| Is a kiss an invitation to have sex?
Posted: 6/1/2009 5:51:28 PM |
I have this hang up if you will about kissing. It has to be over the top good or I will not be turned on ever. Some people are turned on by what ever and thats cool but my thing is kissing. So if I kiss a guy on the first date and its great I look forward to dating him again cause chances are other things will be good too. I am usually right. On the other hand if a kiss is not good it is a turn off. Not that someone can be taught but there is something about a great kiss. Of course the person has to have a great personality too. Plus common interests.
I like to kiss so much I was wondering if maybe I was going for the kiss too fast. My counselor agreed.
btw I go for therapy for ptsd from a violent past marriage. Happy to say I am doing very good and even advocate for battered women.
I'm not a therapist, nor do I play one online...but lady, I can see why your therapist/counselor/whatever said to not kiss. YOU'RE putting a lot of emphasis on kissing..."I like to kiss so much". What it sounds like you're NOT saying is that your idea of kissing leads you to sleeping with men before it's really good for you. And if you're a battered woman as you say you are, you're playing a bad game of dating roulette with yourself. It's almost as if you know where you can take a kiss and you're seeing if you can restrain yourself...
Honestly...are you SURE you should be dating? I ask that in all seriousness. You say you're being treated for PTSD but don't say how long ago this all has happened. Are you sure that you're not opening yourself up to more stress?
PS....Commensens...would you be mine? LOL | |
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| Is a kiss an invitation to have sex?
Posted: 6/1/2009 6:59:58 PM | | do yo want sex on the first date? Kissing is irrelevant but can often send the wrong messages, but if your deep throating it then chances are your sending the wrong signals. | |
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| Is a kiss an invitation to have sex?
Posted: 6/1/2009 7:30:23 PM | | shadowrider07 I do not do deep throat kisses. My kisses are very soft and sensual but not forceful or sloppy. I do not kiss all hot and heavy with a person till I get to know them. A kiss can be different things to different people. Some people do not even believe in kissing hardly ever, even when having sex. I however think kissing is important and want to know if someone is a good kisser. | |
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| Is a kiss an invitation to have sex?
Posted: 6/1/2009 7:38:27 PM | | afashionlady how can you make assumptions about me based on a forum about kissing? You are forming an opionion that I am some sort of kissing slut that is just a pathetic loser because I was abused. My abuse happened years ago but I still have nightmares about it. I also have a hard time trusting men since I was abused from the age of 5 by men. So rather than hate men and not date at all I want to understand and trust that there are good men out there and not all are out to get in your pants and dump you or beat you. If you can not understand that and think this is a joke since your so inlove with a wacked out head case like commonsense you would not understand abuse or anything that involves having compasion for another human being. So I do not let your comments steal my healing or my joy. I am meeting nice guys and finding that with time its getting easier and easier. Yet it never ceases to amaze me how may ignorant know it alls go out of their way to mock others for the hell of it. | |
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| Is a kiss an invitation to have sex?
Posted: 6/1/2009 8:57:26 PM | I think your therapist wasn't kissed enough as a small child.
A kiss is an invitation to sex as much as:
A beach is an invitation to drowning;
A beautiful starry night is an invitation to insomnia;
Combs and hairbrushes cause baldness;
Pencils and keyboards cause illiteracy;
I could go on and on, but you get the point.
One thing I am certain of, however,
All therapists will find something "wrong" with you. | |
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| Is a kiss an invitation to have sex?
Posted: 6/1/2009 10:01:16 PM | | Depends on who you kiss... some guys are gentlemen and some are horny as hell who thinks if you kiss them they are entitled to take their pants down. | |
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| Is a kiss an invitation to have sex?
Posted: 6/2/2009 2:35:48 PM | lady28.
I might be wrong but it seems that a kiss is really important to you than searching for a right man.
At your age does finding a good kisser better than finding a good relationship?
IMO if someone just looking for physical attributes like kissing or good in bed and missed the other attibutes like how a man treats people with respect,compassion and most of all (not all people knows how to show ) LOVE...it will turn out into nothing.
In time we all get to the point ..lets say" old" our teeth will fall off....I dont think..you can still feel the magic of kiss if you dont have teeth anymore.
Yes we all need sex but do you think older people still wants to know if one is good in bed or not?Come on lets get real here, do you think older people can still capable to be good in bed or sex?
