| I still dont get it...
Posted: 5/31/2009 2:55:18 PM | OP;
I'm very very glad you are focusing on you and your baby girl and that you are getting support (and that you are taking a break from dating; that is a distraction that would be tough with a brand new baby at your age).
I'm truly sorry for you that it happened the way it did; major major kudos to you for taking responsibility and doing the adult thing when you are not too far removed from childhood agewise yourself, and having to do it alone. I commend you with all my heart. It won't always be easy (but the best things aren't); but it is very rewarding; and agree with those who say keeping from bitterness and just letting go and focusing on the positive and the miracle of raising your little girl, will help both of you in your relationship as mother and daughter. You sound amazingly mature for your age.
For those who say correctly taken birth control always works, I can attest firsthand two of my three kids when married were both conceived while we were on birth control (and yes, we did read the directions for both and use both things correctly both times lol). It does sometimes fail, no matter how careful you are. It even says so on the directions; it is not 100%; therefore trying to avoid pregnancy (or diseases for some people, unfortunately) is not foolproof, (though not doing any birth control or protection at all means WAY more risk than having it fail that 1% of the time when using it :). Nothing is foolproof. But using nothing at all yes, can be slightly foolish.
very very best of luck OP, hope things continue to go well for you. You are the same age as my two oldest kids; so I especially applaud your being a responsible adult, when I know it can't be easy. I am very, very impressed.
God bless. | |
|
| I still dont get it...
Posted: 5/31/2009 4:14:18 PM |
You know pro-lifer, let me know when you hear that POP when your head comes out of your arse.
Hit a nerve, did I? See yourself in something I wrote? | |
|
| I still dont get it...
Posted: 5/31/2009 4:32:31 PM | there is no reason for babys to die.
the father is totally irresponsible.
very selfish thing to do, run away, that is.
she is picking up the pieces.
you go girl, hope the next guy isn't a bum!
treat your dates like iterviews, thats what they are, not sex practice. | |
|
| I still dont get it...
Posted: 5/31/2009 8:30:33 PM | op
You have a good head on your shoulders especially for a 19 year old no doubt you have a great family that helps u .
Things in life happen for a reason and its never plain sailing now or even when you are 50 lol
The life experience is about learning and loving .
We all have our problems but we deal with them as you have done .
Mum you have a daughter enjoy her life as she will enjoy yours .
We are all thankfull she is happy and well get back on the yella brick road find your prince and live happily ever after .
Lets all hope daddy finds his way back to his daughter .She wil lneed him in her life one way or another .
To never know him will be tragic for her and even you because you will see the pain in her eyes .I think you know what i mean .
Good luck and happy days | |
|
| Total...
Posted: 5/31/2009 8:36:19 PM |
Honestly? No he did not love you. You were just a sex toy to him
...bullshit. That is what she wants to hear, because it absolves her from any responsibility for her pregnancy and the consequences (note: I didn't say he had no responsibilities...I said it absolves her from the consequences...or this particular consequence anyway)
This, on the other hand...
Never and I do mean NEVER love someone more than yourself. You're setting yourself for a major heartache if you do that. I'm not being cruel or mean when I say this but I think a rise in maturity level on both parties is in order. Really think hard before you get into another relationship.
...is exactly right, while this...
here is a great quote that I love to share. "Never make someone a priority while allowing yourself to be their option."
...is true but irrelevant to the situation.
Before I answer the OPs question...I'd like to know this....how is it that they were in a relationship for 3 years, but she only became pregnant after they began living together? There is something that is missing from this story...and I think I might know what it is.... | |
|
| And exactly...
Posted: 5/31/2009 8:38:43 PM |
For those who say correctly taken birth control always works, I can attest firsthand two of my three kids when married were both conceived while we were on birth control (and yes, we did read the directions for both and use both things correctly both times lol).
...what forms of contraception would those have been? Curious minds want to know, because *I* can attest first hand to knowing two couples who like to tell people this story to cover up the fact that they were flat out irresponsible.... | |
|
| No...
Posted: 5/31/2009 8:42:34 PM |
he has my utmost respect for carrying the baby. That shows maturity.
...it doesn't. Not if she isn't in a position to take care of it. Not if it will go on to live a life of difficulty because its mom wasn't ready to be one.
It is no more noble to have a baby than it is to make one...both are acts of immaturity if said child wasn't planned.... | |
|
| No...
Posted: 5/31/2009 9:01:14 PM | yes, but once the baby is made, you should have it. [there is I suppose, adoption, better then killing it]
there are a lot of inconveniences we run into.
its how you handle them, that says what you are.
sounds like you will be a decent mother. | |
|
| No...
Posted: 5/31/2009 9:11:56 PM | Op you are a 19 year old girl with 2 children. That is currently attending school after living with a man that left you after your second pregnancy. The only question you came to ask among some professional, educated, well rounded and or very bright single mothers and fathers: Do you think he loved me?
You have bigger fish to fry. Try to start prioritizing your responsibilities! Please seek counseling it sounds like their might be other issues going on.
*******Now Dance************************************ | |
|
| And exactly...
