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 cncgandolf
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 76
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Seperated but not divorcedPage 4 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
"Courts... they don't order custody and child support for people who are married, do they?"

Unless the child is taken from them and they lose custody they have shared custody and equal liability for support. If children's services takes them they receive papers showing they have lost custody. If the child sues for emancipation they can lose custody if the child proves they can be treated as an adult with no more parental custody.

So, yes, there are custody issues within a marraige.
 ~simpleguy~
Joined: 4/14/2009
Msg: 77
Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 5/30/2009 7:44:41 PM
Not sure why she reacted that way. I've been separated for over 3 years, and haven't divorced yet for the most practical of reasons - I've got better things to do with my money than pay a lawyer hundreds of dollars to fill out a piece of paper and serve it. If circumstances arise that warrant getting it done, I'll do it.
 P.R.Handgrenade69
Joined: 4/10/2009
Msg: 78
Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 5/30/2009 8:04:06 PM
@miss contemplative:

I couldn't have said it any better! You hit it on the bull's eye. Good for you!
 BoudaciaSmile
Joined: 5/18/2009
Msg: 79
Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 5/30/2009 8:23:08 PM

Why don't seperated people just take some time to themselves and wait until the divorce is final and save us all from their drama and mixed up minds!!

I see more fvcked up single people on here than I could ever say about me and my life!
The threads of wailing:
"He dumped me!"
"I thought he was telling me he loved me and so I gave in.."
"When will I find someone decent!"

I am happily watching and giving my opinion and being VERY careful because it's a bloody minefield out there.
I have not broken any hearts, or given anyone any hope and I am just being my opiniated self.
 Sersi
Joined: 5/9/2009
Msg: 80
Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 5/30/2009 8:25:37 PM
OP consider youself lucky. IMO, people need to end previous relationships before starting new ones. Separated is STILL MARRIED!!!!!! End it if it's over....... otherwise, it's not over......
 NickelMine000
Joined: 9/11/2007
Msg: 81
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Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 5/30/2009 8:42:37 PM
She's been b!tched at so many times that she didn't want to hear it yet again. While you *didn't* have a chance to continue with her, your later comments in this thread indicate she anticipated correctly.

I, personally, don't make a big issue out of a divorced/separated status. What I'm more concerned about is how long they have been out of that relationship, including not sharing the same house. And, how *over* the relationship they are. Some people are over a relationship in six months, even if they don't divorce for a few years. Others can get divorced immediately, and still be hooked on their ex 5 years later. Changing legal status from "separated" to "divorced" doesn't guarantee they're ready, willing or even able to participate in another relationship.
pro-filer on 5/27/2009 1021 AM

Just What She Said How True!
Thank You!
 cncgandolf
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 82
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Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 5/31/2009 6:08:11 PM
"I've got better things to do with my money than pay a lawyer hundreds of dollars to fill out a piece of paper and serve it."

I've walked 2 women through it this year alone. Download the forms and file them and have a friend serve them. No legal fees. I didn't pay a lawyer for my original divorce .... it was the second wife suing me for custody of my children that cost the money ... not my idea at all. (She never won, just made life hell for 8 years).
 gots2B_me
Joined: 2/14/2008
Msg: 83
Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 5/31/2009 6:47:00 PM
I've been legally separated for 7 years now. NO I am not going back. So why not date!!!
 cncgandolf
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 84
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Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 6/1/2009 8:30:33 AM
"NO I am not going back. So why not date!!!"

Nobody is objecting to you dating people who are willing to date a person who is not available for marraige. Until you finish off the old business of completing the divorce from the last marraige you are not available for marraige.

If a person does not take care of their business when it comes to completing the ending of a marital relationship by finishing a divorce, what does it say about how many other things in their life they will leave dangling and incomplete?
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 85
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Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 6/1/2009 8:34:09 AM

I didn't pay a lawyer for my original divorce .... it was the second wife suing me for custody of my children that cost the money ... not my idea at all. (She never won, just made life hell for 8 years).


Goes to show you that even though you have a divorce...even without paying a lawyer for said divorce, you still can wind up having all kinds of baggage to drag around with you for years (8 in this case) because of said divorce. So, to those people who figure that the lil ol' piece of paper puts an end to it and they are somehow worthier and have no baggage compared to those people who are separated and carrying on their life without drama, it's often a misconception.
 YankeeOH
Joined: 10/13/2008
Msg: 86
Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 6/1/2009 8:35:36 AM
What is your question?
 slowerjoe
Joined: 1/25/2009
Msg: 87
Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 6/1/2009 9:00:43 AM
It's the saints vs. the sinners. Here we are on a dating sight because we have all had a misfortune of bad luck in our past mirages and it seem that some people are hellbent on stereo-typing us separated souls and forgetting that you were once was where I am now.
If because I'm not good enough for you saints, then the odds are against me meeting people like you, so be it.
 Mr. Blblblbl
Joined: 12/31/2008
Msg: 88
Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 6/1/2009 5:53:37 PM

If a person does not take care of their business when it comes to completing the ending of a marital relationship by finishing a divorce, what does it say about how many other things in their life they will leave dangling and incomplete?

Indeed! I certainly don't want a woman leaving me dangling and incomplete!

