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 Tomau
Joined: 5/9/2009
Msg: 126
Why did you get divorced?Page 6 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
Hot Glass Artist


That musician, sounds identical to my sons father, bopping the girls in his van, while he has a family at home....hmmmm it wouldn't happen to be a greyish freestar with a missing passenger side mirror and no back seats would it be?
 ek1212
Joined: 3/27/2009
Msg: 127
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 10/28/2009 2:39:39 PM
i got divorced because i found out my ex wife was having an affair for a yr
 diamondincnd
Joined: 1/17/2006
Msg: 128
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History
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 10/28/2009 2:51:02 PM
I was never married but common law for 5 years. the reason I kicked him out was because he put me in the hospital and endangered my child more then once.
 ValkyrieHJR
Joined: 8/8/2009
Msg: 129
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 10/28/2009 3:25:27 PM
I am not divorced yet, but after 10 years of marriage I lost my job. My husband had not worked for most of our marriage and he made no effort to find a hob. When I got angry with him for not finding a job he decided he "wasn't happy anymore" and started looking for the girlfriends, and did not tell me how he felt. He met girlfriend #1, still didn't tell me. when i found out and confronted him he said he didn't know what he wanted, he didn't want to be with anyone, he still loved me, etc, all while looking for gf #2. When he moved out of here in July, he moved right in with gf #2, which he had been seeing for 3 weeks.
 NappyKAT
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 130
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 10/28/2009 7:23:34 PM
Funny how everyone who has responded to this thread are those who have been a 'victim' of the other spouses misdeeds and most decided to initiate a divorce because of that. These responses are typical.

Nobody is brave enough to say something like 'I fvcked up and cheated and beat the hell out of my spouse and spent all our money on drugs and gambling and they divorced me.'

I won't admit to that because that wasn't my case. I did admit in another thread to cheating but that's not entirely why I am initiating a divorce. I think he would be content to stay in it if he could. I just know that if I stayed, I'd still would be very unhappy and resentful. Like the R-kelly song says... when a woman's fed up, there is nuthin you can do about it.

But anyway I'm just sayin. It would be a nice turn for somebody to admit that they fvcked up or fvcked up constantly and that's why their spouse is divorcing them. Who the hell am I to judge that.

I asked a gentleman once why he divorced, and he straight up admitted that he got married in his 20's because she was pregnant. He admitted he cheated constantly during the relationship. He admitted that he was married to a good woman but either agreed or initiated a divorce because he didn't want to keep hurting her and also because he wanted to free to date other people.

Another guy told me that the major reason his wife divorced him was because he fondled their 13 year old adopted daughter. Now I know saying something like that on here or anywhee would not go over well at all, but I did appreciate his honesty.
 notfrau
Joined: 10/13/2008
Msg: 131
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 10/30/2009 12:21:24 AM

Nobody is brave enough to say something like 'I fvcked up and cheated and beat the hell out of my spouse and spent all our money on drugs and gambling and they divorced me.'


It's more likely that the ones who would answer like that are either in jail/prison, or don't have enough money to afford a computer/internet access or they're just smart enough not to respond (guess what kind of reception they'd get here).

Interestingly enough, according to some of my ex's emails to me when I first moved out/filed for the divorce, we were getting divorced not because of his behaviors but because I chose my mom over him.
 itsallinthesoul
Joined: 6/26/2009
Msg: 132
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 10/30/2009 4:14:08 PM
I married when I was 30 to a man I didn't love......for the security of being married. I was not in a good place in my life and he seemed to provide me with the kind of stability I thought I needed. After less than a year, I realized what a mistake I had made and left. I didn't know him as well as I thought I did and he didn't know me as well as he thought he did. We left the way we married...no division of assets, no lingering payments to either...nice and neat.

When I marry again, it will be because I love him and want to change his Depends for him when he is old and incontinent....honestly. If you can't imagine doing that for your future spouse, why the hell would you be marrying them?
 loribarrett
Joined: 10/23/2009
Msg: 133
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 10/30/2009 6:11:30 PM
my ex was cheating on me with a 18 yr old, and hes 37, and we had just had a preemie baby, my father died, they thought i had cancer, but ohwell to each his own.
 pitterpatterpop
Joined: 9/14/2009
Msg: 134
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 10/30/2009 7:51:55 PM

People with such attitude shouldnt get married.