Posted: 5/31/2009 9:21:34 PM |
...what forms of contraception would those have been? Curious minds want to know, because *I* can attest first hand to knowing two couples who like to tell people thisstory to cover up the fact that they were flat out irresponsible
condom and spermicide together. Both babies.
How would you "know" people were covering up the fact they were flat out irresponsible unless you were there and watched them not put them to use?
They tell you this, or are you just cynical? :)
It is no more noble to have a baby than it is to make one...both are acts of immaturity if said child wasn't planned....
again, two of my three kids weren't planned, though I HAD been married four years and was eventually going to be a mother.. so I just figured they were meant to be then; so does that mean the fact I considered them a miracle and had and raised them made me immature?
This seems to be somewhat extreme thinking... is it always optimum when a surprise pregnancy happens? no. But does that mean admiring someone who takes responsibility and accepts consequences (whether they were deliberately careless or the said birth control failed) of their getting together is ridiculous? I guess I'm a different school of thought person; because a person manning (or womaning) lol up, is a good thing. If she had given it up for someone else to raise, it would have been hard but that would have been good too; but she chose to raise the child she mothered. Whatever the circumstances for conception, she was accountable after the fact..
I do applaud that, yep :) (though I do hope that if birth contorl has not been a constant, it will be. 1% fail ratio is a whole lot worse than 50%. | |
|
| Answers...
Posted: 5/31/2009 9:44:17 PM | How would you "know" people were covering up the fact they were flat out irresponsible unless you were there and watched them not put them to use?
In one case the male (a good friend of mine) confessed to me, though he and his wife still use the cover story as the truth would be "embarrassing".
In the other case, the wife confessed to my ex, who told me what I had suspected all along.
again, two of my three kids weren't planned, though I HAD been married four years and was eventually going to be a mother.. so I just figured they were meant to be then; so does that mean the fact I considered them a miracle and had and raised them made me immature?
That depends....were you a teen who was unable to fully care and support those children? Did you bring those children into the world uncertain regarding the level of involvement you could expect from their father? The the decision to have them led to negative life altering consequences, such as dropping out of school...consequences that would ultimately have a negative impact on not only you but the baby as well?
But does that mean admiring someone who takes responsibility and accepts consequences (whether they were deliberately careless or the said birth control failed) of their getting together is ridiculous?
He didn't say he admired her (or if he did that certainly was not MY concern). He said it was MATURE. Frankly, I don't admire her either....she hasn't done shit yet but say what she PLANS to do. Get back to me when the body of work is near completion....
I guess I'm a different school of thought person; because a person manning (or womaning) lol up, is a good thing.
My school of thought is that an unplanned pregnancy for an unwed teenage mother is NEVER a good thing, and should NEVER be celebrated as such. | |
|
| And exactly...
Posted: 5/31/2009 10:04:06 PM |
...what forms of contraception would those have been?
A woman I know had 4 kids, 3 boys and a girl. She didn't want ANY children, but no matter what she tried, she got pregnant - condoms, w/spermicide, diaphragm w/spermicide, birth control pills ("light" ones, can't remember why) and IUD. Finally, one of them got snipped (can't remember who it was). The reason they didn't get snipped earlier was because their religion, while not forbidding it, discouraged it.
because *I* can attest first hand to knowing two couples who like to tell people this story to cover up the fact that they were flat out irresponsible
This woman was in a stable marriage, a stay-at-home mom, and her husband made good money. Given her vehemence about not wanting babies and her frustration with each pregnancy, I don't think she was "careless" every time she got pregnant, though I'd be willing to believe she might have been the first time. | |
|
| I still dont get it...
Posted: 6/1/2009 7:35:11 PM | Thank you all for the opinions, I respect what you all said.
For those who think I did something wrong by taking responsability on my actions adn having this gorgeous baby and working hard for our future, then IM SORRY! just so you all know, I am a 19 year old who is going to college, works and has her our ways to survive! I am not a screw up that is for sure.
About him, I got the point.... And thankfully all this good and bad opinions did have an impact. I dont judge any one for what they have said to me. I did use birth control and here I am raising a 4 month old baby. I did not have her to trap him. I had her because she is my child and abortion wasnt a choice. I adore my daughter more than anything. I never had a father so I know what it is not to have one, and once you dont have one you end up not needing one! I was a happy child who had everything she wanted in life, wiht a hard working mother, just like the one I am being.
I made a mistake and I am taking care of my responsabilities, MY DAUGHTER IS NOT A MISTAKE! AND IF ANYONE THINKS SHE IS THEN I HOPE YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND! She is a miracle, and gift. Her father was the mistake.
Thanks again and good luck to all
<3 | |
|
| I still dont get it...
Posted: 6/1/2009 8:11:59 PM | | right on! ......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... | |
|
| I still dont get it...
Posted: 6/1/2009 8:21:59 PM | ...I adore my daughter more than anything. I never had a father so I know what it is not to have one, and once you dont have one you end up not needing one! I was a happy child who had everything she wanted in life, wiht a hard working mother, just like the one I am being.
You sound like a strong woman.
