| | Socializing with people of opposite sex when in a relationshipPage 3 of 2 (1, 2) | Well I was going to say there's nothing wrong with it but reading all your post it sounds like something is a bit funky. But you can't change him or his friends, when you are dating someone who treats you/behaves in ways you don't like, stop dating them. It's as simple as that, do not date people you do not like...pretending to like people you don't like is pretty  | |
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| Socializing with people of opposite sex when in a relationship
Posted: 5/28/2009 11:18:07 AM |
He actually called the cops on me who in turn called me to tell me not to call him, email him or try to contact him in any way or I would be arrested. One of his police buddies. I am ashamed to admit that I have forgiven him and still see him since he goes to the same places I go to and has a way of charming others and checking up on me.
Forgiving is one issue but once the guy called the cops you should have stopped thinking about him much less bothering him in any way. You either like drama or you're naive and do not recognize it.... | |
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| Socializing with people of opposite sex when in a relationship
Posted: 5/28/2009 11:25:29 AM | | You call this a relationship?? He's called the cops on you? I've not once had the cops be called by someone I've been in a relationship with. There just has to be more to this story. You go where he goes, he charms others and checks up on you?? Perhaps he's on the lookout for you. You've been told not to call, email or contact him - if you still are, it's called stalking. I'm thinking this has nothing to do with socializing with people of the opposite sex while in a relationship at all...it doesn't sound like you're in a relationship. | |
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| Socializing with people of opposite sex when in a relationship
Posted: 5/28/2009 11:32:55 AM | | As much as people say they can be "just friends" with the opposite sex it almost ALWAYS turns into cheating. Work friends or group outings is one thing but always going out with someone of the opposite sex alone is very shady. I learned this the hard way. I used to be waaayyyy too trusting. | |
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| Socializing with people of opposite sex when in a relationship
Posted: 5/28/2009 2:05:43 PM | I guess I disagree with most of you.
I'm a very huggy type person & I have a lot of friends, both male & female, married & single & we always hug when we see each other. But we are JUST friends. I'm not attracted to them as potential dating material, nor they me. If I were in a relationship with someone, he'd be included in anything I did & all my women friends would hug him too. If he's the jealous type, the relationship would never get off the ground. It certainly wouldn't bother me if a female friend of his gave him a hug. Now if she gave him a big kiss & draped herself all over him, we'd have to discuss that.
Nah, I'm cool with my man having female FRIENDS. If I can't trust him, I don't need him.
Just my $.02 | |
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| Socializing with people of opposite sex when in a relationship
Posted: 5/28/2009 2:41:53 PM | I have two very good long term (over30 years) male friends. I have lunch with one about every three weeks. The other male friend lives about eighty miles away. When he comes into town we have dinner together and sometimes he sleeps in my guest room. If I was seeing someone I would not change socializing with my two good friends. I may or may not ask a SO to join me if I was going out with either of these two friends any more than I would invite him if I was socializing with a girlfriend or one of my brothers. I have a life which includes friends of both sexes as well as couples. If a person cannot handle that he would not be the right man for me. What is unacceptable to me is anyone who wants me to restrict my life when in a relationship with him/her. | |
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| Why...
Posted: 5/28/2009 2:47:04 PM |
I am in disagreement with someone who states that if one person is dating another and in a relationship that these people should not have any other friends of the opposite sex.
...would you even bother having a conversation with someone so stupid?
What is considered acceptable and what is not?
Acceptable: Anything that they would have no issue sharing with me
Unacceptable: Anything they would rather not I found out | |
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| What???
Posted: 5/28/2009 2:50:51 PM |
He actually called the cops on me who in turn called me to tell me not to call him, email him or try to contact him in any way or I would be arrested. One of his police buddies. I am ashamed to admit that I have forgiven him and still see him since he goes to the same places I go to and has a way of charming others and checking up on me.
Are you kidd....wait, what I am I thinking...of course you aren't.
Maybe you two can find a shrink who offers volume discounts.... | |
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| Socializing with people of opposite sex when in a relationship
Posted: 5/28/2009 2:52:21 PM | I'm in the same situation, My boyfriend has ALOT of female friends that come by his house all the time, he says he's only laying with me but I surely don't know what to think of it myself. we only see eachother if Im lucky, 2 xs a week and thats all it is, I mean, he will stay the night once in awhile but it feels like I'm his mistress. I want to give him the altamatium of giving up his lady friends, maybe introduce them to me or something but think it would damage the relationship. I really care for this man yet am trying to trust him and just do not know what to do.
Sorry I am unable to help out on this subject, and am deciding on what to do with my own matter in life, been together I guess u can say for 8 months now and its going nowhere it seems.
