| | Why did you get divorced?Page 10 of 11 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11) | | my husband was selfish and put his needs b4 his daughters needs, if she needed nappies hed ho to the pub of the bookies | |
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| Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 5/13/2012 12:51:07 PM | When one of your son's friends (17 yrs) comes up to you and say's they've seen pornographic pictures of your OH on the internet and that he's advertising himself - then I'd say it's time for a divorce - even after 20 yrs and 4 children together - wouldn't you?
I stayed with him for too long anyway - mentally abusive , alcoholic, who would have seen the children hungry before he saw his beer stash empty. Also found out after he'd left he hadn't paid the mortgage for over 4 months or any of the utility bills. Still getting letters for him from debt collection agencies - returning them unopened!!
Showed his true colours too - ran off to Thailand so he wouldn't have to pay for the divorce or any child maintenance!
Last heard of (prior to divorce being finallised) - Married to a Thai woman - still in Thailand - haven't had any contact with him nor has he even bothered with any of his children - who now say that even if he does turn up like the preverbial bad penny they don't want anything to do with him!
I may be a sad lonley old woman now - but I'm still happier than I was in my marriage and I know my children are better off without the verbal and mental abuse that he used to subject us all too. | |
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| Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 5/13/2012 11:10:09 PM | | I divorced my husband for domestic violence against me and the kids. I dated him from the time I was 15 and was married to him for 20 years. Best decision I ever made. I have sole custody/guardianship of the kids, and I don't cry myself to sleep any more. He still wants me to take him back, and he still wears his wedding ring after 2 1/2 years. Never in a million years would I take him back. Don't hate him, not bitter, not angry... just 100% done. :-) | |
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| Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 5/14/2012 6:07:55 AM | Ok I'm going to play the Devil's advocate here: Sooo many ppl talked about personality disorders, OCD, Bi polar, depression etc etc....Then WHY for the love of God did you start dating them and get married in the first place!!! Those sort of things (besides PPD) don't just magically appear! And unless you married them 2 weeks after you met, I doubt they would be able to control themselves enough to be on their "best behavior" while you were dating....
And I agree with the posters who said that most ppl on here will say it was the other person's fault and not admit to their own part in it....Here's the logical answer: we are "advertising" for a partner. Now, why on earth would we admit to cheating, being a bad wife/husband, being abusive etc? Then no one would want to date us, lol!
I will admit to my part of the downfall. He was way busy with work which I resented. I took him for granted and thought "He will never leave me or the kids" so I kept it up until he couldn't take it anymore. He was controlling and when things got bad he refused to talk about it with me, he would just walk away and not face the problems. I realized my mistake and tried to fix it, but by then he was already emotionally gone....
He finally found someone who would listen to him and tell him what a beast I am. She told him what he wanted to hear, so he started having an emotional affair with her. One night we went to an outdoor concert with our kids. He proceeded to get drunk off his ass and kept going to the restroom. When I asked him why he took so long he said the lines were long....I had an awful feeling when we got home and after he passed out in the guest room I checked his phone. The numbers called coinicided with the times he was "in the bathroom" I called and it was in fact that woman....
I called her and told her to come get his drunk ass or I would leave him on the front lawn....She did and the next day it was over.
Is my life better now and did I finally see him for the man is truly is? Absolutely...Did I f*ck up too? Yep....Will I ever do that again? Nope
PS: Good thing I'm only here for the forums, LMAO | |
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| Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 5/14/2012 8:56:22 AM |
Then WHY for the love of God did you start dating them and get married in the first place!!!
I can't speak for all but in a lot of cases we try and get counseling and be a good soldier for the cause. 4 or 5 marriage counselings and psychologists just do not treat addictions the same. For example if you say X drinks 12-30 cans of beer or hard liquor a night most of us would agree that person has a problem. However if your female in the cases I presented it was always "Oh she is a SAHM"...OR "Oh she has small children to raise...blah...blah blah. The fact of the matter is if the person is a male they won't hesitate to say the person is an alcoholic.
I have a long suspician that depression does not show up until after women have for the most part who were normal had two children. I have seen this repeated 4 or 5 times. Person was normal and after the birth of that second child....Standby...houston we have a problem.
With the legal system the way it is so biased in the USA as a male your better to keep them. They can be the most lousy person in the world but the way it usually works out is she gets the kids, house...blah...blah...and the male has to finance her lifestyle. I even had my female attorney tell me not to file. Now mind you there were workarounds so that it wouldn't look like I was the ogre male putting some helpless 40 plus year old female out on the street.
I'll also add that for the most part you really do not have any rights as a spouse with regard to treatment of your spouse. So I'll give you a example. Patient has a complaint goes to Doctor. Doctor asks the routine questions for example. Do you smoke?.Sometimes....She is/was a two pack a day smoker. Do you drink and howmuch? Occassionally... a couple. A couple is everyday and 30 cans. He prescribes her Valium or similar drug. You try to talk to him advising what it is doing and they don't want to hear it. So you go home and try and protect the children and worry about if and when she is going to Karen Ann Quinlan herself.
