,000 pages or more." Maybe I should have just said, "Common frickin' sense???" Either way, the answer is the same ~ FOR ME. JMO
 star*tossed
Joined: 5/17/2009
Msg: 48
Separated but not divorced
Posted: 5/29/2009 6:00:58 PM

Women(I'm a man) should wait until their DIVORCED first than go look for whatever your heart desires.


One never knows what form God will appear in does one?
I agree God, now would you please talk to Biff about eating unkosher lizards?


But telling someone what to do? I don't think so.

Holy Hissy fits Batgirl - isn't that what the forums are for? Jeepin Jumpin frogs all this time we been telling folks what to do and how to do it. Fek this.


Then take some time to figure out what you did to promote a failed marriage (because, yes...it takes two) and when the re-invention of self is either complete or at least working to your advantage, then pursue something.



One can be fully self-aware and self-realized while still separated, or divorced for years and still wrapped up in the marriage and the drama of its ending.


Golly, this sure looks like someone telling someone else what to do...am I looking at it with my rose colored glasses on again? Dadburn it!

I think no matter what cuntry you're livin in - separated is married. Check your tax codes and your legal system. If that don't work for ya? Talk to a priest. I think the church - what ever alter you're at (unless..... you're SATAN?!) doesn't allow fekking with a seperated man or woman.
 Amma63
Joined: 8/18/2008
Msg: 49
Separated but not divorced
Posted: 5/29/2009 6:51:56 PM

Another thing that pisses me off about you separated women. Half of you come up with lame excuses why "your still separated". I always liked " if I get divorced it will hurt the kids"....love that one.

If your "separated" that means YOUR STILL MARRIED. I don't give a *hit if your NOT banging your old man......your still MARRIED. And now you want to "date" another man???


Get over yourself................
 P.R.Handgrenade69
Joined: 4/10/2009
Msg: 50
Separated but not divorced
Posted: 5/29/2009 6:55:24 PM
@SagMan4u:

You are an extremely bitter man and maybe this site is not for you. How many freaks, misfits, and immoral people is not the issue, your anger is. People will see you as an angry yahoo and will steer clear whether they are not in the same lot with the people you are up against. If you don't like them, stay away from them. Simple, don't answer or date them. Better yet, why don't you get them all into a warehouse and lock them up in it and set fire to the whole damned thing? And then maybe you can see where all the righteous people are once the smoke clears.

There are dating sites for Christians. You would have better luck there.

P.S.: This thread was about OP and his problem on a young woman that he was dating who happened to be married for legal status. It is not a platform for the lunatic ravings of a madman.
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