| Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 10/27/2009 11:55:26 AM |
You are the kind of chicks I dread to meet. Who will leave me after 10+ yrs because they are bored. Simple, lets look for excitement.
Why would you leave someone because you had a dream that you are divorced. Surely, I have had dreams of close relatives dying but would never wish to lose them
I don't think that's a fair assessment of me. Both of us were in the same position. Our marriage only survived because he worked 3-midnight and so we were never together. On the weekends, I got a second job so that I could be away from the house and he did things with the kids. I was not looking for excitement at all, I was looking for a friend, for companionship. In fact, I just felt I was better off alone than trying to pretend to be happy. I was completely miserable. Felt trapped by the decision I made when I was 19 and didn't know any better. My mom and sisters later told me that they knew I shouldn't have married him and I would be unhappy. I wish they'd told me before I married him! I could have given the baby up for adoption, or been a good single mom.
As far as the dream goes...through my job I earned a cruise. My husband and I went, and it was the first time in 10 years we'd been alone. It was torture. We had nothing to talk about the entire time. It was very eye opening, but even still, I never contemplated divorce. The dream was the first time I actually saw divorce as an option. I had been in some form of marital/individual counselling on and off for 5 years, and because I truly wanted my marriage to work, the option never came up. More than anything in this world I wish my husband and I could have been at least a little bit compatible and stayed together as a family.
I'm happy with my decision, he is happy we've divorced, and the kids are absolutely thriving. It is not divorce that damages children so much as how the parents behave after divorce, and we have been exceptional.
I just couldn't live the rest of my life like that, so unhappy and feeling so hopeless that anything would ever get better. Eventually, I probably would have had an affair. Isn't it better that we ended it amicably, rather than waiting for it to fall apart, which it naturally would have? | |
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| Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 10/27/2009 1:02:23 PM | | I got divorced because i decided my kids and I deserved better than to be treated like dirt. My ex was not only mentally abusive but also slept with over 15 women that I know of over the nine years we were married. I finally realized that if I didn't leave my kids would think that our relationship was healthy and it was not. My tip for the kids of the future is to teach them right from wrong let them know that good people are still out there and that they deserve the good ones. Acknowledge that your child is more prone to accept a lesser if that is what they saw you to accept. It's a tricky thing to overcome for both you and your kid yet it can be done and done well. At least thats what I tell myself everyday. | |
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| Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 10/27/2009 4:27:58 PM | Glad you asked!
Actually I'm not-but I will answer anyway....
I dated and married a very nice, smart and loving woman. It went well for 4 years-then we had our first. No problems....2 years later my son-MAJOR depression for her. From that point it was a struggle. For a total of 21 years of marriage I was the primary one to 'work' on the marriage. Sometimes it helped, sometimes it did not-but we lived mostly happyly and did a great job of raising the kids....
Long story very short: While I was working for a time in St Croix 2 years ago she had a 9 month affair with a man I have known for 26 years-and a former bf of hers. For 2 years I tried everything she wanted-even an 'open' marriage.
Bottom line? She has changed from the woman I knew to a vindictive and deceitful woman that even her own 17 y/o daughter says she cannot respect anymore. Both of my teens have asked her to 'just stay away' from the house and to leave us to heal.
Mid life crisis? Maybe-he is a musician and married as well. She spends an awful lot of time at his shows and bopping him in his van.... (rolling eyes).
I am getting past all this as are my teens. But it makes me wonder what could have been if she would have just agreed to counseling....
my .02 | |
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| Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 10/27/2009 4:41:25 PM |
I dont approve of your divorce. The problem should have been solved by better commuication. Your marriage would have been fired up in one way or the other.
You're wrong. We communicated just fine. Do you not think through 10 years of marriage, 5 years of counselling, several marriage 'booster' courses we did not know how to communicate? There is no way to fire up a marriage that had no spark to start with. The decision was do we continue as-is, unhappy (which affects the children) or do we make a change and do the best thing for us, which leads to the children having a better life, and a better model to make a good choice for partners themselves?
I do hope that when you get married, you make the right choice and live a happy life together. | |
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| Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 10/27/2009 4:46:26 PM | Hot Glass Artist
That musician, sounds identical to my sons father, bopping the girls in his van, while he has a family at home....hmmmm it wouldn't happen to be a greyish freestar with a missing passenger side mirror and no back seats would it be? | |
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ek1212
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Joined: 3/27/2009
Msg: 127 | |
| Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 10/28/2009 2:39:39 PM | i got divorced because i found out my ex wife was having an affair for a yr  | |
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| Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 10/28/2009 2:51:02 PM | | I was never married but common law for 5 years. the reason I kicked him out was because he put me in the hospital and endangered my child more then once. | |
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| Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 10/28/2009 3:25:27 PM | | I am not divorced yet, but after 10 years of marriage I lost my job. My husband had not worked for most of our marriage and he made no effort to find a hob. When I got angry with him for not finding a job he decided he "wasn't happy anymore" and started looking for the girlfriends, and did not tell me how he felt. He met girlfriend #1, still didn't tell me. when i found out and confronted him he said he didn't know what he wanted, he didn't want to be with anyone, he still loved me, etc, all while looking for gf #2. When he moved out of here in July, he moved right in with gf #2, which he had been seeing for 3 weeks. | |
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| Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 10/28/2009 7:23:34 PM | Funny how everyone who has responded to this thread are those who have been a 'victim' of the other spouses misdeeds and most decided to initiate a divorce because of that. These responses are typical.