I certainly wasn't a saint and I guess had my fair share in the demise. But I was working two full time jobs plus overtime working for 2 fortune 50 companies plus doing all the dental, medical appointments, sports...etc for the children.
We got her into a 30 day treatment program and she came home and immediately went out drinking saying that even the counselors said she did not have a problem. Well the Superior Court Judge ordered you there thought you did but that is a whole nother can of worms.
:devil | |
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Dal741
| | Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 231 | |
| Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 5/15/2012 1:28:47 PM | | I resent your 'p.s; on your post. Both men and women are equally responsible for their actions, and both are responsible for they're actions, if those actions are the cause of the 'marriage' failing. | |
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| Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 5/15/2012 4:17:14 PM |
Is my life better now and did I finally see him for the man is truly is? Absolutely...Did I f*ck up too? Yep....Will I ever do that again? NopeIs my life better now and did I finally see him for the man is truly is? Absolutely...Did I f*ck up too? Yep....Will I ever do that again? Nope
^^quoted post...
Because they're too stupid to know any better. When it didnt work out, guess who got ALL the blame for it? the man. Notice how they didnt happen to mention THEIR responsibility/fault for the dissolving marriage either?
^^immediate response to above post..
I am slightly confused... how does "did I f*ck up too? Yep, will I do that again.. Nope" admitted immediately before his rant somehow equate to the man getting all the blame for it and her being another example of someone not mentioning their responsibility like all the rest of us women.
What part of someone admitting "I f*cked up too" is being completely unable to take responsibility; and then going on to insult her stupidity and calling her and the rest of us who had failed relationships dolts...
Maybe just the teeniest bit prejudice and cynical over there? :) | |
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aero86
| | Joined: 7/16/2007
Msg: 233 | |
| Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 5/15/2012 5:53:40 PM | | well, because after 4 years of being the only one trying to make it work.. it was over. oh, and the selfishness and the infidelity.. | |
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| Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 5/15/2012 6:04:34 PM |
I resent your 'p.s; on your post. Both men and women are equally responsible for their actions, and both are responsible for they're actions, if those actions are the cause of the 'marriage' failing
I assume you are addressing me Dal?
My PS was a slant at myself because now I have put out there that I was most definitely part of the demise of our marriage. I was taking the blame for my part, so my saying "good thing I am only here for the forums" was meant as "good thing I'm no longer looking for a relationship on here because I have just admitted to being a flawed human"
Get it now? | |
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| Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 5/16/2012 12:49:49 PM | | It was simply....my ex was happier with other men...God it feels good to laugh about it now! I've learned a lot since the divorce and in most I have witness it always takes 2 for the divorce to happen! I was a workaholic and traveled for the job which was hard on her. Does not excuse infidelity but I understand and accept my responsibilty/cause of it. The funny thing is if couples communicated more i think the divorce rate would drop. I know if I ever get married again ill be a hell of better husband than the first time around and I think that is true in most 2nd marriages cause we learn from our mistakes. just my 2 thoughts. | |
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| Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 5/17/2012 4:04:52 PM | | Didn't treat her right she found a lover I changed she got worse kept talking to her lover. She left me for her lover and that was that. | |
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| Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 5/18/2012 1:00:38 AM | | Lived with my ex for 7 years, married for 5. Ex-wife decided to have an affair with a guy she works with. Our marriage was actually a fairly happy one. One day though, it was like she completely transformed into a different person, sadly it was for the worse. Gave her the opportunity to end the affair so we could work on a fresh start together, she didn't want to do that so she left our son and I. Strange to see a once loving, faithful, and sweet woman suddenly turn into something like that... | |
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| Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 5/18/2012 5:25:50 AM | Because, after more then a decade of controlling, abusive behavior, my ex finally did something involving one of my children which made me realize I was fooling myself in thinking the illusion I'd tried to create was protecting them from the truth. It was big enough for me to see very clearly that the obstacles which had kept me there although massive, were not insurmountable. It was big enough for me to understand that although I felt invisible and insignificant, only I had the power to change that. It was time for me to step up, not just for them but for myself too.
A few minutes of incredible bravery was all it took. A few months of fear to have my assessment confirmed. About 18 months to untangle the mess and find the entire truth. A few years of hard work to know I should have done it far sooner. | |
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| Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 5/20/2012 4:39:46 AM | | exctly what i was thinking ....if her leg or arm had fallen off and she couldnt hug you like she used to ....would you of divorced then?people still dont see mental health as an ilness. | |
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| Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 5/20/2012 4:44:26 AM | | how do u know she wasnt married before having the child?IDIOT....men become terribly selfish and feel their noses are pushed out when a baby comes along and changeeee | |
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| Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 5/20/2012 4:46:42 AM | | sounds just lke my husband...went from wonderful doting husband and father to be into a cold heartless soab lacking in any kinda empathy for his newborn ...his affair was with many.....though the last i knew off a co workers cousin........ | |
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| Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 5/20/2012 4:57:03 AM | it took a while to get to the point of divorce....i didnt marry until later in life,never wanted to before that and married for the rest of my life....
