| how to take the first step
Posted: 5/29/2009 8:31:26 PM | ???
women will forgive me for what?
I'm looking at men's profiles.
I'll just keep looking for now ~ one day I will find a profile that I will not be able to resist sending a message....... | |
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| how to take the first step
Posted: 5/29/2009 8:41:08 PM | | Maybe it's because it's something you've never done before. I suggest sending out several introductory emails. | |
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| how to take the first step
Posted: 5/30/2009 6:36:16 AM | | Get over it and make first contact. After you do it 10 or 20 times, you'll think nothing of it. | |
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| how to take the first step
Posted: 5/30/2009 7:51:47 AM | I agree with abelian. Anything we do the first time seems huge. The more you do a thing it becomes yours, and it's power is decreased dramatically. The key , like anything we try in life, is to relinquish attachment to the outcome. That way your emotions don't get in the way.
OP, please give at least one a try and let us know how it went. We are here to support you! | |
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| how to take the first step
Posted: 5/31/2009 1:46:09 PM | i've always looked upon pof as "community" and not a dating site like the others. this is probably due to the forums, but there are also things said by others in their profile or those who live nearby who i might contact. i rarely contact those not on the forums, but have done so and maybe met one or two. only once or twice did i get a hostile or purely unintelligent thing coming back. i've favorited a few close by and no response, but no biggie. again, different folk are seeking different things. i figure if not for me, maybe a a friend or vice versa. some people, however, already have those networks in place or just don't think that way. on pof, i also get many different ideas or things to think about or from which to grow intellectually or spiritually. i think that those who do not want to meet have other objectives in mind. i figure the greater my community, the more likely the man for me will pop up. now, that appears to have happened. but, i keep in sync with my community no matter what. just not looking for intimacy now. i have some e-buddies who have been promoted to phone calls. some of those people have kept me afloat and vice versa, in times that were "not so good".
so, instead of objectifying those you contact and therefore yourself, just think of them as human beings, neighbors, potential friends, and if no response--their loss. also, many are still suffering true loss. with the man i am currently seeing, we were friends from local meetups. it was a slowly evolving friendship and never did i think he was interested in me. if i didn't have my eye surgery and was home feeling pretty "alone" he might not have come over and if i knew he was interested "that way", i might not have let him see me at my worst. but, he was there for me and that brought us both together even more. in fact, one of my longstanding pof buddies who i brought onto here from another site (strictly platonic) was up visiting me for the weekend, when we went to one of my meetups and the man i am now seeing was there and first noticed me. i thought he was one of the wild ones, here in santa cruz and kept away, until i later was told he was a widow. before her, he probably was a wild one. but certainly not now!
when it became clear he was interested in me, a totally different energy entered into the equation and now the sparks are flying! i have very strong boundaries when it comes to all my platonic friends. not interested in fwb! i do think however, this can also happen online and sadly many never follow up or have the energy or "balls" to meet the one they think about at night. that is the downside of the internet. the upside is that contacts are made, that might never have happened otherwise. the followup, however, takes someone with direction and willingness to step out of their comfort zones.
at any rate, if i had not met my pof longtanding e-buddy from another site, brought him onto pof three years ago and if he had not come up to visit (because we remained supportive to each other) and we had not gone to the meetup--would i be where i am now with this man? that was when he first quietly noticed me and became interested--several months ago! things all come together. just keep the energy flowing.
so duh....you never know. just engage yourself in life and human beings.........the rest truly is in the timing of the universe. if i had met him earlier, just after his wife's death, he would not have been ready. some are never ready. it has nothing to do with you, nor is it your fault. that is the hard lesson to learn, when you are lonely, vulnerable and aching to connect with someone, but he or she is just not the right someone or you both are on different pages of your personal "book". | |
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| how to take the first step
Posted: 5/31/2009 8:36:10 PM | | My view seems to be a bit different than most. I am looking to meet someone who will be the more dominant in a relationship than myself, therefor I don't feel that making the first contact is a good idea. So.. I will sit back and wait for Mr Dominant Right to make the first move. | |
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| how to take the first step
Posted: 6/15/2009 9:03:55 PM | Oh boy ~ this one still is still tuff for me.
