| I still dont get it...
Posted: 5/28/2009 10:45:04 PM | | he sounds very immature and probably didn't want the responsibility of a baby. however, by law he is required to pay child support and i hope you are getting it from him. if not, then you will have to take him to court. | |
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| I still dont get it...
Posted: 5/29/2009 12:13:16 AM | The simple truth is that he did not want a baby and did not take very kindly to forced fatherhood. This is the reason he pushed you aside as soon as he found out you were pregnant. Birth control works if you actually use it. Human error is the reason it fails.
Hell Ya!!! It scared the hell outa him. Not to be rude but it was both yours and his fault now you both will have to deal with it and it WILL be hard! Good luck but dont expect him to "come back" to you and the child. | |
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| I still dont get it...
Posted: 5/29/2009 12:19:36 AM | A smart women wouldn't have gotten pregnant and scared the guy off because he was probably smart enough to know that he didn't want that kind of life yet, but then if he'd been smart he'd have used birth control. A teen getting pregnant with an unwanted baby by a guy who wasn't mature enough....how smart could that possibly be. And no rude comments, I see, you want some rude shit said about this guy, a good bashing for him, but you want only nice things said to you.  You should have thought of that before you used an innocent child to try to trap a guy. This is all so ridiculously unfair to this baby, and for no reason what-so-ever except selfish stupidity by it's parents.  | |
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| I still dont get it...
Posted: 5/29/2009 5:57:16 AM | Honesty 101 This is one of the oldest stories in the book.
Both of you were to young to make intelligent decisions. You had a part in this.
Now the child should be your 1st concern for the next 18 years. It will be hard, but you can do it. You teach people how to treat you.
You will probably hear many women had the same thing happen to them. Don't let it make you bitter, be better. | |
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| I still dont get it...
Posted: 5/29/2009 6:07:44 AM |
He always said how much he wanted to have a family and how much he wanted to get married after all. .....He probably did say this, however did he say he wanted all of this with YOU?
He probably did love you at some point, but realized that sharing a baby meant sharing the rest of his life with you and that may have scared him off.
He obviously needs to grow up and face his responsibilities concerning the child, however he is under no obligation to continue a romantic relationship with you.
Have you seeked out child support? In Australia the child support agency is in contact with the taxation dept and this is how they find a lot of deadbeat fathers. Perhaps you have a similar system.
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| I still dont get it...
Posted: 5/29/2009 6:13:34 AM | Hon, there is a big difference between wanting marriage and a family down the road and suddenly at the age of 20 (since he was in college too, a 25% chance of being accurate, lol) looking at a wife and children. Now, the decent man sucks it up and supports you whether you are together or just the woman having his child but you can't make people do the right things. Pushing you away was the easiest way for him to deal (not deal) with the situation, didn't have anything to do with how much he did or did not love you.
Raise your daughter, focus on school if you are able to finish, on building a good positive life for her. This will hurt less I absolutely promise but it takes time and the best antidote I know to any kind of angst is just focusing on that beautiful baby!
Please don't hold it against this man if he gets his head out of his butt and wants to be a father to your child. He should have been there but you cannot undo the past and your child should know his/her father even if he chose to be absent at the beginning of the child's life.
It is easy to look at your life before the pregnancy and see that the relationship was great but if it was, while the relationship might not have survived the unplanned pregnancy, this man would have chosen to behave differently. When you figure out that you don't want him period, this will hurt less. | |
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| I still dont get it...
Posted: 5/29/2009 8:14:24 AM | Thank you all for the msgs, I didnt try to trap no one by having her, he was there wiht me when he decided to have sex ! so it was not only me in this, I dont want him back at all. He was not a good partner and he is not a good father.
About the child suppport I am getting it now, Im taking him to court also. My daughter has everything she needs and she could ever want, she is a happy child and I am a great mom who is with her 24/7! So I dont think I will be dating in a long longgggggggg time...
Now I get it and thank you all!
PS: I wasnt trying to get people to say nice things about me, I was just trying to get some advice... | |
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| I still dont get it...
Posted: 5/29/2009 8:20:47 AM |
The simple truth is that he did not want a baby and did not take very kindly to forced fatherhood. This is the reason he pushed you aside as soon as he found out you were pregnant. Birth control works if you actually use it. Human error is the reason it fails.
And that would be the simple truth!! OP, to him, your a dream killer! | |
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| I still dont get it...
Posted: 5/29/2009 9:17:05 AM | 1. He never really loved you.
2. He is an immature , selfish little turd.
3. You are way better off without him.
A man who steps away from his child is a complete piece of shit. Period. | |
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| I still dont get it...
Posted: 5/29/2009 10:28:39 AM |
He always said how much he wanted to have a family and how much he wanted to get married after all.
At your age , A guy will say anything you want to hear just to get in your knickers.. And the girls at your age ~ They will do just about anything just to get the guys to say them things..