i agree a someone said theres something on both sides...i blamed myself fully...at one point....even wen it came to light hed been on porn and dating sites and ran up 200 pound chat line bills....i blamed myself for that...though truly i was always the one in that dept who was more interested than him!...id lost a mother and had 2 mcs...yes i went off the rails emotionally....so he *turned to those things* my fault......
why did i divorce him finally?....because months after crying ,begging pleading for him to come home after hed abandoned me with a 3 week old ,took all the money from our account, and told me "my life starts now"mnths after his mind games of ....iwill come home if you do abc.....or tell me 5 reasons why u love me etc etc.......i got an email....from a woman telling me what a SOAB my huband was....that hed lied to her and me....and she wouldnt touch him with a barge pole.........confused? iwas....hed been stringing her along...whilst being with another woman all the time.......from when i was in hospital weeks before i even had our baby.......as i laid in hosital ..he planned his getaway....didnt pay bills...pretended to be the doting father for 3 whole weeks then left and never looked back......
so yes i divorced him because he is a self centered lying cheating soab who lacks in any empathy for even his own child... | |
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| Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 5/21/2012 1:45:15 PM |
Because they're too stupid to know any better. When it didnt work out, guess who got ALL the blame for it? the man. Notice how they didnt happen to mention THEIR responsibility/fault for the dissolving marriage either? Kind of common sense really, you nailed it: if he was this way BEFORE you married him, WHY ON EARTH DID YOU MARRY HIM, OR WORSE, HAVE KIDS WITH HIM? Because you were stupid, and you continue making excuses for YOUR screwups/mistakes, and chances are, you'll continue making the same mistakes again and again, as it's obvious so many women here are LOUSY at picking partners. Kinda get what you deserve when it doesnt work out huh? I guess you'll be more careful in the future, before so willingly choosing to breed with such bad people? dolts!
OMG Really?!?! Your going to tear down people for mistakes they have made?? Who died and made you Captian of the Universe? Are you really going to sit there and fault every person who had the guts to post personal feelings and situations on here for it? Why are you so bitter? You know being an antagonistic jerk just makes people not want to be around you... Lets revisit the bitter question. Why are you so bitter? Let me guess, no one wants to date you? Well, DUH... I don't know you and I'm ready to high five you in the face with a metal chair!
The comments that you have made to the people on this thread have been absolutely appauling! Yet, I noticed that you have not actually put your situation on here. You know when you point a finger at others you have 3 more pointing back at you... Enough time wasted on you.
On to my story:
Ok, I got married in 2005 after having been together for 18 months. In 2007 we decided we wanted to have a baby, which we did (his name is Gabriel). In 2009 I was in a head-on collision landing me in a wheelchair for a few months. During that time, I found out that my husband had been cheating on me with the same girl for the entire time we had been together. We tried everything to salvage the relationship, but I am not a very forgiving person. My motto is "Fool me once shame on you, Fool me twice shame on you." I couldn't get past finding something like that out and worse going all those years without knowing to begin with. Trust is everything, if you can't trust who your with then you shouldn't be with them. We divorced in 2010.
** Bitter Boy**... Before you twist my post making it seem like I made bad life choices, heed this: Don't try and remove the splinter from my eye before removing the log from your own! ** | |
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| Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 5/21/2012 4:57:24 PM | | I am getting divorced for the second time because once we were married she because extremely verbally abusing. Eventually it got so bad that I ended up in the hospital. She treated me like complete shit and I just couldn't take it anymore and left. | |
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| Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 5/25/2012 6:18:52 PM | Facebook was the demise of my marriage. Not really, but it starts innocently enough-connect with an ex girlfriend from 20 years ago, email how cute each others kids are, mention how they still look the same after 20 years, and oh by the way I'm divorced now. Next thing you know he's not paying the mortgage because he spent it all on plane tickets and hotels for his side action.
That, on top of a lot of married guys on here posing as single definitely can cause some trust issues. Luckily I've decided to start collecting cats-lol. | |
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| Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 5/27/2012 9:24:31 PM | Facebook was also the demise of my marriage. It's a growing trend from what I understand. My ex wife ran into some guy she knew from school on Facebook, started chatting and decided the grass was greener elsewhere. And some women wonder why men aren't very trusting when it comes to male friends. That's all this guy was at first too.
PS: the grass was not greener. | |
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| Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 5/28/2012 5:48:07 PM | My husband went nuts, literally, with "visions" so I helped him see the future, without me. Divorced 6 months later by annulment.
Since then one 7 year ltr, but he got the itch for my best girl friend and they both had to go. My last, (a 4 year relationship), well he was a thief and wanted to help populate the earth.. He told me of 3 other "ladies" and I showed him the door.
It's been a long time now, but I know there are real and decent men out there that I would love to make space in my life for. | |
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| Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 5/28/2012 5:51:43 PM | | LOL ^^^ I know it's not a laughing matter but the way you phrased it, did amuse me, highly. | |
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