Mostly older people that I know, dont care anymore if one is a good kisser or not,if one is good in bed or not,at thier age like 60 and up...mostly they look for a good relationship.
Youve been in an abused relationship before ----at this time,imo....you dont need a man who is a good kisser but someone who's going to love and give you a respect.
I hope you will advocate and give a strong output to those battered women that they dont need flowers and lipsticks from men but a good hands to take good care ,love and give them a respect. | |
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| Is a kiss an invitation to have sex?
Posted: 6/2/2009 3:01:25 PM | ^^^^^wow, what a sad post. I know that I wanted a good kisser, a good man, and a good relationship. My mother is 71, she still has all of her teeth, why wouldn't she? Yeah, it matters if they are good in bed too! No reason why anyone at any age should settle for less than a great relationship. I love getting flowers!
I also don't see kissing on the first or second date as I said before. I also don't hold hands normally on a first date or allow a man to put his arm around me. To me it is a person you are meeting and personal spaces should be respected and this is the only time you get to know them for the first time. These are rules I have always had and never changed them, but saying that I have broken them. Yeah, just couldn't resist holding my current bf's hand on the first date after he helped me walk up and down some hills, my hand just fell into his | |
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| Is a kiss an invitation to have sex?
Posted: 6/2/2009 5:18:04 PM | Sigh...I always love it when someone ASKS FOR OTHERS OPINIONS then gets pissy when they don't like what's said.
<div class='quote'>afashionlady how can you make assumptions about me based on a forum about kissing? </div class='quote'>
You asked a question...and I DO believe I gave my opinion...just like everybody else...and since it's a free site, my opinion was posted along with the others. Don't like it? Don't ask questions.
<div class='quote'>You are forming an opionion that I am some sort of kissing slut that is just a pathetic loser because I was abused.
Interesting. I'm going back to what I wrote and I do believe it says...:
<div class='quote'>I can see why your therapist/counselor/whatever said to not kiss. YOU'RE putting a lot of emphasis on kissing..."I like to kiss so much". What it sounds like you're NOT saying is that your idea of kissing leads you to sleeping with men before it's really good for you. And if you're a battered woman as you say you are, you're playing a bad game of dating roulette with yourself. It's almost as if you know where you can take a kiss and you're seeing if you can restrain yourself...
Now, let's try again shall we? Did I say you were a slut? No. Did I say you were a loser? No...I didn't. Did I say I wonder if you're playing a bad dating game with yourself? I think...yes...yes I did. Please, if you're going to respond to someone who is actually saying something that might hit home, respond back with what she or he said, not what you hear in your head.
<div class='quote'>My abuse happened years ago but I still have nightmares about it. I also have a hard time trusting men since I was abused from the age of 5 by men. So rather than hate men and not date at all I want to understand and trust that there are good men out there and not all are out to get in your pants and dump you or beat you.
Hmmm...again...I ask are you sure you're going about it the right way? I ask that again. And in all seriousness. Before you toss the abused bone at me, recognize that there are others out here on POF who very well may have gone through hell and back with abuse as well--and you don't know it. Abuse might be for a short time, but the effects can last FOREVER, as you apparently know. I ask about the kissing thing because 1) you asked the question and 2) you have stated that you LIKE TO KISS... And that it means something to you. So you're placing a lot of emphasis on something that MOST people don't see as an invitation to anything but another kiss or another date. So let's try this again...what are you reading because I don't see the things you're saying I said as being here. Enlighten me please.
<div class='quote'>If you can not understand that and think this is a joke since your so inlove with a wacked out head case like commonsense you would not understand abuse or anything that involves having compasion for another human being.
I truly am sorry that you feel this way and sorry for you. I'm trying to see where the "joke" part is of my post yet fail to see it. As far as the commonsens and being in love remark, you're showing how YOU relate to men. Making that comment shows no love intent nor anything else. And you think I don't understand abuse? OK--it's your place to thing whatever you like. Unlike you, I don't put my personal baggage out here for everyone to read and cluck over. Take what you want from that.
<div class='quote'>So I do not let your comments steal my healing or my joy. I am meeting nice guys and finding that with time its getting easier and easier. Yet it never ceases to amaze me how may ignorant know it alls go out of their way to mock others for the hell of it.