My guess is ~ He may of had feelings for you (only HE can truly answer that) but when YOU gave into him (the sex before commitment) You became an object of pleasure instead of a possible life long partner.. "He lost focus." | |
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| I still dont get it...
Posted: 5/29/2009 10:34:37 AM | you're young, you'll eventually find someone. Don't worry about it, he obviously wasn't ready to step up to the plate.
But my advice, as someone who knows several young women who don't have a birth father in the picture, don't let him come and go as he pleases. It's important to have consistancy for a young child, so that means he's either in with both feet, or he's completely out. It can be very confusing and depressing for young children to have a "father" figure coming in and out of their life whenever he feels like being daddy for the occasional weekend. | |
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| I still dont get it...
Posted: 5/29/2009 10:39:10 AM | He does need to Man up and support the child but don't worry about getting him to love you again.
He will either work out HIS issues or he won't.
Personally, the best sex I had in my first marriage was when she was preggers and the hormones overrode her prude side. I married "Technically" a virgin as Slick willie would argue. As a result I am not so much against premarial sex as I would have been in the past but definitely think people should take precautions to preclude having a baby before you are both ready to have one. | |
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Nyda
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Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 38 | |
| I still dont get it...
Posted: 5/31/2009 9:17:00 AM | //This is what I don't get. Is it immature for just the boy who doesn't want forced fatherhood (as Annie said) or is it immature for the girl who didn't take the morning after pill.//
It shows immaturity on both sides. He should have wrapped is meat if for no other reason than birth control (won't even go into the diseases). She should have taken responsibility for her own body and ensured that he wrapped his meat and took birth control measures on her own (planned parenthood is good).
Abortion is not always the answer. It is personal choice.
I have told my kids that whenever you have sex, you'd better be ready to be a parent as birth control can and does fail. I have three all over 21 and no grandchildren to be seen.
Lastly, he is responsible for child support regardless of his lack of desire to be a parent. She would not have been pregnant if he would have taken responsibility of his own actions. | |
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| I still dont get it...
Posted: 5/31/2009 9:24:56 AM | I hope you realize that what you actually said was the poster "did do something".
I hope you realize that she is 18, and probably ESL (being from Columbia).
Maybe cut her some slack; she is having a tough time, ya know? | |
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| I still dont get it...
Posted: 5/31/2009 9:49:56 AM | OK, GOGA (girl on girl action? WTF?). That guy is probably as young as you are, and as scared.
My only advice: Take time off from guys, concentrate your energies on bringing a healthy baby into the world, and getting your financial ducks in a row. | |
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| I still dont get it...
Posted: 5/31/2009 9:57:13 AM | Because he's too young and immature to be a father, but he really enjoyed having sex with you and hanging out. Love? you were only 16-19, not old enough to be shacking up and playing birth control roulette. Being teenagers and living together is like playing house, at least one person is definitely just playing grown up.
Adults decide after getting financially, educationally and emotionally prepared to have children. Kids get knocked up by a little boys and expect him to act like men. Talking about marriage and having a family when you are a teen? Did you have no plans or dreams for your own future other than marrying this guy?
Go after him for support he has to start being responsible eventually even if it is court ordered. | |
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| I still dont get it...
Posted: 5/31/2009 10:06:35 AM | Wow, I see there's a few damn perfect people here, all ready to throw stones. Birth control doesn't always work for various reasons, and the most conscientious about using it can still end up pregnant. However it happened, the OP found herself in that position and seems to have taken her "forced parenthood" in a mature way. Kudos to her.
OP: I agree with those who think the guy got scared and took it out on you - I wouldn't necessarily assume he's no good; you must have seen something in him to love him in the first place. It's hard on your daughter that she has to pay for his immaturity, but I am sure you and she will be fine. Try not to blame either him or yourself; stuff happens, we all make mistakes we have to pay for in some way and blame leads to bitterness, which will eat at your soul. I wouldn't be surprised if he regrets his actions further down the line. If possible, keep the door open so your daughter can know her father.
Take care and good luck to both you and your daughter. | |
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| I still dont get it...
Posted: 5/31/2009 10:07:37 AM | OP,
Reality hit him.
You don't say what age he was but I suppose he is about your age. So he got cold feet and now he's gone.
Instead of worrying about him and your emotions, worry about your child. Go to a lawyer and try to get child support. Your responsibility number one is now your child. | |
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| I still dont get it...
Posted: 5/31/2009 1:45:28 PM | Birth control doesn't always work for various reasons, and the most conscientious about using it can still end up pregnant.
It doesn't work due to human error. Birth control itself doesn't fail.It only fails when you don't take it or take it as prescribed,or if you take it with other medications that interact badly.
the OP found herself in that position and seems to have taken her "forced parenthood" in a mature way. Kudos to her.