Good luck n smile. Have a safe n Happy journey in life.....Barefoot Butterfly..... | |
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| Socializing with people of opposite sex when in a relationship
Posted: 5/28/2009 3:25:39 PM | I dissagree with the sentiment that people shouldn't be friends with members of the opposite sex if they're in a relationship.
But really... it depends.
It depends on whether this person is thinking friends, or thinking they want to jump their.. "friends."
Also, I don't believe ANYBODY should be expected to drop friends just to be with somebody. There are other ways to prove ones devotion to another... | |
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| Socializing with people of opposite sex when in a relationship
Posted: 5/29/2009 3:25:49 AM | | this is a classic case of where you should listen to your gut. if you were uncomfortable with it or thought something was going on, there probably was. manipulators like that will turn it back on you and try to make it like it's your fault, but it's not. I personally judge each situation on it's merit. there's been girls where I had no problem with it, and girls where I knew something was funky. I was always right | |
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SUZY72
| | Joined: 5/20/2009
Msg: 37 | |
| Socializing with people of opposite sex when in a relationship
Posted: 5/29/2009 7:47:53 AM | I personally don't have a problem with whomever I'm dating having female friends, however I feel there are some boundaries I don't feel comfortable with. Obviously, I'd like to get to know who the friends are, and if I'm accepted into the "group of friends" and become friends with them that's great. In the past I've found that some friends could become "catty" as they have their own personal agenda with the guy in question, that he might not even realize. In past relationships,when I've met the "friends", intimidation plays a part and they are threatened by my presence. True feelings are demonstrated when he is affectionate in front of them and their attitude completely changes towards me. I'm not an agressive girl so I don't engage in who he "belongs" to. So if this behaviour is acceptable to him by these friends, than he really likes being where he is and there is no room for me.
My question is, ex-wives sleeping over, different room, different bed. Is this ok?
Apparently when you are still friends after breaking up an 11 yr marriage, is this ok? | |
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| Socializing with people of opposite sex when in a relationship
Posted: 5/29/2009 8:25:52 AM |
He actually called the cops on me who in turn called me to tell me not to call him, email him or try to contact him in any way or I would be arrested. One of his police buddies. I am ashamed to admit that I have forgiven him and still see him since he goes to the same places I go to and has a way of charming others and checking up on me.
As a registered nurse and an educator do you not see a Red Flag screaming abuse and overly controling? This is a very unhealthy relationship. | |
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| Socializing with people of opposite sex when in a relationship
Posted: 5/29/2009 11:26:03 AM | OP: I disagree with the person who says one cannot be friends with a member of the opposite sex when in a relationship.
What is acceptable? That depends on all parties involved. Personally, I can be friends with women and not have sex with them when I am (or am not) in a relationship with another woman. I have female friends dating back thirty years that I have not been intimate with but consider an important part of my life. I have shared hotel rooms with these women without any problems, once even sharing the same bed when there was a mix up in reservations and there were no other rooms in town. If they are coming to town, they can use my guest room. Even though I find these women very attractive, I can control myself.
If the person one is dating tries to cut one off from all friends of the opposite sex, I think one should carefully evaluate whether this is someone one would want to date. | |
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| Socializing with people of opposite sex when in a relationship
Posted: 7/3/2009 12:41:32 PM | My ex S/O used to take a female friend out for lunch when I was at work, and I was only too glad that their friendship hadn't been affected when he and I got together.
We don't have to lose our friends (male or female) just because we are in a relationship.
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| Socializing with people of opposite sex when in a relationship
Posted: 7/3/2009 12:48:24 PM | I would like an unbiased opinion.
I guess my general preferences would exhibit a bias. Read my profile and guess the answer. "Trust" is better than jealousy 7 days a week and 24 hours a day. Petty arguments about friends belongs on episodes of "Jerry Springer," so that the drama queens will have something to talk about and the sponsors can sell soap to them for their clean white shirts. | |
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| Socializing with people of opposite sex when in a relationship
Posted: 7/3/2009 2:50:37 PM | | Who says that a man and woman cannot be friends? I have female friends from when I was 12 (you know, back in the Pleistocene Era). Male friends, female friends, people I've known forever and have been a good support system when needed. I always assume that a woman I'm getting involved with has male friends. I wouldn't presume to ask her to give up her friends and I expect the same courtesy in return. Besides, it works out great for me if she has male friends - that way I don't have to go to sporting events, Nascar, or the Champions of Competitive Eating Contest. Feh! | |
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| Socializing with people of opposite sex when in a relationship
Posted: 7/3/2009 3:57:52 PM | I think if you're a living, breathing human being of either sex and having reached any age over 30, you're going to have friends of both sexes. If you are, however, in a relationship, those friends should remain just that - friends. Hanging out with the same-sex friends is ok, but meeting a friend of the opposite sex for lunch, dinner, a movie, you name it, without the SO's along is pretty close to the line of cheating for me.