But that's a very good rhetorical question. I've got another. What does it say about someone who thinks they can answer that question about someone without knowing them?
 azholysmoke
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 89
Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 6/1/2009 6:21:19 PM
Think the OP was correct in asking for clarification. There is definitely a "slippery slop" aspect to the "separated" status. Met someone once who was "separated" and used me to make her "soon to ex" jealous so I am understandably hesitant about meeting anyone who is "separated". So if I decide to, I will ask how "separated" they are. If that puts them off...so be it. Better to offend them then to be used or drawn into their drama. Life is to short to play such games.
 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 90
Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 6/5/2009 7:14:06 AM

But that's a very good rhetorical question. I've got another. What does it say about someone who thinks they can answer that question about someone without knowing them?


Knowing them? hummm. The question still remains and as I have dated separated people and had a lot of fun, but I'm old school and that's as far it goes.

I would not think other wise cuz of the unfinished business on their end. There are those who look for a ltr relationships and through trial and error, understand that the chances of succeeding is not good in the long run if their s/o [separated ]does not get a divorce first.

Imo, it's just a natural way in handling your affairs first if a ltr is on your mind.

If your just in it to date great, and just let the other party KNOW up front about your decision. There are many people who get hurt when they think that this other person might be the one, only to get hurt in the end.

And for all of those you make up their own excuses in why they can't only tells me they
are not responsible in their own affairs let alone to bring another party into their life.
 billsmith1970
Joined: 5/25/2009
Msg: 91
Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 6/5/2009 8:08:42 AM
It all boils down to simple communication. If separated is your status of choice then be prepared to communicate what is going on with someone that may be interested in you if they ask.
To the poster above a couple of messages, you are right unless you know the person you cannot tell what else they will leave dangling unfinished. But to know the person you need to be able to ask questions. The OP was trying to determine if this young lady was someone he wanted to move forward with by doing his due diligence, she decided she was not going to respond to said questions. That is fine, he needs to move on.
But to all of the fighters on here it is really very simple. Communicate and not in vague or condescending or any other negative way. Separated is still married, and therefore an automatic limiter to how far a relationship can go, that works for some and not others.
Regardless of your status or your opinion of whether or not you would date someone that is separated it is important that both sides be clear on what it means to the seperated person. It is only at that point that the person that is interested can make an informed decision as to whether or not to proceed. For the separated person to just expect an interested party to accept that status is not doing the justice to themselves or anyone else.

And as far as I am concerned personally, the way I remember to spell separated, says it all for those that have gone years without finalinzing things. There is A RAT in sepARATed.

Bill
 afrobreeze
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 92
Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 6/5/2009 8:16:36 AM
Bill, there is rat in sepaRATed. lol, that just made my day. But seriously, she is a grown lady. She can do what ever she wants. If she doesn't want to talk to you, get over it. There is more fish than ever came out of the sea.
 billsmith1970
Joined: 5/25/2009
Msg: 93
Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 6/5/2009 8:39:30 AM
Agreed afrobreeze. it all comes down to communication and without it both parties just need to move on.
 italgirl69
Joined: 4/22/2009
Msg: 94
Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 6/5/2009 10:32:18 AM
Divorces can take a very long time. The court process is a slow one when it comes to family law. So just because a lady is listed as separated, and even if it is for 2 years, doesn't necessarily mean she is not ready to move forward with her relationship and dating life. As long as she has taken time to grow and learn from the experience, and is truly over the "ex", I don't see a problem with being separated and "looking".....You'll know she's reached this point when you go out on a date with her and she DOESN'T talk about the "ex".....
 xLivingxProofx
Joined: 10/20/2008
Msg: 95
Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 6/5/2009 12:37:10 PM
Seems to have been a massive argument on this topic!!! wow!

As for all your replies i thank you but i am actually living in England not the USA!!! And she is over here from the USA!!!!
 Azinterpreter38
Joined: 5/11/2009
Msg: 96
Separated but not divorced
Posted: 6/10/2009 9:53:43 AM
Only a man can make a comment like this? Gee is someone showing a little bias?
 Zephyr2553
Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 97
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History
Separated but not divorced
Posted: 6/10/2009 9:11:26 PM
One question: What's a slippery slop?
 Lovie-kinz
Joined: 1/22/2009
Msg: 98
Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 6/10/2009 9:51:58 PM
Let her go. Blocking you? Why run away? I am seperated for 2 years, not divorced yet but he's in American & I am in Canada. Not ever getting back together or anything. I just want to have a reason to get divorced, hoping my ex files in the meantime. Not all seperated women are 'suspecious' or anything.
 tawny4010
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 99
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Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 6/11/2009 6:49:08 AM
Want to know why?

Because I have a 5 bed house which I pay the mortgage on and I'd have to sell up and rehome my kids if I did. Ex is happy to let it go for a few years to see his children right.

Erm tell me what's wrong there?
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 100
Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 6/11/2009 7:12:27 AM
It sounds to me like she is saying: Well in order to remain in the country she needs to be married or risk being asked to leave she must not be a citizen . This is confusing but it sounds like she believes if she gets a divorce she will have to leave the UK. Is that true I don't know I am not familiar with the laws there. However I do understand why someone would not want to leave if they have built a life for themselves there.
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