If that weren't so sad sweetness...sigh. I am going back to where I wrote a response and don't see a single mocking answer. Please reread my response. I asked are you sure this is something you want because you might be opening yourself up to more stress? Did that sound mocking or jokey to you? If so...then you should get a better translator because there was not a single joke there.
Your therapist has a lot of work to do--no actually, it's you that has a lot of work to do. Therapists aren't supposed to do it--those of us who go are supposed to figure this sh*t out with their guidance. Your therapist apparently knows your behavioral patterns well enough to know that for you, a kiss on a first date leads you down a bad road.
Sometimes OP...a kiss really is just a kiss. But for some people, a kiss has history and baggage and ugliness that others just don't see. Is that what a kiss means for you? I don't know--only you do. Maybe before kissing another man, think about what you want from him, and maybe wait until another date.
AFL | |
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| Is a kiss an invitation to have sex?
Posted: 6/2/2009 6:13:57 PM | girl in the forum of course a good solid loving relationship is very important to me and more important than kissing. I never looked for things i wanted in a relationship because I had no self esteem being abused as a child and in my marriage so now I have alot of confidence and know what I want. I want a man who is respectful, kind, gentle, caring, supportive, compassionate, loving, affectionate, and yes a good kisser. There is nothing wrong with me wanting what I like. To say that is all I want is very foolish and degrading. I never said that is all I want.
As far as abusive women I just left a meeting with at least 20 of them who have come a long way and I am proud of them as they are of me. We encourage and lift each other up. Flowers are an abusers way to get back in to abuse some more. Did you read the poem. I got flowers today? Its about a women who got flowers all the time every time her abuser abused her. The last time she got flowers was at her funeral after he had killed her. Its a stark reality that only a few understand the seriousness and the sadness of it all. Most make jokes about it or say it does not happen. Ignorance is a shame in modern society. | |
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| Is a kiss an invitation to have sex?
Posted: 6/2/2009 6:25:00 PM | | afashionlady if you had read commonsens posts to me you would understand my disappointment in your praise and love for this man. he said men should choke me. I don't have the time to go back and look for the post but it was clear in every message he wrote that I was nothing and should be killed or abused because I go for counseling and was abused and asked a simple question about kissing. He is the one who needs counseling no make that heavy duty therapy. Yet you say you love him or something along those likes of praising his responses to me. That tells me alot about where your coming from. If you knew where I was and where I am now you would not say the things about me that you do. If anyone wants to know what hell is like I can give them a close discription. So please don't tell me about my life or whats wrong with it. All I asked is is kissing something one should do on the first date and it turned into a bashing contest against me. Talk about grown people acting like school bully punks. The others who responded that its okay to kiss on the first date did not get bashed like I did. Its okay because I learned enough about abusive people to know that they are insecure and love putting others down to make themselves feel better. So it really does not bother me. | |
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| Is a kiss an invitation to have sex?
Posted: 6/2/2009 8:07:45 PM | | Do your thing acording to your will. The strongest rule in a relationship is the will power. If you have the will power, you have the light that shatters all darkness. You can kiss if you want whenever, but, does it really invite you to something else? Be focused at all times and set thy goals before you make it to the theatre. Not all men are the same. Not all women are the same. Not all messages are decoded in the same way and not all circumstances give rise to the same reaction. If you read carefully between the lines, you will come to the same conclusion as me that the field is an open playground with different athletes having diversed goals on the same pitch | |
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| Is a kiss an invitation to have sex?
Posted: 6/4/2009 7:03:00 AM | Freakyass I don't know if that was a sermon or just a general observation of people in different situations and how they react.
When one goes on a date with someone who claims to be a nice person and seems as though they are I try to have a positive outlook on the date. But when they turn into octopuses and maul me and beg for sex or other favors and or get mad if I don't oblige it really is a rude awakening to whats out there and available. I'd rather stay home and paint my bedroom. I don't need to be treated like a trick. Its degrading and discouraging. Its by no means fun. I go home feeling dirty and icky for being with someone who had no intentions of getting to know me at all. | |
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| Is a kiss an invitation to have sex?
Posted: 6/4/2009 7:28:50 AM | | If someone thinks kissing leads to sex they are idiots, plain and simple. Can a kiss get extremly hot and heavy, of course, but you should be able to control that too. You only have sex cause you want to. Its still a choice | |
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| Is a kiss an invitation to have sex?