Parenthood was not "forced" for her. She had options to get out ,the biological father didn't.I would bet good money that this pregnancy was very much planned. A 19 year old who has no job and is going to school,(doubtful on that),ends up pregnant even though there are various methods of birth control, abortion and adoption ,and who is most likely collecting welfare to force me and other tax payers to support her and her kid, is not my idea of mature. | |
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| I still dont get it...
Posted: 5/31/2009 2:02:23 PM | | You are really young to be having a baby. Pehaps you are mature enough for that stage in your life but I doubt that this fellow was. He wasn't able to accept or enjoy the child and all the adult responsibilities (along with the joys) that it brings. Talking about wanting a family when you are in love at age 19 is a far cry from from being thrust in that situation. Sad and unfortunate for you. Wish you the best. | |
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| I still dont get it...
Posted: 5/31/2009 2:11:11 PM | You know pro-lifer, let me know when you hear that POP when your head comes out of your arse...some of us know a whole lot about what the OP is going to go through and how she got there from frigging experience not from being perfect, but you knew that and stuck your nose in the air and bashed away because you like to. I give no kudos to someone who purposely gets pregnant with an unwanted child then immaturely gabs on about how the baby is just fine, blah blah blah. Have you ever raised a child unwanted by it's father? Do you know the damage to that child? Do you know of the void? And yes, we all know some who did fine, but we also know so many more who are not fine being the mistake that one parent ran from and the other used to promote her low self-esteem. People should not be getting pregnant, (birth control does work, people lie), with children who are unwanted! It's disgusting and cruel and stupid and selfish.
Two teenagers wanted to play house, one said he'd like to get married and have kids one day in his future fantasy, and the other so wanted to lock down this relationship and jump far ahead into the future thinking all would be vine-covered cottages and rainbows and babies...so what the hell, she didn't use birth control and he couldn't' be bothered to be in control of his sexuality so they made a baby. A human being, not a doll not a plaything, a human child that needs care and raising and protecting and nurturing. So daddy runs away, he never wanted this, not now, not with that person, not that baby, he didn't want it and truthfully was not seriously asked about it, it was done and he took the cowards way out. So here's little teen mama thinking this won't be so bad and blaming the guy instead of taking responsibility for her part in this. But really, it's the baby that gets the shaft and the baby that will forever carry this with her. It's all fine and dandy to be the parent spouting off clichés about how happy they are with the outcome, but it's the baby who lives with the truth.
This didn't have to happen, this beautiful, innocent baby did not have to be the product of lust, selfishness nor did she have to be a mistake, but the choice was made for her and without much thought about her. Yeah, I find that behavior to be pretty bad. | |
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| I still dont get it...
Posted: 5/31/2009 2:21:30 PM | OP ... I'm sorry you are going through this. Yes, I think he may have loved you at some point. I also think he probably felt like he had gotten in way over his head when you became pregnant. Still ... that's no reason for him to treat you the way he did/does. Ignoring you as if you never existed in his life is just mean and cruel. I'm sorry this relationship has cost you a lot of heartache. 
On the bright side, you now have a beautiful, healthy baby girl whom you cherish and love. I would focus all my attention on her (as you are) and forget about this guy. It sounds like he doesn't want to be a daddy to your little girl. Legally he has no choice but to pay for his obligation, physically and emotionally he has choices and seems to have made them. With lots of love and support around you, you will become strong and you and your daughter will flourish. Given time, everything will be alright. You can and will make a happy, loving life for you and your little girl. Best wishes for lots of good things for both of you.  | |
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| I still dont get it...
Posted: 5/31/2009 2:30:07 PM | | OK, daynadaze the Dad isn't there so this girl should continue on, have a chip on her shoulder while raising the child? What is your suggestion? All I read was an attack on pro-lifers response. | |
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| I still dont get it...
Posted: 5/31/2009 2:31:28 PM | I haven't experienced this myself so can't give an explanation as to why he acted the way he did. We can only assume. Only he knows.
You have been blessed with a lovely daughter now and I bet you wouldn't turn the clock back if you could. Imagine being without her. You just couldn't.
Don't know if this helps but hope it did | |
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| I still dont get it...
Posted: 5/31/2009 2:41:01 PM | OP, I'll go ahead and add my opinion here even though it's very similar to others. The key thing here is the immaturity that your boyfriend exhibited. You are very, very young and you have the rest of your life ahead of you so be happy that you have your health and I assume a very healthy little girl. You absolutely make the father of this child do what's right as far as your little girl goes and him spending time with her.
I think a lot of this type of thing happens because babies and being in a relationship is romanticized in the media. Young girls are getting pregnant at an alarming rate at my child's high school and it terrifies me for them.
You cannot make this person show love and caring for your daughter. Do however go to your local social service department and have them enforce child support payments from him. In my state you pay $25 and they handle the rest. Your daughter deserves that much.
In the future, choose relationship partners very carefully. This one was too young and immature for the life you had. I'm sorry that it turned out this way for you but make the best of the situation and always put your daughter first. | |
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