He called the cops on you, OP? Tell me; why do you continue to speak to this loser? Don't set yourself up to be an abused woman any further. Dump him! Get some counseling so you don't pick another jerk like him.
JMHO | |
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| Socializing with people of opposite sex when in a relationship
Posted: 7/3/2009 4:02:45 PM | | OP, is this the nut job who called the police on you for knocking on his door? If so, I have to wonder which of you is nuttier - him for his actions, or you for putting up with them? It sounds totally dysfunctional to me. | |
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| Socializing with people of opposite sex when in a relationship
Posted: 7/4/2009 4:33:43 PM | True, established platonic friendships where the boundaries are clearly established and firmly held should be able to be respected in a healthy relationship without causing upset or mistrust. Sadly most aspects of this criteria fail to be met by most couples and that's where it all goes wrong.
When one party is aware that their partner is uncomfortable with any aspect of a friendship with someone of the opposite sex or an old ex, then I think they have a responsibility to reasonably consider their partner and allay fears or concerns (assuming their partner's not just being needy or unreasonable) but there should not be a need to end a friendship- more about finding a way to resolve things to create a win:win situation. This could be by involving the partner and friend from time to time in night outs, etc so they get to know each other and it can help to reiterate the status of both the friendship and the relationship to both the partner and the friend.
Not always easy to get this right- good luck! :) | |
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| Socializing with people of opposite sex when in a relationship
Posted: 7/4/2009 4:45:34 PM | | I don't need to control my man to feel secure, so I guess I cannot relate OP to your need to manipulate your relationships. If there is something going on then I will break up with the man, but I'm not going to think he can't control himself about his female friends, if I thought that of him, I would not date him, much less get seriously involved with him. The answer is to make sure of who you are with before becoming involved in a relationship with them, not to try to force them to be something so you don't have to deal with your own issues. | |
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| Socializing with people of opposite sex when in a relationship
Posted: 7/4/2009 6:36:03 PM | Platonic freinds and old ex girlfreinds who are now freinds... Ohhh that spells trouble.
Putting the OP's personal circumstances aside, I'll tackle the main question which is opposite sex freindships.
In a case of a clearly defined platonic freind, where there has nt been any sexual relationship,.. the problem is often that the 'freind' still feels entitled to be the more important primary relationship. She will have watched girlfreinds come and go,.. and will have been around to pick up the pieces, and be a confidant,.. she has probably consciously, or unconsciously, played a part in some of those break ups, of girlfreinds coming and going,.. by subtley or other wise influencing the man against a girlfreind.
I seem to have been a recipient of this behaviour myself.
Once, in a 3 year relationship, where my boyfreinds freinds called me the 'dragon,.. and once, more recently, when i was called 'effing crazy, by a mans close female freind.
Now, how I would have been able to associate with this female freind after knowing what she called me is beyond me.
So, his best freind and I, would have had bad feeling between us, before ever meeting,.. because that man had already messed things up by passing information on about me to his best freind,.. and back to me about what she said about me.
See the trouble starting already?
This is what can happen with 'opposite sex freinds'... theres usually an agenda there.
To move onto exes as freinds.
I think its madness of a particularly p*ss taking kind, to expect any two people who have been intimate with you to spend time being civil to each other in the same room.
I have no wish to meet an ex of a boyfreind, and be in the same room as her, knowing we have both been intimate with the man standing there.
Thats a horrible and crass situation.
Plus, exes usually have an agenda too, they want the person back, or they wish to cause schisms in their new relationships.
ASnyone who puts freinds before their relationships, is sabotaging their own chances of a real solid relationship, IMO.
Anyone who wishes to bring opposite sex freinds, or exes as freinds together with a new gf, is either a head game player, or an idiot.
All this can be turned around with women who do the same to a new boyfreind.
Its disrespectful IMO.
G. x | |
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| Socializing with people of opposite sex when in a relationship
Posted: 10/21/2009 5:36:14 AM | Leggy, He doesn't want me to meet any of his friends or family and won't give me a reason. Update: found receipts he has been cheating on me. Next day, he threw me across the room. Filed charges, he knows the police and the Judge.Trying to get an order or protection. No longer seeing him. Now he is seeing one of my close girlfriends who told me to leave him. He gravitates to those closest to me and causes division. Nothing illegal about that, just immoral. He goes to POF too. Watch out girls, he's a charmer with money.  | |
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