Anything can yield different outcome. No one can Control other's behavior. Even when life, marriage, parenthood was carefully planned. I quit worrying about what I don't have and I have no control over.
Now focus on What you actually HAVE and Use it. Try to spend more energies planning,thinking and Control what you can. You are young, healthy, strong and gather help from your family / mom. The bright side is that you will have plenty of time to catch up when you're done raising the baby. I wish I could started earlier. Good Luck. | |
|
| I still dont get it...
Posted: 6/1/2009 8:25:37 PM |
He never asked for the baby or even care when she was born. He desapear until this month.
Can you explain what this means? Did you discuss having kids? Did you plan on having a kid, this kid? And when? | |
|
| I still dont get it...
Posted: 6/1/2009 9:07:29 PM | I understand more than you can imagine friend, just putting feelers out there.
A. The name calling will not get you any bonus points with the ladies.
B. The correct answer in this thread was posted by Annie Oakley:
[quote=Annie]The simple truth is that he did not want a baby and did not take very kindly to forced fatherhood. This is the reason he pushed you aside as soon as he found out you were pregnant. Birth control works if you actually use it. Human error is the reason it fails.
Almost everything else was wishful thinking / political correct nonsense. 2 Thumbs up for Annie telling it the way it is. | |
|
| I still dont get it...
Posted: 6/2/2009 6:28:56 AM | I meant that he never cared for her. Even that he said a lot of things (BS) he never cared, he never looked for her, he never asked for her, he just never cared...
He actually looked for her this month after 4 months cuz Im taking him to court for child support and custody.
I didnt force him to be a father, he just didnt want to be one so here I am by myself. She was going to be born with or without him. This is not to discuss why I had her, I dont think any of you has the right to tell question me of why I gave birth to this baby, because that was my choice and I was not going to get rid of my child. She was going to be born no matter what was coming towards me. | |
|
| I still dont get it...
Posted: 6/2/2009 6:40:23 AM | No rude here....your young and vulnerable...and thats just what happened....thinking he was the same age...he wasnt ready to be responsible for himself...let alone you or a third identity....forget him....raise your child...and if theres paternity courts up there...you need help supporting your child wether hes there or not....you WILL find a guy thats willing to take the whole package in the future....sit back and take a deep breath....you be alright....good luck! | |
|
| I still dont get it...
Posted: 6/4/2009 2:15:22 PM |
I meant that he never cared for her. Even that he said a lot of things (BS) he never cared, he never looked for her, he never asked for her, he just never cared...
Did you talk to him about having kids? | |
|
| I still dont get it...
Posted: 6/4/2009 10:18:45 PM | people have sex.
people get pregnant.
people have kids.
people take care of kids.
did I miss something? | |
|
| I still dont get it...
Posted: 6/5/2009 1:53:59 AM | I didnt force him to be a father,
Actually yes you did because as you said ,"I gave birth to this baby, because that was my choice".You see you had a choice even after getting pregnant. He had no choice at all. That is how it is forced fatherhood because you have choices even after a pregnancy occurs and he has none at all under the law. | |
|
| I still dont get it...
Posted: 6/5/2009 3:03:23 AM |
Exactly right, goga. A child is never a mistake and should never suffer.
#1. To the guy who mentioned the morning after pill. It only works up to 72 hours after conception, which means she would have to take the pill whether she knew she was pregnant or not.
#2. To the person I quoted. At 72 hours from conception there is no baby it is just a mass of cells still trying to become a baby, there is no sentience, so there is nothing that will suffer. | |
|
| I still dont get it...
Posted: 6/5/2009 4:43:28 AM | | The child's father was NOT forced into fatherhood; guys his age know how babies are made....Both of them were irresponsible for not using protection when they knew that they were not prepared to provide a stable environment to raise their child. Now, they should both be stepping up to the plate to ensure that this child is cared for and share the love, time and money it takes to do this. | |
|
| I still dont get it...
Posted: 6/5/2009 7:40:51 AM |
Actually yes you did because as you said ,"I gave birth to this baby, because that was my choice".You see you had a choice even after getting pregnant. He had no choice at all. That is how it is forced fatherhood because you have choices even after a pregnancy occurs and he has none at all under the law.
It's not like I'm a young man. I see this all the time. And i hope i don't get my head riped off here but,
ANNIE, I AGREE WITH YOU 100 %
( "I gave birth to this baby, because that was my choice".) Then you should except responsibility of taking care of your baby. Thats the problem with our socity, no one wants to take responsibility. They want someone else to take on the responsibility, or pay for it.
( He had no choice at all. ) This is where the law should be changed.
He should have just as much right to say whether to have the baby or not. If he doesn't want it, and you do, then it's your responsibility to take care of it.
The only reason i say this is because, lets just say that he wants the baby and you don't. You can just get rid of it, and he has no say about it, or right to do anything about it. It's funny that people don't even think about that. Doesn't sound right, does it.
Next time get married first. Then you'll know if your in love or not. Then have kids.
If your gona have a baby before getting married, then take on the responsibility of taking care of it on your own.
Tell us. Did he want to have the baby ? | |
|
Home
login 