I'm enjoying reading through the profiles, and yes, looking thru some of the photos.
Sometimes I feel that I'm ready ~ then I have NO clue what happens, I pull back and move on to read the next profile....... | |
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| how to take the first step
Posted: 6/16/2009 7:54:07 AM | hey that was three choices  you hit the nail on the head. you have choices. my question to you is this: What happens if you contact someone? their possible responses are: delete it without reading read and delete without contacting you, read and contact you. three choices. far as i can tell none of the three will lead to an immediate end to the world. if you contact someone you get practice at it and , just like any other phobia, exposure to it will (eventually) remove the fear. just do it for goodness sake. it will be just ok | |
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| how to take the first step
Posted: 6/16/2009 9:34:59 AM | I take chances all the time, in many areas of my life. I ask myself, 'What's the worst that can happen?' I answer that and then ask myself if I can deal with it. The answer is always yes. I can deal with just about anything, I know, because I have done so. So, OP, what is the worst that can happen? And can you deal with it?  | |
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| how to take the first step
Posted: 6/16/2009 12:50:16 PM | Everything that has been said before on this post is great! I agree with serenity. I look at this site as a place to meet really nice people who are in the same situation I am, being single. I have met one or two people and they have turned out to be very nice. I'm e-mailing long distance, and that is very nice, it gets my courage up.
I am just happy to interact with the opposite sex through the forums, e-mail and telephone. I think if you look at it as just meeting people and talking, it takes the pressure off of you.
When people don't respond to you immediately, or you don't hear back at all, I think it means that they are involved in their own lives.
Good luck. . .
It's really a delightful experience to be able to fish. . . | |
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| how to take the first step
Posted: 6/26/2009 10:52:51 PM | Hey guess what:
I'm still here on POF & I did make contact.....I read & reponded to the messages that were sent to me. Figured since I can do that I might as well go ahead send a message of my own. | |
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| how to take the first step
Posted: 6/27/2009 4:10:14 AM | The best "making contact" I've had on here was when I talked to someone who knew folks in the town I live in and knew the area.
He showed up unannounced at my door and I was dressed in grubby clothes with my face unwashed.
I didn't have a chance to get the blind date jitters!!! | |
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| how to take the first step
Posted: 6/27/2009 7:38:22 AM | LISTEN...............!!!!!
Quit yer yappin and whinnin..............
If the apple looks good............
------------> GO TAKE A BITE..!!!!
Aint this what YOUS taught us...???
more later... I'm outta here.........
---SoldierByte--- | |
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| how to take the first step
Posted: 6/27/2009 9:03:58 AM | | CCR Im here to tell you now each and every mothers son, you better learn fast, you better learn young that someday never comes. | |
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| how to take the first step
Posted: 6/27/2009 9:29:45 AM | Well OP, I'll give you credit. At least you asked. Or are willing to consider it. Or being coaxed into it. Unlike so many of the women here at the Forums. Who have been here since the Forums started. And complain incessantly about all the bottom feeders that email THEM. They have no trouble in a PUBLIC Forum ripping some hapless, clueless, [possibly Newbie] guy a new one. And yet are not going to "STOOP" to actually attempting to make first contact with someone they find interesting. And risk being Rejected. Or Ignored. People that will NOT send a 1st contact email have no right to b!tch about the offerings IMO.
My suggestion is to "practice" sending emails to FORUM guys you like or enjoy or can relate to over ANY Forum related matter. I feel quite confident that you will get a 100% return rate. From there, you simply move on to local guys. Piece of cake. No problemo.
And IF they ignore you or don't respond or get hostile in one manner or another? Simply IGNORE them. It's a big ocean with Plenty of Fish.
What have you got to lose?
Good Luck | |
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| how to take the first step
Posted: 6/27/2009 9:37:16 AM | Ivana...
I think it's a matter of degree. As a woman, I do NOT feel comfortable in chasing men. But...I might well make an initial contact. If I see a man's profile that REALLY stands out to me...then I might send a small note commenting on something in his profile that really resonated with me.