Posted: 6/4/2009 7:54:12 AM | Hmmmm... in my book, yes...but it has to be the right type of kiss...
There are many different types of kisses but a passionate kiss says it all. I've kissed a lot of females and been kissed by a lot of them also but there is allways that'' one kiss '' that says it all. When it happens, it just happens. It is like '' for those who understand, no explanation necessary,'' and ''for those who don't understand, no explanation possible .'' You either feel it or you don't. If you don't, it is time to move on.
It works for me, not bragging, just the facts... | |
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| Is a kiss an invitation to have sex?
Posted: 6/4/2009 11:20:58 AM | I'm suprised by this. Being a trained therapist, I'd never tell my client when to, or not to kiss a guy. Proper naughty 
What is happening here is your therapist is telling you to go by his / her values and beliefs. In this case he / she presumes kissing = initiation to sex. That could well be his/ her opinion, but did he/she ask you yours first? Do you agree with it?
Anyhow glad that you seem to be getting on ok. All I would say to the original post is, what is important to you about kissing a guy? What does it mean, what space does it provide you both with, if anything? Does it break down any barriers for you - is it something you really want to do, or an expectation you feel you need to fulfil in order to progress in the relationship? | |
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| Is a kiss an invitation to have sex?
Posted: 6/4/2009 11:34:02 AM | Hi OP,
just a quick reply,dont play any games,just do whatever comes natural and do this when you feel comfortable enough,dont over complicate things.
Best of luck with your therapy,great to hear it's going well.
TI | |
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| Is a kiss an invitation to have sex?
Posted: 6/7/2009 3:27:08 PM | Poor OP, you are very attention starved. Do you really think it's a good idea to lay bare your painful past on a dating site I assume you are looking for dates on? How do you think that's going to work out for you?
Do I think you are a kissing slut? Yes, I do. You are the sluttiest kissing slut who ever sluttily kissed.
What is your problem with the province of Quebec? Don't you know there's no Canada like French Canada? It's the best Canada in the land!
This thread is a joke, right? | |
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| Is a kiss an invitation to have sex?
Posted: 6/7/2009 6:27:36 PM | | Lol - I have nevver need to kiss to test chemistry. Id suggest it is an incredibly poor method of testing anything - especially a first kiss. | |
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| Is a kiss an invitation to have sex?
Posted: 6/7/2009 8:12:37 PM | speciallady,
afashionlady wasn't calling you a kissing slut. A kissing slut is someone who kisses just about anyone for fun and enjoyment. An "easy" gal to kiss, if you will. She wasn't saying that. She was saying that maybe for YOU (not guy) kissing leads to things where you open yourself up to sleep with them... Now, whether that's true or not, is another discussion. You were asking for opinions, she gave you hers. She was right in saying that you're just calling foul because you're hearing an opinion you don't like.
OPs on the forums will post messages about themselves, reveal things about themselves, asks for people's insights regarding their situation. If someone responds and says they're a kind, intelligent person -- do they say "you don't know me! who are you to judge?" No, of course not... but they are "judging". With that said, their opinion may not be complimentary, and the OP may not like it, but in the same fashion, sorry, they ARE one to make assumptions -- the OP asked for them! That's not to say a poster can't go WAY out of line... don't get me wrong. But a general judgment on the person RELEVANT to the issue the OP's talking about is in line, the OP asked for the opinion, and many times that opinion is going to include an assumption about their feelings/personality/rationale that they may or may not like. | |
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| Is a kiss an invitation to have sex?
Posted: 6/8/2009 3:44:58 AM | Read other threads the line goes from NY to CA as far as Rules.
Make your own rules!
there used to be a song that went something like.... YOU gotta make your own kind of music sing your own kind of song, even if nobody sings along.........
I personally feel that a kiss good night is acceptable on the first date but I don't want to have to extract myself from the car while my date is comming on like a bulldozer.
However there are times when someone has not kissed me till the 2nd which just means the person is being respectful . | |
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| Is a kiss an invitation to have sex?
Posted: 6/8/2009 9:53:48 AM | fi fi all I can say is you are one bitter biatch. Ofcourse you already know that lol. I am sure there is nothing wrong with Quebec, its the people who live there who are bitter and angry much like yourself. Not a good way to live life but to each their own.
You know what. I like the name kissing slut and I think I might just use that name for my title. Thanks for the idea. | |
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