How is that attitude? Its a simple statment, he gave her an ultimatium. Maybe he was a control freak?
 singlesuperdad
Joined: 8/26/2009
Msg: 135
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History
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 10/30/2009 8:05:33 PM
have to agree, don't test me. make me choose between family or you and bye.
 notfrau
Joined: 10/13/2008
Msg: 136
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 10/30/2009 8:15:19 PM

I chose my mom over him.


Please read/quote the whole thing rather take just a small portion out of context.

No, that's why HE claimed we were getting divorced. Truth was we got divorced because of his behaviors with my children.

He did NOT give me an ultimatim, it's just he was not looking at things from any normal sense of reality.
 singlesuperdad
Joined: 8/26/2009
Msg: 137
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History
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 10/30/2009 8:17:15 PM
oh don't get me wrong I understand why. I was just commenting on the other post
 Daedalus32
Joined: 5/17/2007
Msg: 138
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 10/30/2009 8:23:32 PM
She left me when I caught her cheating. Told me it was over on my 20th birthday. Married the other guy the day after our divorce went final. Got hooked on drugs, overdosed and died on my 27th birthday.
 NappyKAT
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 139
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 11/1/2009 9:40:26 AM

Got hooked on drugs, overdosed and died on my 27th birthday.
Looks like you got married really young but I am sorry to hear this.
 Bell30655
Joined: 8/17/2009
Msg: 140
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History
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:00:04 PM
Good question. I've been married twice... The first marriage lasted for six years and we had one child together, she had two with her first marriage. She had been married almost her whole adult life. She no longer wanted to be a mother or wife. She wanted to go out on weekends to clubs and enjoy life without responsibility.

During the separation and for about a year after the divorce she lived the life she wanted to. She let her kids from the first marriage go live with the father. We wound up doing joint shared physical custody on my daughter. The funny thing is that since then she has settled down, got married again and she has had another little girl. Now she and her new husband are my friends.

The second marriage? Well, that one was a mistake from day one. I'm not sure what I was thinking. We thought totally different and had different goals in mind. She had a lot of trouble dealing with my custody arrangements and the support that I pay. Mostly because her ex didn't pay her. Every other weekend she didn't have her younger children and I have my daughter every weekend. She finally drew a line in the sand by demanding that I not get my daughter one weekend so I could spend time with her instead... I crossed the line and my name changed to Respondent and hers to Plaintiff. She still feels she was right and well, I don't care any more.

I forgot to mention both wives felt that I worked far too many hours... Hmmm, neither of them complained every other Friday.
 soulfire37
Joined: 10/24/2009
Msg: 141
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 11/1/2009 6:31:41 PM
I hope all of you are not too down on yourself for your marrige not working its tough these days for sure lots of pressures in society


someone said it takes more than love to make a marrige work they are right.

I can only tell you that trust, not blaming each other and just beng honest with each other and respect and independance from the marrige as in friends etc and appreciate each other , we always did

I dont have the answers , but had a great realtionship/marrige for 15 years , we all bicker and drive each other nuts my husband did I am sure i did too , even though I lost it in a different way ..in some ways I never really did

Ive learnt that we grow and change all the time and sometimes we thinkg the grass is greener maybe, I really dont think it is

I am grateful each day for what I will always have even thou I proabably will stay alone

good luck ;)
 louise1359
Joined: 6/15/2009
Msg: 142
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 11/29/2009 7:44:49 PM
I got divorced because I married someone I didn't love and who, it turned out, didn't love me. I thought no one else would want me (and he seemed crazy about me--pushing for more commitment almost from day 1. Now I know that is not a good sign; he was lonely and desperate and did not care about *me;* he cared about not being alone.) Our marriage was an ok partnership--not horrible in any way, except I wasn't physically attracted to him although I tried to make it work, I didn't have it in me to keep going any longer. I was afraid I'd cheat on him, so I left.