After that...I really do leave it mostly up to the man. If he doesn't respond...then I assume he is not interested. If he does respond but the communication begins to wane, then I assume he has lost interest and I just let it go.
I think men do enjoy an initial contact sometimes. Just something friendly that expresses your interest. But again, if he doesn't respond then...just keep fishin'
Kind regards to all fishies...
...Barbi  | |
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| how to take the first step
Posted: 6/27/2009 9:45:31 AM |
At least you asked. Or are willing to consider it. Or being coaxed into it. Unlike so many of the women here at the Forums. Who have been here since the Forums started. And complain incessantly about all the bottom feeders that email THEM. They have no trouble in a PUBLIC Forum ripping some hapless, clueless, [possibly Newbie] guy a new one. And yet are not going to "STOOP" to actually attempting to make first contact with someone they find interesting.
oh puh-leeze!
i've posted many times how i send out dozens upon dozens of initial contact emails and get almost no replies back.
and for the 3 months i had no restrictions on my profile, i'd say 99% of the first contacts i got were from 20-somethings looking for a quick roll in the hay. | |
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| how to take the first step
Posted: 6/27/2009 10:52:48 AM | Hi ivanareid If any women reads my profile and makes the first
contact. I will answer. I think I joined POF may be 4 years back.
So far no one has read my profile and contacted me. I am too
Honest. Put every thing up front. Married , not happy. 3 kids
and that alone sends the women running. I will probly get a devorce
some day. I probly will remarry. But there are married women ,
not happy , Why my profile dont work, Not sure. I would love
for a lady to make the first move. Look at Lazair2000 and tell
me what you don't like. Take care folks , this is my first post
to a forum Brian | |
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| how to take the first step
Posted: 6/27/2009 11:03:56 AM | Oh, so many interesting points are being made! This is the best place to learn how to deal with that fear of rejection. I’ve not been on POF that long, so I’m not surprised that no man has been first to make contact. We all suffer “refrigerator blindness”, and POF is one big frig. With all the different packages on the shelf, it takes awhile to make it through the inventory. Add to that, it takes some men a long time to wake up and recognize that what they are looking for is in front of them because they don’t recognize the package it comes in. Whee! I am amazed anyone ever manages to meet someone that comes close to being compatible in the long run on these dating sights.
Starman, you are so right about being friendly and courteous! NM is still quite rural and it’s more common to get a wave and smile than not. In fact, that’s one easy way to recognize natives and country kids. We still believe in courtesy and the old homily of catching more flies with honey than vinegar. I’ve not found such courtesy on POF. Some people here just make you laugh! Only twice has a man acknowledged a note and they were not terribly polite but were insulted I dared to communicate with them! Such silliness does not deter me. If I see an interesting profile, I’m going to drop a note. Speaking first is not asking a guy to marry you, but it is an invitation to a brief, hopefully intelligent exchange of pleasantries and a lovely way to introduce yourself. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Just remember to breath, smile, and enjoy the moment.
Thank you, one an all, for the lovely distraction. | |
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| how to take the first step
Posted: 6/27/2009 6:28:56 PM | Well I have made comments as to the awesomeness of someones profile once in a while and I have made slight flirtations in the past but I am not really comfortable with this.
Not because I don't feel I could or shouldn't mostly because even at my age I here my dad saying men like to do the chasing. I know get over it and in all logical brain waves in my head I have but sometimes it creaps back in.
Intellectually I fully believe that if you find someone intriqueing than you should give them a jingle what have you got to lose and I do but not as often as I could. I have been lingering actually with a freind that is incredibly busy with activities as well as work and have become a back burner gal and I am getting to the point where this is not enough . I would like to be closely connected with someone again in my life and this is not that way. So I am contemplating the process of searching again ouyvey. | |
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| how to take the first step
Posted: 8/30/2009 10:49:08 AM | | I love reading through the forum posts and through some profiles ~ over time there have been a few profiles that I reread but still haven't taken that step towards making the first contact. I have replied to some guys, I know that this is just a tiny step towards reaching for my own goals/dreams. The good thing is that I'm still here on POF | |
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