Nobody is brave enough to say something like 'I fvcked up and cheated and beat the hell out of my spouse and spent all our money on drugs and gambling and they divorced me.'
I won't admit to that because that wasn't my case. I did admit in another thread to cheating but that's not entirely why I am initiating a divorce. I think he would be content to stay in it if he could. I just know that if I stayed, I'd still would be very unhappy and resentful. Like the R-kelly song says... when a woman's fed up, there is nuthin you can do about it.
But anyway I'm just sayin. It would be a nice turn for somebody to admit that they fvcked up or fvcked up constantly and that's why their spouse is divorcing them. Who the hell am I to judge that.
I asked a gentleman once why he divorced, and he straight up admitted that he got married in his 20's because she was pregnant. He admitted he cheated constantly during the relationship. He admitted that he was married to a good woman but either agreed or initiated a divorce because he didn't want to keep hurting her and also because he wanted to free to date other people.
Another guy told me that the major reason his wife divorced him was because he fondled their 13 year old adopted daughter. Now I know saying something like that on here or anywhee would not go over well at all, but I did appreciate his honesty. | |
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| Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 10/30/2009 12:21:24 AM |
Nobody is brave enough to say something like 'I fvcked up and cheated and beat the hell out of my spouse and spent all our money on drugs and gambling and they divorced me.'
It's more likely that the ones who would answer like that are either in jail/prison, or don't have enough money to afford a computer/internet access or they're just smart enough not to respond (guess what kind of reception they'd get here).
Interestingly enough, according to some of my ex's emails to me when I first moved out/filed for the divorce, we were getting divorced not because of his behaviors but because I chose my mom over him. | |
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| Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 10/30/2009 4:14:08 PM | I married when I was 30 to a man I didn't love......for the security of being married. I was not in a good place in my life and he seemed to provide me with the kind of stability I thought I needed. After less than a year, I realized what a mistake I had made and left. I didn't know him as well as I thought I did and he didn't know me as well as he thought he did. We left the way we married...no division of assets, no lingering payments to either...nice and neat.
When I marry again, it will be because I love him and want to change his Depends for him when he is old and incontinent....honestly. If you can't imagine doing that for your future spouse, why the hell would you be marrying them? | |
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| Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 10/30/2009 6:11:30 PM | my ex was cheating on me with a 18 yr old, and hes 37, and we had just had a preemie baby, my father died, they thought i had cancer, but ohwell to each his own.  | |
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| Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 10/30/2009 7:51:55 PM |
People with such attitude shouldnt get married.
How is that attitude? Its a simple statment, he gave her an ultimatium. Maybe he was a control freak? | |
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| Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 10/30/2009 8:05:33 PM | | have to agree, don't test me. make me choose between family or you and bye. | |
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| Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 10/30/2009 8:15:19 PM |
I chose my mom over him.
Please read/quote the whole thing rather take just a small portion out of context.
No, that's why HE claimed we were getting divorced. Truth was we got divorced because of his behaviors with my children.
He did NOT give me an ultimatim, it's just he was not looking at things from any normal sense of reality. | |
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| Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 10/30/2009 8:17:15 PM | | oh don't get me wrong I understand why. I was just commenting on the other post | |
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| Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 10/30/2009 8:23:32 PM | | She left me when I caught her cheating. Told me it was over on my 20th birthday. Married the other guy the day after our divorce went final. Got hooked on drugs, overdosed and died on my 27th birthday. | |
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| Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 11/1/2009 9:40:26 AM |
Got hooked on drugs, overdosed and died on my 27th birthday. Looks like you got married really young but I am sorry to hear this. | |
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| Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:00:04 PM | Good question. I've been married twice... The first marriage lasted for six years and we had one child together, she had two with her first marriage. She had been married almost her whole adult life. She no longer wanted to be a mother or wife. She wanted to go out on weekends to clubs and enjoy life without responsibility.
During the separation and for about a year after the divorce she lived the life she wanted to. She let her kids from the first marriage go live with the father. We wound up doing joint shared physical custody on my daughter. The funny thing is that since then she has settled down, got married again and she has had another little girl. Now she and her new husband are my friends.
The second marriage? Well, that one was a mistake from day one. I'm not sure what I was thinking. We thought totally different and had different goals in mind. She had a lot of trouble dealing with my custody arrangements and the support that I pay. Mostly because her ex didn't pay her. Every other weekend she didn't have her younger children and I have my daughter every weekend. She finally drew a line in the sand by demanding that I not get my daughter one weekend so I could spend time with her instead... I crossed the line and my name changed to Respondent and hers to Plaintiff. She still feels she was right and well, I don't care any more.
I forgot to mention both wives felt that I worked far too many hours... Hmmm, neither of them complained every other Friday. | |
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| Why did you get divorced?
Posted: 11/1/2009 6:31:41 PM | I hope all of you are not too down on yourself for your marrige not working its tough these days for sure lots of pressures in society
someone said it takes more than love to make a marrige work they are right.
I can only tell you that trust, not blaming each other and just beng honest with each other and respect and independance from the marrige as in friends etc and appreciate each other , we always did
I dont have the answers , but had a great realtionship/marrige for 15 years , we all bicker and drive each other nuts my husband did I am sure i did too , even though I lost it in a different way ..in some ways I never really did
Ive learnt that we grow and change all the time and sometimes we thinkg the grass is greener maybe, I really dont think it is
I am grateful each day for what I will always have even thou I proabably will stay alone
good luck ;)  | |
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