We have worked really hard to be amicable and it seems to be working--our kids are happy and comfortable with the new arrangements. Further changes will come, esp. if either of us takes a new partner. But I'm definitely happier, and although we were married 21 years, we weren't a husband and wife most of that time--at least 16 years. We were room mates and partners. Had I cheated on him, it would have gotten worse. I didn't want that to happen.
 fairydreamer
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 143
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Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 11/29/2009 9:40:42 PM
I agree that marriage seems to have another whole meaning these days. When I got married, I thought it would be forever. I never believed in divorce, I always thought that you had to work out your problems no matter what. Well, after 18 years I discovered that some things you just can not work out. I could only do so much by myself to keep the relationship together. It is a two way street and both parties have to do their part or it can not be saved. I put up with a man that was controling, sometime physically abusive, often verbally abusive, and financially impossible. He would have his entire check spent on his toys before it came and nothing would be left to pay bills or buy food. Then tell me that was my problem, figure it out. Surprisingy the final straw was when he decided to use the internet as his own little black book. He even took my girls to meet some of his girlfriends so he could pretend to be the good little daddy and make me out to be the looser mom.
What is best out of this ordeal is my girls have seen me stand up to him finally and retake control of my life. They now know that his behavior is wrong and unacceptable. I think they know that I was willing to do what I had to in order to keep my marriage together but there is a point in which I could do no more. As far as them having longer relationships, I hope they are able to. But I mostly hope that they are able to see the early signs of an unhealthy relationship and end early on before they take those vows.
 legal_e-gal
Joined: 11/9/2009
Msg: 144
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 11/29/2009 10:37:42 PM
My ex had serious self esteem issues and used the internet to talk to other women to validate himself and I will take some blame and say that maybe I didn't say or do enough to make him feel like he was a king, but he was emotionally needy and constantly needed more and more. I turned a blind eye to it at first and didn't get to riled up over the harmless flirting over the net. Then I found emails that actually discussed meeting , and one to an ex girlfriend saying he wanted to leave me and be with her. When I called him out on it, he apoligised, said he didn't mean it blah blah blah. I continued in the marriage for 3 years, and was so paranoid about what he was doing, that I knew I could not live the rest of my life with someone I didn't trust so I asked for a divorce. We get along well now as friends and co-parents so it really wasn't a nasty divorce which I am greatful for.
 GoodGuy97415
Joined: 11/22/2009
Msg: 145
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 11/29/2009 11:52:22 PM
After 12 years, wifey decided she wanted to be single and come and go with no rules or responsibility. She was constantly drunk and or drugged up for the last 7 years of our marriage, as she couldn't get over the deaths of 2 family members and other BS that happened to her that she couldn't let go of.

Her drinking got worse and worse, and I hung in there as long as I could. When she said she wanted to be single and asked for a trial separation a week after our 12th wedding anniversary ... she immediately moved in with a single dad with one son who was in between our two girls' ages.

Try to explain that one to two little girls who thought their mom didn't love them and want to be their mom, but was living with a guy and his son. Needless to say they lasted all of 5 months .... he was looking for a stay at home girlfriend/wife and she wanted to party everyday. She is now finishing up with bad relationship #2 who is frustrated because she drinks everyday ... but he's Bi-Polar so all they do is fight. Crazy world.

Me and the girls are much happier and with the divorce hopefully finalizing pretty soon, we can all move on with our lives. I think the moment she realized what an idiot she was and what a good marriage she walked out on, was about the time that I had finally gotten over everything and came to realize that no relationship was better than a bad one. Surprisingly we are pretty good friends still, because we had dated for awhile and were best friends before we had gotten married. While I don't miss my alcoholic wife, I do miss my best friend.

I haven't dated once in the 9 months now because I am enjoying the single life and doing things with my girls that we always wanted to do but couldn't because mom didn't want to. But I am getting ready to start testing the waters so to speak.
 shesacountrygirl
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 146
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 11/30/2009 6:08:27 PM

My Ex had always been self centered but after the kids were born it seemed to escalate. He would make life altering choices that he felt comfortable with and never would discuss with me till after the fact. Small issues like walking out on 7 jobs in 10 years or taking 5 grand out of the bank to buy a new lawn tractor or a few new suits.
You see female guests on Oprah with closets full of clothes they have never worn, he was the male equivalent except it was tools, high end electronics and materials for household projects that somehow never got started. He completely wasted a great education that took the first ten years of our marriage to achieve. He turned 40 and decided to no longer be a Director of Engineering but to be a house painter, then a chauffeur, then a truck driver............it was a nightmare. Had they been hiring cowboys or Astronauts in NH he probably would have tried those jobs as well.
I got sick of being the only adult that worried about bills, saving for retirement or the kids education.


That's so close to being me I read it three times. Cept my ex was only into buying video games. If he'd spent any money on tools I might have been able to get something done around the house. Feeding and entertaining him became such a burden I eventually just had to tell him to go away.

While for richer or poorer may be part of the vows if they never contribute and always take I don't think it applies.
 kybbw32
Joined: 8/31/2007
Msg: 147
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 12/1/2009 8:05:44 AM
I have been divorced for 6 yrs now because he decided that he didn't want a family I am assuming. He chose to go elsewhere and do his thing and now he is paying for that. At one point I was very bitter toward him about all of if but it has only made me a stronger person and be the best that I can be for my children. He wasn't and isn't worth my time to be angry about it, I learned a long time ago that when we keep that anger, frustration,bitterness, and hatred toward others that have wronged us in some way or the other, we are still letting them keep a hold on us, foregiveness isn't for the other person it is for yourself so that you can move on and find happiness. Although I had those feelings for a very long time until I finally realized it wasn't doing me any good to feel that way and I couldn't feel that and be a loving/caring mother to my kids and they are what it is important and matter the most. In situations like this the best thing a person can do is turn to the Good Man Above and he is one that will never lead you astray, and never leave you!!
 daydreamin_honey
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 148
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 12/1/2009 11:50:26 AM
My ex husband and I were young and rushed things. We got married young, had our son young, didn't really know who we were yet ... flash forward a few years and we grew up and apart. We realized we weren't right together "that way" and split amicably so that our son would not have to see his parents fight like we both did as children. We maintained our friendship (we were best friends for 4yrs before we started dating) and are a great parenting team now.
 cntrymom0309
Joined: 12/4/2009
Msg: 149
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 12/8/2009 7:37:44 PM
I filed for divorce a month after my husband left me and our daughter. The reason he left is because he didnt want the responsibilty of our daughter and when I wouldnt give my daughter to my mom and leave with him he walked out on us.
 WindRoper
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 150
Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 12/9/2009 6:56:07 AM
Which divorce? Heh!
The first time perhaps the better/easier question would be "Why did you get married?" We wanted to live together but my father was supervisor and that just wouldn't have worked out well. So like the young dumba**es we were we decided "Then we'll just get married instead." Had we been more mature we probably could have made a go of it but we also wouldn't have been in that situation. It's kind of a chicken-egg thing.
The second time I unwittingly married an alcoholic. Six months and I was out. I remarried him 2 years later when he swore he was sober. He wasn't plus he had become abusive. I suspect he thought he had a score to settle with me.
After that I guess I was rather jaded and figured I could just as easily marry someone for their ability to contribute toward my future goals as I could for love. So that's my bad. I shouldn't have done it. And, if you're gonna do it, choose well. I could work circles around the boy 6 days a week and twice on Sundays... and often did cuz I've yet to meet a more unmotivated person in my life. I cracked under the pressure of working full time, home-making, and raising 3 kids (4 counting him) without any help, support (emotional OR financial). So I decided I liked being alive and sane far more than I liked him whom I had come to not like at all.
The final time my husband fell off the proverbial wagon repeatedly and as the episodes became longer and worse in duration I had to cut him loose for the safety of my children and our financial future.
Mostly I guess I'm just not the marrying kind. I don't have the forgiveness and patience it takes to survive the worst part of 'for better or worse.' Having your love and trust abused will kill unconditional love IF it ever existed.
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